Transcription:
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Hi there this is Tracy and today, I’m going to answer the question
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Why are narcissists so cruel?
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Everybody always wants to know how can the person that they loved like turn on them like that?
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It’s it’s the part that like brain
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Confuses us you know good now of them swear that time
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It just confuses us as to the horrific discard the lies
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How this person that you’ve been with could possibly turn like yet one minute they love you the next minute
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They’re having you arrested so this article that I’m about to read you
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is
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Going to answer that question
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Okay well let’s kick this off today story. We are reading is called Marcus’s aren’t capable of something called object
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Constancy and that it helps explain why they’re so cruel to the people that they date
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It was written for the business insider in
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um
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August
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2017 by Lindsay Dodd skin
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The article starts off with a quote a meme if you would if a narcissist is angry with you
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They cannot see any of your good qualities
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anymore
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this photo credit goes to
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Adam sanchez de pedro a flicker graphic that she found for this article
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It’s normal to fight with your significant other but
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Narcissists can be incredibly cruel and threatening in heated situations
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This is because they cannot see you as someone that they love and
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Someone who has angered them at the same time?
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Something traumatic could have happened in their early life
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Meaning that they didn’t develop
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object
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constancy
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Narcissists cannot change so the best thing that you can do is
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to leave and protect yourself
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We’re all guilty of saying hurtful things in the heat of a moment
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Every relationship has its ups and downs
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Usually resulting in arguments, but these don’t necessarily mean that you’re going to break up
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When we worrell with our loved one most of us have the ability
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Not to do too much damage. This is because of something that’s called object constancy
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it basically means having the ability to
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Still have a positive
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Emotional bond with someone when you’re also feeling angry hurt disappointed with them
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It also means being able to feel emotionally connected to that person
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when they are not
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physically around you
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To most of us
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This is a given and we can move past the little things however to those with narcissistic personality
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disorder or people with psychopathic or
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sociopathic with narcissistic traits the negative feelings they have towards someone in the moment are
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all they can focus on
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If you date a narcissist chances are that they saw you as a worthy target
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Then they love bombed you into thinking that you are perfect much
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They target strong successful people to prey on
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Partly because they like the challenge, but partly because it makes them look good
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however
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when they start breaking down your spirit with their abusive gaslighting behavior they discard you suddenly and
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brutally
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People have been in a narcissistic abusive relationship often describe their partners having a jekyll-and-hyde behavior
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One moment they’re acting like everything is perfect, and you are the love of their life
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But then something switches and a monster appears in front of you. It was angry and cruel and
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threatening
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According to Shannon Thomas a therapist and the author of the book healing from hidden abuse
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Abusive people can switch between Jekyll and Hyde so easily because they never take any responsibility for their actions
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This is also why they were able to move on so quickly from seemingly
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Relationship ending arguments sometimes pretending that it didn’t happen at all
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It’s lacked lack of empathy and that
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Lack of attachment that they can just go on from one place to the next
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If nothing ever sticks to them if there’s no actual remorse no guilt of any kind
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Then it’s always and it’s always someone else’s fault I
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Like to describe them of Teflon the frying pan nothing sticks to them
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Nothing ever really is their responsibility
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It’s always projected out
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The lack of object constancy is that narcissists mind means they cannot cope with the idea
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That the person they are dating doesn’t actually fit into how their ideal mate should look like
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Or how they should think or behave?
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When they realize the person they are with is human with faults and imperfection
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Latch it. They move on to the next mark
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Leaving the other person confused and brokenhearted
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It is not known how someone becomes this way a
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Well respected sighted American psychologist margaret meyer
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Studied object constancy in infants in her work. She noticed that once a child starts to crawl
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Begins to understand that it is separate from its mother and it starts to enjoy and develop a sense of self
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The first object children learn is their mother and
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How all the different parts of her her voice her arms her ability to feed?
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all belong to the same being
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They’re also learned that when she leaves the room she will come back again
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However some children grow up at this part of their development being fragmented somehow
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The reasons for this are not well understood in psychology yet
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But both nature genetics and nurture parenting could play a role
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For example Mao wrote that if a child’s caretaker is abusive this can result in a defense mechanism
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In their psychology called splitting which could help explain
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Why some people grow up with the lack of object constancy and?
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Then become narcissists with the inability to have empathy for others in
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this situation the child needs to feel cared for
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Even though their parent isn’t supplying them with that so they repress the negative aspects of the object the mother
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So they can hold on to the positive ones
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In the child’s mind the idea of the mother is being preserved and destroyed at the same time
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According to psychiatrist Barry Branson in a blog post on Psychology Today
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This can result in
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dissociation from the situation
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This can happen in adulthood when the narcissist is under stress such as being in an argument with a significant other
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They disassociate from the positive feelings while they are experiencing the negative ones and vice versa
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seeing the other person as
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All good or all bad
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It’s similar to how a toddler has a temper tantrum
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Therapist
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Petron Inoue told Business Insider that the behavior of narcissist is abusive relationship is so insidious
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That victims stop respecting themselves
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Narcissus can never change
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She said and the best thing survivors can do is run far far away and get away from them as fast as you can
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You want to make sure you reclaim your life in a different way
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When you’re with a narcissist you stop doing things for yourself
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Because you don’t
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like doing things for yourself
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be really clear in your head that this person is a narcissist and
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Really, nothing can be done about it
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The only thing you can do is take care of yourself
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This is Tracy. I hope you enjoyed this article by Lindsay Dodson
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I’m going to be reading you some other really great ones that I keep finding, and I think that they’ll help us
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So have a great day everyone, and thank you Lindsey
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