How do we date again after being abused by a narcissist? This is a common concern of survivors, how to trust again after being scammed in the most heartless of scams, Romance scams.
Education is the first step.
Learning to love again starts with understanding exactly what happened to you when you were in a relationship with a narcissist. Education is the key to healing, you must learn why this happened, you must know the red flags so you can understand and notice these behaviors. Knowing what was your vulnerability that attracted the narcissist to you is a self understanding that you must cross in order to heal.
Some people in the healing community do not like to label us as victims , the way I look at it is, unless we understand that we WERE a victim we can not heal completely. Please do not stay in victim status. When you learn that a narcissist targeted you for some type of “supply” you can learn to accept the responsibility of the personality traits that made you a target. When you have a clear understanding of behaviors you tolerated then begin to work on changing them.
Trust
The key to trusting again is the understanding of self. This is not something you want to rush. You owe yourself the self love of healing completely before you think about trusting again. Trusting YOURSELF must come first and that is one of the lessons you must learn in the education piece. Understanding that you were a loving, caring person that was conned helps you to trust yourself. Narcissists have gas-lighted us to think that we are less than perfect when in fact we are perfect exactly as we are and the RIGHT person will love everything about you.
Dating
Go slow, if someone tries to rush you, RUN!!!! The lovebombing stage is the first hook we must watch for. Build a friendship, understand how this person ACTS not what he/she says. Do not accept excuses, understand and recognize lies and when you TRUST yourself with these protective measures you are ready to date again.
Watch my own video on ‘dating again after narcissist abuse’. Stay safe
