If only I knew then, what I know now… I would have spared myself much misery, but I can’t turn back the hands of time. What I can do is learn from my experience and pass on that knowledge to others, to perhaps spare them of a potential prolonged ‘hell on earth’.
I wrote this book, Narcissism, Descriptions of The No Good, The Bad and The Ugly to do just that. I wanted to alert others of the RED FLAGS that they may be seeing/experiencing as alarm bells sounding, “Danger! Danger!” In my case, the only ‘red flag’ I had with my covert “religious” narc fiancé at the time (soon to be my husband of 17 years), was the dirty look he gave me in church, when I asked him to not clap so loudly near my ears. That look, sent a shock wave to my intuition, but did I listen? NO! I had no knowledge of narcissism, personality disorders, or even the sleuthful ways of the devil. Later, there were occasional signs (he was very covert), but again, I was married by then and committed to “marriage” no matter what.
I became a wisp of the person I used to be. My saving grace was knowing God personally, and knowing who I was in Him. His love kept me grounded and sane, when my husband, Ron, tried his darndest to rob me of my sanity. After much abuse, he left, wanting to pursue a gay/party lifestyle, though he was in ministry by then. We had three children, of whom he was able to turn two against me because he needed them as a ‘front’ for his position in Catholic Charismatic Renewal. He was a serial sexual predator, mostly of unknowing males. People started to find out and so he used the children as his “cover”, as well as Flying Monkeys and told everyone it was me, to keep his job. The relationship with my two is still strained after 24 years and he still has them under his thumb. I am now exposing him, exposing the truth, which I did not do for years out of concern for my children. Damage is done now. The Bible says expose the deeds of darkness. I am. I have nothing left to lose.
I filed for divorce, after he left, then unfiled, again for the sake of the children, of which, he then filed. Long story, long drawn out child custody battle, of which I won. But he still had done his deeds of brainwashing. I used to say he could sell anyone a bridge, but since he was “selling”, “teaching” others about God, I had stayed with him.
And so, this book was born. I dedicated myself to finding out all I could from victims’ stories, as well as the physical, biological, and spiritual aspects of dealing with narcissists. There is so much information out there now. My book is a tool to educate and arm potential victims before it’s too late for them. I knew nothing of narcissism, (being born in the fifties), until one counselor mentioned it to me. I did the research myself. He too was a narc, I suspect, and didn’t want to fill me in.
By reading the quotes in my book, taken from victims, as well as from myself, I hope to wake people up, give them a refreshing ‘wake up slap in the face’ to come out of the fog they are in, and face (with God’s help) the devil at their door (or in their beds!)
I broke free, I want others to break free also. Time is ticking. Time to give the devil a licking!
About Mary Ryan
I am a retired educator, prayer minister, mother, friend and basic lover of God. My accomplishments are not who I am, but I have several other books on Amazon under religious titles for bible education. I enjoy people, art, scripture, and just plain living each day to the fullest no matter where I am or what I am doing.