Narcissistic Friends Identify and Protect Yourself – Guest Andrea Schneider with Tracy Malone

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Andrea Schnieder is my guest today as we discuss narcissistic friends. Andrea Schneider, MSW, LCSW is a licensed clinical social worker in private practice in the San Francisco Bay Area. She received her MSW from University of Michigan (the top ranked social work program in the country) and her B.A. in Psychology from UCLA (#2 in the country). Prior to moving to the Bay Area, Andrea’s private practice was located in the Greater Los Angeles Region. During her 20+ year career, Andrea has counseled thousands of individuals and families covering a broad range of issues and challenges, developing specialties in maternal wellness, narcissistic abuse recovery, special needs parenting, and grief/loss. Andrea is certified in EMDR, a modality which helps clients dealing with a wide range of concerns in trauma recovery, including PTSD, complex-PTSD, relational trauma, depression, anxiety, grief and loss. DOES YOUR FRIEND HAVE ANY OF THESE BEHAVIORS?

Control is the key – they must always be in control. Which means you can play the friend game if you obey their rule and, their plans. Entitlement – narcissists believe they are entitled to everything without having to earn it. This includes your friendship, your money and your time. Take – take – take – Because of the entitlement factor, they are takers. They believe they are entitled to take from everyone. They have no empathy – because their own needs come before anyone else’s, they are generally uninterested in anyone else’s situation. Grandiose patterns – a narcissistic friend starts out so generous, giving to you and others, or even telling tales of volunteering. Pathological lies – narcissists lie even when there is no need to lie.

I often wonder how they keep everything straight. Smear Campaigns – when you enter into the devalue stage, they seem to start a smear campaign against you, telling detailed lies to everyone. Self-importance – a narcissistic person has a strong sense of self-importance and yet they need you to validate everything about them. Uses humor to hurt you and others – it’s ok for them to point out your flaws and they usually do it with a chuckle of humor. Unable to take criticism – a true test of a narcissistic friend is when you criticize them. They will not like it and may give you the silent treatment to punish you and teach you that thou shalt never say anything bad about them. Boundary breakers – a narcissistic friend will not listen to or respect your boundaries. Overly helpful advice – over time you will see a side of them that feels like they are trying to help you, but it somehow feels icky. Gaslighting patterns – gaslighting is when someone tries to deny your reality. Angered easily – in the beginning you could do no wrong, but over time you find yourself walking on eggshells because they get angry easily and you never know what will set them off. This usually stops the victim from speaking up, because it just isn’t worth the cost of their wrath. DOWNLOAD A FREE BOOK ON FRIEND NARCISSISTS…



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