To understand how to spot a narcissist, there are many stages, behaviors, patterns that a target of narcissist abuse will learn in the healing process. This video is a summary of how to spot a narcissist by their behavior. This is your best protection but it is something that you must REALLY understand until your narc-radar is charged up.
WEBSITE – resources for victims – https://narcissistabusesupport.com
Transcription:
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hi this is Tracy and tonight I’m going
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to talk to you about how to spot a
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narcissists narcissism or narcissistic
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personality disorder is a mental
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disorder the scale of this behavior can
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vary greatly and narcissists could be
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your parent your spouse a child boss
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co-worker or neighbor for many years
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people would only look up or educate
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themselves about mental disorder
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if someone they knew was displaying odd
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behaviors or had been diagnosed with
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some kind of mental illness tonight I’m
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here to answer your calls and to help
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you learn how to spot a narcissist as a
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former victim of narcissist abuse what I
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have learned will help you view things
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differently and find answers that you’re
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looking for I’m not a doctor I’m not a
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therapist I speak from a position of
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having been a target of narcissists I
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don’t use technical terms I use terms
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that will recognize and understand I
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have learned that people have emotional
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disorders because what happened to them
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during their childhood these childhood
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patterns can change their lives forever
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events that happened we’re going to
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shape your person’s behavior and in that
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you can be categorized into like the
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good guy
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mental illness or the bad guy mental
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illness and those can happen in your
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adult years one of the labels have been
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given to the good guy behavior is
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codependency I like these people are
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people pleasers and
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we suffer from a lack of self-love and
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we put others first and very often to
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their own detriment as with any mental
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disorder there’s a spectrum of like
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symptoms and patterns displaying in a
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varying degree of intensity narcissist
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sociopaths and Psychopaths are labels
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that are given to the bad guy behaviors
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these groups struggle hard for their
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identity because they don’t really have
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one
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they suffer from an inability to show
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love and empathy for anyone a popular
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notion of a narcissist is someone who
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likes to look at themselves in the
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mirror but it’s very limited and it only
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scratches the surface of what
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narcissistic behaviors there are
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narcissists sociopaths and Psychopaths
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live lives of lies and they use people
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as a means to an end
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resulting victims of this type of abuse
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are called Salani
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I don’t know this but now I do what
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someone is used to used for as a supply
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can vary quite a bit but the common uses
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are sex money control and fame
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narcissists are chameleons and they can
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mirror the characteristics of their
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targets that’s another word for it for
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people who have been narcissistically
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abused as targets supply targets if you
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say that you like cupcakes they like
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cupcakes if you like to cook they might
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like to do that too if you compete in
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fitness challenges then that will become
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their new pastime – what this does it
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allows the illusion to grow of them
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being your perfect
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soul mate or romantic partner now this
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being said what I am talking about here
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is primarily to do with the romantic
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partners that are narcissists in dr.
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Craig Malkin’s book watching mine
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YouTube also um rethinking nurses system
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is the name of his book and he mentioned
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something called the three es and these
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are things that we should look for when
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we’re looking at how to spot them and
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what the signs are so the three e’s bar
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exploitation there’s meaning is that the
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action or fact of treating someone
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unfairly in order to benefit from their
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work or the action of making use of
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benefiting supply they do exactly
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exactly what they have to do in order to
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get their needs met
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and this may include creating foster
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relationships to get money sex and
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status
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people are completely disposable to a
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narcissists because they’re not capable
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of a real relationship with anybody
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their children um they’re like a hundred
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percent fake
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that’s entitlement entitlement is what
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we’re gonna talk about now and the title
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moment means the fact of having a right
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to something inherently deserving of
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privileges or special treatment a
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nurse’s acts is if the world owes them
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everything and their goal is to collect
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what they want without caring about who
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they step on in the process you know the
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type
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the third II the dr. Craig Malkin wrote
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in his book is called empathy the actual
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meaning of empathy is the ability to
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understand and share the feelings of
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another an impairment or inability to
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show or feel empathy doctors say that
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empathy is a choice but that the
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narcissus is not willing to be
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vulnerable because of childhood traumas
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my mother was a narcissist among others
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that have been in my life
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but I think I understand it more when I
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look at how she became who she is her
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mother was killed murdered in front of
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her when she was 12
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and then she was raised in like 26
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foster care homes so I think that was
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her way of preserving herself we all
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have baggage
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we gotta have something that happened to
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us I’m not saying forgive them because
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you can she’s good her over evil but
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that’s what I figured out about my mom
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and yesterday was with the one-year
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anniversary of her death and so I’m a
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little sad today
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anyway here are some other things you
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should look for nurses have a very
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charming personality and they use it as
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a form of manipulation everyone that
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they charm thinks that they are
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wonderful but they use this charm to get
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what they want
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and they get it from their families the
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victim friends love plumbing is another
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term that you’ll hear when you are
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talking about a narcissist and this is a
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stage in the relationship and it
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involves constant communication
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compliments that are designed to lure
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the victim into or sometimes back into a
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relationship
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this state is designed to convince the
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target that they have found their soul
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mate but the person that is telling you
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everything that you like is what they
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like it’s it’s not they’re not real and
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later on we use the victim like
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searching for that person again because
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your I thought oh I know you’re in there
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you can do that so that’s what happens
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mirroring is the next step and this
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behavior is when the person consciously
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like imitates the gestures speech
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patterns attitude of someone else they
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become everything that you like and they
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convince their targets that they love
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everything that you do it’s a deliberate
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manipulation to gain trust crazy
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triangulation is when the narcissist
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manages to people usually rivals and
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themself into a space where they hear
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bad things about each other he tells
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lies the narcissist could be male or
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female tells lies about each other to
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the other people so that they can keep
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them from ever speaking to one another
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an example would be like a man
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his new girlfriend and his ex girlfriend
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or a mom and two sisters
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this tactic keeps the rivals from
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wanting to meet and it protects the
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narcissus lives
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watch my other videos for that
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hoovering it’s a manipulative technique
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and it’s aptly named for the vacuum
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cleaner you know Hoover that sucks the
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victims back into a relationship
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during this phase there’s excessive show
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of emotions and grand promises as they
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use guilt to get back into the spider’s
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web the grand finale is something that
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you need to understand if you know
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anybody that has been through a breakup
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or just if it was worth a relationship
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with a family member that’s not right
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this is really a big sign that they’ve
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had been with the narcissists usually
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the relationships that end with a
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narcissist go out with it a bang Frazee
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unexplained unwanted behaviors that
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destroy the victim because of the
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horrific lanes of narcissus will go to
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break a relationship more than that to
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destroy the victim divorcing of
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narcissus is often called a high
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conflict divorce again if you have
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somebody that has had every trick in the
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book pulled on them as a weapon that’s
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another sign and so many people think
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that they will have known that the
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narcissus was a narcissus all along most
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victims never know flying monkeys are
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when the narcissist gets co-workers and
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family and friends and they con them
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into believing that the narcissist is
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the victim in every situation but really
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they’ve created them now what this does
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if the victims lose their support system
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and it it’s usually like the last straw
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before they finally break now I should
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have said this first but there are three
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stages of narcissists abuse and they are
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called
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idealized devalue and discard
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we’ve kind of talked about some of the
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steps that are in these but I’m gonna go
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through a little bit more the idealized
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days is when the narcissist chooses a
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target for many reasons but to qualify
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as a really good one
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they are looking for your
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vulnerabilities I have a youtube video
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on what the vulnerabilities are and you
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should read watch that because it could
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show you what might be what they saw in
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you that made you a good target anyway
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it’s also showing them what you’ve
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tolerated what you’ve tolerated before
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and targets are chose because of their
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status their attractiveness their job
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their popularity their success or their
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what once if they decided that you hold
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a value as a supply they’re very
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vigilant in their pursuit this is the
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love-bombing stage showering their
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targets with loving attention and
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compliments and they will most likely
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tell you that you’re different than
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anyone else they’ve been it with mmm-hmm
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okay the next step is the devaluation
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phase victims of abuse are often unaware
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that this has even begun with your
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intuition niggles at you and they know
0:13:57.060,0:14:01.740
that something’s not right and or
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something’s changed but you can’t quite
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put your finger on it now narcissus play
0:14:07.080,0:14:16.710
a public and a private game which really
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makes it harder to understand because if
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you’re with a narcissist and they’re out
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in public in there holding you on their
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arm and they’re showing you off and you
0:14:24.900,0:14:31.740
think that’s real love but it’s part of
0:14:27.180,0:14:34.560
the game expression your concerns to the
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narcissists will have them you will turn
0:14:34.560,0:14:39.870
into the jealous partner and they’ll
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make you doubt yourself when he or she
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becomes cold and on care
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like overnight this is what we call when
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the mask Falls and you’re gonna see the
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real person in there they start to make
0:14:50.910,0:14:57.140
excuses and if you don’t accept their
0:14:54.420,0:15:01.410
excuses then you’re deemed crazy
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they managed down your expectations from
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constant contact to next to nothing I
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used to call this like the darkness and
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it was so bizarre to me so intense and
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then often this far verbal and emotional
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abuse is very hurtful the last stage of
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this narcissists abuse is called the
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discard stage and many victims say that
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this came out of blue everything was
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fine everything was perfect and then the
0:15:33.810,0:15:39.830
next thing you get a phone call or a
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text or even a freaking Facebook message
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dismissing you in a cold and hurtful way
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in the devaluation phase the narcissist
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moves from hot to cold it’s important to
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know that the narcissist will target
0:15:54.840,0:15:59.880
your strengths and make them your
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weaknesses and this is called a smear
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campaign this is when their goal is to
0:16:03.750,0:16:09.740
root in you many victims are thrown into
0:16:07.880,0:16:13.170
CPET
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SD which is post-traumatic stress
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syndrome but complex with the C in the
0:16:15.420,0:16:23.870
beginning and the victims suffer greatly
0:16:19.740,0:16:26.490
and try to put their lives back together
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now as a victim
0:16:26.490,0:16:34.470
another book this one here you see it
0:16:31.610,0:16:37.640
healing from hidden abuse by Shannon
0:16:34.470,0:16:39.830
Thomas it’s relatively new and
0:16:37.640,0:16:42.290
I’ve been looking at her pincers like
0:16:39.830,0:16:44.180
graphics for a long time and when she
0:16:42.290,0:16:47.210
had the book come out I’m in love with
0:16:44.180,0:16:49.910
it she has really good stages my stages
0:16:47.210,0:16:53.030
are very short but I’m gonna go through
0:16:49.910,0:16:55.610
the stages with you and if you have a
0:16:53.030,0:16:58.850
friend that’s going through this if you
0:16:55.610,0:17:00.410
are going through this you might relate
0:16:58.850,0:17:03.830
to some of these different parts that
0:17:00.410,0:17:08.330
I’m going to talk about now but the idea
0:17:03.830,0:17:10.459
is to move through that and if you get
0:17:08.330,0:17:15.190
stuck in one and get some help
0:17:10.459,0:17:18.920
because we shouldn’t be stuck in victim
0:17:15.190,0:17:21.470
look we shouldn’t be stuck in any of the
0:17:18.920,0:17:23.959
stages we have to move through them it’s
0:17:21.470,0:17:27.020
your job to take care of you alright
0:17:23.959,0:17:30.140
Stage one this is like betrayal and hurt
0:17:27.020,0:17:32.840
and this is when we we don’t know that
0:17:30.140,0:17:35.140
we’ve been abused and while the victims
0:17:32.840,0:17:39.740
at this point experienced depression and
0:17:35.140,0:17:45.310
confusion emotional chaos and feelings
0:17:39.740,0:17:50.060
of denial rejection shame and grief
0:17:45.310,0:17:52.750
Stage two comes and something’s happened
0:17:50.060,0:17:55.940
and you are called the detective and
0:17:52.750,0:17:58.280
you’re gonna find out everything that
0:17:55.940,0:18:00.470
you can about narcissist behaviors and
0:17:58.280,0:18:03.650
abuse and you’ll learn about the Brent
0:18:00.470,0:18:05.990
flags and patterns and discovering
0:18:03.650,0:18:08.960
secrets and lies this is the detective
0:18:05.990,0:18:12.260
part and then you’ll understand what
0:18:08.960,0:18:17.570
made you a perfect target and how to not
0:18:12.260,0:18:20.630
be vulnerable again Stage three is the
0:18:17.570,0:18:23.690
awakening and I think I’m probably here
0:18:20.630,0:18:26.150
survivors of narcissist abuse can now
0:18:23.690,0:18:29.090
talk and they’ve learned new terminology
0:18:26.150,0:18:30.290
Oakhaven yes I’m here tonight and they
0:18:29.090,0:18:33.380
finally start to put all the pieces
0:18:30.290,0:18:35.390
together for me it was not just my
0:18:33.380,0:18:38.630
ex-boyfriend oh my god it was my
0:18:35.390,0:18:42.740
ex-husband oh my god it was my mother so
0:18:38.630,0:18:44.830
this whole pattern of recovery is really
0:18:42.740,0:18:47.900
you’ve got to put the pieces together
0:18:44.830,0:18:53.410
understand or it’s gonna happen again
0:18:47.900,0:18:57.500
trust me um the common feeling that
0:18:53.410,0:19:00.860
victims feel is at the beginning and it
0:18:57.500,0:19:03.890
is isolation but unfortunately
0:19:00.860,0:19:06.200
deprogramming has started to be done in
0:19:03.890,0:19:09.500
this stage and you have like a peaceful
0:19:06.200,0:19:11.720
clarity that will replace some of the
0:19:09.500,0:19:16.610
turmoil and allow you to transform from
0:19:11.720,0:19:20.540
a victim to a survivor I like to see
0:19:16.610,0:19:22.850
target to search for is awareness and
0:19:20.540,0:19:25.250
recovery this is when you have no
0:19:22.850,0:19:28.400
contact and I know that a lot of you are
0:19:25.250,0:19:30.560
you know married ex married and have
0:19:28.400,0:19:34.250
children with some narcissists and this
0:19:30.560,0:19:36.830
part of no contact is impossible but
0:19:34.250,0:19:39.170
there’s ways to manage it and make sure
0:19:36.830,0:19:44.090
that you stay emotionally distant and
0:19:39.170,0:19:48.770
you set up boundaries if they email you
0:19:44.090,0:19:52.550
obsessively then you must get the mail
0:19:48.770,0:19:54.380
from into a location that will work
0:19:52.550,0:19:56.090
monitor it for you that’s court
0:19:54.380,0:19:57.530
protected and that sort of thing
0:19:56.090,0:19:59.630
there are boundaries that you can set
0:19:57.530,0:20:02.630
with someone that you’re still connected
0:19:59.630,0:20:06.340
to and have no choice for children this
0:20:02.630,0:20:09.350
is the restoration stage of peace and
0:20:06.340,0:20:16.760
healthier relationships start to make it
0:20:09.350,0:20:18.590
easier to identify toxic people and the
0:20:16.760,0:20:22.520
survivors that they don’t have to stay
0:20:18.590,0:20:24.290
in these relationships I always thought
0:20:22.520,0:20:28.510
they didn’t want to give up and I would
0:20:24.290,0:20:31.850
keep on trying we don’t have to stay
0:20:28.510,0:20:34.610
then their return to living a life fully
0:20:31.850,0:20:38.810
letting go of the fear and whatever
0:20:34.610,0:20:41.030
happened before and the survivor starts
0:20:38.810,0:20:46.160
to display self love and it is able to
0:20:41.030,0:20:48.530
move forward this is Tracy and those are
0:20:46.160,0:20:51.590
some of the signs on how you can start
0:20:48.530,0:20:52.010
in the spot of narcissist that’s all I
0:20:51.590,0:20:54.430
got
0:20:52.010,0:20:54.430
thank you
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