I often hear people say they just need to be told how to heal and they will do it. Sadly there is no magic pill that will make all the confusion and fear go away, but with these tools you can heal.
Transcription:
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Hi there. This is Tracey and
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Today, I want to talk about a toolbox the toolbox that we can use to
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Heal Ourselves get ourselves back on track
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So often as adults we have props today
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We [have] tools tools around our house that do think we think nothing
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Having one of these
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pliers
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They have purposed rate
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screwdrivers Hammers
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We all have them in our toolbox
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For wherever we went great automatically own. I own certainly rent a house
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we have these tools and
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They help make things easier
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What I propose today is to tell you about some of the things that I have done in the healing process
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from the narcissistic abuse and the tools that I
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have
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Used for myself might be something that can help you the first thing. I’d like to talk about is
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education
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If you’re just beginning your journey and learning that you were abused learning about what a narcissist
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sociopath or psychopathy is
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It’s so important to learn
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and Gather as much information for me it started on YouTube and I
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Just started watching videos, and I didn’t stop. I watched them
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Listen to them in the car. I could plug my iPad in to accord in my glove box
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That put it into my speakers
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[and] no matter where I drive to this very day if I have more than a 5-minute drive there is
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Something playing something that is going to teach [me]
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something else that’s going to aid in my growth and my discovery and
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The ability to never ever be a victim again if I stop my education because I hope I got enough I
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Wouldn’t have learned the things that have really
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Changed my life and helped me magnify
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The things I needed to understand in order to heal
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After I went on Youtube took a little while because I was so absorbed it was like an obsession
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but I went books I went to blogs and
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Educated myself with the huffington post and all kinds of other resources with Brilliant minds
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first part of my reading when I started in the book thing was
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Definitely to bring books into my life. That would help me identify
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the Red Flags
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the Behaviors Patterns and
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Accountability on my part as to how this could have happened
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So I’m just going to show you I do this at my meet up every month here in Colorado. I highlight books and I
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Talked to my group and encourage [them] to use these as a resource a tool in our toolbox
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To heal because we’ve never been through this before
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We didn’t know like where to turn what to do and now holy shit
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We’ve got to learn right so I will tell you that some of the most powerful books that help me heal
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Were love fraud by Donna Andersen she really raised out quite a bit in her books that
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Helps you like this one
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These are 10 signs that you’ve been dating a sociopath she loves
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sociopaths and
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Psychopaths endorses his together other that sociopath. She she said they’re all the same
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It’s just different variances, right?
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I love this book you can see all the little no d things and if you were see all the highlights in there
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You’d be one of those people that would hate me for like
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Vandalizing books, but they’re mine, and I get to do what I want
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when I got the love fraud book on the 10th sides of dating a narcissist [expect] this book to
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this is a Workbook and I
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Bring this to every single one of my meet ups and it has amazing
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information in a teeny tiny little
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Book to help you really exercise it in learning
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What trauma bonds you to someone what your assets were that made you a Target?
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What your vulnerabilities were and?
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the flags and things that you should learn so that book really just sticks with me another one that I love it’s
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psychopath free this one’s by Jackson Mackenzie, and I
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Again some woman a yellow highlights in that book I have listened to it on tape in my car three times
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It’s like I can listen to it the first time and then I I need it again
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It’s like a medicine. Maybe a drug it is like oh
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right that makes sense and things that didn’t make sense in the beginning now as I start to learn more I can go back to
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And listen to that in my car
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This one is the narcissus next door
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Unmasking narcissists those are the discovery of what a narcissist was?
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The most important part after you were and what it is
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And I have to learn that you have been a victim you have been abused
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so many of us didn’t even know that we were married to someone and
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You know just thought they were jerks. We had parents that didn’t act like other parents, and we didn’t understand it
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but now we’re starting to see the whole picture and
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For me another part of my journey was this book
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Shannon Thomas so excited to be interviewing her this week and
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her book is called healing from hidden abuse and
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the Journey through the Stages of recovery, so
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While we were learning about them in the first section now. We’re going to learn about us
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How do we heal what is happening more yellow marks in this book love her book?
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Love her message, and I think it’s really important that we follow that
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because I had a narcissistic mother this book was brought into my life will I ever be good enough by Karen McBride and
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it is a book on healing daughters of narcissistic mothers and
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That was certainly something I had to understand to put [the] piece of the puzzle together I
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Didn’t know my mother
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I didn’t know what a narcissist what I certainly didn’t know what my that my mother had been a narcissist
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Now that I can see if I can cook so diagnosable and so easy for me to understand
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the next thing that came up in my recovery process was learning that I was most likely a
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Codependent and so the books I
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Melody Edel
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Codependency
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Really helped me
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Understand what was going on in my life
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So many bucks on the Florida
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PtSd, right we gotta learn how to heal from this is what we have so learning understanding
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what it means and how to really get over him he’ll
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Burn a brown. It’s just been an amazing part of my recovery and while she has nothing to do with Narcissus
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she has to do with vulnerability and
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Courage and I think me making this YouTube Channel is certainly
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the most courageous thing I’ve ever done is to share when intimate details, but
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her gift of imperfection and
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Daring greatly I really recommend that you look up her her Tedx talk on YouTube
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vulnerability really powerful
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Another thing that well I was married sorry we have another one
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I was married to a narcissist, so I really spent a lot of time looking at
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What it’s like to divorce the nurses what to expect and how to protect yourself?
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mine’s already over, but I
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As I read this and I learned what I’m seeing is
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Looking I did write them the things I didn’t wrong and I can help
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People who are beginning this process to understand?
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another really cool, but the love is
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This one is the language of letting go
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By melody Beattie, and it’s like a daily affirmation
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Actually dated for each day of the year, and it’s just a little maybe maybe a page
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maybe a half a page for each day to something to just boost you up something to inspire you and
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It’s like a daily meditation love this book
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Can’t say I look at it
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Every [single] day, but I catch up on it, [and] it’s very inspirational and holds a good place for me
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So after we have done all of that
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Reading okay?
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maybe I want to do all the reading whatever applies to you suck up this knowledge pull it all inside and
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Really?
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Be smarter be smarter so that it never happens again. I
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recommend that you start to Journal I
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Started a journal, and it helps you
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Release things as if you were talking to a therapist or you were talking to a friend
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But it when you push down on paper it it releases it it releases
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This and it gives you something that you can go back and look back on if you need to for example if you’re being abused
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still to this day if you document every single thing that’s happening and
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You write it down for your own?
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Value this can help you in Court this can help you
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Really grab hold of your sanity again because this is your best friend. Now. You used to have that other person
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[named] [it] and they shared
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But guess what you have to be your own best friend if you’re not your own best friend
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And if you don’t tell [that] journal which is you interview?
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What you’re feeling right now, it’s getting all locked up and the more we lock it out the more confused our life gets. I
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have to learn about Boundaries boundaries are a
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Really important part of healing for someone that has been abused
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Understanding what your power 8 and what you want is
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Something that I never really understood
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Because I took it all I didn’t have any boundaries if someone was doing something that upset me I?
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quietly
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Did what I was supposed to do
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But I held this this anxiety this anger and this hurt inside of me instead of saying no
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I don’t want to do that today
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[thanks]. I have other plans. I don’t want to go
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Help you move or something else where someone would ask me to do something?
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Above and Beyond ticularly, I don’t know why people always wanted to borrow money from me
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Probably because they could see [that] I would give it to them and now my boundaries are set
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This isn’t going to happen if you need to learn to trust yourself
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you need to
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care for yourself
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And you need to trust your instincts if you don’t start to listen to your intuition that does not come on your head and saying
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That isn’t right what they just did that’s not right stand up for yourself and say no
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Narcissists are bullies and
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they
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get like
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So much joy, and of destroying someone’s life for no reason at all
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It’s just like a game and we are the targets
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Think of a video game where you’re going around my senses to play these in like okay. They shot the prostitute
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I mean more points for you
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This is how the narcissist inks is that we [are] just pawns and they want to see if they could just knock us down
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and
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Destroyed us, so if we don’t care for ourself and trust ourselves
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This is not normal
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Then we’re going to get walk down again, so learn this right now
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learn to stand up for yourself and say things like I
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statements
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when you
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[alright] so far to go yeah, so when you
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Yell at me. It makes me feel really sad or in a squid, please don’t do that again
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Start to talk in how it makes you feel that’s much more empowering than don’t you allow me
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It becomes something that you’re feeling yourself and your knowledge
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Where is that?
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Not to live in fear and learn that right here right now. I am [okay] if you
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Hold on to that fear and it controls you
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It’s not going to be it’s not going to end. It’s not going to go away
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You have to accept [the] fear for what it is and that [is] to protect you
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But don’t hold on to it. Don’t let it control. You does that make sense
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The next thing that you should do is find some hobbies
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Seriously once the last time that you did something that you liked
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Did you?
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like to cook
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Maybe you like to exercise, and you just haven’t taken care of yourself in a while
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To something doesn’t matter if you start off with a teeny little weight like this, but do something
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exercise actually
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helps like
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chemicals in your body
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Give you strength to fight the fear to fight. What’s going on. It gives you?
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the ability to feel better
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Naturally so even if it’s just walking for 10 minutes a day
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You own that that is your time? Don’t let anyone take it away
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really important
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Take a bubble bath. I have another prop
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but
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get some
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flowers
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if you like flowers
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the flowers and
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just having them around and
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appreciating them
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it’s
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so valuable because we start to see the world in a different way rather than the doom and the gloom and the the
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confusion and the darkness we start to see light we start to smell those flowers and
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Smile just a little smile when we see them, right?
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So important. I was taking a bubble bath once the last time you took a bubble bath, okay?
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maybe the guys are kind of say they don’t like bubble baths, but
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How about a good meal cook yourself a good meal or go out for good meal?
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Take care of you take yourself on a date because if you do
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You’re going to appreciate
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that you are a good person and
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Being by yourself is not the worst thing go. Take a walk at a botanic gardens
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go, take a walk on a hiking trail and
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Just enjoy nature look around look at the sky at night look at the stars and just be thankful
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because
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You’re here and you get a whole nother chance
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this was not a curse this happened because it was a blessing and
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you have the opportunity to be 40 of this control and
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Hatred and
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Confusion, it doesn’t feel like it now, but trust me
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You are on the way to becoming a happier person I
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Wanted me to quote to you
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And I heard today that
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Helps me
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understand the value of sharing my story
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And I encourage you to not
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ever
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Be silenced again that is exactly what the narcissist once he or she once you
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Controlled they don’t want you telling their secrets
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they want
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Everyone to believe their lives
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So together our stories heal each other this is what mother Teresa said
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Alone I cannot change the world, but I can cast a stone
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upon the River and
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Cause all the rebels
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That’s what we can do this is Tracy. And that’s all I got.
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