My new lens is picking up examples of narcissistic behaviors that I read about in psychology today. Then examples came to my head of things I missed. Picking through the garbage of your brain learn to identify so you can protect yourself from a narcissist. Four narcissistic behaviors as common as we now know they are were things we excepted as differences. We reacted, we were pissed but we listened to their excuses and forgave them. These memories have to be found. Dig deep
Transcription:
0:00:00.030,0:00:05.670
hi there this is Tracy and tonight I
0:00:02.220,0:00:10.759
want to talk about the fact that we
0:00:05.670,0:00:13.530
probably saw more red flags than we knew
0:00:10.759,0:00:17.910
because a narcissist can’t hide their
0:00:13.530,0:00:21.050
behavior and even though much of it in
0:00:17.910,0:00:27.630
the beginning is all sunny and bright
0:00:21.050,0:00:31.050
they start to throw us kernels and of
0:00:27.630,0:00:32.759
course what do we do we forget them we
0:00:31.050,0:00:37.920
listen to their excuses
0:00:32.759,0:00:40.800
and we don’t make them be accountable
0:00:37.920,0:00:44.550
for them and that’s our fault that is
0:00:40.800,0:00:47.070
our part of dis responsibility is that
0:00:44.550,0:00:48.719
we didn’t set boundaries and they crust
0:00:47.070,0:00:51.110
there was no crossing because we didn’t
0:00:48.719,0:00:54.149
have that does that make sense I was
0:00:51.110,0:00:57.539
reading an article in Psychology Today
0:00:54.149,0:01:00.480
and they actually have four behaviors
0:00:57.539,0:01:01.770
that we should always be aware of and
0:01:00.480,0:01:04.019
I’m going to talk about these behaviors
0:01:01.770,0:01:08.939
and I’m going to give you examples and
0:01:04.019,0:01:11.460
I’m going to tell you how we have to
0:01:08.939,0:01:13.200
protect ourselves so according to
0:01:11.460,0:01:15.720
Psychology Today
0:01:13.200,0:01:20.390
they actually used a term from the
0:01:15.720,0:01:23.400
military say that this is the narcissus
0:01:20.390,0:01:25.740
policy and this is the way that they do
0:01:23.400,0:01:28.110
it they military terms called scorched
0:01:25.740,0:01:30.540
earth right and what that means is like
0:01:28.110,0:01:33.390
the villages blend there is no more
0:01:30.540,0:01:36.409
village the narcissus comes in and
0:01:33.390,0:01:41.610
doesn’t care what he got he just
0:01:36.409,0:01:45.350
destroys besides lying we all have had
0:01:41.610,0:01:49.799
allies and we have to look back and see
0:01:45.350,0:01:52.530
what these were and how we accepted them
0:01:49.799,0:01:54.149
and how we were tricked because there’s
0:01:52.530,0:01:57.450
two parts to that Ray we were tricked
0:01:54.149,0:02:01.200
and that’s the part that we accepted we
0:01:57.450,0:02:04.140
accepted their lives so according to
0:02:01.200,0:02:06.299
psychology today and they’re quoting dr.
0:02:04.140,0:02:09.629
Craig Malkin I don’t know if he’s ever
0:02:06.299,0:02:10.509
seen his book but it’s a great book he
0:02:09.629,0:02:13.540
says that
0:02:10.509,0:02:16.480
the narcissist plays emotional hot
0:02:13.540,0:02:23.489
potato and what that means is that they
0:02:16.480,0:02:28.599
project and they are very dismissive and
0:02:23.489,0:02:31.720
they lack any kind of connections but I
0:02:28.599,0:02:35.019
are all about that I think that they
0:02:31.720,0:02:37.200
pretend that there’s a connection the
0:02:35.019,0:02:41.379
other thing they say is that a
0:02:37.200,0:02:44.379
narcissist withdraws and then he attacks
0:02:41.379,0:02:46.810
if you make a demand on him and that is
0:02:44.379,0:02:48.280
exactly what I’m going to talk to you
0:02:46.810,0:02:52.780
about in a little while with some of my
0:02:48.280,0:02:55.060
examples a narcissist is vindictive to
0:02:52.780,0:02:58.170
the absolute max I mean they are just
0:02:55.060,0:03:02.920
like they will get you in a divorce and
0:02:58.170,0:03:05.019
destroy you for no reason at all so they
0:03:02.920,0:03:07.569
are also indifferent to any kind of
0:03:05.019,0:03:10.239
emotional outcome so if you’re going to
0:03:07.569,0:03:14.049
be destroyed their children are going to
0:03:10.239,0:03:17.139
be homeless they don’t care emotionally
0:03:14.049,0:03:19.239
its snap on to the next they don’t
0:03:17.139,0:03:23.139
really care so those are some of the
0:03:19.239,0:03:25.540
behaviors and I have so many things that
0:03:23.139,0:03:29.590
I can I can kind of nail down for you
0:03:25.540,0:03:32.459
things that I should have known that he
0:03:29.590,0:03:34.930
would always take me on dates to
0:03:32.459,0:03:39.099
different places he would take me to the
0:03:34.930,0:03:42.010
mountains he would take me to wine
0:03:39.099,0:03:47.340
country he would take me to Denver to
0:03:42.010,0:03:51.910
find the top ten cupcake places and so
0:03:47.340,0:03:54.370
if I look back at that now why was I
0:03:51.910,0:03:55.540
never about or I didn’t think I wasn’t
0:03:54.370,0:04:00.040
allowed I just thought he was doing
0:03:55.540,0:04:01.599
something really special then I met you
0:04:00.040,0:04:03.069
know the next supply many of you have
0:04:01.599,0:04:08.199
seen the videos of her and I together
0:04:03.069,0:04:10.329
and she told me that all the times that
0:04:08.199,0:04:14.349
she would come here and stay with him
0:04:10.329,0:04:17.019
for up to a month he would never take
0:04:14.349,0:04:18.320
her to the town that he lived in it is
0:04:17.019,0:04:22.010
the cutest little town
0:04:18.320,0:04:25.040
rooftop summer bars and he had never
0:04:22.010,0:04:28.610
taken her there and then I look back and
0:04:25.040,0:04:31.910
I think about I had some best friends
0:04:28.610,0:04:34.160
come from Connecticut and we were right
0:04:31.910,0:04:37.370
there down the street from his house in
0:04:34.160,0:04:39.590
that town and he would not come and meet
0:04:37.370,0:04:42.230
my friends and I thought that was weird
0:04:39.590,0:04:43.970
that he did want to meet them anyway but
0:04:42.230,0:04:46.790
it’s really that they were there because
0:04:43.970,0:04:49.220
who knows how many other people he was
0:04:46.790,0:04:51.440
with three that’s the part that we have
0:04:49.220,0:04:54.560
to start to add two and two together and
0:04:51.440,0:04:56.270
I didn’t so I’m using these examples to
0:04:54.560,0:05:00.290
try to help you okay we’re going to talk
0:04:56.270,0:05:04.640
about the withdrawing and I called it
0:05:00.290,0:05:10.360
the darkness but there’s a lot of other
0:05:04.640,0:05:14.360
names out there that people call it and
0:05:10.360,0:05:17.960
to me it would always happen after we
0:05:14.360,0:05:20.990
were like having a great time if a month
0:05:17.960,0:05:22.790
had you know slipped in there and we
0:05:20.990,0:05:24.200
didn’t do as much but then we met this
0:05:22.790,0:05:29.840
whole weekend together and it was
0:05:24.200,0:05:30.860
absolutely mind-boggling great then he
0:05:29.840,0:05:37.400
would just disappear
0:05:30.860,0:05:38.840
there was a time that I was it had just
0:05:37.400,0:05:41.480
been after Christmas and I had spent
0:05:38.840,0:05:46.310
Christmas Eve Christmas Day with him and
0:05:41.480,0:05:47.860
his son and then I fell taking out the
0:05:46.310,0:05:51.320
garbage like two days after Christmas
0:05:47.860,0:05:54.350
fell and on the snow cracked my head
0:05:51.320,0:05:56.180
open and had to go to the hospital for
0:05:54.350,0:05:59.420
concussion he actually I called them and
0:05:56.180,0:06:02.780
he said go to the hospital and I’m in
0:05:59.420,0:06:07.210
hospital and I texted him and yet
0:06:02.780,0:06:09.920
absolutely no empathy he had nothing in
0:06:07.210,0:06:12.050
fact I came home from the hospital I
0:06:09.920,0:06:14.330
couldn’t talk on the phone last abut I
0:06:12.050,0:06:16.640
came home from the hospital and um
0:06:14.330,0:06:19.580
reached out to him and reached out for
0:06:16.640,0:06:22.640
him and it was three days before I heard
0:06:19.580,0:06:24.770
from him this right after Christmas we
0:06:22.640,0:06:28.430
were just together everything was
0:06:24.770,0:06:32.270
wonderful and then I go to the hospital
0:06:28.430,0:06:34.250
and he doesn’t even bother like calling
0:06:32.270,0:06:39.440
me or returning my calls
0:06:34.250,0:06:44.450
out he was with his child and he says he
0:06:39.440,0:06:46.730
did a 72 hour marathon of playing video
0:06:44.450,0:06:49.340
games like they didn’t go to sleep they
0:06:46.730,0:06:51.290
eat pizza and drink Pepsi to stay awake
0:06:49.340,0:06:54.980
and just kept bringing in the frozen
0:06:51.290,0:06:57.350
pizzas and that is why he couldn’t check
0:06:54.980,0:07:01.160
up up on me and when he you know finally
0:06:57.350,0:07:02.690
came over I I was pissed and I know you
0:07:01.160,0:07:04.340
could have come over and just say what
0:07:02.690,0:07:06.110
what could I have done when you could
0:07:04.340,0:07:10.340
have sat down next to me and held my
0:07:06.110,0:07:13.190
hand and watch TV with me you know there
0:07:10.340,0:07:15.230
doesn’t have to be a reason but you come
0:07:13.190,0:07:17.690
over that doesn’t make any sense to me
0:07:15.230,0:07:19.550
and I took it I took it I took it a
0:07:17.690,0:07:25.220
ticket and it was like a big mistake
0:07:19.550,0:07:30.979
because when he hurt himself I came over
0:07:25.220,0:07:34.610
I had to go to the store I had to buy me
0:07:30.979,0:07:37.610
brandt bands and ice packs and all of
0:07:34.610,0:07:38.600
these things medicine and and I hadn’t
0:07:37.610,0:07:40.460
paid for it myself
0:07:38.600,0:07:44.630
and then sit there and make him dinner
0:07:40.460,0:07:47.410
and take care of him put his foot up he
0:07:44.630,0:07:49.910
was like a king and I was a servant
0:07:47.410,0:07:53.030
these are the things we have to look
0:07:49.910,0:07:55.400
back on what did you do for your
0:07:53.030,0:07:58.220
narcissist if this was a romantic
0:07:55.400,0:08:01.040
relationship on marriage you probably
0:07:58.220,0:08:04.460
did a lot because we’re caregivers if
0:08:01.040,0:08:06.590
this was your parent you probably did
0:08:04.460,0:08:09.590
everything you possibly could to get
0:08:06.590,0:08:09.919
them to love you you always did things
0:08:09.590,0:08:14.090
right
0:08:09.919,0:08:21.610
you you were always on the line of moral
0:08:14.090,0:08:21.610
behavior and think about was that real
0:08:22.729,0:08:27.239
narcissists and their behaviors we know
0:08:24.809,0:08:29.219
about it wait long time before we start
0:08:27.239,0:08:31.439
to research this we just block it out
0:08:29.219,0:08:34.949
and I’ve got another video I am going to
0:08:31.439,0:08:37.949
make right after this and it’s going to
0:08:34.949,0:08:41.430
be about gas lighting and how you can
0:08:37.949,0:08:46.740
prevent gas lighting and how you can
0:08:41.430,0:08:48.209
save yourself this is Tracy I don’t know
0:08:46.740,0:08:51.360
if I’ve mentioned but I have my
0:08:48.209,0:08:54.569
narcissist abuse website
0:08:51.360,0:08:58.529
it’s narcissist abuse calm and it is
0:08:54.569,0:09:01.649
dedicated to supporting survivors it’s
0:08:58.529,0:09:02.220
got all these resources by state lead up
0:09:01.649,0:09:04.920
groups
0:09:02.220,0:09:07.230
it’s got my favorite books my favorite
0:09:04.920,0:09:09.269
issues there’s lots of stuff out there
0:09:07.230,0:09:12.629
all the red flags are explained and
0:09:09.269,0:09:15.480
people write blogs so visit my site and
0:09:12.629,0:09:16.290
if you haven’t subscribed please
0:09:15.480,0:09:18.959
subscribe
0:09:16.290,0:09:22.370
I’m on a roll this is the best week
0:09:18.959,0:09:22.370
ever thank you
Listen to my podcasts anytime by subscribing with your favorite provider!
