How to heal from Narcissist Abuse – Healing Tips

Subscribe in a reader

I made this video after reading an article on the Elephant Journal ? ?. This is an overview of a must read today article I encourage you to look up the article and read the amazing words written by Rebecca Lammesen the article title is – 18 Relationship Red Flags Every Woman Should Know.

 

Transcription:

0:00:01.569,0:00:08.549
Hello, this is tracy um tonight. I am going to do sort of a thing that I’m

0:00:09.790,0:00:16.859
Leaning towards doing more as I read things and learn things. I want to share [this] with the community that

0:00:18.730,0:00:22.199
all of you that are in different places of your

0:00:23.410,0:00:27.420
healing process over narcissist abuse elephant Journal Com

0:00:28.539,0:00:30.010
it is a

0:00:30.010,0:00:31.269
mindfulness

0:00:31.269,0:00:33.599
Sort of a huffington post of

0:00:35.230,0:00:39.299
Mindfulness articles, and so there’s things that are on relationships there are

0:00:40.000,0:00:41.050
just

0:00:41.050,0:00:48.090
Spirituality in general and everything kind of tied in that whole picture, so if you haven’t checked it out definitely

0:00:49.120,0:00:50.160
Going on to it

0:00:50.160,0:00:55.529
and you’ll find some very interesting articles my friend [luzelle] who I’ve made some videos with

0:00:55.840,0:00:58.499
she’s got a bunch of articles posted there as well, so

0:01:00.219,0:01:03.628
Today, I’m today. I was reading an article that is

0:01:04.479,0:01:06.479
called 18

0:01:06.729,0:01:12.269
relationship Red Flags every Woman should Know by Rebecca [lamb] [anson] and

0:01:14.530,0:01:17.339
I’d like to paraphrase her her

0:01:18.549,0:01:23.219
Article a bit but point you to it to go read it. I’ll put a link down below

0:01:24.700,0:01:29.339
Go and look at this article because I’m just going to give you some of the top

0:01:30.460,0:01:37.409
Points of each one [of] her 18 things that she’s written about I love her quotes. I love the things she’s saying and

0:01:38.320,0:01:44.549
While she’s not addressing it as a narcissist type of bad red flag thing

0:01:46.090,0:01:54.030
Everything she said is everything that we have learned about narcissus now her article points. This is about women

0:01:54.909,0:01:57.239
dating men but men

0:01:58.689,0:02:01.919
Same thing goes back and forth as I read this to you, so

0:02:02.590,0:02:08.160
Our first line opens up with something that I’m going to quote directly which says their experience. I’ve learned

0:02:08.709,0:02:12.089
What I am willing to accept and what I am [not]

0:02:12.730,0:02:15.480
Right that is where we want to be?

0:02:16.900,0:02:18.900
awesome

0:02:19.450,0:02:22.500
Everything she said is so close to everything

0:02:23.470,0:02:29.729
We now know so I’m just gonna give you a her 18 little points and point you there to elephant Journal to

0:02:30.310,0:02:32.310
read the Rest I

0:02:33.370,0:02:38.520
Just wanted to share before that one point this beautiful sunflower look

0:02:39.220,0:02:41.140
You see how pretty it is

0:02:41.140,0:02:42.340
all

0:02:42.340,0:02:44.340
pinking and Wild colors I

0:02:44.860,0:02:49.860
Painted the other day. Yeah, I picked the dead ones and then I painted it

0:02:50.620,0:02:53.519
There you go pinter’s I’ve got an idea for ya okay

0:02:53.709,0:03:00.509
So um the first thing that she said and the first red flag that we should watch out for is that um

0:03:00.820,0:03:02.820
The relationship is one sided

0:03:03.430,0:03:06.989
And if you find that you have done

0:03:07.630,0:03:09.630
more than your share if

0:03:09.970,0:03:15.419
In the beginning this person that you were with these are paraphrasing only her title there is what she said

0:03:15.420,0:03:20.940
But I want to discuss these points, and I want you to eat her article anyway um

0:03:22.269,0:03:24.269
when you’re doing everything and

0:03:25.660,0:03:33.299
They’re not pulling their weight then it’s an indication that is a lopsided affair right it. It’s not right

0:03:34.720,0:03:39.149
Did they introduce you to their family and their friends?

0:03:39.790,0:03:42.269
because that’s a one-sided thing rate, so

0:03:43.480,0:03:45.690
with their unwillingness to share

0:03:48.730,0:03:52.200
Love never with holds and they are withholding

0:03:54.190,0:03:56.190
That’s number one

0:03:56.880,0:04:00.919
Number two is that he waits till the last minute to commit to a plan?

0:04:02.160,0:04:04.999
if they cannot make a plan with you or

0:04:05.850,0:04:07.850
Commit some kind of time

0:04:08.910,0:04:14.749
Maybe they’ve actually used the excuse. I live in the moment. This is a direct quote from her

0:04:16.530,0:04:19.010
real men make plans while honoring

0:04:20.340,0:04:23.420
the moment that they are in remember that

0:04:25.860,0:04:29.479
Number three have you ever actually been on a real date

0:04:30.600,0:04:34.700
Sometimes you’re just hanging out you know Chillin staying back at your house

0:04:34.770,0:04:39.109
let’s watch movies and cuddle up because I just want to be with you and

0:04:40.800,0:04:42.480
then

0:04:42.480,0:04:46.969
They’re not planning ahead there. They used to write for me

0:04:46.970,0:04:53.839
I look back at my to narcissus and they used to plan my ex-husband would plan the most amazing trips

0:04:53.840,0:04:57.770
and it didn’t matter if we were going on a picnic in the woods or

0:04:58.440,0:05:00.210
if we were

0:05:00.210,0:05:01.590
like

0:05:01.590,0:05:06.020
Going to broadway. He made the effort and in the end now that I look back

0:05:07.530,0:05:12.859
He stopped that a long time ago, and I have to plan everything I had to do everything

0:05:13.650,0:05:15.650
So we go back to number one which is

0:05:16.200,0:05:18.559
Uneven Volunteer, that’s it

0:05:20.010,0:05:22.010
number 44

0:05:22.500,0:05:24.500
Play what’s that

0:05:27.039,0:05:30.868
She said only accept a man who is sensuous than patient?

0:05:32.979,0:05:38.428
He will make a lover for a lifetime because it isn’t about his penis. It’s about you

0:05:43.209,0:05:45.209
red Flag number five

0:05:46.929,0:05:48.929
He doesn’t have any close friendships

0:05:49.749,0:05:53.909
She says he should have to close friends, or it’s a red flag

0:05:54.669,0:05:58.648
And not the school friends Facebook friends

0:05:59.979,0:06:03.778
Shady characters like you’ve heard of them, but you’ve never actually met them

0:06:04.360,0:06:07.259
maybe they have like a shrine of

0:06:07.809,0:06:11.009
Postcard saying look this person thinks I’m special

0:06:12.189,0:06:15.389
To show you that they are someone’s friend

0:06:17.740,0:06:22.979
You have to see it you have to watch how they react because if you don’t

0:06:26.229,0:06:31.859
she said a friend is a indicator of how he’ll treat you and

0:06:36.990,0:06:39.199
How you do one thing is how you do everything

0:06:43.409,0:06:46.519
Number six he won’t introduce you to his family

0:06:47.159,0:06:48.719
Nuff said

0:06:48.719,0:06:51.349
He’s screaming that you are not important

0:06:52.080,0:06:57.020
meeting the family is absolutely critical to understand his foundation and

0:06:59.789,0:07:02.269
If he’s not showing you his family

0:07:03.539,0:07:09.619
Then he’s not serious. He’s not ready to own you

0:07:10.469,0:07:15.469
At any level like wife doesn’t matter any level

0:07:17.129,0:07:19.110
This one’s a gate on

0:07:19.110,0:07:23.090
if he’s a slob remember guys could be for girl too, but um

0:07:23.939,0:07:25.968
This was written for women

0:07:26.729,0:07:30.258
if there’s like dishes in the sink and food and

0:07:31.139,0:07:34.249
garbage around the house if the bathrooms are disgusting

0:07:36.029,0:07:38.029
that

0:07:38.069,0:07:40.309
this is only going to be a reflection of

0:07:40.379,0:07:45.109
How he’s going to be and you’re going to have to be his maid for the rest of your life

0:07:47.610,0:07:54.889
Having a partner should make you make your life cleaner and not dirtier. You’re not a maid

0:07:57.569,0:08:02.838
On the dirty filthy thing 3x was so disgusting that

0:08:03.509,0:08:05.509
his bathroom was

0:08:05.879,0:08:06.899
I

0:08:06.899,0:08:12.859
Couldn’t even shower there. I would have to clean which is probably why he had me stayed there whenever he needed a really good cleaning

0:08:13.529,0:08:18.559
Every time I show up dishes all over the counter food left out

0:08:19.409,0:08:22.489
It was horrifying. I’m surprised he even had bugs

0:08:23.939,0:08:25.919
number 8

0:08:25.919,0:08:28.968
He gets up and leaves during an argument

0:08:30.930,0:08:33.079
this means he doesn’t know how to cope and

0:08:35.760,0:08:38.929
unconditional love remains present at all times

0:08:39.990,0:08:43.430
There is always a way to get through an argument or a fight

0:08:44.219,0:08:46.219
it just takes two people to

0:08:46.980,0:08:48.980
Commit it to listening to one another

0:08:50.090,0:08:51.950
I’m number gone

0:08:51.950,0:08:54.429
Yes, I’m reading this it’s a lot to read

0:08:55.610,0:08:58.869
Um I can’t say I love you number nine

0:08:59.300,0:09:04.509
If a man cannot express his love for you, then he does not love himself

0:09:06.530,0:09:14.199
Love is not a scoreboard and just because I said it now you have two is not really having someone. Love you

0:09:15.710,0:09:17.710
all right number [ten] is

0:09:18.620,0:09:20.620
everything that happens to him is

0:09:21.770,0:09:25.389
Everyone else’s fault. What was that sound like hello?

0:09:26.060,0:09:29.230
Narcissus we know this is you oh my God

0:09:31.100,0:09:34.869
Pay attention to how he describes people in his past

0:09:36.050,0:09:39.789
Does he blame others for the outcomes of his life?

0:09:40.970,0:09:42.970
Mmm. Does he have no accountability?

0:09:43.190,0:09:46.150
Is he insecure an immature?

0:09:46.940,0:09:49.420
It takes awareness and Maturity to accept

0:09:50.180,0:09:53.650
Responsibility and say I’m sorry or I forgive you

0:09:54.590,0:10:01.569
Grand I never heard this one, but she has number 11 adds that he’s an eye roller does he roll his eyes

0:10:02.600,0:10:06.609
an Avoid eye contact with [you] or smirks

0:10:08.000,0:10:12.040
This means that he’s not capable of loving and creating a safe

0:10:14.510,0:10:17.590
place for [you] and your love

0:10:18.950,0:10:20.950
number 12

0:10:22.970,0:10:30.850
He exaggerated omits and lies who does this sound like [I] am [telling] [you] she’s writing the nurses his hand book here

0:10:31.160,0:10:33.160
um

0:10:33.920,0:10:35.920
She said need I say more

0:10:36.620,0:10:41.560
He’s not honest, and there’s no room for dishonesty in love

0:10:42.200,0:10:44.200
no, not

0:10:46.709,0:10:49.999
Um how about this one? He doesn’t like to work. It can’t hold a job

0:10:51.180,0:10:55.640
it means that he’s got a lack of Commitment discipline and ambition a

0:10:58.260,0:11:00.260
Lazy man

0:11:01.620,0:11:08.239
Isn’t someone that you want and if he blames everyone else for it happening go back to that number?

0:11:09.390,0:11:14.929
Okay, how about this one? She called it number 14 is is he a hustler and

0:11:15.540,0:11:17.540
to me this described our

0:11:18.480,0:11:22.969
charming narcissus that we know of they’re always wheeling and dealing and

0:11:23.370,0:11:27.709
Kind of talking themselves in and out of things that just don’t seem quite right?

0:11:28.890,0:11:35.239
number 15 how would he doesn’t like kids or maybe he hasn’t spent a lot of time around children and

0:11:36.149,0:11:43.369
how a man acts in front of kids really reflects a lot about him so beware and

0:11:44.399,0:11:46.399
Observant

0:11:47.370,0:11:49.370
16

0:11:51.360,0:11:52.709
um

0:11:52.709,0:11:58.969
Dr.. Jekyll and Mr.. Hyde Syndrome does he switch personas yeah narcissus?

0:11:58.970,0:12:01.820
Yeah, does he put on a happy face in front of?

0:12:02.670,0:12:07.070
People smile and laugh and [Smooths] and does he flirt with women?

0:12:08.040,0:12:11.839
Boy, oh boy. I didn’t just like hello

0:12:12.600,0:12:17.269
Um but then when they get back home with you, they’re like

0:12:18.180,0:12:19.949
Sullen and

0:12:19.949,0:12:21.949
distracted and Withdrawn

0:12:24.449,0:12:30.769
16 this one is number 17 that their words do not match their actions and

0:12:32.250,0:12:34.729
They tell they can tell you all day [long] that they love you

0:12:34.730,0:12:39.409
They can just be you know so sweet and I used to get a love call

0:12:40.110,0:12:44.449
Like five times a day or text. This is even when I was married for [10] years

0:12:45.899,0:12:49.609
When holiday king I would have like all these little trinkets

0:12:50.190,0:12:54.550
Of love things love poems little books coupons. I mean

0:12:55.400,0:13:02.500
Daggers and things with love notes in it fortune cookies handmade with freaking things about me

0:13:04.190,0:13:08.109
Anyway, whatever there we go. So actions speak louder than words

0:13:10.070,0:13:14.169
[and] the last one you cry more than you laugh with them

0:13:15.470,0:13:19.300
Maybe don’t forget that [if] he doesn’t bring a smile to your [face]

0:13:20.030,0:13:23.259
Every single day, and if he’s not smiling back

0:13:24.110,0:13:26.259
It doesn’t matter who he is

0:13:38.190,0:13:40.190
you

 

Listen to my podcasts anytime by subscribing with your favorite provider!

playerfm

Print Friendly, PDF & Email