Today I want to talk about Narcissists and cheating. I hear all the time people are always asking if they’re cheating and we have to look at their personality traits and get a deep understanding of how they relate to the cheating aspect because a Narcissist is selfish, they’re entitled, they’re very self-focused right, they only care about themselves, they don’t necessarily even care about their children except to be used as pawns in a cover of some fake life that their leading. So, a Narcissist generally is so selfish that they don’t make really good sexual partners. They’re demanding to what they want to do, it’s their time, it’s their schedule, and their very often over sexual that their needs are not being met with one partner even though they pretend that they are to that partner. When you get involved with a Narcissist of course you’re not knowing it’s a Narcissist. But when you get involved with someone that it just seems too good to be true there’s a very good chance that it isn’t true. You thought that they love and you thought that everybody thought you were the perfect couple. So how could he cheat you. This was the answer to your prayers, this is your soulmate, this is the man of your dream of a fairy tale, it’s prince charming for God’s sake. How could you think that prince charming, he’s with me all the time, he’s never with someone else. Well, that isn’t always true. And depending on how skilled your Narcissist is in this cheating arena, they may have spent decades hiding what they’ve done. And generally not just with one other person as we may found out about that person, right?.
In my case, I found out about three at the same time and that’s all I knew about. I think that this person just had them everywhere, every city. Did he lock his phone? Do you not have the password? If they’ve got the password to your phone and you don’t have the password to their phone maybe it’s the work phone they say, right? My ex-husband always had a work phone but how would I know if this was his personal phone and this was really a business phone. Couldn’t this be a fake second number? And the real business phone is number three? Or maybe he doesn’t even need to carry it. They play so many tricks and everything will be hidden. You won’t see another phone bill. You won’t see dinner expenses. They’re very stealth at this. But what you will start to see is hints and things that make you suspicious. They hate you in your gut. You feel it. You feel icky. When you feel icky and you suspect them, what kind of proof do you need that he is still cheating. Watch it when you found out that he cheated and he swore that we would never do it again and he, you know, hoovered back in and what more proof do you need, “phone down” that he is cheating.
I have a friend, I’m not going to say where she lived but she put a tracking device on her boyfriend’s car and then after having a phone conversation and them all saying,” Oh they’re tired, they’re tired”. He was going to go to bed. She watched the app. She watched them leave the house after their call and go off to the restaurant and she found him there. It was not a good thing. Why do we need to torture our self to prove? Isn’t it enough that they cheated once? Did you cheat once? No. That’s a perfectly normal thing. We don’t. The reason we were victims and we were you know, a really good supply to them is because we took their stuff, we took their shit. We took the abuse and we had no boundaries. So as soon as they know that you have boundaries, like, okay here’s a really good example. You know they cheated on you, they hoovered you back and then you said, ”I’ll give it another chance” because they promised, they promised, promised not to cheat again. It was an accident. He didn’t mean it. We were naive and you know we’re not the only ones but they are skilled and they lie so lying and cheating go together. Do you see that lying and cheating. So we have to start to look at other things and that is boundary that if my husband, my boyfriend, my girlfriend, my anything cheats on me, what’s my boundary? It’s okay you get one shot, two shots maybe. The average person goes back to a narcissist eight times, and that’s not necessarily cheating but I would wonder where those numbers came from because a lot of them cheat and that would be a really good reason to break up with them, right?
I have a story about two ex and this woman that he supposedly had been in a relationship with before me and to my knowledge he got her pregnant and his parents made them give up the baby and break up. This is the power of crazy, right? Whether it’s a true story or not, this is just a story I was told and so if it’s you know not a true story, I can only report on my knowledge as I heard it and what I was told. And so, this person, when we first got married, he said he needed to buy her a new mattress and he sent her two thousand dollars out of our checking account. And I thought it was like really bizarre and if this person was truly his friend, now why couldn’t I talk to him.
I’ve met other friends. His high school friend that was a girl and I met her and when you meet someone then they are not a threat. If they keep them hidden, there’s a reason. There is a reason why they are hiding them. And this person would call him on his birthday and you know usually like, holidays. The phone rings and her phone number, her name would come up on the screen and I was like,”Well why can’t I talk to her? Why can’t I say hi? You know I mean, have her over for dinner for God’s sake” Just let you know and he never would. There was even a time when we were away on vacation and it was my birthday and the phone rang. I mean we are like in the middle of the freaking ocean and this girl is calling him. And he just you know, “Oops sorry” and he stopped the call. And then it occurred to me now that, that might have been his cover name for whoever the slut that he was sleeping with. I’m sorry I didn’t mean that, the person that he might have been sleeping with. He just put their phone number in under her name because he sort of like set the boundaries with that name and that name he sort of said,“You can’t do anything about this name, I’m not going to share you with her, she’s my ex”. And all of this stuff but think about that. Isn’t that triangulation? Why didn’t I know it, right?
One time we were on vacation with six friends in Disney and we were walking around Epcot. And the girls were sitting outside and the boys went in to a store. And one of the husbands came running out to the wife and said, ”She’s in there, oh my goodness she’s in there with her mother and her brother”. And my ex-husband came flying out and ran to like, if you’ve ever been with Epcot, two whole countries further than where we’re all sitting. And we’re texting him like,“Where the hell are you?” And it was such, he’s like,”I didn’t want her to see me and I’ve gained a lot of weight. I think that, that real girl was there because the friend’s husband knew. They knew them before. So, all of a sudden the real thing like, now I might come face to face, now I might learn that, that name on the phone wasn’t ever real. And all those late night calls and texts to work and all of these bullshit was really just covering up this fake person and we have to really think about this things. We saw signs. I did. And just chose to ignore it and I chose to not have boundaries you know, this is not acceptable. You know, I don’t care if you have friends from your past. I think that’s great. But now we’re a couple we should be friends together. That makes sense. The idea you can’t like know the other person, these are signs. These are signs and we need to stop this cycle on ourselves and stop saying,”How do you know he’s a Narcissist? And maybe, what should I do? Should I like chase him? Should I stalk him to the higher P.I ” If you know, you make the decision right now. What are your boundaries? because if you know about one, it’s probably four that you don’t know about. So this is Tracy, be careful out there, watch for the signs, texts, sleep night calls, phones going off and hidden things. Watch for the signs because Narcissists almost always cheat. They’re not satisfied. No one can satisfy them because they’re not human.