Lessons learned after narcissistic abuse


While it may feel like time has stopped I assure you time does march on. As our focus in life turns to understand the truth about narcissistic abuse it is important for you to ‘DO THE WORK’. I say this in my videos all the time, this ‘work’ I speak of is not just watching YouTube videos about narcissists, eventually, you will get to a point where you know the red flags, and warning signs you missed. At this point, you must turn your focus inward – ask yourself ‘why did I stay?’ Not to victim blame, but to victim heal.

I found and explored co-dependency and while I could check off many of the qualities it wasn’t enough, I forged on to learn I was a people pleaser with no boundary skills. As the daughter of a narcissistic mother, boundaries were never taught to us because then the sisters would have rebelled and stuck together and she would have lost her power over us. I learned all about Boundaries and I have been teaching my support groups what I had learned. I even created my first mini-course on boundaries.

Next huge hurdle for me was to learn about abandonment and this one really stuck. I did workbooks and explored my entire childhood to see where these deep abandonment wounds came from. I explored my inner child and my outer child, fear that controls us, betrayal, forgiveness and I did family of origin constellation work, I also talked with great counselors and got my questions answered. I studied trauma and adrenal fatigue to understand the trauma my entire body was in. I studied the power of mediation and I learned to control the negative thoughts my own mind was playing (often called ‘old recordings’).

I have landed in a place where I control my life and I am happy, still, I have not stopped learning. I have read almost 100 books on all these subjects when I was learning abandonment I read five books. That might have been a bit much, but I think I qualify to earn a masters degree in healing. Besides creating this website, my YouTube channel, my Podcasts, my social media, I founded two local meetup groups and creating a Facebook group which now has 5000 members. I have no branched out to build my first course on boundaries. I love my life and I finally have peace.

Those that are spiritual believe there is a reason everything happens to us, a lesson we must learn and if we don’t learn the lesson we repeat the same patterns. I made this list for myself and then I thought I would challenge you to discover your ‘lesson’ so you do not have to repeat the lesson.

THE LESSONS I LEARNED ABOUT MYSELF AFTER NARCISSISTIC ABUSE

Lesson 1 – I am a creature unlike any other. I am brilliant, beautiful, giving, caring and I deserve to be happy and loved.

Lesson 2 – I am a great mother, I have done my best and my son makes me very proud

Lesson 3 – I have been blessed by my friends old and new. I learned how important they are, for they saved me in 2012

Lesson 4 – Colorado is my home and no matter where I ultimately live I will see mountains to the west and sunlight 300 days a year

Lesson 5 – “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” is a truth. I have lived in 2012 and survived

Lesson 6 – Somewhere over the rainbow lives dreams, Mickey Mouse, candy, cupcakes and it’s ok to wish and believe

Lesson 7 – God is watching over me, I found my spiritual side in 2012 and it fills my heart with light. Forgiveness and hope are graces I must conquer in 2013

Lesson 8 – I believe in “love” and that nobody can take that away. Every day I vow to show the people that love me that it’s worth fighting for.

Lesson 9 – There are no guarantees in life. Each day brings a new opportunity to learn another lesson good or bad, I will take it and learn from it.

Lesson 10 – No one is perfect, inside or out. We are all made up of the “moments of our life”. Some of these moments that define us we can control, others choices were made for us and make up our paths, it’s how we handle and let go of some of these moments that we give the power to define us. Choose wisely. Do not judge, always listen, communicate, be honest not hurtful.

Lesson 11 – Evil queens do exist and very often they pretend to be something else. I learned about trust this year and it was not an easy lesson.

Lesson 12 – Money CAN buy a soul but not mine.