Learn the language of the Narcissist world. As you begin your journey into the discovery of what a narcissist is, what happened, how do you seem to attract them and most importantly how to heal. When I was just learning about narcissists, NPD, sociopath and all the other wonderful characters in this NarcWorld. I am a big Disney fan and there is always a dark side of every story. In NarcWorld we have plenty to learn so here is my first crack. If you have any other suggestions please send them below and we will review and add to this list.
NarcSpeak – Narctionary
TYPES OF NARCISSISTS
Somatic Narcissists – Fixated on their body and appearance. They are often seductive and are pathological cheaters. To them, sex is a weapon.
Cerebral Narcissist – Take great pride in their intellect and are incredibly convincing. They are master manipulators.
Covert Narcissist – These Narcissists do not fit the mold of your standard Narcissist. In fact, they often come across like the exact opposite. They tend to be charming, likable, and humble. Making it very difficult to recognize, as they are often very convincing.
Overt Narcissist – Tend to fit the mold of what a narcissist presents like. These individuals are larger-than-life, arrogant, often loud and boisterous, love to be the center of attention, and often come across as obnoxious to most people.
Classic Narcissist – A person whose set of behaviors are characterized by a pattern of grandiosity, self-centered focus, need for admiration, self-serving attitude and a lack of empathy or consideration (remorse) for others.
Delusional Narcissist – Very grandiose in their beliefs and are often full of stories that are so over-the-top that rarely do other people believe them.
Malignant Narcissist – An (unofficial) term that describes the type of Narcissism that is in the middle of the (unofficial) Narcissistic spectrum.
Cluster B: Refers to a grouping of personality traits in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Illness (DSM). These traits are broadly described as dramatic, erratic and emotional. Within the Cluster B are four of the ten recognized personality disorders: Borderline, Narcissistic, Histrionic, Antisocial.
RED FLAGS OF A NARCISSIST
Charming – Narcissists can have a charming personality and use it as a form of manipulation. This happens in the beginning of a love relationship, then in public only. Everyone they charm thinks they are great. Using this charm to get what they want from the victim, families and friends.
Love bombing – Phase one of the cycle of Narcissistic Abuse. This stage often involves constant communication and complements, and is designed to lure the victim into (or back into) the relationship.
Mirroring – Is the behavior in which one person subconsciously imitates the gesture, speech pattern, or attitude of another. They are becoming everything you like.
Over-sexual – Excessively sexual. High sex drive, masturbation, out of the box behaviors, aggressive sexual needs, porn, strip/sex clubs.
Triangulation – This is when a narcissist uses two people and himself (usually rivals) into a space where they hear badly about the other one because of lies he tells each side. An example would be – him – you – his X-girlfriend, two sisters and a mom manipulating them into a conflict with each other. This keeps the two rivals from wanting to meet and protects his lies.
Gaslighting – A form of mental abuse in which information is twisted or spun, selectively omitted to favor the abuser, or false information is presented with the intent of making victims doubt their own memory, perception, and sanity, and is a very popular technique among Narcissists.
Hoovering – Is a manipulative technique named after a Hoover vacuum that “sucks” victims back into the relationship. Often excessive show of emotions and grand promises are used to guilt the spider back into the web.
Grand Finale / Discard – More often than not the ending of a relationship with a narcissist goes out with a bang! Crazy unexplained, unwarranted behavior that destroys the victim because of the horrific lengths a narcissist will go thru to not only break up a relationship but they DESTROY it and the victim. Divorcing a narcissist is often called a high conflict divorce because every trick in the book is used as a weapon.
Smear campaigns – After the discard the use of smear campaigns tactics are used to isolate the victim by turning friends and family to revictimize and abuse a victim. Sometimes your friends and family members are used by the narcissist and believe the charming ways. These friends may never see the real abuser and victims become so isolated.
Flying Monkeys – People, including friends, family, coworkers, and their children that the Narcissist has conned into believing that the Narcissist is the victim in whatever situation that they have created, when in fact they are really the perpetrator.
Grey rock – A technique used by a victim to minimize contact, and damage from a narcissist by becoming as reactive and as exciting as a “gray rock”. The goal is to deny a narcissist any contact that they are seeking, so that they will get bored and leave eventually just go away.
No contact – The most ideal, and effective way to get rid of a Narcissist. Narcissists feed their ego with attention and emotional energy from their victims. The only way to get them to get their fixation off of you is to “starve them out” of any attention or reaction.
3 stages of narcissist abuse
IDEALIZE stage – When Narcissist and victim first begin a relationship the narcissist will be your ideal version of what a relationship or person should be. This stage is short lived and is used to rope the victim in and keep them coming back.
DEVALUE stage – Many forms of bashing the victim making them question their own worth. Either to the victim’s face or behind their back–if this stage is done behind the victim’s back, they may not realize anything is wrong in their relationship until they are discarded.
DISCARD stage – During this stage, the narcissist will distance them self from the victim and accuse them of false behavior. Generally very sudden, and without warning. “Light switch” like approach to both the relationship and the partner (I love you/you don’t exist)
Stages you pass through
STAGE 1 – Betrayal/ Hurt Stage – You may not even know you were abused at this point. Many victims do experience – depression – confusion & emotional chaos– rejection – denial – shame – grief.
STAGE 2 – Detective Stage – Find out about narcissist abuse – learn red flags – patterns – discover unknown secrets – discover lies – understand what made you a perfect target
STAGE 3 – Awakening Stage – Here survivors of narcissistic abuse can talk with ‘new terminology’ now, and that finally puts the pieces together. The common feeling victims ‘begin with’ is isolation and now the deprogramming has begun and a peaceful clarity soothes the night as you metamorphosis from victim to survivor.
STAGE 4 – Awareness/Recovery Stage
No contact is finally happening, emotional distance makes setting boundaries possible. Restoration of a more peaceful time. New healthier relationships make it easy to identify toxic people and understand they do not have to stay. Live life fully again – no fear – adaptation – letting go – empowerment – move forward – self love
rushing intimacy – falling in love quickly
hyper-sexual – wanting sex quickly – often and with multiple people to keep them satisfied
good listener – they listen with intent of showing you how much they care about you but they are really building the script of what they have to act like to please you and win you over
know it all –
success stories –
demands trust that isn’t earned –
their way is the only way –
managing down expectations –
over-dependence on partner –
uses guilt & pity ploys –
excessive emotional displays –
self entitled –
reckless drivers –
the law does not apply to them –