My Narcissist Education – lifetime dark, 90 days aware

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Best video so far. I wanted to create a video that shows people how I learned about Narcissistic abuse. Narcissism is a rapdidly growing social problem and once I became a detective I have been able to unravel my life with just two words, narcissist abuse.



This is Tracy and welcome to my channel, I am all dust up and ready to go. I don’t know if you just saw that cool lightning, but I was supposed to go to a red rock concert tonight, and unfortunately we got really big storms so we opted out of Magog. But since I was all dressed up and ready to go, I decided not to night. Might be a good night to tell you a little bit about me, and where I came from and how I ended up making a narcissist video support kind of channel. So if you wanna see toenail try to update you. And I think I’m gonna start about nine months ago because that’s when I think my life drastically changed and I won’t share that with you so undergo its a go. I have appeared in Colorado, and my mother lived in Connecticut and I was there for a visit, and then I got a call to her hospital from her lawyer, and I was somehow calmed into becoming our attorney, and I didn’t really even know what that meant, and so my mother was in the nursing home, and she’d been there for about two years at that point. And my little sister was interned her entire estate, and all of her bills, and everything like that, so I was I was brought in and they just kind of like proof here, the Porton they had the papers ready and like what was I gonna say? You know, I’m to… to miles away, but okay, so I became the power of attorney, to a mother that I barely knew.

I would see her probably twice a year at lunch when I would come there, that’s about the time that she would give us in that meaning me and my son when we would visit but it was just like, Okay, now I have to go to bed and I’m really tired if I called her and I would call her several times a week, but it was always when she was about to walk her dog she was thinking the dog might need to eat or something. There was always something you didn’t matter. I think I might have to get a boat from soon, so I’m not gonna talk to you or, you know, I should. I ate lunch and half an hour ago, I can’t talk. So it was always an excuse, but I really didn’t know her because even when we were there, she would come. Is it short? And so, I been probably 25 years or more, maybe 30 since we had a family dinner together, so I became her power of attorney, and quickly found out from the lawyer and all of this stuff that mothers as Steve was kind of in bad shape and she was paying 18-00 a month for a nursing home. And this is like rehabilitation kind not like luxurious and pretty. It was able… a bed and food, and so I quickly learned that there were quite a bit of money missing from her state and she had to sell her house or go and go on Medicare, so it became a huge thing and I had to… my sister was living there, the one who had been taking care of her state, she was leaving in my mother’s condo that I now had to sell, and she wouldn’t leave, so it took about nine months to get her out. But last January.

Through six months of eviction process, and raising lots of money. We affected her out of my mother’s house, and when I went into it, the condo was horrific, it was 18-00 worth of damage, meaning, carpet walls, TVs rip off the wall every light fixture on the summing had to be in it, nothing.

Most of the electricity like the wired in power smoke alarms were caused the lock. My sister smoked so she did have to the whole host like smoke and we had to repaint the entire thing to make it livable? And list it so, you know, lots of work to do. And here I am power-of-attorney and I’m stuck with this two thousand miles away, so we get her out. I go in there. There was a basement was unfinished and my sister had a cat, and she’d been there about a year with her cat and my mother, and in the basement when my friends that I went down there and had to go buy light bulbs and we could see when we walked in the basement, a five-gallon drums. Those things that you get at home, people they’re big in orientated. Filled with cat poop, overflowing and just flopped and then just all over the floor, there was also a ripped plastic hefty bag full of pop and catheter, it was horrific so we let a the house got it on market sold, it moved everything packed her entire life sold, gave away. I had three days to EMT Seventy-seven years of stuff and after I did that, I put my mother on a medical debt because it was the only way that she travel, and we had a doctor two pilots, and the nurse in her bed and the scorched into this time a little jet that comes here to Colorado without it. She would have never been here, but we were in store for saving 10000 a month, so it was the right thing to do.

When I moved her here is when I learned how abusive she is, how insensitive how long she had no empathy and I was seeing a counselor just to figure out how do I do it, this how do I set boundaries? I have a job, and he did respect it, she would call me up to seven times a day. And tell me that her feet were touching the bottom of the bed or she was in pain, but the call to her is four times and they’re not coming well.

She was telling me this and I would talk to the nurses when I got there every single day, she was here and she was calling the nurses station after pushing on her button. seventy times a day.

Doing me. It was like it was crazy. So I started to learn and started to learn how to put boundaries on her, and I was educating myself and seeing a side of her that I never had before. She was in a nursing home, she used every single last ISIS tic trick of guilty me and demanding of me and last summer when I was taking my son away for a week’s vacation for the first time that I had seen him in a year, ’cause he was at college, my mother was like, “How can you leave me on my kids… my birthday and I haven’t you? My kid in a year, and she was just like, “Oh I got to it, she went ballistic and I hired people. It was crazy, this is one of her marks. This is the beginning of the changes in my life.

Pretty much through the summer. Last year I was building a secondary business to my marketing company, and it was based on something that I really hoped to share with this community of artists, support. It’s a platform is social media called Lab. And I fell in love with it and I’m gonna talk about it at the end so I can write some stuff down for you, but I think it’s gonna be a great tool for communication, and we’ll tell Adina minute. But I was building this business, and my mother again I’m working to one in the morning, every night, and then being at her beck and call and going and getting her… you know, a pink nightgown in this weight and then I would get it and she like… No, I don’t want that. Get another one. And she just didn’t care, it was like… Do you understand that I can’t shop for you for three hours a week.

So anyway, here we go, sorry. Umm, in October, I was launching my business at a conference. In Florida, and it was a gorilla marketing conference and I had worked around the clock, my team had worked around the clock, to build this thing and get it live and my mother started to understand when my first marketing video kind of sales thing, was made, and she started to get it, she saw that and I never seen her so proud and that was kind of cool, but she shortly got, much sicker had two surgeries in a week and a half went into hospice and I sat beside her bed or she was there for nine days.

When she first was going in from the hospital to there, I had to explain to her what exactly, umm, hospice meant and that they were not going to anything else to save and she was basically internally leading but he would not be in pain, and so it was a really hard decision, and I didn’t have the support of my two sisters, they didn’t even want to talk to my mother before she passed away, which, I mean, as she was, you know, I think she did try and no one deserves to die alone. So I was glad that I was there and that opened up a whole new can of worms, but here I am watching my business. And they’re about to put her into the hospice.

And she told the hospice staff, the people that were coming to tell us about it, she told them that she would not go on a choice unless they understood that I had a convention to be at this weekend and that she would hold on and wait for me, but that she needed me to go to that because this was really important for my future.

And after she said that, of course, I went and I talked to all the people of the hospice center, and counselors and pastors and things, and basically they said that This is so uncharacteristic of her to be selfless, that I had to go because this was her ticket to heaven and the people at the hospital and they… and my mother really convinced me that I had no choice and I was going, and I called every hour and I checked on her. And indeed, she made it through that weekend she made it four more days, after that, uh, I would talk to her several times a day. And for most of it she was pretty coherent, but then she passed and that opened a whole new set of things. The month that she passed I had found out that I had skin cancer, it was basal cell and they got it all, but it kind of awakened some fears, inside of me fears of her alone, and it was just… it opens a lot when someone even uses the words in your name as… or not. Anyway, so I had that removed I had that right before she got sick. I also had a almost break in, and that was a little bit scary era lot of stuff going on, and then my mother got sick and with only a few weeks left of the year, umm, I found out that the X was a cheating on me had a disease they didn’t tell me, of course, Light in cheated but that was like the worst blow of betrayal, and it wasn’t quite in fucking, it was it brought up a lot of I, I was really pissed off. How could you lie, cheat, it was mind the laying especially knowing in what kind of sense of place I was at. So, when I found out, I walked down the house that it… but of course he did what he did so many times coming to my house and doing the whole crying thing and trying to explain to me, just Natalie whatever. My artery really didn’t start until March and when March came, around, it was after the last day in February, when the X did a really crazy in grand finale, and so with that, I turned to the internet to see what the hell has happened and at that time I wasn’t even thinking my mother. I was clearly trying to understand how somebody that you’ve been with for two and a half years can have black soles behind their eyes, how they can lie. And these were horrific things to horrific things. One day. I will have courage to tell you about it, but working on that.

So I keep getting sick. Sorry, I started learning about nurses and I started learning about all of the red flag. Thank you to all of the tubers. And every one who taught me this education, I or turned to blogs, I turned to, you know, getting help in any way that I possibly could understand this and the more I listened, the more I started to see to, I was like, Wait, that’s what my extended… well, my God, everything by the book. But I didn’t know that was a book I didn’t know there were roles I didn’t know that this was a standard behavior, or I would see it in the X. they both had differences, so I didn’t really see it matters and when I did see the pattern, then the next thing was like, “Wait a second, why am I a target, what do I do, what is it about me that is exposing me to this? So I started looking at it up and I found coded from the sport in a life coach and found out from Ross, Rosenberg just exactly the story of my life. So from there, it led to… oh my God, my mother or sister. This explains that my toes are hitting the bad and all of these demands and selfish behavior and conversion our entire life to separate me. My sisters, it all distorted brushing her. That I was learning and learning and learning and, as I learned, I said I wanna make a video and I started making videos for myself, I was journaling my own, self every day and just talking to myself. I’m saying this is how I feel, this is what’s going on. And I would watch them and kind of re-watch them and I saw myself getting better, I saw myself getting stronger, and so I decided to make my first video. If you go back and look at it.

I definitely look sad and I definitely look shocked. Dark circles under my eyes. I couldn’t sleep after I went through a month of October, when all of this happened, and my mother passed in November but after I went through all of this, I couldn’t sleep, I was like afraid I was gonna open my window, it was just too much for me. And so the doctor put me on anti-depressants at anxiety, if I needed it. And bingo. Number three is sleeping.

“gusti ‘ve always had a hard time saving, but now I’m just staying up until three in the morning working just until I pass out, and then be back up at seven, then I stopped eating, so it was a cycle that I was kind of in and I didn’t even know it, I was in this fight, flatter freeze after it all happened, you know, kicked down with the three X disaster and it all started to make sense. So now he built a YouTube channel. And I’m really proud to say, and I’m really thankful for everyone who’s listening to me because I have a voice and I hope to help people and I have learned so much and come so far, due to this same generosity of the narcissist abuse world and the YouTube world. So, I’m giving back and I’m really happy to welcome you to my channel. After I started the YouTube and I went from two subscribers, to… yeah, I had over 200 this weekend so that’s kind of cool. Thank you so much, everyone. After I started doing that, I started to do what I do as a business, which is make websites, so I made a making a website, and I will start to publicize it in some of my next videos, it’s not ready yet. We’re still working on the content, but it’s basically going to be a huge resource center for abusive behavior and victims and I’m gathering pieces from all over the place and hoping to make a directory of therapists that can help us by state fighting state agencies. That’s our job tomorrow is to finish the list of pretty much every domestic abuse agency by state, so we’re really trying to make this big and I really wanna get experts to talk to me on experts to come on lab with me and that’s what I’m gonna talk to you about next but I’m gonna go move over, maybe I’ll bring the hit board here.

I’m more there and want and I’ll show you exactly what that is because I think it’s gonna change the face of nares, support and I tap.

Okay, so this is what I want to teach you about today. We’re going to talk about something called lab to do so lab I am, is a kind of new video conferencing social media tool if that makes sense. And it kind of came around at the end of last summer, so it’s not even a year old yet, and most people don’t even know what it is, but when I learned about it, I fell in love with it as a marketer and as a tool, that my clients could use as a business and help grow their audience.

So what it is, is a live streaming video program that is like the Brady Bunch. So, have you ever done a webinar? You kind of have a section where you can leave comments and things like that. You can join a call. So basically what happens is you go on lab I am, and you log in if you have a Twitter ID you actually need a Twitter ID, so you can create some new cool hidden secret Mark Twitter handles just to join a blob. I am, and my goal is to try to get some really cool people to speak to me in one block, right? And then over here is the special guest star, and when we have the two of us on camera every single time somebody joins us, they’re a little head. It doesn’t have to be there. Had you can use this little icon that comes with Twitter, if you don’t wanna have any one to you, but every single person that joins comes along here, and they can interact by leaving conversations and leaving words in here, and then they can join the conversation. So my goal is to… like, if anybody has any connections to Dina at the nurses’ support. So, if after a Peace channel… I love to talk to her when that we call people, like a… I forgot his last name, a dude. And then we also have the Spartan coach, and I’m going really big here. I will talk to anybody, I’m just like picking the ones that I can say on my name off the top of my head, without screwing it up. But if we talked about… you know, a particular thing on the nurses become.

It’s very similar to when Dana are Richard, the partner doing Google Live ogle things that they’re still a one-on-one conversation just like this but here it could be. We are talking about the topic. And here’s the cool part.

You or anyone the people who run it can choose and invite other people on to ask us questions engage, tell us a story, get help. Now, you can also be anonymous and move stuff over here, and then you can also, if you want to step up, you lead a microphone and you lead a camera built into your computer is fine, you do not need a portable camera in a portable microphone. What does help… usually with sound, is that you can have like even Arbus from your iPhone or something. They do not need to be giant over the head. Have a really cool, big red microphone that I got for Christmas from I employee and partner, and so that was fun. And I will use that co-microphone when I talk on these things, but what’s gonna happen is I want to have these interaction things, and the really cool part is even if you don’t make it.

So you’re not there at six o’clock Tuesday night if you’re not there and you wanna hear what the conversation is. This whole thing gets recorded. A, it lives on lab I am. And the second part that’s really cool is that it gets uploaded, right directly with a big red button so all of you, You-Tubers that are sitting here with channels and not actually engaging with your people, this is the answer now, maybe you don’t want to.

But if somebody joins and they get on and they start bashing you. I’ve heard had one person, just one person, make a comment, negatively on my YouTube channel, but I’m sure there’s haters out there, there’s hair everywhere, and so if that hater joins right here, the host can just delete them and they go away and they get blocked so they can never join again. These labs can be open to the public and based on the topic of our conversation that we put into it, people will just come. I put test up and people just show up and you’re like We’re testing and I might have my good friend on the other end or one of my employees, and we’re trying to test them like in the cameras and it just his tests and yet six people join and they’re like, “Oh why you have to do is they… so they’re giving you a helpful advice. It’s great community on the lab. Any time there are live discussions that you as a user can just pop into and when you… and it could be a topic of blue-eyed dogs that live in Oklahoma. It could be that kind of a topic. This things gonna fall, stop, that there were you, it doesn’t matter. I was listening to a psychic, and this is one of my first, and cost encounters. It was at the very beginning and I was listening to a psychic on lab so I just was like, psychic. Greetings right here, right now. That’s kind of weird. So she was on there and she was only allowing one other person at a time. You don’t have to do all four windows but she was only allowing one person on and she was doing a free five-minute reading, and if he felt really worked with this up a psychic that’s a pretty good amount of time.

So people could basically raise their hand and say they wanted to be next and fill the spot and so she would say, Okay, this, you’re gonna be next. She did a reading on me, and it was so freaked-scary, so accurate and it was really cool, but what was it even cooler for people that are thinking about using this for their business was what you do was right here in the comments. She could write down her website address, and she could sell them a one-hour reading. She was in Canada, and there’s a little map that shows you where all the people were they were all over from… you know, Europe to Colorado and Florida, New York, they were all over the globe watching her, and they never know who she was. So this is a really cool tool we can have the comments and then the whole thing gets stored on YouTube. So I am going to be somehow figuring out how to let you all know. I don’t have a main gist or anything like that, yet, but we’re setting it up for my new website that I’m making an artist abuse and so we will do lap soon. And I have signs that I need. When I went to that grill of marketing conference and all my friends would pose and we would make this little like seething with the LA bubble to a lover. Our head and I also invented a lab button are… so you’re a co-op that I invented it, to raise awareness and when I went to the Gila marketing convention, I gave all the speakers, one of the season, it was a really cool thing for me, so I forgot that I love lab. And I think that it’s gonna really help engage with the community. So we don’t get too many haters in there, but you just block you if you come. I’m watching you. I also wanna tell you one last thing ready.

I have a red nose cone, I can’t wear very long, but for the last two years, I have been a big supporter of Red Nose Day. Last year I bought actually both years. I’ve thought about the hundred of these little noses and last year I went to every single day for 30 days, I would bring noses to wherever I was going, I would go up to the bank teller, the dentist, the server Parma, stood on my porch, and I made him were a red nose for sale, and so every day, I just kept getting bigger and bigger so I was very excited to support Red Nose Day this year. I did it or I did it differently I took the same tune, noses and I had three Tom for NES so I brought them everywhere, and it was really cool to get some of the media marketing experts to wear red nose as Chris Brogan, I made him wear, on stage, twice last year, and this year I made him pose with a nose on the USS Midway in San Diego when I got marriage Kasai and a whole bunch of other cool marketing people to wear their red noxious.

So now I know about me, this is Tracy.

I am totally going to make more nurses is video.


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