Narcissists often use the “can we please still be friends” line. Today we will look at the realistic possibility I wish I knew sooner. How do you measure a friendship? Have they proven themselves trustworthy?
Hi there. This is tracy and today. I have a question for you can we be friends with a narcissist?
Can we maintain a relationship?
that has abused us let’s relate the key we’re going to talk about that today, so
Here we get them
Everyone always asked me if you can be friends with your narcissist
Why can’t I he was my husband for 17 years? Why can’t I?
The hardest parts of staying friends with a narcissist is certainly if your co-parenting, then you’ve got some issues
Where you really got to work on?
In a sibling or a mother or father that those are really hard situation where gray rock might not be
But like reduce contact just very well might be the only solution for you
But those of you who asked can I?
Still be his friend. Can I be her friend? I’m
Friends with other people that I’ve been with before why can’t I be this to my narcissist and I?
No, no, no no no please
The reason I’m saying this is if you’re on this channel, and you’re looking at narcissist abuse
You’re being abused by being abused that means someone didn’t treat you well
Does a friend do that?
Speaking for my own personal experience. I’ve got two narcissist to talk about today
Number one was my Ex-husband married 10 years
divorced never spoke to him again and
that’s as gray rough as you can get for 2,000 miles away, and
Got no interest rate, so that allowed me to heal better than 3x
Tried to break up four times with over our two years and he would hoover back
And he would always hoover back, not like let’s be
friends, and you know it there were
How do I say this?
it started out as let’s be friends and
At that point. I didn’t know I was being abused
I just didn’t like his behaviors and things
That should have been a flag I should have said you know what you treated me like shit
I’m not doing this again, but I would take him back under the friend only clause and a friend only clause
I’d say if we saw each other once
Before you know we started getting back in bed
That was never friends that was never meant to be so when a narcissist says to you
I just want to be your friend what they’re really saying to you is
they need you for some kind of supply this guy took me back and
I took him back and
He borrowed money so each time it became more when I took him back first I
Wanted to be a part of his life with his children, and oh I got that wish granted. I was allowed to babysit for them
Pretending that we weren’t boyfriend and girlfriend, but I could be in their life if they could see that I was a good person
Why why why why did I accept that?
thought because it was a normal person and
It was leading us to something else. This was a keeper thing. You know to me during that I was like okay?
he trusts me with his children awesome, so
That really wasn’t what it was. He needed me for the supply to take care of his children
That was the supply sex money
house packing and any other crap
He needed me to do in his business great. So I was used for supply
Come back in come back in he was never my friend in the first place friend doesn’t do this to you
And this is what brene brown says about friendship and about trust she calls it
And I believe I have a video that I talk about her Tedx talk
about this and then I strongly encourage you to go watch it when we’re done, but she takes all the words in braving and
Rules of friendship if you would be is for boundaries, and that means that there is no trust without boundaries
has your narcissist cross your boundaries do they respect them a
Good point right okay are its for reliability and I could only trust you if you do what you say
you’re going to do over and over again a
How’s your narcissist been reliable?
think that through probably not if you’re on this channel rate, so
be are now we’re up to a
Accountability I can only trust you if when you make a mistake, you’re willing to own it
Apologize for it and make amends. I can only trust you if when I make a mistake, I’m allowed to own it
apologize and make amends
Narcissists don’t ever apologize
They don’t ever own anything that they’ve done and this is a really good test for you like
you want to be their friend are they owning the shit that they put you through because if they’re not
At no-strike right V in braving is for ball and that’s keeping confidence
That’s keeping secrets that is keeping what I told you you do not tell others those are sacred thoughts
when a narcissist
Gas leak to you and does all the lying about you
That is not safe. That is not a vault of trust that you should ever go back to
But you’ve already proven. They’re unreliable
Okay in braving eyes next and this is for integrity
Choosing courage over comfort choosing. What is right over? What’s fun fast or easy and
practicing your values not just
professing your values
Narcissists, just tell us how great they are they don’t live it?
this means like if something is inconvenient, and you really wanted to go somewhere else, but
someone needs you and
You drop everything for them that’s integrity that is above and Beyond
Think about that did your narcissist do this? I think so and in braving is for non judgment
You and I can both struggle and ask for help
Generosity our relationship is only trusting relationship
If you can assume the most generous things about my words my intentions and my behavior and then check with me
Such a really good
Guidelines for friendship that’s a really good thing to think about when it comes time to decide
if the narcissist should be your friend or not because I don’t think they could do it and
They haven’t killed any of those things if they fulfilled one have they fulfilled them all
Do you have adequate?
Trust in them have they proven themselves to be worthy of your friendship
Remember this is a line that they’re going to use to get more supply out of you
So I encourage you to
pass on the Friendship
Maybe after you heal, maybe after you’ve fixed the wounds inside of you
you can find a way to be friends, but
Don’t do it right away, and don’t do it because they asked you to
Do it because they’ve proven themselves to be good people
This is tracy that is all I’ve got
Subscribe to my channel go visit my website narcissist abuse support Com we’ve got all these great resources
Everything from things by state that you can get free counseling help legal advice all
Kinds of services we’ve Gathered them into one place, so no matter where you live in the united States. Sorry other countries
you can find that resources and I
also, have a podcast of itunes so I
look forward to hearing more from you subscribe to my channel and
Let me know how it worked out for you to be friends with your narcissist because I’m pretty sure
It didn’t end well
I’d like to hear some success stories, and I’d love to hear your big fails because
That’s probably where we all are in that book it ttacy, so I got have a great day