How Could The Narcissist Be So Cruel Here Is Why….

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When a narcissist hits “angry” their brain can not associate anything but that anger, you might as well be someone that just killed their mother. The anger completely blocks out and feelings they had towards you.
This article was written by Lindsey Dodgson for business insider and read with her permission so we together can help others heal.

 

Transcription:

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Hi there this is Tracy and today, I’m going to answer the question

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Why are narcissists so cruel?

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Everybody always wants to know how can the person that they loved like turn on them like that?

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It’s it’s the part that like brain

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Confuses us you know good now of them swear that time

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It just confuses us as to the horrific discard the lies

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How this person that you’ve been with could possibly turn like yet one minute they love you the next minute

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They’re having you arrested so this article that I’m about to read you

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is

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Going to answer that question

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Okay well let’s kick this off today story. We are reading is called Marcus’s aren’t capable of something called object

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Constancy and that it helps explain why they’re so cruel to the people that they date

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It was written for the business insider in

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um

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August

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2017 by Lindsay Dodd skin

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The article starts off with a quote a meme if you would if a narcissist is angry with you

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They cannot see any of your good qualities

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anymore

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this photo credit goes to

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Adam sanchez de pedro a flicker graphic that she found for this article

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It’s normal to fight with your significant other but

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Narcissists can be incredibly cruel and threatening in heated situations

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This is because they cannot see you as someone that they love and

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Someone who has angered them at the same time?

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Something traumatic could have happened in their early life

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Meaning that they didn’t develop

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object

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constancy

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Narcissists cannot change so the best thing that you can do is

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to leave and protect yourself

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We’re all guilty of saying hurtful things in the heat of a moment

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Every relationship has its ups and downs

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Usually resulting in arguments, but these don’t necessarily mean that you’re going to break up

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When we worrell with our loved one most of us have the ability

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Not to do too much damage. This is because of something that’s called object constancy

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it basically means having the ability to

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Still have a positive

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Emotional bond with someone when you’re also feeling angry hurt disappointed with them

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It also means being able to feel emotionally connected to that person

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when they are not

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physically around you

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To most of us

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This is a given and we can move past the little things however to those with narcissistic personality

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disorder or people with psychopathic or

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sociopathic with narcissistic traits the negative feelings they have towards someone in the moment are

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all they can focus on

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If you date a narcissist chances are that they saw you as a worthy target

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Then they love bombed you into thinking that you are perfect much

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They target strong successful people to prey on

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Partly because they like the challenge, but partly because it makes them look good

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however

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when they start breaking down your spirit with their abusive gaslighting behavior they discard you suddenly and

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brutally

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People have been in a narcissistic abusive relationship often describe their partners having a jekyll-and-hyde behavior

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One moment they’re acting like everything is perfect, and you are the love of their life

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But then something switches and a monster appears in front of you. It was angry and cruel and

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threatening

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According to Shannon Thomas a therapist and the author of the book healing from hidden abuse

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Abusive people can switch between Jekyll and Hyde so easily because they never take any responsibility for their actions

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This is also why they were able to move on so quickly from seemingly

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Relationship ending arguments sometimes pretending that it didn’t happen at all

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It’s lacked lack of empathy and that

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Lack of attachment that they can just go on from one place to the next

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If nothing ever sticks to them if there’s no actual remorse no guilt of any kind

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Then it’s always and it’s always someone else’s fault I

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Like to describe them of Teflon the frying pan nothing sticks to them

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Nothing ever really is their responsibility

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It’s always projected out

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The lack of object constancy is that narcissists mind means they cannot cope with the idea

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That the person they are dating doesn’t actually fit into how their ideal mate should look like

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Or how they should think or behave?

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When they realize the person they are with is human with faults and imperfection

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Latch it. They move on to the next mark

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Leaving the other person confused and brokenhearted

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It is not known how someone becomes this way a

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Well respected sighted American psychologist margaret meyer

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Studied object constancy in infants in her work. She noticed that once a child starts to crawl

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Begins to understand that it is separate from its mother and it starts to enjoy and develop a sense of self

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The first object children learn is their mother and

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How all the different parts of her her voice her arms her ability to feed?

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all belong to the same being

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They’re also learned that when she leaves the room she will come back again

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However some children grow up at this part of their development being fragmented somehow

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The reasons for this are not well understood in psychology yet

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But both nature genetics and nurture parenting could play a role

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For example Mao wrote that if a child’s caretaker is abusive this can result in a defense mechanism

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In their psychology called splitting which could help explain

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Why some people grow up with the lack of object constancy and?

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Then become narcissists with the inability to have empathy for others in

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this situation the child needs to feel cared for

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Even though their parent isn’t supplying them with that so they repress the negative aspects of the object the mother

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So they can hold on to the positive ones

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In the child’s mind the idea of the mother is being preserved and destroyed at the same time

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According to psychiatrist Barry Branson in a blog post on Psychology Today

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This can result in

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dissociation from the situation

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This can happen in adulthood when the narcissist is under stress such as being in an argument with a significant other

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They disassociate from the positive feelings while they are experiencing the negative ones and vice versa

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seeing the other person as

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All good or all bad

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It’s similar to how a toddler has a temper tantrum

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Therapist

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Petron Inoue told Business Insider that the behavior of narcissist is abusive relationship is so insidious

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That victims stop respecting themselves

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Narcissus can never change

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She said and the best thing survivors can do is run far far away and get away from them as fast as you can

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You want to make sure you reclaim your life in a different way

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When you’re with a narcissist you stop doing things for yourself

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Because you don’t

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like doing things for yourself

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be really clear in your head that this person is a narcissist and

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Really, nothing can be done about it

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The only thing you can do is take care of yourself

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This is Tracy. I hope you enjoyed this article by Lindsay Dodson

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I’m going to be reading you some other really great ones that I keep finding, and I think that they’ll help us

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So have a great day everyone, and thank you Lindsey

 

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