Narcissists often use the “can we please still be friends” line. Today we will look at the realistic possibility I wish I knew sooner. How do you measure a friendship? Have they proven themselves trustworthy?
Transcription:
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Hi there. This is tracy and today. I have a question for you can we be friends with a narcissist?
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Can we maintain a relationship?
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with someone
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that has abused us let’s relate the key we’re going to talk about that today, so
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Here we get them
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Welcome um
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Everyone always asked me if you can be friends with your narcissist
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Why can’t I he was my husband for 17 years? Why can’t I?
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The hardest parts of staying friends with a narcissist is certainly if your co-parenting, then you’ve got some issues
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Where you really got to work on?
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co-parenting, but
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In a sibling or a mother or father that those are really hard situation where gray rock might not be
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But like reduce contact just very well might be the only solution for you
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But those of you who asked can I?
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Still be his friend. Can I be her friend? I’m
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Friends with other people that I’ve been with before why can’t I be this to my narcissist and I?
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say
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No
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No, no, no no no please
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No
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The reason I’m saying this is if you’re on this channel, and you’re looking at narcissist abuse
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You’re being abused by being abused that means someone didn’t treat you well
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Does a friend do that?
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Speaking for my own personal experience. I’ve got two narcissist to talk about today
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Number one was my Ex-husband married 10 years
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divorced never spoke to him again and
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that’s as gray rough as you can get for 2,000 miles away, and
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Got no interest rate, so that allowed me to heal better than 3x
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narcissist, ooh
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I
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Tried to break up four times with over our two years and he would hoover back
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And he would always hoover back, not like let’s be
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friends, and you know it there were
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How do I say this?
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it started out as let’s be friends and
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At that point. I didn’t know I was being abused
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I just didn’t like his behaviors and things
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That should have been a flag I should have said you know what you treated me like shit
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I’m not doing this again, but I would take him back under the friend only clause and a friend only clause
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never
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lasted
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I’d say if we saw each other once
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Before you know we started getting back in bed
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That was never friends that was never meant to be so when a narcissist says to you
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I just want to be your friend what they’re really saying to you is
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they need you for some kind of supply this guy took me back and
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I took him back and
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He borrowed money so each time it became more when I took him back first I
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Wanted to be a part of his life with his children, and oh I got that wish granted. I was allowed to babysit for them
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Pretending that we weren’t boyfriend and girlfriend, but I could be in their life if they could see that I was a good person
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Why why why why did I accept that?
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I
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thought because it was a normal person and
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I thought
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It was leading us to something else. This was a keeper thing. You know to me during that I was like okay?
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he trusts me with his children awesome, so
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That really wasn’t what it was. He needed me for the supply to take care of his children
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That was the supply sex money
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babysitting
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house packing and any other crap
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He needed me to do in his business great. So I was used for supply
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Come back in come back in he was never my friend in the first place friend doesn’t do this to you
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And this is what brene brown says about friendship and about trust she calls it
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breathing
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And I believe I have a video that I talk about her Tedx talk
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about this and then I strongly encourage you to go watch it when we’re done, but she takes all the words in braving and
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identifies
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Rules of friendship if you would be is for boundaries, and that means that there is no trust without boundaries
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has your narcissist cross your boundaries do they respect them a
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Good point right okay are its for reliability and I could only trust you if you do what you say
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you’re going to do over and over again a
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liability
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How’s your narcissist been reliable?
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think that through probably not if you’re on this channel rate, so
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be are now we’re up to a
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Accountability I can only trust you if when you make a mistake, you’re willing to own it
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Apologize for it and make amends. I can only trust you if when I make a mistake, I’m allowed to own it
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apologize and make amends
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Narcissists don’t ever apologize
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They don’t ever own anything that they’ve done and this is a really good test for you like
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you want to be their friend are they owning the shit that they put you through because if they’re not
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At no-strike right V in braving is for ball and that’s keeping confidence
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That’s keeping secrets that is keeping what I told you you do not tell others those are sacred thoughts
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when a narcissist
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smears you
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Gas leak to you and does all the lying about you
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That is not safe. That is not a vault of trust that you should ever go back to
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But you’ve already proven. They’re unreliable
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Okay in braving eyes next and this is for integrity
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Choosing courage over comfort choosing. What is right over? What’s fun fast or easy and
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practicing your values not just
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professing your values
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Hello
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Narcissists, just tell us how great they are they don’t live it?
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this means like if something is inconvenient, and you really wanted to go somewhere else, but
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someone needs you and
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You drop everything for them that’s integrity that is above and Beyond
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Think about that did your narcissist do this? I think so and in braving is for non judgment
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You and I can both struggle and ask for help
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okay, maybe
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Generosity our relationship is only trusting relationship
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If you can assume the most generous things about my words my intentions and my behavior and then check with me
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so
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Such a really good
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Guidelines for friendship that’s a really good thing to think about when it comes time to decide
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if the narcissist should be your friend or not because I don’t think they could do it and
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They haven’t killed any of those things if they fulfilled one have they fulfilled them all
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Do you have adequate?
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Trust in them have they proven themselves to be worthy of your friendship
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Remember this is a line that they’re going to use to get more supply out of you
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So I encourage you to
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pass on the Friendship
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Maybe after you heal, maybe after you’ve fixed the wounds inside of you
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you can find a way to be friends, but
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Don’t do it right away, and don’t do it because they asked you to
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Do it because they’ve proven themselves to be good people
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This is tracy that is all I’ve got
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Subscribe to my channel go visit my website narcissist abuse support Com we’ve got all these great resources
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Everything from things by state that you can get free counseling help legal advice all
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Kinds of services we’ve Gathered them into one place, so no matter where you live in the united States. Sorry other countries
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you can find that resources and I
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also, have a podcast of itunes so I
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look forward to hearing more from you subscribe to my channel and
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Let me know how it worked out for you to be friends with your narcissist because I’m pretty sure
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It didn’t end well
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I’d like to hear some success stories, and I’d love to hear your big fails because
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That’s probably where we all are in that book it ttacy, so I got have a great day
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