Interview with Joyce Short a brilliant author of two books on Combating Romance Scams. Her new book launches November 1st
For more information on Joyce please visit her website
http://www.StopRapeByFraud.com
Joyce M. Short
Twitter: @jm_short
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Combating Romance Scams
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Transcription:
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Hi there this is tracy and today i have a Special guest i am in New York City With Joyce Short and
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Joyce Is an Author and an Expert on
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Love
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Scamming It’s not a Good Word to put It romance Scams Little Man absolute enemy i love this so
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Joyce Has written a book already and She’s Got a New one in the hopper What is it Called its called
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Combating romance Scams Why lying to get laid Is a Crime
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and i thought with our narcissists community That This was going to be such a Good topic because i
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Believe That we have all Been conned and so
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Meeting her and listening to an interview i Just fell in love with This and Said This is What we Need to learn about
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so for you something Happened that Got you on this Mission Very much so
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Would You share it oh oh sheriff it Actually
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The Story is in my first book Which is carnal abuse by deceit how a predators lies became rape
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And
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Basically i Was romance Scammed
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and i was Scammed long Before the internet
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And
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There was no information about
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How this happens Why it happens or what to do if It happens to you mm-Hmm
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and i
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Lived Through It
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Put My life back Together
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It was Very long struggle mm-Hmm and i wanted to make
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It apparent to
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Society Because I’m sure that i wasn’t the only person that Struggled in this Way and
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Had encountered the same circumstance
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And so i wanted to make sure that society had the language
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To be able to discuss it if you didn’t. Have a name for it how do you even
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Contemplate how do you how do you Express What’s happened to you or articulate What’s Happened to you if there are no Words Out there
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That That You can Express or use in order to do so i would imagine victims
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As
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A victim of Narcissist abuse i was not aware that i was being abused i didn’t Know the term and i didn’t Know
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AnyThing
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Wasn’t normal Because It Seemed normal Right
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How do
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Victims
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Put two and two Together i Mean it’s Certainly not You go to on the dating site and Say i want to
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Date someone That’s going to scan me right oh, no you don’t Say That
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Often no um but you know but how do victims
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Like Come to Terms or understand That This is something that might Have Happened to them Well i think That?
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as you Go through a
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relationship
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and a Certain Amount of Toxicity
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Is created in that relationship When you recognize that You’ve Been lied to
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You have to wonder Whether that person is in fact all together in Terms of Their Character?
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Do They have a Character disorder are They a Pathological Liar How Deeply Woven?
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is the
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you Know that the fabric that You’ve Now Been caught in in this net right and so when You recognize That
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Everything That You thought Existed in this relationship Was a Pack of Lies and They’re pretending to be someone that They’re not
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Then You have to begin to understand that the Brain Chemistry of?
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Love and trust and The emotions That You Feel are are fueled to actually by Your Brain Chemistry
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and mother nature Gave us that Brain Chemistry for that purpose our
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offspring Take quite a long time to develop and
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so mother nature
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Has created
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Brain Chemistry That Actually Glues us Mates us with that person and
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People That are
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Sexual predators Emotional Predators They Know how to
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manipulate Your Brain Chemistry
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Which is the Kind three of Attraction mm-Hmm in order to embed you in that relationship and it’s Very Very difficult to get out of
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The Whole
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Concept of Why you have it Is so that The relationship Doesn’t break apart so that You can
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So that You can both nurture your developing offspring to maturity right so you’re stuck like glue
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and When People Wonder Why someone Who’s abused or Misused
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Doesn’t Simply
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Recognize Gee They They were abusive They either were emotionally abusive or physical abuse
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physically abusive Why don’t i have Just running for the exit Door
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A lot of It has to do with That Brain Chemistry That’s Keeping You glued to that relationship and it’s like an Addiction
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and if you can recognize
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Romantic
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Brain Chemistry As a Form of Addiction
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then You can Begin to understand okay if This Was Alcohol i
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Would be imbibing It i’d recognize It i’d Be Forcing It Down my Throat
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I mean i’d be sipping the drink and i’d Know What was going on but When we’re
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But When we’re being
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When we’re imbibing a relationship we don’t recognize It as having effects on our dopamine or serotonin
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The chemicals in our Brain
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That form attachment and in in our Narcissus World We Often Talk about love bombing and love Bombing is at the Beginning
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When They can’t Get enough of you is this all the Chemical Part That They’re Doing it Absolutely
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Absolutely and
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some
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Narcissists Sociopaths Whatever You want to call them They’re emotional predators
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They recognize That They Need to raise your level of attachment
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And so They’re going to do that Initially once They’ve Raised youR level of attachment
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If you are a Morally intact. Human being You are going to feel loyalty
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Toward That person
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You’re going to steal Kindness and Empathy Toward That person if They have difficulties you’re going to
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Help That person
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you Know i got to get through That obstacle Get across that obstacle
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And Go on and live a Happy productive life so if they
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Need Money in order to resolve a Debt
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if they
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Need Immigration Status
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you’re going to
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If you’re emotionally Involved with that person you’re going to attempt. To
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Help Them with Whatever Ailments
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You Know they present in that relationship yeah i sure know that One it’s a purgative Way of manipulating You bite
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By
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Embroiling You in a Loving Bond right and i think for a Lot of People That Haven’t had that Experience
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of Being
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in a relationship that Wasn’t real
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I think that it’s really Really Hard to understand When Your friend or someone that You love a Sister or Brother is
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Now Saying That the person that They’ve Been Married to is this Evil predator Right
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What point do do i mean i know as a victim When They start This discard and They They go through The end
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Portion of Our relationship That those are the things That
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Enlighten The victim to do this research and to Get Help But
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What Kind of Advice can We Offer to their friends and family to say This is real no That’s a Very Good point
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What happens to you as the victim is that Your Brain Chemistry is raised and you’re reacting
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As a Result of How those
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Neuropeptides and Hormones Make You Feel
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The People Out The People on the
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External
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Part Of This relationship They’re Your friends and Your Family They’re not
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Taken in by That Kind of emotional Bond But They are taken in By
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Whatever you Say to them
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about This person But They have Beliefs That were established that you sang their praises
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You Convinced them That This Was a Wonderful person
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Now They have to?
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Somehow Reevaluate Everything You told Them and That’s Not Such an Easy Thing to do you Have established
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How They’ve how they’re relating to this person and now?
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Your
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Interest Is to change Their Reaction to this person
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Some People
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Will Say Well you know it
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It’s something That You did and therefore you have to live With It you can Just Walk away and
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That’s Simply Because They don’t understand The Chemistry you bond It right and They don’t understand that it’s not so easy to Walk away
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That you’re chemically addicted to this person yes and
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you Know People Will often in the process of
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Kicking The Habit
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Part Of It Is the process of Rumination What is that Rumination is when we
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Go over and Over and over in our Minds like a Broken Record
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What we could have done
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In order to hold on to this relationship What we could have done differently Was It us what did we do?
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we don’t recognize that It Was all Employed It Was not What we Thought
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This person Is an emotional predator
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They’re putting This charming exterior in front of You so that You’ll feel attachment to them
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But nothing That you value When that person Actually Exists
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And if You can recognize That then it’s a lot easier to break away and if you can recognize that Your
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Chemical
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Excuse me that Your Brain Chemistry is causing you those Feelings of attachment then you can
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you Can Staunchly you know if your i i quit smoking
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I cold Turkey I lost 15 pounds in the process i’ve Expected Real Tough Willpower
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And You have to Exert some Willpower in order to break away?
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Expecting Your
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you Know your loved ones and People That are
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Surrounding You to recognize
0:11:12.390,0:11:14.449
That that person is a Terrible person
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Some of them Will and some of them won’t
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Some of them Will Say i knew that person Was a Terrible person and you made your bed
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you Know lying in It yeah i Just Walk Away Because they don’t Understand That
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The The time that the pull of That relationship in Your Brain Chemistry is Keeping You there
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And
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That Whole Concept of Rumination
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Thinking It Over and Over and Over again you’re Doing that Because Your Brain Chemistry Still ties you to that
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relationship and Even though on a Very Intellectual Level
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you Know that they scanned you and That They’re con artists but Realistically
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mother nature is still Keeping You in that relationship Because mother nature Doesn’t
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Understand con artists Right Never What Makes sense
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The premise of everything That you’re Doing is That
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This Is a Crime
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to use
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Deceit and to con People to have sex Correct and
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How
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Widespread is that Human of a Law i Mean we Know that it’s like It is the law grabbing a Hold of It do
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States
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How Many States are Involved that Say Yes and prosecute
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There are two States in all of The United States
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That Have Laws That
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Will prosecute someone who lies you good lies to you in order to engage you in sex wow Which one Alabama?
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okay and Tennessee
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Don’t live there in Alabama it’S a Misdemeanor You can Go to jail for Misdemeanors but okay yeah in
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Tennessee it’s a Felony Wow Now other states have attempted to pass laws?
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Right Here in new York
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a senator by the name of Great Ball
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Try to enact a Catfish Law and Catfish Is a person on the internet that creates a romance scam okay so he
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Dubbed His particular Law a Catfish Law
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And
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He tried to pass a Law Here in new York in 2013 didn’t Fly i was Actually Involved in a law
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That Was submitted in new Jersey
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about a Year after i published my first book Carnal abuse by the seat
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The victim had Read my Story
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And recognized That What Happened to her was raped by fraud Which is the generic name for the crime
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When i use the term rape i try to stay Away from the term rape Because
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People often Think That rape Involves Violence or has to involve violence and Know most States Have recognized That?
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There are Many Many different Ways to
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Basically
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undermine a person’s self-determination Over Their reproductive Organs
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you can Do It Through Through Many Many different means not All of them Violence
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and so rape is Generic
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Sexual Assault is probably more in tune with how people relate to this this crime today
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So yeah there was an Attempt Here in new York?
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There Was an Attempt in Massachusetts in the town that i was born in fact the person who introduced the law is now the sheriff
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In newton Massachusetts Which is where i was born What he at the time Was in the house of representative is his name is
0:14:45.420,0:14:47.479
Peter Kittu Jian And
0:14:49.350,0:14:52.369
and yet That Law Didn’t Pass
0:14:53.250,0:14:55.250
and Unfortunately
0:14:55.920,0:14:57.920
Laws don’t Pass Because
0:14:58.500,0:15:01.820
People Think that They’re too Broad They think it’s a slippery slope
0:15:02.940,0:15:08.239
After Having Advocated For This for so many Years I’ve Heard Just about Every
0:15:09.060,0:15:11.060
Every Naysaying Contradictory
0:15:13.050,0:15:18.709
Concerned That Society Throws At This Concept and
0:15:20.490,0:15:27.199
Realistically It can Be Controlled It’s not a Slippery slope there are things that are inherent in the law itself
0:15:27.870,0:15:31.159
That Would Make It that Makes It Really Very difficult to prosecute
0:15:32.040,0:15:33.449
so
0:15:33.449,0:15:37.309
You Know if It happens to you in Alabama or tennessee by all means
0:15:38.250,0:15:42.260
Go speak to annalise yeah if It happens to you in california
0:15:42.990,0:15:48.769
Recently California Passed a Law That Covers One Portion of This
0:15:49.350,0:15:51.350
They covered The Portion That’s called
0:15:51.839,0:15:53.839
Fraud in the factum
0:15:54.360,0:15:56.479
Fraud of The factum is
0:15:57.750,0:16:00.320
Deceit Over The Action itself
0:16:01.470,0:16:08.480
So Let’s Say You went to a doctor mm-Hmm and the doctor told You that They were going to do something that Was Medically Necessary
0:16:09.149,0:16:12.708
and Instead they sexually Molested you
0:16:13.589,0:16:15.589
They touched your genitals
0:16:17.130,0:16:18.899
Recent case in Massachusetts
0:16:18.899,0:16:26.029
The doctor Touched The Woman’s genitals his back Surgeon There Was no reason for Him to to do so
0:16:26.660,0:16:32.569
He also Massaged her breasts she Was one of Two victims that came Forward and they
0:16:33.449,0:16:35.449
Actually Brought
0:16:35.490,0:16:37.490
Litigation against This Man
0:16:37.769,0:16:40.879
The prosecutor Got Involved and pressed Charges against Him
0:16:41.760,0:16:45.289
But Similarly Right Down the street and that Happened in worcester Massachusetts
0:16:46.079,0:16:53.839
and Right Down the street in Middle Middlesex County Which is where newton Massachusetts Is and where peter Catagen Lives
0:16:55.199,0:16:56.940
The
0:16:56.940,0:16:58.829
prosecutor in
0:16:58.829,0:17:03.229
Middlesex County Would Not prosecute a Very Very Similar case
0:17:03.900,0:17:06.349
So there’s no continuity
0:17:07.620,0:17:10.069
in this law and
0:17:11.459,0:17:14.149
you Can Every State Has its own Penal code
0:17:14.790,0:17:16.790
So you can Go from state to state
0:17:17.549,0:17:23.929
In one state you can Actually file a claim of rape by fraud
0:17:24.390,0:17:26.479
If someone Who’s underage
0:17:27.419,0:17:33.359
lies to you and you have sex with and you Get arrested for Statutory rape so
0:17:34.330,0:17:40.949
Rape By Fraud is a defense against Statutory rape in a live state oh Wow
0:17:41.740,0:17:43.740
However Only Two States
0:17:44.259,0:17:51.748
Enable People Who are victimized by rape by fraud without any involvement of Statutory rape
0:17:52.179,0:17:56.489
To bring to bring a claim against the offender now What would be
0:17:57.220,0:17:59.220
I know that a Lot of
0:17:59.649,0:18:02.159
The Predators in this Situation
0:18:02.860,0:18:05.610
Lie i mean That’s like a
0:18:06.190,0:18:09.539
Pathological Lie Almost Like coming Out Their Pores
0:18:09.940,0:18:13.559
so what Would stop iF we were Just talking about the sad Story Read
0:18:13.690,0:18:19.649
What would Stop a Man Who Just had sex with a 15 year old from Saying oh she told me She’s 18?
0:18:20.080,0:18:22.080
What’s to stop or police
0:18:22.809,0:18:29.008
The Real Perpetrator From Lying about What the Young girl did or said Unfortunately
0:18:29.499,0:18:32.969
That’s you Know rape Is a Very Very difficult case to prove
0:18:33.999,0:18:35.710
And
0:18:35.710,0:18:39.869
There Actually Is Very little it’S he said she said
0:18:41.320,0:18:43.830
When you get in front of a Judge and Jury
0:18:45.369,0:18:50.789
The Judges Function There is to make sure that That trial takes place according to the law
0:18:51.879,0:18:53.679
The Jury
0:18:53.679,0:18:55.679
determines Whether or not
0:18:57.039,0:18:59.039
Whether or not Things that are
0:19:00.909,0:19:02.230
Being
0:19:02.230,0:19:04.230
Put into evidence as fact
0:19:04.600,0:19:08.279
Arms Are Fact Indeed so the Jury
0:19:09.039,0:19:14.158
Determines Whether or not What you’re Expressing is as fact is in fact fact
0:19:18.399,0:19:20.579
and This is the case in all
0:19:21.399,0:19:24.569
In all the rape or Sexual assault
0:19:25.600,0:19:28.469
Issues but we don’t fail to
0:19:29.289,0:19:34.229
Recognize That It’s a crime Simply Because it’S difficult to prosecute
0:19:34.929,0:19:36.429
Any
0:19:36.429,0:19:39.028
Criminal offense Is difficult to prosecute
0:19:39.770,0:19:43.639
you Need proof in order to convict someone of Murder
0:19:44.310,0:19:50.450
You Need proof to convict someone of stealing Your Money You need proof to
0:19:51.180,0:19:53.180
Convict someone of raping You and
0:19:53.580,0:19:54.690
Unfortunately
0:19:54.690,0:20:00.769
Rape Is an Extraordinarily different difficult case to prove i would imagine – especially
0:20:01.320,0:20:04.189
Looking At Our Targets of abuse
0:20:05.880,0:20:11.989
It it’s months Later When you Learn What a sociopath
0:20:13.530,0:20:19.190
Narcissists What The People are and What Just Happened it’S it’s a quite a long time so there’s no rape Kit
0:20:19.410,0:20:24.379
and it’S he said she said and they i can imagine as
0:20:24.750,0:20:31.219
I’ve had this situation The police are Just sitting there telling You that you know you are not getting over the relationship
0:20:31.740,0:20:32.850
Ow
0:20:32.850,0:20:40.400
Get on with Your life Get over had fun didn’t you yes That’s Exactly What One police officer told her
0:20:40.980,0:20:44.719
Of the victim When they went to complain about this crime
0:20:45.270,0:20:48.290
They Literally Said to them hey we had fun didn’t you
0:20:49.110,0:20:52.670
What’s What’s your complaint so when you have proof?
0:20:54.000,0:20:56.000
When you have Actual
0:20:56.580,0:20:58.580
Written Documentation That
0:20:59.310,0:21:00.900
This person
0:21:00.900,0:21:02.900
Misrepresented Themselves to you
0:21:02.940,0:21:07.369
You Have a greater Likelihood of Being Able to prosecute the crime okay
0:21:07.890,0:21:13.040
So a Lot of Romances Today Begin on the internet and
0:21:13.680,0:21:16.399
People Write What we Call Catfish profiles
0:21:17.700,0:21:19.700
That Sounds so Horrible They’re
0:21:20.190,0:21:22.190
Basically Full of Lies
0:21:22.800,0:21:28.999
The The profile is full of Lies They’re telling You the wrong Age They’re telling you that They’re single When They’re Married
0:21:29.670,0:21:31.670
They’re giving you a Lot of Information
0:21:31.770,0:21:36.050
in a Written form and you’re relying on that Information
0:21:37.350,0:21:40.640
You Have proof that that person has lied to you?
0:21:41.430,0:21:47.639
The Other Way that you can prove that a person has lied to you is if you don’t
0:21:48.820,0:21:51.119
Live This relationship in a bubble and
0:21:51.790,0:21:57.690
In fact other People have Been Involved in the misrepresentations that They’ve Given You?
0:21:58.810,0:22:00.810
Then Those People Can
0:22:01.150,0:22:03.840
Support Your claim and Act as Witnesses
0:22:04.360,0:22:08.130
Right so it it evolves from being a He-said She-said
0:22:08.830,0:22:16.830
Into something more provable right and so These Cases if there is a Way of proving
0:22:17.380,0:22:18.550
The
0:22:18.550,0:22:23.580
Misrepresentations That You were Given then you have a Greater Chance of Actually pursuing It As a Crime
0:22:23.920,0:22:26.399
That Makes sense i mean in my case
0:22:28.180,0:22:30.690
It’s it’s a Very difficult Thing to prove
0:22:31.690,0:22:36.269
Because I’ve Already Been Convicted of a
0:22:37.060,0:22:41.429
Crime being in his driveway and and domestic Violence
0:22:42.160,0:22:45.599
Which he lied to get that charge on me so
0:22:46.180,0:22:53.039
It’s even more difficult for me i went to the chief of police to Just Ask him questions and his secretary Said
0:22:53.800,0:22:55.800
We don’t talk to
0:22:56.140,0:23:02.219
Perpetrators wow and i was like but i have This evidence i’d like you to look at
0:23:03.280,0:23:09.690
Put Her hand up and Said i’ve Been Working for him for sixteen Years and I’m not gonna Let Him talk to you
0:23:09.850,0:23:14.820
yeah and i thought that Was odd because i am a citizen i do pay Taxes i
0:23:15.280,0:23:18.780
Am a victim i was being treated By a victim advocate
0:23:19.480,0:23:26.370
Program for Ten Weeks and They are like we don’t take People Unless They are and have Been victims yeah and yet
0:23:26.710,0:23:29.579
Because of That you know Phone Call i
0:23:30.370,0:23:32.370
Became The perpetrator so i
0:23:33.100,0:23:40.500
imagine i Mean my life with the police Was a Very difficult Kind of Thing and i can’t imagine taking something even this far
0:23:40.810,0:23:41.890
When
0:23:41.890,0:23:46.050
Nobody Wants to believe you also When when you have that sort of
0:23:46.570,0:23:49.649
Situation When the police don’t don’t believe you
0:23:50.580,0:23:52.029
And
0:23:52.029,0:23:54.029
you want to pursue
0:23:54.309,0:24:02.008
Some Kind of Justice for Yourself The best Thing to do is to find an attorney. Oh i had once aha he was a Narcissist
0:24:05.470,0:24:07.450
Fortunately he was Unfortunately
0:24:07.450,0:24:13.379
Josh and he Just Wanted His money and he Just Was like you have to do this you have to do this and?
0:24:14.559,0:24:21.268
He wouldn’t yeah you know so you know aside from Going for a Twenty or Thirty Thousand dollar case
0:24:21.730,0:24:29.039
That Was my only opportunity to do it and Spend. Ten a Bargain so these cases
0:24:29.679,0:24:31.679
Unfortunately are not
0:24:32.799,0:24:34.090
resolvable
0:24:34.090,0:24:37.860
Until We Actually Have a Sexual Assault by Fraud
0:24:38.769,0:24:42.209
Law Right That Makes It a Criminal offense and i’ll give You an Example
0:24:43.330,0:24:45.039
There’s a Woman in New Jersey
0:24:45.039,0:24:49.169
Who was Defrauded Catfish crime he found her on the internet
0:24:50.019,0:24:52.079
and he Defrauded her of
0:24:52.750,0:24:55.349
Two Hundred and Twenty Three Thousand Dollars
0:24:56.529,0:25:02.819
okay this is a Lovely Woman intelligent professional Woman She’s a Physical trainer
0:25:03.820,0:25:05.740
She’s cute As a Button
0:25:05.740,0:25:07.059
And
0:25:07.059,0:25:09.898
Just a Lovely Lovely person Has three Children
0:25:10.960,0:25:14.970
And fell in love with This fellow Who claimed that he was
0:25:16.059,0:25:17.620
Like a
0:25:17.620,0:25:19.620
Bernie Madoff
0:25:19.870,0:25:23.819
he was a Wealth manager and he had the
0:25:25.450,0:25:27.450
proofs on the internet
0:25:28.059,0:25:31.168
to support his claim his business claims
0:25:31.870,0:25:38.849
So he had really done a Lot of Homework in order to set Himself up in this fictitious
0:25:40.029,0:25:41.169
Image
0:25:41.169,0:25:45.209
And he Knew that she had a Floral 1/k
0:25:46.990,0:25:54.000
And he convinced her that he could Get her better return on her 401k so this is not an unreasonable
0:25:54.549,0:26:00.268
You’re in love with This Man You trust Him he’s a Wealth manager You’ve Got to trade youR 401 k
0:26:00.269,0:26:06.179
Over and see if he can do better Than then What does i mean yeah this is you know
0:26:06.730,0:26:08.730
Plausible Very Plausible
0:26:08.890,0:26:11.849
That a person Would do that If you’re in love with this Man
0:26:12.520,0:26:14.520
okay so now She’s Out the
0:26:15.159,0:26:20.999
223,000 and Now the government comes after her for Forty Nine Thousand Which is the
0:26:21.970,0:26:26.669
Penalty Right Because she didn’t take her Money Out of a 401k and
0:26:27.309,0:26:28.809
Invested in another
0:26:28.809,0:26:29.950
401k
0:26:29.950,0:26:35.939
Which would have enabled her you know iF you’re Just Rolling It over then you’re not going to
0:26:36.399,0:26:39.929
Incur the Penalties okay and in Addition
0:26:40.510,0:26:45.209
he had gotten access to her credit Cards and run Up a
0:26:46.029,0:26:50.339
Considerable Amount of Credit Card Debt. So she went to an attorney
0:26:51.340,0:26:55.649
And It cost her Thousands of Dollars in order to pursue this case
0:26:56.289,0:26:58.379
she Got a Judgment against This Man
0:26:58.960,0:27:05.789
Mm-Hmm did he go to jail no there’s no law in new Jersey to send this man to jail in
0:27:06.010,0:27:10.049
Fact She Was contacted By The White-collar Crimes
0:27:10.929,0:27:13.109
prosecutor and that May be
0:27:13.840,0:27:18.029
The Way That This Man is Finally prosecuted However
0:27:18.940,0:27:25.080
Even though She has and even though She’s Gone Through a Tremendous effort to
0:27:26.110,0:27:30.179
Get Restitution and Seek Justice and even though she has a
0:27:31.570,0:27:33.570
There Was a positive
0:27:34.450,0:27:39.899
Result from That from from from That process she hasn’t Been Able to
0:27:41.049,0:27:43.049
Collect a dime and he
0:27:43.539,0:27:45.520
Defaulted Know
0:27:45.520,0:27:51.179
That Lisi Used like Absolutely and That’s What Half hour there no loss i Mean Forget the
0:27:51.549,0:27:56.639
The Romance Scam Thing are there no laws Against con men of Course there are
0:27:57.250,0:27:59.640
But When they have no assets and
0:27:59.710,0:28:06.600
You’re Bringing a Civil case against Tiny’s probably took her money and Just Threw It i think he bought a house i think Was
0:28:07.659,0:28:14.489
What yeah i’m not i’m not sure you know what what the Actual Destination Was for her money
0:28:15.130,0:28:18.449
but Yeah That’s That’s one individual case
0:28:19.210,0:28:25.500
and so when People Try to bring cases first off the person the the
0:28:26.440,0:28:29.340
Offender Is probably going to countersue you
0:28:30.639,0:28:32.320
Because Now you’re
0:28:32.320,0:28:34.149
Exposing them
0:28:34.149,0:28:40.469
In a public Way and so They’ll counter sue you for a Defamation or for
0:28:41.289,0:28:47.609
You Know for Bringing a false case against them oh yeah yeah yeah i can see that Because They’re very litigious?
0:28:47.710,0:28:51.000
They Have This down and they know okay if this happens
0:28:51.190,0:28:58.320
Look i can Get more Money from her because i already Got or 200 grand yes Why is it a crime to
0:28:58.840,0:29:00.220
Deceive someone
0:29:00.220,0:29:02.220
To have sex with you?
0:29:02.409,0:29:04.270
When you
0:29:04.270,0:29:06.270
Have sex with the person
0:29:06.669,0:29:09.449
you Have the right of consent and
0:29:10.870,0:29:12.870
consent Isn’t What People think
0:29:13.570,0:29:18.480
consent Doesn’t Simply Mean Agreement It means Knowledgeable and
0:29:19.149,0:29:21.149
Informed Agreement
0:29:21.520,0:29:23.699
okay so if you undermine
0:29:24.580,0:29:27.480
Their Ability to be knowledgeable and Informed
0:29:28.210,0:29:30.960
They’re not capable of giving you consent
0:29:32.110,0:29:35.370
There’s another Type of Agreement it’s Called assent
0:29:36.429,0:29:38.429
assa Ent okay
0:29:38.919,0:29:45.179
and My Theory is iF you Fool a person into Thinking That They’re giving you consent
0:29:45.820,0:29:49.200
When in fact all They’re capable of Giving You Is sn
0:29:50.049,0:29:52.049
Then you’re an ass and a con artist
0:29:53.590,0:29:57.480
And you’re also a Sexual predator and a Rapist
0:29:58.809,0:30:03.599
Because When you undermine a person’s ability to consent
0:30:04.270,0:30:07.529
You’re you’re taking away Their self-determination
0:30:08.590,0:30:12.630
and If you’re taking Away Their self-determination
0:30:14.200,0:30:15.880
Regarding
0:30:15.880,0:30:17.880
The use of Their Money
0:30:17.929,0:30:19.350
Then That’s Theft
0:30:19.350,0:30:24.079
When you take Away Their self-determination in Relation to their reproductive organs
0:30:24.749,0:30:29.959
Then That’s a Sexual Assault mm-Hmm and so Indeed it’S a Crime That
0:30:30.659,0:30:34.159
Is really important to know because i think
0:30:35.009,0:30:37.969
In a situation Where you are in a romantic relationship
0:30:38.940,0:30:40.559
People
0:30:40.559,0:30:47.809
Don’t even go this far to think i mean we can All Go. Oh we had the bad Boyfriend the bad Husband but
0:30:48.330,0:30:49.409
It
0:30:49.409,0:30:50.940
It isn’t
0:30:50.940,0:30:56.749
Consenting If you think that you’re with this person and it’s really This person Correct and
0:30:57.059,0:30:59.298
That They like you Said with Your
0:30:59.940,0:31:01.799
Person that you Knew
0:31:01.799,0:31:08.479
They thought It Was this person and that Was a Lie you know they thought They were this life you thought you were exclusive
0:31:08.779,0:31:13.219
They were promising and telling and Lying to you about that and then
0:31:14.190,0:31:16.190
It’S a different person right
0:31:16.379,0:31:21.919
So that is something that We have to change and yet so hard to police because
0:31:22.529,0:31:29.209
How do ya you you lied well you know you know it’s a form of defilement What People end up feeling
0:31:29.700,0:31:35.840
Is the same sense of defilement as if They were Violently Raped They’re not
0:31:36.659,0:31:38.100
Violently
0:31:38.100,0:31:39.419
Terrorized
0:31:39.419,0:31:41.419
They don’t Bear The Scars
0:31:42.059,0:31:45.498
and The Bruises of a Violent rape But they
0:31:46.289,0:31:48.210
Bear The
0:31:48.210,0:31:51.679
Their Psyche Bears The Scars of a
0:31:52.350,0:31:59.389
Defilement They Feel Contamination okay a Sexual contamination by This person and
0:32:00.299,0:32:02.299
That’s a Very Real
0:32:02.639,0:32:05.029
Bruising of The psyche even though
0:32:05.909,0:32:09.079
Physically You’re not Bruised right Your brain
0:32:09.899,0:32:12.409
Is a Physical Part of Your Body
0:32:13.169,0:32:14.940
And
0:32:14.940,0:32:16.470
and it
0:32:16.470,0:32:18.470
Is very much a factor
0:32:19.169,0:32:20.220
in
0:32:20.220,0:32:25.309
Whether or not you know the crime Indeed Happened to you yeah so many of These
0:32:25.850,0:32:28.780
Istanbul Abuse victims are
0:32:30.260,0:32:32.710
ptsd and They are really
0:32:33.290,0:32:38.920
Traumatized as if They had Seen someone Get Shot in you know a war
0:32:40.310,0:32:43.899
This is something That The police and our Friends don’t really
0:32:44.180,0:32:50.950
Understand Right Is is this is not visible on the outside Rus is not a Black Eye and yet
0:32:51.770,0:32:58.690
can’t Eat can’t Sleep don’t trust you know afraid to go outside right it’s it’s a
0:32:59.120,0:33:02.050
form of ptsd Called Complex ptsd
0:33:03.290,0:33:05.859
and the difference is that in ptsd
0:33:06.710,0:33:10.359
you have a particular traumatic event That
0:33:11.480,0:33:17.230
Creates That Impact on your psyche It alters how your Mind Relates
0:33:18.560,0:33:21.849
When You experience coercive control
0:33:23.240,0:33:25.100
then you also
0:33:25.100,0:33:27.790
Have Those Impacts on your psyche and
0:33:28.340,0:33:30.340
Interestingly in a
0:33:30.380,0:33:32.410
Violent rape You’re Raped Once
0:33:33.170,0:33:35.170
In a rape
0:33:35.390,0:33:37.960
By Fraud or a Sexual assault by Fraud
0:33:38.750,0:33:40.750
you might be
0:33:41.120,0:33:45.910
Sexually Violated multiple Times you don’t recognize it at The time
0:33:46.430,0:33:49.419
But Once You recognize it all of Those
0:33:50.030,0:33:52.479
All of that intimacy that you
0:33:53.000,0:33:54.620
Experienced as love
0:33:54.620,0:33:56.620
Comes back And
0:33:57.590,0:33:59.590
Watch You upside the face
0:34:00.200,0:34:02.349
and and you’re Now Dealing With
0:34:03.170,0:34:07.149
It could Be Weeks It could Be Months It could Be Years of
0:34:07.850,0:34:09.050
Treachery
0:34:09.050,0:34:12.459
and It creates complex ptsd a
0:34:15.590,0:34:17.090
Lot of
0:34:17.090,0:34:24.729
People are looking for solutions on getting That and Certainly starting with a doctor Certainly starting with a
0:34:25.580,0:34:30.160
Psychiatrist That’s going to diagnose You and Help You really Uncoil
0:34:30.740,0:34:33.550
The Mess Because It Isn’t
0:34:34.090,0:34:41.410
a bad breakup that you won’t get oh right It is something that you do Need Help for so that You understand
0:34:41.840,0:34:45.069
YouR role and don’t let That Happen again
0:34:45.560,0:34:53.110
You Understand There are People Out there like This and how to protect Yourself Right That’s something That They need
0:34:53.300,0:34:59.830
Maybe Some antidepressants or something welcome do get an antidepressant in order to to get over the the
0:35:00.290,0:35:05.560
Immediacy Of The Despair and Depression That You feel mm-Hmm and
0:35:06.020,0:35:08.320
They’re even Therapists that do not
0:35:09.290,0:35:11.290
Comprehend
0:35:11.480,0:35:13.480
Narcissistic victim Syndrome
0:35:13.760,0:35:19.420
If you go on the website of dr. Christine Lee de Canon Ville
0:35:20.390,0:35:22.960
She’s an advocate for getting
0:35:23.540,0:35:28.450
narcissistic victim syndrome in Dsm but a Lot of
0:35:28.940,0:35:34.089
a lot of Therapists don’t really Understand The impacts of
0:35:35.510,0:35:42.610
Narcissistic abuse on a person so you can Go to a therapist but make sure that the therapist that you
0:35:43.040,0:35:49.779
Interview That therapist before You before You pour your heart out make sure that They Number one
0:35:50.330,0:35:52.509
Have Experience With Complex ptsd
0:35:53.750,0:35:55.580
There are
0:35:55.580,0:35:57.580
Methodologies today
0:35:57.710,0:36:05.230
That Therapists use Emdr tapping different Things That They can do that Will Help Get you on the road to recovery
0:36:06.830,0:36:12.610
Antidepressants Is Certainly One of them and i encourage everyone to seek the aid of The therapist gonna Try and medicate Yourself
0:36:13.640,0:36:18.999
Don’t use Alcohol it’S a depressant don’t use drugs You’ll create more of a problem for Yourself
0:36:19.460,0:36:23.020
Find a Good therapist Who Understands complex ptsd
0:36:23.720,0:36:27.400
Who understands coercive control and narcissistic Behavior
0:36:27.890,0:36:32.109
In order to get Yourself back on the road to recovery yeah it’s so important
0:36:32.630,0:36:35.650
My own personal Experience Was a Therapist That
0:36:36.200,0:36:40.579
I love Dearly But he did not know about Narcissus of Years and
0:36:41.310,0:36:46.789
he lived Through My Horrific divorce Which Was with My Narcissus Husband
0:36:47.010,0:36:54.320
He lived through My mother who passed away and Actually treated her and she Was a Narcissist and
0:36:54.750,0:36:56.750
Lived Through This guy so
0:36:57.180,0:36:59.070
It was really a
0:36:59.070,0:37:03.919
Disservice to me because i was Throwing life Lights i Was like Help me
0:37:04.170,0:37:08.240
Me i don’t understand Why is this happening to me why is it happening again
0:37:08.579,0:37:14.419
And The Answer to that question Very Simply is because you’re an empathetic. Human Being
0:37:15.750,0:37:19.760
you Have the Brain Chemistry of attachment mm-Hmm
0:37:20.390,0:37:22.430
That Works Well and
0:37:23.280,0:37:26.359
and People Who are predators
0:37:27.240,0:37:28.770
Look for
0:37:28.770,0:37:34.969
Empathy in a Human being and They can spot You across a Crowded Room oh Goody and
0:37:35.700,0:37:42.139
You Need to understand When you’re an empathetic person but there are People Who will undermine you
0:37:42.599,0:37:46.549
And Learn Boundaries i think you know iF something Doesn’t Feel right it’s
0:37:47.190,0:37:50.899
Scott I’M putting them Up for the first time in my life Which is really
0:37:51.359,0:37:54.919
Important he’ll good for you yeah so let’s Talk about um
0:37:55.500,0:38:00.709
Changing The laws How can People do this because i would love to take This to colorado and
0:38:01.470,0:38:03.390
Do as much as we can to
0:38:03.390,0:38:09.020
Reach The Right People on i know your new books about that and When is it coming Out well i would love for you to
0:38:09.020,0:38:11.020
Take It to colorado
0:38:11.040,0:38:14.209
and i hoped that The new book Which is
0:38:15.420,0:38:17.310
Combating romance Scams
0:38:17.310,0:38:19.939
Will be coming Out on november 1st i
0:38:20.579,0:38:23.389
hope Cross My fingers Working Hard to do That
0:38:24.210,0:38:25.440
And
0:38:25.440,0:38:29.750
Basically i wrote It because you know i’ve Advocated for This
0:38:30.660,0:38:33.109
For This law to be passed for Many Many Years
0:38:34.230,0:38:39.349
It’s Now Been three Years since my original book came Out and i’ve
0:38:40.260,0:38:42.829
Heard All The Naysaying i’ve Heard all the?
0:38:43.530,0:38:46.759
contradictory Information I’ve Been Involved in
0:38:47.670,0:38:51.009
The Duction of The law in new Jersey that didn’t make it
0:38:51.679,0:38:57.699
And i understand What has to be in that law in order for it to pass
0:38:59.449,0:39:03.849
We As a Nation As a Society Have to get on the same page?
0:39:04.670,0:39:09.609
We have to have a Consistent Law Consistent language consistent Understanding?
0:39:10.309,0:39:16.899
and That’s Why i’ve put It together in a book so that Whether you’re in colorado or you’re in
0:39:17.209,0:39:19.479
California or You’re in mississippi or Massachusetts
0:39:21.199,0:39:26.409
Everywhere You Go we’ll have a law That stipulates and gets this done
0:39:27.309,0:39:35.288
and That that Was the purpose of my writing this book It provides the language for the law It provides all of The Supports
0:39:35.449,0:39:37.449
for Why this Law Should
0:39:38.179,0:39:41.109
Exist It Also Helps People recognize
0:39:41.660,0:39:43.809
What they can do to stay safe and
0:39:44.299,0:39:51.488
What to do if It happens to you there’s Who are we talking to you to make a Change your your legislators
0:39:51.619,0:39:54.758
Have to make That change in Every state?
0:39:55.549,0:40:00.458
Well Let me give you a New York for an Example we have an Assembly and we Have a senate and
0:40:01.339,0:40:05.379
The Bill has to actually be introduced in both Houses
0:40:06.380,0:40:09.130
It can’t Just Be Introduced in the assembly and
0:40:09.920,0:40:14.319
Automatically Pass in the senate has to be introduced both Places okay
0:40:15.589,0:40:18.818
It would Be Helpful if People Read the book and
0:40:20.029,0:40:26.079
Contacted me okay anybody can Contact me on Stop romance Scams at yahoo.com
0:40:27.829,0:40:32.258
When i hear from People in any state i can Put People Together
0:40:33.529,0:40:36.609
Because The more People that have
0:40:37.729,0:40:45.099
Encountered This problem in a State then Go to the legislators with This law With this book love that Right
0:40:45.289,0:40:52.059
That’s how we’re going to combat It we’re going to group People Together in the individual States Because Penal code is
0:40:53.420,0:40:58.730
Enacted State By State okay so we’re going to group People together in Every They They’re gonna
0:40:59.010,0:41:06.739
Read the book They’re gonna go to their legislators They’re gonna Say Read this book Here’s My story Here’s My story Here’s my Story
0:41:07.140,0:41:09.919
We want this law Passed What are you gonna do about it
0:41:10.770,0:41:13.189
And is it good to do it Now little
0:41:13.440,0:41:19.550
Pre-Election or Should We Just Wait so we see who gets in so yeah with this Election coming Up They’ll make a commitment
0:41:19.550,0:41:22.789
To so we Should We Should Make Both Sides promise then yeah
0:41:23.490,0:41:26.419
That Would be a Good thing but coming up in november
0:41:27.240,0:41:29.330
Unfortunately The book is coming Out on
0:41:29.730,0:41:36.169
Hopefully November 1st It Doesn’t give you much time to make appointments with true but you know what the World is full of
0:41:36.690,0:41:41.090
People That are making YouTube videos the Other World is full of People Watching
0:41:41.550,0:41:45.469
YouTube Videos on all of This Kind of romance Scam
0:41:46.410,0:41:48.000
Narcissistic Views
0:41:48.000,0:41:53.449
Codependency There’s it’s it’s Just Like a Tornado everything Is coming to a head and
0:41:54.600,0:41:56.490
Everyone is Demanding
0:41:56.490,0:42:03.140
Help Right and Allah and i want to Say Vengeance but it’S it’s more like justice
0:42:03.480,0:42:05.480
Justice Where do we
0:42:05.910,0:42:10.250
Someone Please Listen to me and i think What you’re doing is so
0:42:10.620,0:42:15.649
Amazing Thank you and i am so thankful that You came and did this interview and
0:42:16.350,0:42:18.380
Where can they find you on your website
0:42:19.020,0:42:26.659
My Blog Address the url is stop raped by Fraud calm okay
0:42:27.330,0:42:33.890
All right Well The ladies and Gentlemen This has Been Joy short and tracy Malone and
0:42:34.290,0:42:40.459
We are really grateful That She’s Given us this information is there anything else that You want to add One of the
0:42:40.740,0:42:44.870
problems That We Have in Society Today is that People
0:42:45.510,0:42:52.040
Think of sex as an entitlement When in fact it’s a privilege and that sense of Entitlement
0:42:52.680,0:42:54.680
Enables them to
0:42:55.230,0:43:00.709
induce sex by any means possible Including Lying in order to get laid
0:43:02.890,0:43:05.760
Lying to get laid i love that title
0:43:06.730,0:43:09.990
Alright Girl Thank you so much for Joining Us and
0:43:10.570,0:43:13.919
We are going to continue your Work if you are a YouTube
0:43:14.350,0:43:19.949
Watch her of my Channel or anyone else’s and you Would like to contact Joyce
0:43:20.680,0:43:22.680
we’ll put a Link down Below and
0:43:23.260,0:43:26.550
We’ll make you have access to her website her blog and?
0:43:26.859,0:43:33.029
anyThing Else we Can Give You that you might make a change where you live Thank you so much thank you
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