Hi there, this is Tracy and today I would like to talk about not hating the next supply. What I’m finding is that victims of Narcissist abuse very often will blame the new supply for coming into the life of your narcissist and disrupting things destructing the patterns of what you thought was real and when we blame the next supply this is another innocent victim like you. And I am not saying that they aren’t really to blame because it’s your narcissist.That is cheating not the new supply is it the new supply just like you. Picture and a mirror of exactly what happened to you happening to them and that means in the beginning there were so much loved bombing and they were swept off their feet by all of this amazing attention that they got from your narcissist, But your narcissist is a malignant narcissist most likely that lies and cheats and cannot be without ample supply.
Ample supply is a lot of people. They need constant reassurance and maybe they just got tired of you. As with me you start off in this love bombing stage and you slowly go down to the discard stage where they don’t want you anymore, it’s just done. So this is going to happen to the new supply. So I’m going to talk a letter based on a lady with a truck. She did a great blog post about a letter to the next victim and I thought about this quite a lot and in order to not hate the next victim if you were to do this exercise and write down some things for yourself doesn’t mean you have to give it to the next victim. It just means that you can really review and remember all of the things that he or she has done to you.
Someone told me the other day that they were going to laminate a little card to keep in their purse in their pocket that will just be like four things if you start to miss them pull out that card, it’s laminated maybe both sides that would be color, just sit there and go that’s right “oh yeah they did that” |oh right oh yeah”. So remember that this new supply is going to follow the same pattern that you did and they will be discarded just as quickly as you were. So pity them because it’s in our pitying that we will gain strength. So dear new supply I’m sure you don’t really like being called a supply right now but as you learn about narcissists you’re going to find out that we were all supplied to them, and we all provide different things. So as you go on this journey I want you to know that what he has said about all of his exes that they’re crazy psycho bitch or crazy motherfucker lying or whatever is generally a reflection of what they have done. So do due diligence call them up, e-mail them. Get validation for what just happened to you and I am sure ninety five percent sure that everything they told you was a lie about the exes that they aren’t psycho bitches they aren’t horrible mothers. It’s they who are horrible fathers.
When you were first dating them the love bombing as we call it it’s very intense and you think that there’s no one else on this planet that could be so perfectly aligned and how quick it is oh my goodness. Huh. But before you know it you are going to be the psycho bitch, the crazy bastard. You’re going to fall into that category simply because they’re bored and they’ve moved on. They use mind control and while it seems like they came from a good family, well it seems like they have a good job they’re responsible, I mean, we all have this dating list, we all want them to be employed we want this we want that oh they’ve got three children and you know they’re so perfect it’s too bad that their crazy ex-wife won’t let them see them. And it’s it’s a pity thing if they’re asking you for pity because they can’t see their children, guess what there’s something that they have done that is keeping them away from their children even if it’s just their own doing and they’re just pretending it’s someone else. Really dig hard really research this because it wasn’t true. And the sooner you find out that they were lying, the sooner you find out the ex is not a crazy bitch the more validated you will feel in the end because right now because while you are the crazy bitch.
When you first got together for sex is amazing did you cuddle and I called the pretzeling home just like if you move this moves if you go this way “boom” he’s right on and just like can’t get enough of you can’t be without you for fifteen minutes texting and calling and e-mailing and talking all night long if you’re not together and staying up all night when you’re with him. And then you probably found this thing that I used to call the darkness phase. Darkness was where he claimed that he needed space. Space sometimes meant that he was saying he had a lot of work to do. He had things to do with his kid he was very busy and couldn’t fit you in, remember those days like last month when it didn’t matter if you were on your way he home from a client meeting he would intercept you and meet you and you would have sex and kiss in the car. And now suddenly there’s no time for you this is the darkness and it’s very common with a narcissist because what they’re doing is they’re setting you up so that you kind of get used to them they might even say that it’s like I need space, I need space whatever it is and you’re like OK I’ll give them that space because I’m a good loving kind person and that makes sense but what they’re doing is they’re going on dates with someone else they are setting you up slowly to get used to the fact that they’ll have dark spaces that you won’t be able to see them in and that’s when they’re going to be fucking others. Now of course we’re not talking about mothers and fathers and narcissists here we’re talking about a love relationship with a narcissist, and you might even find out that they borrow money from you or maybe they’re really irresponsible about money and you know they can’t buy you dinner until they get their next paycheck so why don’t you cover them they will probably borrow money from you and treat you as if you were their husband or their wife.
Then you notice that they are different in public then when they get behind those closed doors. They won’t be at first, at first they’re going to be amazing in front of all your friends and then other times they’re going to not want to go places and almost be a recluse that they want to spend the time with you and this is actually called isolating you and it’s a very common technique to break the connections that you have to your support system. So if they act differently in public or they haven’t yet but they’re probably going to watch for that. Are they just like showering you even more because it’s so believable that for me I always fall for ten years that this person loved me more than anything in the world I was telling someone yesterday that I used to get cards, cards Oh my God I had a box of cards this big of the love cards, love cards, love statues, love books you know those coupon books that come out in I’ll give you a massage and I will give you this and all this crap that comes out of you know. Valentine’s Day Mother’s Day things like that all of these like gifts of love would surround me so that I believed it I totally went Hook a line and sinker that my ex-husband loved me more than anything in the world. But it wasn’t true. It’s hard to believe that this is fake but if you’re the new supply you’re probably finding all this out and I’m sorry that he’s probably hurt you. The people in his past were probably not crazy psycho bitches. It’s a reflection of him or her. So if someone tells you he doesn’t have relationships with people in their past there’s a reason he probably wants to isolate you from the other people because you learn the truth, so don’t hate the next supply. But I encourage you to do this exercise and write down things that you remember, things that he or she has done to you so that you don’t forget go down the Staples, Laminate it stick it in your purse and your pocket and every time you missed them I want you to open up and remember, because these things hurt and someone that loves you does not hurt you.
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