Many stages to go through when learning and healing from narcissist abuse. Learning to be brave is certainly one I struggled with this weekend. I felt like I was coming out of the closet as I have be able to voice the facts. My journey today to share my narcissist abuser fear. Why I feel brave today.
Transcription:
This is Tracy happy Sunday, I’m sitting here in my beautiful prayer spot overlooking the Rocky Mountains, and I just finished Church, and I wanted to discuss last week, we talked about fear and I have a lot of fear in my life this week. I actually made a video which I not the get posted yet, about a fear that came over me yesterday while I was attending a large event. And I think that what we have to understand is that we all have fear, fear is something that protects us and I don’t think that we should ever try to give up on our fear. I don’t think that we should ever be little fears that come to us because they are here for a reason they are here to protect us and if we look at our fears and we take a very hard look. And in church, we had to take a white card and write our fear down and the pastor came around the room and I was sitting in the front row and he asked everyone to tell the church, what they were afraid of and up on to people went before me and I finally found it inside. I found the courage to say my fear and my fear was that I was so afraid yesterday that my abuser was going to be at a large public event that I was at and saying that I haven’t abuser in front of 400 people in my church who was definitely hard. And their point is, that God is here to help us with our fears, and to ask for us to ask what exactly that wants us to do with this year. And I wanna turn into a religious picture here because this is about narcissism, and the things that have happened in our life. When you look at the… I encourage you to take a little note card write it down, ask yourself What exactly is it about that that makes you afraid what would happen if that happened, what would happen to you how would your life be changed if that fear came true.
If your fears about money and you’re afraid that you’re not going to have enough what would happen if you didn’t have enough, would you scale down? Would you live a different way would you find some way to solve that if you don’t face the fears you’re never going to be able to conquer them, because the more we think about the fear, the more power we give to it to the… and in order to make that fear go away, we have to go in, accept and understand it in order to do diagnose what’s going on here.
The topic today was beginning with fear, because that’s where we ended last week but it was really about bravery and Avery is something that we choose, we choose to be brave. I choose to raise my hand in the front row until three hundred people that I’ve been abused.
A lot of people that I know, friends are talking to me about my YouTube channel that I’m making here, on narcissist. Abuse and her my glasses are too and they’re talking about it as career suicide because I am a marketer, and I’m pretty easily Googled and I talk all over the state for marketing things I talked for LinkedIn and social media, any kind of business application. I speak a word press camps. And so, when you Google my name, I’m up there, and now that I’m putting this narcissist. support out there, they’re like… You should have created a separate channel you should have done something different. And I think the bravery for me is using my voice using the gifts that I have been given to help others, and by standing up and telling my story and acknowledging that I have been abused and I don’t know what the hell happened, it gives hope to others. And so while it may be career suicide to have a narcissist YouTube channel in my name, not changing it and being brave, I think that God has put me out here to do the work to help people and I know that I feel like I’m helping them, and I hope that you can find some grace and some hope in what I say, but it’s also about healing for myself, it’s not necessarily a healing that I need approval from from anybody.
When we talk about bravery it’s not easy for anyone. A child going into kindergarten for the first time a family with their husband going off to war. We all have to be brave in different ways and we’re going to have to be brave… all the way through our life, it’s not going to be just that one time, it’s not going to be the first time we ask a girl to dance at the junior high pro. You’re going to have to be brave… over and over. And if we look at this experience, this narcissistic abuse, and this son of a bitch or just plain bitch that has done something to us unfairly unjustified. They’ve come and they’ve heard us, we have to be brave, we have to pull ourselves out and no one else can do that, for us.
Education, oh, yes, education is totally the way to do it, it’s going to help us come stronger become much more, it’s word enabled, we’re going to enable our… Sultan never have this happen again. So when you look at bravery, it’s something that we choose. But when you’ve been abused, eaten, why do your Geiger counter of trust is totally worked totally disabled and so being brave is even harder. You can do it. I know you can turn your awareness up. How can you be brave in this situation.
Write down those fears and just take small baby steps. How can you be brave to help yourself when… and women before? So, it’s so brave. Okay, and they triumph his is just another test is just another place where we have to find ourselves inside deep inside, we have to find this hope, and this courage and this is Diane this Grace Lee Grace. I love that word, he is never easy but being brave is the solutions arm up right on what you’re afraid of.
I know we’ve other… I have been heard, you have been heard unfairly unjustly. And we have to know that our abusers we’ll get theirs not from us, but I’m above this is something that they have to live with they will never be hay.
Were given that chance to be happy. Again, the question is, were you brave for saying yes.
You were.
You might not even know you were abused, which you were able enough to endure abuse, and if you look at that, were you brave enough for losing the… maybe it wasn’t your choice, but leaving is such a brief action. Now, the next step beyond who accepting it, don’t hide it. I’m not hiding it, I just announce in front of the whole church and it will set you free taking back your life, takes bravery, no creature no creature no bunny rabbit. I just saw one. I’m gonna put the little picture of him at the end.
No creature doesn’t have fear, but it’s “the brave ones to get rewarded, piece, so that’s all I got. The fear that I wrote down on my little white card at church today was that I am afraid of going to public places where my user might be.
He abused me.
I shed he risked my life and yet I am the victim and I’m the one that has a fear. I would do anything not to ever see him again. Unfortunately, we don’t live that far from one another. So for now I don’t go to street fairs I don’t go places where he might be, “that’s my protection, but I also have to learn to be brave and not let him not let what he did. control my life.
I wanna go somewhere, I need to be brave, I need to face it.
Making these YouTube videos is certainly a rare thing for me coming out of the closet sort of speak and talking about what I’ve been learning, trying to help others.
It does take bravery, and I think we can all do it. I think we can all be brave together..
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