thoughts and videos to help you learn

Addicted to a Narcissist

Addiction to a Narcissist Frequently I encounter folks who are emotionally and psychologically devastated by the wreckage of romantic involvement with a malignant narcissist. These women and men are intelligent, attractive and empathic. Yet they cannot extricate themselves from insidious dynamics of abuse and violence. They are addicted. B.F. Skinner’s work with operant conditioning tells […]

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Identifying Ambient Abuse

The scars you can’t see are the hardest to heal. ~ Astrid Alauda Niccolò Machiavelli wrote in his classic political treatise The Prince, “It is much safer to be feared than loved.” This Machiavellian ethos is a tactical blueprint for those motivated to strategically exploit and utilize love and compassion to ensure dominance and control. […]

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How the Narcissist Triangulates

Triangulation is a commonly relied upon tactic by narcissists. It involves the narcissist pitting a supporter or a militia of supporters, also known as enablers and flying monkeys, against a targeted rival, in order to Divide and Conquer. Dividing and Conquering is the means by which control over a designated target is ensured by creating […]

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Beware the Love Bomber

Beware The Love Bomber I was in my late teens when I met him. At first everything was perfect. He seemingly adored everything about me and constantly showered me with compliments. After only a few weeks of dating, he told me he loved me and invited me to go on a vacation with him to […]

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Why Narcissists Act the Way They Do

Narcissists can be charming, charismatic, seductive, exciting, and engaging. They can also act entitled, exploitative, arrogant, aggressive, cold, competitive, selfish, obnoxious, cruel, and vindictive. You can fall in love with their charming side and be destroyed by their dark side. It can be baffling, but it all makes sense when you understand what drives them. […]

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The Positive Psychology of Gratitude and Trauma

The Positive Psychology of Gratitude and Trauma When you’ve gone through something as harrowing as Narcissist abuse, gratitude might seem like the last thing on your mind. More likely, you might find yourself feeling fear, anger, or even regret. But giving thanks has scientifically proven benefits, and it can play a big role in healing […]

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Child Roles in the Narcissistic Family: Scapegoat

Child Roles in the Narcissistic Family: Scapegoat As in other types of dysfunctional families, children in the narcissistic home fall into roles orchestrated by their parents. Such parents assign the roles to reinforce their deluded self-beliefs and control family dynamics. Like other aspects of the narcissistic family, child roles are artificial and meant to serve […]

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DIVORCING A NARCISSIST

Divorcing A Narcissist   I still remember walking through the doors of family court for the first time in August of 2009. To anyone on the outside, I looked like I had it all together. I was a respected and recognized member of my local business community, but more importantly, I was a mom. On […]

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Life of the Golden Child of a Narcissist

Life of the Golden Child of a Narcissist Growing up, I was the furthest thing from perfect. In fact, I was a straight C+ to B- student, yet I was the Golden Child to a narcissistic father and a highly obedient sensitive mother. I was treated better than my other siblings, simply because they were […]

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I am so friggin over my narcissistic mom

I am so friggin over my mom. Just so over this. Please. No more. We were responsible for my mother’s happiness since before we were born, tiny embryos developing and taking in her every thought, her every word, her every action. We were soon to learn that if we wanted her love, we must make […]

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