Narcissists have the spectrum of everything – so you could get a Narc that likes to give gifts but uses them as a tool. or you can get one that has no idea what gift to get you because they do not “KNOW” you really so its very impersonal.
WEBSITE – resources for victims – https://narcissistabusesupport.com
Transcription:
This is Tracy and today I’m gonna talk about the narcissist and the gifting patterns that they have nurses is don’t give gifts like normal people, when a normal person gives a gift, they generally think about the person that they are getting in for, and they put thought and care and meaning behind every gift. But we have to remember that narcissists don’t really know you and so they can tend to give really shitty gifts. It’s just a fact. There are very many different spectrums of gift-giving and narcissist. So I’m gonna kind of cover a few that I know again, I am not a doctor, I am a recovering there. His abuse victim or survivor as I prefer to say but I have had a lot of experience in this particular arena. So I’m going to talk to you about my second husband. Crazy, crazy, crazy gifts and over doing it in every possible way that he could it wasn’t just to me, or my son, it was to everyone that he knew, he was just this very gracious sort of person that gave to everybody, and people liked him because of it.
He was buying votes, he was buying people’s love by insisting upon my dinners everywhere we went, and it didn’t matter how many people came out, my husband would pick up the check, and people got used to it, they just got used to… if you go out with him, he’s going to pay, and they wouldn’t even bring money because that’s not the way he plays, but it was buying their love buying their friendship. If you think about it.
He was an over-giver, he would not buy me one dozen roses he would buy me five, he would not buy one pair of black shoes he would buy ten it was his way to over-compensate for all of the weaknesses in his real soul that he didn’t have. Now, if I could go back to my old… Tracy makes excuses for people. This is the pattern that he grew up with. His parents are soulless beings that put him in boarding school when he was young, and he really didn’t have a relationship with them until he was older, but the only way that they would compensate a ban naming him and putting him in a band. In a private school was to give him gifts.
And so he ended up presenting these gifts, he ended up thinking. I don’t want these gifts because their blood money. And at the same time while he was rejecting gifts, and He does not this day, like to get gifts.
By doing this, this became what he knew and how to make people love you, was to buy them. Thanks to shower them with gifts, that’s what he did.
Being bought by a narcissist comes with very many strings attached. I have a prop. We talk about strings attached to these gifts. They are more, to use these strings on every gift that they give you, they control you, by accepting a gift for the string, then going from it, we have that string attached to you and they attach it and they’ll bring it back whenever they need to.
Luxury gifts big items, they love to give those.
This is again, there’s two types. The “I like to give gifts I don’t like to give is, this is all talking about my X and his incredible generosity spirit. I was a C-E-S, love to get us luxury gifts but he also did luxury gifts for forgiveness, gifts, so after he was a shit and a jerk after I would find girls texting him saying, that they loved him and they missed him so much when I was on my honeymoon with him, he would have an excuse for that, but then the forgiveness kiss would come if he was mean to my son if he did something wrong if he get into the things that he had done to him, but he would use gifts.
Here on a new Apple computer. Now, you like me again and see that was his track. And it’s really easy to be swallowed into it. And my first met him, and all of their money. I did not want any gifts, I refused it, I wouldn’t even let him pay for dinner, but the more they did it, the more it was in our face, the more I was forced to accept these gifts and basically I was turning into a prostitute that could be bought.
For a gift, and they were testing me so it started out small. How much would she take and how much crop can we give her and then we buy an iPad.
If that make her better. They’re testing me, and they did test me. So one of the things that really, really bothered me which was a gift-giving thing was my Texas family who had accepted my child as their grandson promised us they were very wealthy, they promised us that they were going to pay for his education. They told us year after year as my normal motherly thing, that I have to say for education, I need to put money in the bank. I have to say for education, and they would tell me no, don’t say for education. We’ve got you covered. Don’t say for education, we’ve got you covered. And so we did it, and we lived higher on a hog man, we should have because we had this safety net, we didn’t have to put money in the bank and in the end and they asked for my bright after my son graduated from school, I walked away from that education that promise. They also walked away from me. Ten years of saving for my college education, from lion, because they told me they had it covered.
They walked away and they left this child at an Ivy week School, because that’s all they would pay for the education. He couldn’t go into a normal college. It had to be a tear-warm tier to school because that’s what they insisted upon. And my son chose a very expensive school, a really good school in Washington DC, and they walked away so they dangled the rope, they dangled it for ten years and the strings attached were promises that we were going to get an education because we are a family.
And yet, in the end, we got nothing. He left me and my son, no education and just a dangling rope. Go ahead, fellow yourself out. How we were only getting Narcissus and gift giving beware of it, beware of promises beware of things they give you, there’s always with something in it, they want to control you. There’s a lot more we can talk about it, but it’s always about control, it’s always about them wanting to control you, so be careful of gifts in sheep’s clothing you wear, or someone that you’re with, that feels that giving is the controlling to watch what they do, okay, we’re able to give you gifts.
Totally good careful.
With three. I had just come out of this relationship exmouth. I just come out of this relationship with someone who over-gifted me and it was fake, and I didn’t like it, and I was never, ever, ever, ever comfortable with it, so I told the X.
I don’t want someone to give me if I don’t need somewhere to shower me with gifts, I don’t need that, I don’t want it. And so, he is and it was a dream come true for him, he could get his mark supply, and he didn’t have to be by me very much, except for when he really fucked up. And so careful what you ask for. But I think someone giving gifts under normal circumstances, it’s a Bolton. But if there’s conditions and strings attached.
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