Narcissists are masters of manipulation, using various tactics to gain control over their victims. The subtlety of their strategies can often make it difficult to recognize the abuse until you’re deeply entangled. Understanding these tactics is the first step in breaking free from their control. Here are 20 common ways a narcissist may control you:

Love Bombing
In the beginning, a narcissist showers you with excessive attention, affection, and compliments. This overwhelming display of love is designed to hook you emotionally and make you dependent on their approval.

Gaslighting
Narcissists often distort reality by denying your experiences and feelings, making you doubt your memory, perception, and sanity. They’ll twist the truth to make you feel like the problem is always you.

Isolation
They work to isolate you from friends and family, ensuring that they are your sole source of emotional support. By cutting off your support network, they increase your reliance on them.

Triangulation
Narcissists use triangulation to create jealousy and insecurity, often by comparing you to others or bringing a third party into the relationship dynamic. This keeps you off balance and vying for their attention.

Silent Treatment
When displeased, a narcissist may give you the silent treatment, withholding communication and affection. This tactic is meant to punish you and make you feel desperate to regain their favor.

Projection
Narcissists often project their own negative traits onto you, accusing you of the very things they are guilty of. This deflects attention from their flaws and places the blame on you.

Blame Shifting
They never take responsibility for their actions. Instead, they shift the blame onto you, making you feel guilty for things that are not your fault. This erodes your self-esteem and keeps you in a state of self-doubt.

Financial Control
A narcissist may control your access to money, making you financially dependent on them. This can involve anything from controlling the household budget to withholding funds for basic needs.
Two camps – The control all the money – have double standards. After-all its their money not yours.
They are lazy and make you do all the bills and all the work – then they tell everyone you contrlled them because you paid the bills.

Criticism
Narcissists use constant criticism to undermine your self-worth. They may disguise their attacks as “constructive criticism,” but their true goal is to break down your confidence.

Manipulating Your Emotions
They know how to push your buttons, manipulating your emotions to keep you under their control. Whether it’s through guilt-tripping, shaming, or playing the victim, they keep you emotionally off balance.

Sabotaging Your Success
If you achieve something significant, a narcissist may downplay your success or sabotage your efforts. They can’t stand the idea of you thriving without them, so they’ll do whatever it takes to keep you dependent.

Excessive Monitoring
Narcissists often invade your privacy by monitoring your phone, emails, or social media accounts. This is done to control your interactions and keep tabs on your every move.

Intimidation
They use intimidation tactics to instill fear. This can range from subtle threats to outright displays of anger, all designed to keep you compliant and submissive.

Creating Chaos
Narcissists thrive on chaos. They create drama and confusion to keep you off balance and make you feel like you can never relax or predict what will happen next.

Rewriting History
They will rewrite the narrative of past events to suit their needs, often portraying themselves as the victim and you as the aggressor. This tactic is used to justify their behavior and keep you in a state of guilt.

Controlling Conversations
They dominate conversations, steering them back to themselves and dismissing your thoughts and feelings. This ensures that their needs and desires are always the focus.

Hoovering
After a period of distance or breakup, a narcissist may try to “hoover” you back into their orbit by pretending to be sorry or promising change. This is just another tactic to regain control.

Emotional Blackmail
They use your emotions against you, threatening to leave, hurt themselves, or withdraw love if you don’t comply with their demands. This keeps you trapped in the relationship out of fear.

Guilt Tripping
Narcissists are experts at making you feel guilty for things that aren’t your fault. They’ll play the victim or remind you of all the things they’ve done for you to keep you feeling indebted.

Reward and Punishment
They use a system of rewards and punishments to control your behavior. If you please them, you might get a small amount of affection or approval, but if you displease them, the punishment can be severe.

Breaking Free

Recognizing these control tactics is crucial in breaking free from a narcissist’s grasp. If you find yourself in a relationship where these behaviors are present, it’s important to seek help and support. Remember, you deserve to be in a relationship where you are valued, respected, and free to be yourself.