Learn the flags, understand how to protect yourself from narcissist in-laws. I married into crazy, nothing ever added up right, looking back at my journey I am sharing some of the crazy that should have been red flags.
Transcription:
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Hi there. This is tracy. I [feel] like it’s been a while, and we made a video sorry everybody
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Tonight, I want to talk about you. Can’t pick your family
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And what I mean by this is
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Actually not your family
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[but]
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your in-laws when we fall in love, we
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don’t realize [that] we are marrying their family right because all of sudden there’s going to be like in fighting over holidays and
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fighting about
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how to raise our children or
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When our vacations like if we have children?
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Both sides of the family are going to want us for Thanksgiving or Christmas
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And and it’s going to become something that you’re going to spend a lot of time
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Maybe like me you’ll go on lots of [vacations] with your in-laws
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[my] mother-in-law was by far a malignant
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narcissist maybe sociopath
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she was extremely scary and
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I’m going to talk a little bit about this today, and then I’m going to talk about
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What you should do if you’ve married into a mother-in-law or a father-in-law
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That is a narcissist, so when we start with my examples because I think this will [help] you
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Maybe connect to some of the pieces that might be happening in your life because we don’t really
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until we hear someone else say it things start to click and so
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how to start by saying that’s my
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Ex-Husband’s
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mother
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What’s extraordinarily close to my husband not as much to his sister?
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this was his stepmother and
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she
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um
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when I first met her she
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loved bombed me I
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Didn’t know it then and I certainly didn’t know
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It until a year ago when I started learning about
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Narcissus and
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you would buy me things and
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just what to do in all these activities these mother-daughter things and
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get our nails done together go get massages together and I
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Thought it was just an endearing thing
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I didn’t realize it was all about control, and I didn’t realize what she was doing which was
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Buying my love, but even more than that it was laying my loyalty
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because what I was about to find out was how
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Batshit crazy the entire family was I look at things that I thought that they were
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right
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good family I
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Wanted a good family. [I] had a family that didn’t see each other in holidays
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[I] wanted a good family that loved each other and spent lots of time together and
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so
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They painted themselves. Just like a narcissist does into morphed it into what I’m looking for and
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So what they reality was
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Was that there was so much fighting within this family?
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I’ve never seen anything so crazy in [my] life to go on vacations with them for two weeks and a week here and there and
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Any given point somebody was screaming at somebody usually it was the mother she was screaming at the father?
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She belittled him
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she
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It was it was the most horrible thing to watch the way. She treated him, and then as soon as he would speak up
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she would like she was like this this dragon coming down and
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she would attack him and she would call him names and call him stupid and
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Tell him that that he wasn’t capable of managing their estate
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You know if she were to die because he was so irresponsible
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So she was like putting him down. Which is the devaluing rate? It’s it’s this pSychological control
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And then you know as soon as something bad would happen just like you [then] abusive shit soon something bad would happen
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Like they would start to love bombing thing again to try to make you forget
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What you just seen this crazy behavior. I remember one thanksgiving rate
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we were probably saving 20 people for dinner and
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The whole family was in the kitchen chopping chopping chopping and and we each have our little jobs. We were in charge of and
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like
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‘ok skipping it in New England
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It’s pretty cold and the father would like open the doors because all the ovens were on and a fly came in one year
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Apply in the kitchen. They had like 12 foot ceilings and the father goes and gets a can of raid and
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sprays it I’ll
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Try to get the bug off the fuming well all the things even food is down low
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and the mother screaming a bed that
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ugly ugly
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but I
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Also, thought that they were very accepting so we I thought they were good family and clearly they weren’t the fighting was was the reality
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But they were hiding it for me. I thought they [were] very accepting of me you see I was different
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I was not the debutante and I was acceptable to the mother
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apparently he had been in another [relationship] and
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the mother didn’t approve of that person and made him leave her so
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Knowing that I’m pretty sure I know what happened with me as well, mommy
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Didn’t like that. I found out about the mask but um
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They were accepting and then they worked they were trying to change me they complained about the way I ate
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I’m sorry, but I’m
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Well into my life, and if I don’t like fish, I don’t like fish [they] [wanted] me to see a food psychologist
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They were trying to make me crazy. [there’s] nothing wrong with the way
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I eat each one of them had their own little things they didn’t like
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But it was not acceptable that I
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Didn’t like fish
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[than] the wyatt bothered [them], but this was like a red flag why wasn’t it a red flag?
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This is [a] red flag [that] they didn’t
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approve of me and they were judging [me] and
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Belittling me for eating differently than them
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they weren’t like
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Crazy good Eaters, they were stupid eaters
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[if] the class money it was worth it. It was something they liked you know truffles or this or that
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Quail eggs who takes quail eggs on a plane. That’s just [freakin] weird and um so I
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saw the [mask] fall in the most horrendous way and
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We were on vacation
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in
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Argentina and the Airlines were going to go on strike, and we were taking one plane to another location [bar] [leche] and
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We were stuck in the airport waiting to find out if the airlines were going on strike
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And so I I put something on my Facebook wall and just said you [know] oh
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Gosh, please don’t let the airlines go on strike. Well, they were such terrible liars they had lied to their entire family
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You know the dad’s entire family they pretended they were poor there was just like all this stuff that I was having to cover
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but when I made [that] Facebook post
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It was like
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You’ve never seen anything like this in your life, my father-in-law
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Lost it. He was screaming at the top of his lungs at me in a hotel room telling me that I ruined their life
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Explain to me how I could ruin their life by posting that they don’t want the airlines to go on strike
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And I didn’t say where I was I had to pretend. I wasn’t in Argentina
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[but]
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That was a lie that they were making me keep so in order to keep me they were
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They weren’t deliberately trying to buy me
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and by me with love and
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Buying you with [things] inand I’m not saying it was a goal figure
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But the father called me a [gold-digger] that day because of the Facebook post
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That’s when the mask fell that’s when he couldn’t pretend that
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He’d loved me like it was this bizarre thing and 24 hours later
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It was like nothing happened, and that was just weird that was crazy [asked] weird. They had a grandfather
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pretend person that used to come with us and he would like
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slap the sister in the middle of a five-star restaurant and
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scream on the streets as he was walking along that he wanted his passport back, and he wanted to go home and
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He would be yelling at them, so this is the crazy behavior all right. Sorry I
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Tend to go [awful] [alright]. So here’s what you’re going to do if
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you have married into a
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[family] of crazy
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first of all put up boundaries
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No, I’m not going to lie for you. That would have been a good boundary
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No, even though I would say over and over no. I don’t want prada shoes. No. I don’t want whatever you’re trying to buy me
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[I]
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Didn’t stick my boundaries enough because then they would sneak it in and I’d have to accept
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but my boundaries were not comfortable, and I didn’t stick up for myself, and that’s what I’m [encouraging] you to do because
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Look at what they’re doing. That’s bad and then look at how it
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makes you feel and
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Set a boundaries if they decide to just pop over your house and expect you to drop everything
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Or see your children
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Set a boundary if you don’t set boundaries
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there’s no one to blame but yourself and if your husband or
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your wife doesn’t respect that boundary as a couple you’re in trouble because
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Like my husband was Mama’s boy
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and you know if I even thought of
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Disobeying mom or not being the dutiful
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daughter-in-law if I spoke up if I [made] friends with the aunts and uncles that they were lying to they didn’t like it, so
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Set your boundaries most important and do not
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Do not accuse
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Your mother-in-law [of] being a narcissist
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That is when the mask is going to fall they’re going [to] freak out
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they don’t want to be confronted with this nor does any other [narcissists] right, but
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You have [to] [learn] the red flags
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If you don’t learn the red flags and see these behaviors like I didn’t see these things I was in it
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[I] was living this and I did not see
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What they were doing [to] me
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Now that I see the red flags
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It would never happen to me again
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So I encourage you set good boundaries
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discuss them with your husband and
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Not only set the boundaries in your mind
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Patel your in-laws
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This is what I?
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will tolerate this is not acceptable [and]
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I’m not going to come to your house on thanksgiving if you treat me like that. Whatever it is if you don’t set the boundaries
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you’re going to be in trouble, so take [care] of yourself and
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make sure that you work dis all together as a family be careful of accusing them of being a narcissist because
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We know they won’t like [that], and I don’t want them to lash out at you any worse than they already do
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This is tracy and that is all I have thank you.
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