Learn the language of the Narcissist world. As you begin your journey into the discovery of what a narcissist is, what happened, how do you seem to attract them and most importantly how to heal. When I was just learning about narcissists, NPD, sociopath and all the other wonderful characters in this NarcWorld. I am a big Disney fan and there is always a dark side of every story. In NarcWorld we have plenty to learn so here is my first crack. If you have any other suggestions please send them below and we will review and add to this list.
NarcSpeak – Narctionary
TYPES OF NARCISSISTS
Somatic Narcissists – Fixated on their body and appearance. They are often seductive and are pathological cheaters. To them, sex is a weapon.
Cerebral Narcissist – Take great pride in their intellect and are incredibly convincing. They are master manipulators.
Covert Narcissist – These Narcissists do not fit the mold of your standard Narcissist. In fact, they often come across like the exact opposite. They tend to be charming, likable, and humble. Making it very difficult to recognize, as they are often very convincing.
Overt Narcissist – Tend to fit the mold of what a narcissist presents like. These individuals are larger-than-life, arrogant, often loud and boisterous, love to be the center of attention, and often come across as obnoxious to most people.
Classic Narcissist – A person whose set of behaviors are characterized by a pattern of grandiosity, self-centered focus, need for admiration, self-serving attitude and a lack of empathy or consideration (remorse) for others.
Delusional Narcissist – Very grandiose in their beliefs and are often full of stories that are so over-the-top that rarely do other people believe them.
Malignant Narcissist – An (unofficial) term that describes the type of Narcissism that is in the middle of the (unofficial) Narcissistic spectrum.
Cluster B: Refers to a grouping of personality traits in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Illness (DSM). These traits are broadly described as dramatic, erratic and emotional. Within the Cluster B are four of the ten recognized personality disorders: Borderline, Narcissistic, Histrionic, Antisocial.
3 stages of narcissist abuse
IDEALIZE stage – When Narcissist and victim first begin a relationship the narcissist will be your ideal version of what a relationship or person should be. This stage is short lived and is used to rope the victim in and keep them coming back.
DEVALUE stage – Many forms of bashing the victim making them question their own worth. Either to the victim’s face or behind their back–if this stage is done behind the victim’s back, they may not realize anything is wrong in their relationship until they are discarded.
DISCARD stage – During this stage, the narcissist will distance them self from the victim and accuse them of false behavior. Generally very sudden, and without warning. “Light switch” like approach to both the relationship and the partner (I love you/you don’t exist)
Stages you pass through
STAGE 1 – Betrayal/ Hurt Stage – You may not even know you were abused at this point. Many victims do experience – depression – confusion & emotional chaos– rejection – denial – shame – grief.
STAGE 2 – Detective Stage – Find out about narcissist abuse – learn red flags – patterns – discover unknown secrets – discover lies – understand what made you a perfect target
STAGE 3 – Awakening Stage – Here survivors of narcissistic abuse can talk with ‘new terminology’ now, and that finally puts the pieces together. The common feeling victims ‘begin with’ is isolation and now the deprogramming has begun and a peaceful clarity soothes the night as you metamorphosis from victim to survivor.
STAGE 4 – Awareness/Recovery Stage
No contact is finally happening, emotional distance makes setting boundaries possible. Restoration of a more peaceful time. New healthier relationships make it easy to identify toxic people and understand they do not have to stay. Live life fully again – no fear – adaptation – letting go – empowerment – move forward – self love
rushing intimacy – falling in love quickly
hyper-sexual – wanting sex quickly – often and with multiple people to keep them satisfied
good listener – they listen with intent of showing you how much they care about you but they are really building the script of what they have to act like to please you and win you over
narcissistic attachment – the belief that the child of a narcissist exists only for the benefit of the parent, such as for a status reason
parentification – is the expectation that a child must care for his/her parent, siblings, and household as a surrogate parent. This causes the child to lose out on any type of normal childhood
infantilization – using brainwashing tactics to ensure a child stays young and dependent upon the narcissistic parent
triangulation – a tactic used by narcissistic parents to change the balance of power in a family system. for example, rather than allowing two siblings to work together, the narcissistic parent insists that he or she be the go-between. This controls the way the information flows, the way it is interpreted, and adds nuances to the conversation. It’s also a way to feed narcissistic supply.
narcissistic supply – a term used to designate the way narcissists feed on attention. The best sorts of attention are approval, adoration, and admiration, but other sources of attention – like fear – are acceptable to a narcissist. Children, small children, are used as an ongoing source of this attention.
gaslighting – a way in which narcissistic parents (and other abusers) use lies – intentional or not – to make their child question his or her own reality. A child may end up feeling as though he or she is crazy. An example would be, insisting that the sky is green, until the child believes it. Gaslighting is one of the most insidious forms of emotional and psychological abuse.
narcissistic rage – Narcissists despise any challenge or insult, and when that happens, a narcissist can fly into a rage – spewing insults and becoming physical and aggressive with their children.
know it all –
success stories –
demands trust that isn’t earned –
their way is the only way –
managing down expectations –
over-dependence on partner –
uses guilt & pity ploys –
excessive emotional displays –
self entitled –
reckless drivers –
the law does not apply to them –