There are so many ways to explain forgiveness, like love we all know them differently.
Please buy Cliff Edwards book the forgiveness handbook
Transcription:
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For there, this is tracy and today. I’m going to talk about forgiveness
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forgiveness of a narcissist is
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probably one of the hardest things that any of us will ever have to do and we all struggle with forgiveness and
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it has different meanings for all of us and
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very many misconceptions
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because I
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Think a lot of people think that when you forgive someone
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That you are condoning their actions you’re saying okay? I forgive you and
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That’s not true. We don’t have to condone what they’ve done what they’ve done is horrific
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And we will never ever forget what they have done
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But forgiveness if miss is all I’ve heard this my whole life forgiveness isn’t about you. It’s about them. Oh
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Wait, take that back
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I’ve heard this my whole life
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Forgiveness, isn’t about them. It’s about you. How you move on and I?
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was
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misunderstood that and I’d like to clarify that a little bit for you because
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forgiveness is about us and
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It is not about
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forgiving or
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forgetting
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What they’ve done there’s there’s no part of forgiveness that says you forget what they’ve done because that is absolutely
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Wrong we should never forget, but what we should
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Forget is the anger and the hurt and all of that that stays inside of our body
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Because we didn’t forget. We didn’t forgive, and I don’t know about you
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I did in a little worksheet with my meetup group this week when I talked about forgiveness and
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um I
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Gave everybody a little sheet for them to fill out and I asked them to write down
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One the sheet that they get to go home with it has many different fields for them
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But take five minutes and write down one person and one thing
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that you struggle to forget someone for and
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Everyone said around the room and did it and then I?
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Asked them to see how they felt and I encourage you to do the same same like
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Exercise how do you feel when you’ve written that down right? It’s for everyone in the group including myself it just brought up these like
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Feeling in your stomach that tightness in your throat the you know shaking
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Whatever it is it brings that back up
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And that is what forgiveness can do is release the emotional triggers that are attached to
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that effect and
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What I have learned in studying
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forgiveness for this last month in order to create this class for my my students or my members and
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was that
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we
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can
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forgive
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to release this
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Attachment because that’s what we do. It’s attached every single time. It’s a trigger you get that same feeling inside your stomach and you’re like
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I’m doing it so you get
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you you get it, and it hurts and it brings up confusion and Anger and hurt and and just like
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or II you get so pissed off wouldn’t be nice if
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They didn’t have that control over you
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to
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do that to you any longer and
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In my meeting I had everybody read little quotes. I passed around randomly and
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What they were?
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Purposefully done is to show that there’s so many different ways of forgiveness and looking at it
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There’s the spiritual forgiveness. There’s the buddha forgiveness, they’re
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You know do it for you not for them. There’s all kinds of things
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But I’m going to read a couple that. I had written on here that I thought were really meaningful, so I’m go the glass is
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Forgiveness doesn’t excuse the behavior
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Forgiveness prevents their behavior from destroying your heart does that make sense?
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forgiveness Liberates the soul it removes fear
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and that’s why it’s such a powerful weapon, and that was written by Nelson Mandela the
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Weak can never forgive it’s an attribute of this charm
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And that’s from Gandhi
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These are really really
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meaningful quotes
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Because it’s not letting them off the hook. It’s showing us to stop thinking of it that way
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This is again it is for us it’s for us to
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Cut that top cut that away from them
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There’s one forgiveness is the meaning of grace
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The Grace to Love yourself enough to be willing
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To put trust in releasing the pain attached to whatever stuff
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I wrote shit happen to you, and this is for you not for them and
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When you forgive you heal when you let go you grow?
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Unexpressed emotions limit your life, and it is time to heal
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according to Merriam-Webster’s dictionary
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Forgiveness is to give up resentment of claim to requital
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Has the second part to it?
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To cease to feel resentment against an offender
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We read that again
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To cease to feel resentment
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against an offender
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So you’re just releasing?
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The resentment and that oh
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It’s going to come and choke you and and and hurt you every time you think about that if you’re releasing
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The resentment that is a better word can we come up with a word for that?
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forgiveness is kind of rated over talked about and
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confusing, right
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especially when we have dealt with things that are unforgivable I
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Played video, so I suggest that you do this. I played videos for my group
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To open up the class, and I showed them excerpts of Tedx talks on forgiveness. I have a
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YouTube channel since you’re here now. You probably can find it. I have a playlist on for goodness and
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All of these Tedx talks, I think I flagged four or five of them
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They were pretty horrific things that people had
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to forgive a
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Man, whose Grandson was murdered?
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Became friends with the father of the man of the boy that murdered his son
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that’s
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Ultimate forgiveness that is the unforgivable you killed my child
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But as he said in his Tedx talk there were
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I’m sorry someone else talked about the situation in the Tedx talk there were victims on both sides of the gun and
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so in finding forgiveness
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they were able to go together and help so many people and
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another one of the examples was a woman who’s
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was hit by a car and lost her leg and it took her 15 years of
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all that built-up anger inside
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to
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reach out and talk to this person and
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She found out that all of this anger
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Was only hurting herself?
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This person had been living a life of hell ever since he hit her and she lost her leg
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He’d lost his wife. He dealt with anger issues and his life was never the same and
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these are
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extenuating circumstances of forgiveness
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the last one that I
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Love is a woman named Doris Roberts whose son
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went in and killed all of the children and in amish
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School and this was many years ago, but this woman came to my church a few years ago and talked about how
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the night of the shooting the
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Amish people came in their wagon to forgive her and
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She has spent the last 10 15 years
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Um being a part of that community being a family
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Being a mother to the one girl that didn’t die, but was handicapped for the rest of her life
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That’s ultimate forgiveness
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Her son killed all those people oh
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it’s not her that did it but she held that burden and
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when the amish people forgave
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her
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it opened her life up to heal others and
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so what I’m encouraging you to do is to think about this thought and
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The next question is well. How do you forgive because?
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That motherfucker did all this stuff
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This is what happened in my life financially ruined me you know you get really angry when you think about well
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this is what happened to me and
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Yes, it is
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But why would we hold on to that for the 15 years that are going to come and steal tomorrow?
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forgiveness is one of the the
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Tedx Talkers talked about is about keeping up the hope for a better past
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You can’t change the past
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She also said in that Tedx talk that
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It’s it’s a way to deal with all the knows in your life. I wanted a better family
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I got no I wanted a better husband. I got no
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all of these things are things
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That we’ve had to deal with and we can
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forgive the situation
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Here’s my bit of advice. Do not go forgiving them to their face trust me. I got arrested for that
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don’t
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Think that this has to be something that is communicated to them at all. This is a bond between you and the spirit world
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This is a bond between whoever your God is whoever you
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believe in and
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if you believe in yourself its bond to yourself to
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Be free of that
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Each that comes into your stomach when you think about it the trigger as you walk by that
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from that you used to go to where that’s where he proposed it all comes back to us and how do we
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help the world
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Our own world is just try this. I mean. It’s like a pill. I give you a pill and said here you go
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You’ll be better now would you take it?
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probably
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This is a pill. It’s worth tying and how do we do it I?
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Have that written down – there. We go all right
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This is written from a book I should have had it out in front of me
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But is by a man named cliff edwards
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I’ll put the link down below so that you can buy it it is an amazing book and
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How to forgive he writes you simply make a choice and acknowledge the emotions and feelings and let them go
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you consciously decide to shift your perspective and to release the judgments the negative feelings and
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Victimizing interpretations when something happens tell yourself, I don’t need to get upset about this
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And turn this big thing that ruins your day
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Wipe it off your shoulder like it’s a bug. I think I made this up. I don’t think it’s in class, but I added it
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But choose not to let it destroy you
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but just
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It’s just a flip of a switch for us
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acknowledge that
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This has happened, and I know that for those of you that still have to deal with your narcissus. I’m asking a lot here
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But I’m doing it for you. I’m doing it so that you
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Can have a better life from this day forward it’s not easy
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And it’s not a one-time thing you’re going to do it over and over and over every time you get here every single thing that
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You see every
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Whatever it was it’s a trigger. You’re going to get that feeling
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Acknowledge it and tell it to go away
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tell it
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Thank you, but you know I’m not going to hold onto that
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Yeah, it was yesterday. I can do anything about it, but I’m not going to let it room today today
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I’m going to be happy and today. I am going to
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live in this place to Forget and I
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Know I’m working on it, and I’m sure many days that it shoots back into my stomach and I go crazy
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but for now, I choose to forgive my offenders and
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not for them
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and unless they watch this video stalkers that they are they probably are but
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unless they watch the video
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They are never going to know but the important part is
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That I am never going to let another moment of my day
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Be spoiled it might hook me. I might be triggered, but I’m going to say no I’m going to
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purposefully turn away and say
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My shoulder bug you’re annoying me
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This is great. Hm. I’ve never been to my website
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Go to Narcissist abuse support calm. I’ve got lots of resources
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Local meetups that are wherever they are in the united states if you do not have one in your state contact me
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I will teach you how to set one up. I will help you guide you and do whatever I can
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Because when you set up a group you are going to be amazed at the people that you will help so
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Go to my site. We’ve got resources. I’m also looking for writers
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If somebody wants to write some good blog stories on narcissists. I would be happy to
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Look at them and let’s see
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Subscribe to my channel. I really appreciate that this is tracy, and that’s all I got have a great day
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