How to Spot a Narcissist

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To understand how to spot a narcissist, there are many stages, behaviors, patterns that a target of narcissist abuse will learn in the healing process. This video is a summary of how to spot a narcissist by their behavior. This is your best protection but it is something that you must REALLY understand until your narc-radar is charged up.

WEBSITE – resources for victims – https://narcissistabusesupport.com

Transcription:

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hi this is Tracy and tonight I’m going

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to talk to you about how to spot a

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narcissists narcissism or narcissistic

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personality disorder is a mental

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disorder the scale of this behavior can

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vary greatly and narcissists could be

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your parent your spouse a child boss

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co-worker or neighbor for many years

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people would only look up or educate

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themselves about mental disorder

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if someone they knew was displaying odd

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behaviors or had been diagnosed with

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some kind of mental illness tonight I’m

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here to answer your calls and to help

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you learn how to spot a narcissist as a

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former victim of narcissist abuse what I

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have learned will help you view things

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differently and find answers that you’re

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looking for I’m not a doctor I’m not a

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therapist I speak from a position of

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having been a target of narcissists I

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don’t use technical terms I use terms

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that will recognize and understand I

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have learned that people have emotional

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disorders because what happened to them

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during their childhood these childhood

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patterns can change their lives forever

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events that happened we’re going to

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shape your person’s behavior and in that

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you can be categorized into like the

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good guy

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mental illness or the bad guy mental

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illness and those can happen in your

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adult years one of the labels have been

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given to the good guy behavior is

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codependency I like these people are

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people pleasers and

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we suffer from a lack of self-love and

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we put others first and very often to

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their own detriment as with any mental

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disorder there’s a spectrum of like

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symptoms and patterns displaying in a

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varying degree of intensity narcissist

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sociopaths and Psychopaths are labels

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that are given to the bad guy behaviors

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these groups struggle hard for their

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identity because they don’t really have

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one

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they suffer from an inability to show

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love and empathy for anyone a popular

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notion of a narcissist is someone who

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likes to look at themselves in the

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mirror but it’s very limited and it only

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scratches the surface of what

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narcissistic behaviors there are

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narcissists sociopaths and Psychopaths

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live lives of lies and they use people

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as a means to an end

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resulting victims of this type of abuse

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are called Salani

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I don’t know this but now I do what

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someone is used to used for as a supply

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can vary quite a bit but the common uses

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are sex money control and fame

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narcissists are chameleons and they can

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mirror the characteristics of their

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targets that’s another word for it for

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people who have been narcissistically

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abused as targets supply targets if you

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say that you like cupcakes they like

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cupcakes if you like to cook they might

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like to do that too if you compete in

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fitness challenges then that will become

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their new pastime – what this does it

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allows the illusion to grow of them

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being your perfect

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soul mate or romantic partner now this

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being said what I am talking about here

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is primarily to do with the romantic

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partners that are narcissists in dr.

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Craig Malkin’s book watching mine

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YouTube also um rethinking nurses system

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is the name of his book and he mentioned

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something called the three es and these

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are things that we should look for when

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we’re looking at how to spot them and

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what the signs are so the three e’s bar

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exploitation there’s meaning is that the

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action or fact of treating someone

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unfairly in order to benefit from their

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work or the action of making use of

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benefiting supply they do exactly

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exactly what they have to do in order to

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get their needs met

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and this may include creating foster

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relationships to get money sex and

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status

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people are completely disposable to a

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narcissists because they’re not capable

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of a real relationship with anybody

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their children um they’re like a hundred

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percent fake

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that’s entitlement entitlement is what

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we’re gonna talk about now and the title

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moment means the fact of having a right

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to something inherently deserving of

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privileges or special treatment a

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nurse’s acts is if the world owes them

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everything and their goal is to collect

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what they want without caring about who

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they step on in the process you know the

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type

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the third II the dr. Craig Malkin wrote

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in his book is called empathy the actual

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meaning of empathy is the ability to

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understand and share the feelings of

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another an impairment or inability to

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show or feel empathy doctors say that

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empathy is a choice but that the

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narcissus is not willing to be

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vulnerable because of childhood traumas

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my mother was a narcissist among others

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that have been in my life

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but I think I understand it more when I

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look at how she became who she is her

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mother was killed murdered in front of

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her when she was 12

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and then she was raised in like 26

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foster care homes so I think that was

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her way of preserving herself we all

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have baggage

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we gotta have something that happened to

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us I’m not saying forgive them because

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you can she’s good her over evil but

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that’s what I figured out about my mom

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and yesterday was with the one-year

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anniversary of her death and so I’m a

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little sad today

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anyway here are some other things you

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should look for nurses have a very

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charming personality and they use it as

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a form of manipulation everyone that

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they charm thinks that they are

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wonderful but they use this charm to get

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what they want

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and they get it from their families the

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victim friends love plumbing is another

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term that you’ll hear when you are

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talking about a narcissist and this is a

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stage in the relationship and it

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involves constant communication

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compliments that are designed to lure

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the victim into or sometimes back into a

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relationship

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this state is designed to convince the

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target that they have found their soul

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mate but the person that is telling you

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everything that you like is what they

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like it’s it’s not they’re not real and

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later on we use the victim like

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searching for that person again because

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your I thought oh I know you’re in there

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you can do that so that’s what happens

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mirroring is the next step and this

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behavior is when the person consciously

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like imitates the gestures speech

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patterns attitude of someone else they

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become everything that you like and they

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convince their targets that they love

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everything that you do it’s a deliberate

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manipulation to gain trust crazy

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triangulation is when the narcissist

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manages to people usually rivals and

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themself into a space where they hear

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bad things about each other he tells

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lies the narcissist could be male or

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female tells lies about each other to

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the other people so that they can keep

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them from ever speaking to one another

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an example would be like a man

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his new girlfriend and his ex girlfriend

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or a mom and two sisters

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this tactic keeps the rivals from

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wanting to meet and it protects the

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narcissus lives

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watch my other videos for that

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hoovering it’s a manipulative technique

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and it’s aptly named for the vacuum

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cleaner you know Hoover that sucks the

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victims back into a relationship

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during this phase there’s excessive show

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of emotions and grand promises as they

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use guilt to get back into the spider’s

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web the grand finale is something that

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you need to understand if you know

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anybody that has been through a breakup

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or just if it was worth a relationship

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with a family member that’s not right

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this is really a big sign that they’ve

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had been with the narcissists usually

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the relationships that end with a

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narcissist go out with it a bang Frazee

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unexplained unwanted behaviors that

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destroy the victim because of the

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horrific lanes of narcissus will go to

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break a relationship more than that to

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destroy the victim divorcing of

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narcissus is often called a high

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conflict divorce again if you have

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somebody that has had every trick in the

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book pulled on them as a weapon that’s

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another sign and so many people think

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that they will have known that the

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narcissus was a narcissus all along most

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victims never know flying monkeys are

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when the narcissist gets co-workers and

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family and friends and they con them

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into believing that the narcissist is

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the victim in every situation but really

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they’ve created them now what this does

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if the victims lose their support system

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and it it’s usually like the last straw

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before they finally break now I should

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have said this first but there are three

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stages of narcissists abuse and they are

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called

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idealized devalue and discard

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we’ve kind of talked about some of the

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steps that are in these but I’m gonna go

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through a little bit more the idealized

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days is when the narcissist chooses a

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target for many reasons but to qualify

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as a really good one

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they are looking for your

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vulnerabilities I have a youtube video

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on what the vulnerabilities are and you

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should read watch that because it could

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show you what might be what they saw in

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you that made you a good target anyway

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it’s also showing them what you’ve

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tolerated what you’ve tolerated before

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and targets are chose because of their

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status their attractiveness their job

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their popularity their success or their

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what once if they decided that you hold

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a value as a supply they’re very

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vigilant in their pursuit this is the

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love-bombing stage showering their

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targets with loving attention and

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compliments and they will most likely

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tell you that you’re different than

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anyone else they’ve been it with mmm-hmm

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okay the next step is the devaluation

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phase victims of abuse are often unaware

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that this has even begun with your

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intuition niggles at you and they know

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that something’s not right and or

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something’s changed but you can’t quite

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put your finger on it now narcissus play

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a public and a private game which really

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makes it harder to understand because if

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you’re with a narcissist and they’re out

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in public in there holding you on their

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arm and they’re showing you off and you

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think that’s real love but it’s part of

0:14:27.180,0:14:34.560
the game expression your concerns to the

0:14:31.740,0:14:36.570
narcissists will have them you will turn

0:14:34.560,0:14:39.870
into the jealous partner and they’ll

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make you doubt yourself when he or she

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becomes cold and on care

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like overnight this is what we call when

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the mask Falls and you’re gonna see the

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real person in there they start to make

0:14:50.910,0:14:57.140
excuses and if you don’t accept their

0:14:54.420,0:15:01.410
excuses then you’re deemed crazy

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they managed down your expectations from

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constant contact to next to nothing I

0:15:04.370,0:15:10.890
used to call this like the darkness and

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it was so bizarre to me so intense and

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then often this far verbal and emotional

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abuse is very hurtful the last stage of

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this narcissists abuse is called the

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discard stage and many victims say that

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this came out of blue everything was

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fine everything was perfect and then the

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next thing you get a phone call or a

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text or even a freaking Facebook message

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dismissing you in a cold and hurtful way

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in the devaluation phase the narcissist

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moves from hot to cold it’s important to

0:15:51.480,0:15:56.990
know that the narcissist will target

0:15:54.840,0:15:59.880
your strengths and make them your

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weaknesses and this is called a smear

0:15:59.880,0:16:07.880
campaign this is when their goal is to

0:16:03.750,0:16:09.740
root in you many victims are thrown into

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CPET

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SD which is post-traumatic stress

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syndrome but complex with the C in the

0:16:15.420,0:16:23.870
beginning and the victims suffer greatly

0:16:19.740,0:16:26.490
and try to put their lives back together

0:16:23.870,0:16:31.610
now as a victim

0:16:26.490,0:16:34.470
another book this one here you see it

0:16:31.610,0:16:37.640
healing from hidden abuse by Shannon

0:16:34.470,0:16:39.830
Thomas it’s relatively new and

0:16:37.640,0:16:42.290
I’ve been looking at her pincers like

0:16:39.830,0:16:44.180
graphics for a long time and when she

0:16:42.290,0:16:47.210
had the book come out I’m in love with

0:16:44.180,0:16:49.910
it she has really good stages my stages

0:16:47.210,0:16:53.030
are very short but I’m gonna go through

0:16:49.910,0:16:55.610
the stages with you and if you have a

0:16:53.030,0:16:58.850
friend that’s going through this if you

0:16:55.610,0:17:00.410
are going through this you might relate

0:16:58.850,0:17:03.830
to some of these different parts that

0:17:00.410,0:17:08.330
I’m going to talk about now but the idea

0:17:03.830,0:17:10.459
is to move through that and if you get

0:17:08.330,0:17:15.190
stuck in one and get some help

0:17:10.459,0:17:18.920
because we shouldn’t be stuck in victim

0:17:15.190,0:17:21.470
look we shouldn’t be stuck in any of the

0:17:18.920,0:17:23.959
stages we have to move through them it’s

0:17:21.470,0:17:27.020
your job to take care of you alright

0:17:23.959,0:17:30.140
Stage one this is like betrayal and hurt

0:17:27.020,0:17:32.840
and this is when we we don’t know that

0:17:30.140,0:17:35.140
we’ve been abused and while the victims

0:17:32.840,0:17:39.740
at this point experienced depression and

0:17:35.140,0:17:45.310
confusion emotional chaos and feelings

0:17:39.740,0:17:50.060
of denial rejection shame and grief

0:17:45.310,0:17:52.750
Stage two comes and something’s happened

0:17:50.060,0:17:55.940
and you are called the detective and

0:17:52.750,0:17:58.280
you’re gonna find out everything that

0:17:55.940,0:18:00.470
you can about narcissist behaviors and

0:17:58.280,0:18:03.650
abuse and you’ll learn about the Brent

0:18:00.470,0:18:05.990
flags and patterns and discovering

0:18:03.650,0:18:08.960
secrets and lies this is the detective

0:18:05.990,0:18:12.260
part and then you’ll understand what

0:18:08.960,0:18:17.570
made you a perfect target and how to not

0:18:12.260,0:18:20.630
be vulnerable again Stage three is the

0:18:17.570,0:18:23.690
awakening and I think I’m probably here

0:18:20.630,0:18:26.150
survivors of narcissist abuse can now

0:18:23.690,0:18:29.090
talk and they’ve learned new terminology

0:18:26.150,0:18:30.290
Oakhaven yes I’m here tonight and they

0:18:29.090,0:18:33.380
finally start to put all the pieces

0:18:30.290,0:18:35.390
together for me it was not just my

0:18:33.380,0:18:38.630
ex-boyfriend oh my god it was my

0:18:35.390,0:18:42.740
ex-husband oh my god it was my mother so

0:18:38.630,0:18:44.830
this whole pattern of recovery is really

0:18:42.740,0:18:47.900
you’ve got to put the pieces together

0:18:44.830,0:18:53.410
understand or it’s gonna happen again

0:18:47.900,0:18:57.500
trust me um the common feeling that

0:18:53.410,0:19:00.860
victims feel is at the beginning and it

0:18:57.500,0:19:03.890
is isolation but unfortunately

0:19:00.860,0:19:06.200
deprogramming has started to be done in

0:19:03.890,0:19:09.500
this stage and you have like a peaceful

0:19:06.200,0:19:11.720
clarity that will replace some of the

0:19:09.500,0:19:16.610
turmoil and allow you to transform from

0:19:11.720,0:19:20.540
a victim to a survivor I like to see

0:19:16.610,0:19:22.850
target to search for is awareness and

0:19:20.540,0:19:25.250
recovery this is when you have no

0:19:22.850,0:19:28.400
contact and I know that a lot of you are

0:19:25.250,0:19:30.560
you know married ex married and have

0:19:28.400,0:19:34.250
children with some narcissists and this

0:19:30.560,0:19:36.830
part of no contact is impossible but

0:19:34.250,0:19:39.170
there’s ways to manage it and make sure

0:19:36.830,0:19:44.090
that you stay emotionally distant and

0:19:39.170,0:19:48.770
you set up boundaries if they email you

0:19:44.090,0:19:52.550
obsessively then you must get the mail

0:19:48.770,0:19:54.380
from into a location that will work

0:19:52.550,0:19:56.090
monitor it for you that’s court

0:19:54.380,0:19:57.530
protected and that sort of thing

0:19:56.090,0:19:59.630
there are boundaries that you can set

0:19:57.530,0:20:02.630
with someone that you’re still connected

0:19:59.630,0:20:06.340
to and have no choice for children this

0:20:02.630,0:20:09.350
is the restoration stage of peace and

0:20:06.340,0:20:16.760
healthier relationships start to make it

0:20:09.350,0:20:18.590
easier to identify toxic people and the

0:20:16.760,0:20:22.520
survivors that they don’t have to stay

0:20:18.590,0:20:24.290
in these relationships I always thought

0:20:22.520,0:20:28.510
they didn’t want to give up and I would

0:20:24.290,0:20:31.850
keep on trying we don’t have to stay

0:20:28.510,0:20:34.610
then their return to living a life fully

0:20:31.850,0:20:38.810
letting go of the fear and whatever

0:20:34.610,0:20:41.030
happened before and the survivor starts

0:20:38.810,0:20:46.160
to display self love and it is able to

0:20:41.030,0:20:48.530
move forward this is Tracy and those are

0:20:46.160,0:20:51.590
some of the signs on how you can start

0:20:48.530,0:20:52.010
in the spot of narcissist that’s all I

0:20:51.590,0:20:54.430
got

0:20:52.010,0:20:54.430
thank you

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