This is the first steps you need to do when you find out you are getting a divorce.
The first steps that we wanna talk about in divorce the first thing you need to do right now is just don’t panic. Tell me, I know your world is collapsing right now and it’s so easy to go into freeze mode, because you’re gonna experience betrayal, her anger and mostly confusion by the brining Fuck that you have just experienced, or about you expect the worst when you’re dealing with a or because they have no empathy for you, they’re done. I don’t know if it’s forty years that you’ve been together. A normal person, a father, a mother, a wife, or husband would look at that time together and be king.
They would protect their children, in you, but the ordeals nothing that’s gonna shock you over and over and over again, and are gonna be re-victimized. But the act and the tricks and the lack of emotion that’s going to be through on your way in the coming months.
Having to defend yourself gets basal “legations is gonna bring up fears but eventually acceptance to know that your life will be okay. It’s never gonna be the same, but in time to look back and realize you’ll be okay and you’ve just been spared from health. The journey out of How is not easy, whether you’re ready or not, change is coming me.
I was in shock, I was a mess, and very much blindsided or scared of the future. Three, I was here to being alone were scared of the unknown, and I never even envisioned the crap that was coming.
Divorces, hard under a normal basis. I had already been through one to port, so it was my choice and it wasn’t easy. But divorcing a AR is different. Protecting yourself, maybe you have to anticipate, react and be first, if you haven’t already filed for divorce or he hasn’t filed 1st, that is your best defense that is your best thing because now you are the plaintiff and you don’t have to defend yourself, protect your assets, your bank accounts, your valuable items, your jewellery, electronics. Take a video of everything in your house, walk around and talk as you’re taking a video with your phone. And the reason is that your partner might very well have you locked out of the house? I was locked out of my house for two days a week during my first divorce, and he had to be on for two days, it was a really weird thing known as ever heard of this before, but he wasn’t a narcissist, but he did pick up a whole lot of things when I was away for those two days and they were never found again.
No set China for Tony and things like that I want you to change your email passwords. K-K. you don’t know if they knew it, maybe have the same old one that you always used. If they have that on their machine, or they have access to it, they can access the information that you might be sending to your lawyer to set up a new Gmail account and use that strictly for your lawyer. You don’t want what you’re gonna send by email, back and forth your lawyer to get into the hands of the narcissist because as he has done so many times before, everything that you tell him, will be used against you and this time it really is in a court of law.
If you have a safe to paradox, I am to move everything that you have into it and do some more safe. A mother’s house, or a friends maybe even your lawyer’s office.
I am in my safe deposit box. And just as my lawyer had told me to do, and they did exactly what my lawyer said was going to happen, they had a sheriff come and demand to open the safety POSIX and since I had taken everything out, they did manage to put one thing in which unfortunately, he didn’t get to see, but I did, and it made me happy. It’s awesome. I put a picture from our wedding in his tuxedo. Where he’s giving the photographer, a finger, and I took that picture, out of our wedding album and I put it in the safety “Palafox for them to find that was awesome.
Thinking, or you to set up your own bank account, with no paper to those statements to your house to everything, electronic way, you’re gonna have to disclose this to the court and the financials you do not on your getting his hand on this knowledge or to have any information about this, it can account until he has to think about stating some cash I go. That sounds like who has cash and how do you get it and all that every single thing on your financials, by taking out by thousand dollars out of your savings account right now, they’re gonna know when you disclose all our finances, but if you can state some cash and put it away again, not safety boombox but put it somewhere safe and if you don’t have access to cash in about like a credit line or a cash advance on a credit card to get out of your joint “iosif you have to to protect yourself many divorces from a narcissist end up where the nurse feels that they’re entitled and they clear out the account. First, my layer advised me to remove money from our safe deposit from our savings account and I moved it into an account, and then the lawyers put it into a trust so that it was protected.
We told the judge exactly what we were doing and disclosed it, and it was being protected the entire bars.
They used. The fact that he did this every time that I was some sort of major fief but my lawyer would show statements that we hadn’t touched it, it or is going to take this as a defensive act and they’re gonna get angry. It’s really, really important that you tell your lawyer exactly what you took, and if you have to pull some money out, keep really good records on the cleared out our savings account. It was right after he got in a large bonus, but I never touched it until he got fired or best man, I don’t think so um, so that he didn’t have to pay temporary support when the judge, he was in contempt of court about four, five times for not doing what the judge told him to, he didn’t pay that temporary support in the judge ordered him ordered me to take out the money that I needed to pay the mortgage and the bills in low of him paying with the support that he now claimed he couldn’t get so do that good precaution. I want you to go get a lawyer and get to a lawyer. You don’t have to hire one yet, but interview a few of them, you should be having a free consultation. And I have a really good secret that I’m gonna put in my using the city or a video, which I think I might make today, but look at that video now I’ll put a link down here when I do publish it, because I’ve kinda fall. Could see God in picking a good beer. I want you to find a counselor. Your life is going to be under coaster of emotions and crazy stuff is gonna happen, and nobody is going to believe you, it’s so important that you get help. The nurses goal is to take you down. You gotta understand that because you’ve been married to this person for a long time, but you’re gonna need support and if you’re like me, I didn’t have the funds to pay for a counselor, and I was so scared. If you can’t afford to counselor look into town services.
Call the national support hotline see if there’s anything that you can do. I just finished a tenderly course with our ten weeks of counseling with a Domestic Abuse Counselor. She was great. It’s from an organization called span as Pan-safe with Progressive Alliance. I’m not sure they offer free counseling legal advice, and I can’t tell you how much that helped me. So get some help. If you have a university in your area, you can reach out to them because, very often, they have mastered level students that are supervised by professionals and you can get free help.
Your friends and your family are certainly people that you need to turn to you. But for me, after seven trials and all the crap that always being put through I needed more help.
My friends didn’t have the tools to help me. The way an object a person that knows the behaviors of a narcissist, you might not know that you’re with a nurses is now… but if things are getting really weird and you’re seeing what buck just happened, you probably are with Mark. I didn’t know but see if you can find a counselor specializes in PTSD divorce and maybe even a specialist that deals with understanding of Marais call that National Heart line.
You don’t even know but your life as a detective has just begun.
Your life of having to defend yourself against fault allegation has just become self-care and care for your children as your mission now allow yourself to let things go and your flight you won’t be able to get as much done as before divorce, things are gonna run your life right now, but your future your very existence is going to be affected by what you do right now to be kind to yourself and don’t beat yourself up. Every thing’s not gonna get done right now right now, you and the kids, that’s important.
And then of course, watching my next divorce with you if you haven’t already started the process, I’ve got some great tips.