The holiday season is not always the most wonderful time of the year, especially for those of us that have ended relationships with a narcissist. Seeing happy people celebrating can remind us of happier times and thus bring on a wave of sadness.
If your recovery has been where you are doing well and then BAM! You see something, smell something or miss the good old days and sadness creeps back in its ok. I don’t want you to lose hope. These triggers and memories that come back up, throwing us back into panic and sadness and they bring with them all the lovely PTSD symptoms. Have no fear there is a lesson to learn.
That memory you can’t seem to get out of your head is trying to tell you something. A message that we missed when the event was happening, but now with our narc-glasses we need to review that memory and see what the ‘thing’ was that we missed.
Let me give you an example
The holidays with my in-laws was so different than anything I had ever had before. We traveled to Argentina as a family and while it was magical at the time, in my research and self-discovery work I have looked at those memories and seen the absolute ‘CONTROL’ I was under. It was well past the control of what we did or what I wore. The control that inside hurt my heart. I was able to not be able to speak up, I wasn’t heard. I had to learn that the fairy tale holidays were a mask and they were poison to my soul.
Recovery is a journey, a roller coaster and the spin cycle of a washing machine. We go around and around and this is normal.
When these feelings come upon us it’s important to know that you are not going backward, you are moving forward and the lessons that are trying to knock on our door to get us to listen to them as essential for our recovery. Be in the sadness and look at that memory – what did you miss? Were you controlled like me? Was the narcissist in your life being mean but then covered it with fake kindness? There is a lesson you need to learn and if you don’t learn the lesson now you will be presented with it again.
Our intuition is knocking, and we must face that memory or feeling and analyze it for the nugget you missed. Once you see the lesson and deal with it you will go right back onto the place in your recovery where you were before this came bubbling to the surface.
Stay calm and look for the answers that you missed. Take that memory and dissect it because in that is the answer to the lesson.
I recorded this five-minute video to explain this concept – Enjoy!