Everything on earth – including every species of plant and animal, and each individual person, plant, each flower, seed, and cell – is a materialization of supreme intelligence, the absolute, or the Godhead, which I refer to as the divine. Our soul is its conduit and unique manifestation. It seeks full expression like an acorn […]
How can lovers feel both love and hate in the same week or even hour or be devoted for years and then cut off all good memories? This is a manifestation of the defense called splitting, first coined by Freud. It starts in infancy. To separate from our mother (or earliest caretaker), we must make […]
Your attachment style and degree of individuation determine your partnership choices and relationship satisfaction. The process of individuation—becoming an individual—allows you to meet your needs for both attachment and autonomy necessary for healthy relationships. It starts in the first year of life, as we learn that we’re separate from our mother and that we and […]
Recovery from codependency is really a process of self-acceptance and self-love. That’s easier said than done. The reason is that most of us have never experienced unconditional love and acceptance. Our true self is hidden and longs for release and expression. Instead, we carry false beliefs about ourselves learned in our childhood. We don’t realize […]
Do you often engage in conversations with your narcissist that leave you feeling like you were talking to a brick wall –or worse, maybe leave you feeling like banging your head against a brick wall? Perhaps, it has even crossed your mind that you would have been better off conversing with a brick wall because […]
I was enraptured by his rakish good looks and unassuming charm. That he loved teaching high school kids and was a devoted father to his regal Bernese mountain dog exemplified strength of character. I believed his displays of sincerity and beneficence were proof of his virtue. What appeared certain would eventually be dispelled, but when […]
Narcissists hunger to have their needs met. If you’re in a close relationship with a narcissist, they expect you to supply them. The term “narcissistic supply” is based on the psychoanalytic theory that concerns essential needs of babies and toddlers to maintain their mental and emotional equilibrium. Loss of necessary supplies in childhood can lead […]
Summer is the perfect time to focus on your healing and I am going to share with you ideas to get you started. Let’s face it, anyone who has suffered from abuse will need to do some serious work to move past the pain and trauma left in its wake. I have put together some […]
The “true self,” coined by psychoanalyst David Winnicott, is the foundation for healthy maturation and expression of the individual. Sadly, for many people, including codependents, things go awry during the critical developmental period when the true self emerges. Instead, a false self predominates, while the true self recedes; sometimes, into oblivion. The true self is […]
I really enjoy and try to apply the expression, “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade” to my own sufferings and I encourage my clients to do so too. Being in a relationship with a narcissist is like having to keep a big sour lemon on your tongue for a prolonged time period, which can […]