Emotions felt by Narcissist Supply Victims

This is a script for a wonderful poem written by Dana from http://www.thriveafterabuse.com/ her YouTube Channel should be your first stop to understand what the red flags of a narcissist, Thank you Dana!

Top 10 Emotions “Targets of Abuse Narcissistic Abuse” often feel

1. Confusion/Disorientation
2. Isolated
3. Anxious
4. Depressed
5. Numb

6. Fearful
7. Angry
8. Full of Guilt and Remorse
9. Embarrassed and Ashamed
10. Revictimized

10 Common Emotions During (and After) Narcissistic Abuse

Emotions felt by Narcissist Supply Victims

CONFUSED… because

  • The relationship moved really fast it was like a whirlwind romance and deep down something seemed a seems a little off. It felt too good to be true and we couldn’t place why. . We wondered if maybe we had issues with dating or commitment or self-esteem and maybe that’s why things seem too good to be true and especially if everyone else you know told you that we are an amazing couple and they had no problem with the speed at which things were moving, it just seemed to be us.
  • We were confused because they told us they loved us soon into the relationship and it felt odd that somebody their age would be so immature about love
  • We were confused because they seemed so certain that we were the one for them but really they hardly knew us.
  • We were confused because we would see flashes of behavior like anger, rage, extreme jealousy or they would raise their voice or get a little rough and it seemed so out of character for them
  • We were confused because they seemed to have a Jekyll and Hyde personality that just seemed to come out of nowhere
  • We were confused because we began experiencing crazy-making behavior that felt like we were losing our mind and we questioning our perception of reality and we just didn’t know if we were misremembering or even miss hearing things.
  • We were confused because we became uncertain as to who had the problem and were they acting in weird ways or were we being paranoid and that our perceptions were just off
  • We were confused because we couldn’t tell our relationship was going through the normal highs and lows of a relationship or if it really was indeed problematic
  • We were confused because they were a different person around other people and no one else seemed to see the problematic behavior
  • We were confused because we were continually being told that somehow WE were the problem that we being too sensitive or too emotional or petty or couldn’t take a joke or too jealous or paranoid or even that we were being controlling or manipulative
  • We were confused because when their behavior got worse or when we found out what they were really doing we were blamed for it and that it was our behavior that pushed him over the edge
  • We were confused because they would spin conversations and arguments and somehow the conversation we just got so far off topic and the next thing we knew we’d find ourselves apologizing for things just to get our relationship back on track. Thinking that if we could just get them to understand us that things could get better
  • We were confused because they always had an excuse and nothing was ever their fault.
  • We were confused because we knew our relationship had issues but we kept telling ourselves that they would or could change if we could just figure out how to get through to them.
  • We were confused because they would blame us for their lying, cheating and stealing so we would double our efforts to be a better partner but it was never enough and it never stopped their behavior
  • We were confused because whenever we brought up an issue there was never any resolution it was always the silent treatment or them threatening to leave and we found ourselves apologizing and we were just so confused as to why they never seem to want to work on things
  • We we confused because when we got out of the relationship we couldn’t believe we were talked into doing a lot of things. We did things that were against our moral or values or common sense and better judgement

ISLOATED… because

  • We felt isolated because we were so excited that we that we finally met our soulmate and we wanted to spend every waking moment with them or talking to them and we very quickly made them our whole world spending less and less time with friends and family
  • We felt isolated because we didn’t realize that them wanting to text and call and skype and wanting to be in constant connection with us was the form of controlling behavior. We thought it was love
  • We felt isolated because over time they didn’t like our friends and family and wanted us to spend time with just them
  • We felt isolated because if and when we did reach out no one seemed to understand or want to hear about it
  • We felt isolated because friends and family grew tired of hearing about our relationship issues and us never leaving and so our world got smaller and smaller
  • We felt isolated because we didn’t understand what was wrong with our relationship and who had the problem and what we needed to do to make things better and so we quit talking about our issues with people because it seems like all we ever had were issues
  • We felt isolated because they insisted we quit our jobs or drop out of school or otherwise stay home and be a good partner or parent and an attempt to make them happy. We did it even through us doing so we became financially dependent upon them
  • We felt isolated because they drained the accounts or we didn’t have access to them and we couldn’t afford to leave
  • We felt isolated because we didn’t know how we would be able to financially or physically manage being a single parent
  • We felt isolated because they insisted we move to a new city, state, or country to be with them and we didn’t know anyone there or speak the language.
  • We felt isolated because when the relationship ended we were embarrassed and ashamed by everything that happened and that we didn’t get out sooner
  • We felt isolated because when the relationship ended we didn’t trust anyone we just wanted to be alone
  • We felt isolated because when the relationship ended when we did seek out help from a therapist or a friend we felt like out experience sounded crazy and we were afraid that we wouldn’t be believed

ANXIOUS…because

  • We felt anxious because they began devaluing us by making snide or sarcastic comments about our gender, our intelligence, our education. Where we were from, our appearance and we began to believe that we were lucky to be with them
  • We felt anxious because they were continuing to act squirrely and hiding their phone or friending or messaging people we didn’t know on social media and trying to convince us that we were just jealous and controlling.
  • We felt anxious because deep down we didn’t trust them but we really wanted to.
  • We felt anxious because we knew that if we brought up any of their problematic behavior they would punish us in some way, either silent treatment or leaving us or threatening divorce or threatening to not pay child support
  • We felt anxious because we felt like our relationship was always one conversation away from being over
  • We felt anxious because we didn’t know how we would make it without them
  • We felt anxious because we knew something was up and we always felt the need to play detective

DEPRESSED… because

  • We felt depressed because we felt so alone
  • We felt depressed because we felt like we would never heal from this
  • We felt depressed because no one gets it
  • We felt depressed because we know we needed to leave but we didn’t know how
  • We felt depressed because we are sad that they hurt our children verbally, emotionally, physically and there’s nothing that we or the courts can seem to do about it
  • We felt depressed because they have manipulated our children telling them that we tore the family apart or that we were abusive or hurtful and that they have turned the children against us
  • We felt depressed because they have launched a smear campaign against us and now everyone thinks we did all these terrible things, we didn’t do
  • We felt depressed because we don’t know where to turn for help
  • We felt depressed because we feel like we don’t fit in with other friends or even other people
  • We felt depressed because we feel like we have had our lives stolen from us by them

NUMB… because

  • We feel numb because we are trying to make logical sense out of their illogical excuses
  • We feel numb because we’re not allowed to be angry with them and so we stuff it deep down and we numb out with alcohol or prescription or even illegal drugs
  • We feel numb because we know what they’re up to and what we don’t want to rock the boat. So we just quit feeling
  • We feel numb because our feelings have been invalidated for so long that we don’t even know how to feel and so we just feel numb
  • We feel numb because we were replaced within a matter of days or weeks and they erased all traces of their relationship with us like it never happened and that we were nothing
  • We feel numb because we can’t believe we fell for all their excuses and lies
  • We feel numb because our feelings of hurt and anger can be unbearable

FEARFUL… because

  • We feel fearful because after we broke up we saw their mask slip and their total level of indifference and their lack of remorse and it became very clear to us that not only do they not love us, they don’t even like us. And that they could very well possibly hurt or even kill us
  • We feel fearful because no one seems to take our fear about them seriously and they thought we were overreacting. Especially if they were never physically or emotionally abusive to us before
  • We feel fearful because we were afraid if we spoke out they would end our career or otherwise try to destroy our lives
  • We feel fearful because they were leaving thinly veiled threats that friends and family and even the police or the court didn’t seem bothered by and we wondered if maybe we really were going crazy
  • We feel fearful because we don’t feel like we can trust anyone even the police or therapists or friends or family for fear they will think we are crazy or somehow tell our abuser where we are

ANGRY… because

  • We feel angry because we gave so much of ourselves and they treated us like dirt
  • We feel angry because we stayed for as long as we did
  • We feel angry because other people like church members, friends, and even therapists sometimes were encouraging us to try to work things out
  • We feel angry because we fell for their manipulation and lies as long as we did and not realizing that we were being manipulated and lied to
  • We feel angry because they used our religion against us. Telling us we needed to forgive and forget
  • We feel angry because no one seems to believe us about what happened
  • We feel angry because since we weren’t being beaten, people don’t think that what we went through was abuse
  • We feel angry because people tell us that we need to move on like that is something that is easy to do
  • We feel angry because our lives are blown apart and we have not only to heal from this but pick up the pieces of our lives emotionally and financially and deal with their smear campaign against us
  • We feel angry because they have moved on to the next person and they don’t have any healing to do while we feel emotionally devastated

FULL OF GUILT AND REMORSE… because

  • We feel fill of guilt and remorse because we spent decades of our life in this manipulation-ship
  • We feel full of guilt and remorse because we wanted something better for our children and don’t know how we got tangled up in all this
  • We feel full of guilt and remorse because every time we tried to leave they would lay a guilt trip on us saying that somehow they needed us to get better or because they had a bad childhood or that they need us to stand by them as they go through therapy or rehab and that in leaving we are the ones tearing the family apart. Or that we are abusive or cold hearted or uncaring
  • We feel full of guilt and remorse because we wish we would have seen the red flags for what they were
  • We feel full of guilt and remorse because we wish we would have left sooner
  • We feel full of guilt and remorse because they told us time and again how everything is our fault and how we have ruined their lives

EMBASSASED & ASHAMED… because

  • We feel embarrassed and ashamed because we didn’t see their behavior for what is was at the time
  • We feel embarrassed and ashamed because we can’t believe we didn’t see it sooner
  • We feel embarrassed and ashamed because people continually ask us why we stayed and we don’t even know how to begin to explain
  • We feel embarrassed and ashamed because our children saw a lot of what was going on and we feel awful
  • We feel embarrassed and ashamed because we can’t believe we put up with all the cheating and the lying and the manipulating and the triangulating and otherwise toxic and abusive behavior
  • We feel embarrassed and ashamed because somehow we feel continually judged by other people that our ex’s behavior is somehow our fault

REVICTIMIZED… because

  • We feel revictimized because the abuse from them and from those that they have manipulated into believing we were the problem, sometimes from therapists, attorneys and even our children sometimes even ourselves this continues long after the relationship is over
  • We feel revictimized because we get really angry with ourselves for feeling stuck in our pain after the relationship is over and we try to force ourselves to get over it
  • We feel revictimized because when we went to therapy with them they manipulated the therapist into thinking I was the problem
  • We feel revictimized because there’s a part of us that still misses or loves them and we feel disgusted and angry that we feel this way
  • We feel revictimized because if we break down and reopen contact with them believing for those brief moments we think things will be different. Only for the abuse to start up again, then feeling stupid and angry for falling for it all over again
  • We feel revictimized because we feel that we should have healed by now that the relationship is over and they moved on without looking back but we feel stuck
  • We feel revictimized because we are having really vivid dreams, and in trusting other people and paranoid as to who else has an agenda and we feel like we are losing our minds and then we get angry at ourselves for feeling like this
  • We feel revictimized because they are convincing other people to abuse us for them, so we are getting phone calls from strange numbers and people driving by, people calling us and harassing us at work or we are getting dirty looks from people we don’t even know
  • We feel revictimized because our friends and family and sometimes even therapists or church leaders and doctors tell us just to get over it and we don’t know how

This is what it feels like to be in a relationship with a narcissist, its horrible and crazy making. You are not alone and you are not crazy. You can heal and move forward.