When it comes to boundaries most victims of abuse are a bit shaky on setting boundaries to protect themselves. As a child of a narcissist I never learned to set boundaries and I never knew I could say “no I am not comfortable with that request”. When we are dealing with a narcissist they test us, they push your personal boundaries to see how much they can abuse you.
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Hi there. This is Tracy, [and] I have time for a quickie a quickie because someone in my group in my community
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Just made a very valid point and we were talking about
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Boundaries and setting boundaries what I’m going to suggest to you here is that you write down
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boundaries
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boundaries
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that you
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You want to list out everything that you want to boundary on so I’ll use the example of being in a relationship with someone
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They leave the seat down
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Boundary I don’t like that. They leave dishes in the sink. It’s your child, and you want them [to] clean up?
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Boundaries about how someone treats you it starts at the very lowest level
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of urgency and works itself up to
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Cheating, what is your boundary?
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What will you accept if somebody cheats on you?
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This is really important, and that’s why I encourage you to start at the bottom um you know spiritually. What are your boundaries?
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Emotionally, what are your boundaries?
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Intellectually what are your boundaries?
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Financially what are your boundaries if the man asks you for money on date three?
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What are your boundaries?
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if your mother-in-law
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constantly ridicules you at
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You know a family dinner
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What are your boundaries? You don’t like it? I know I didn’t like it
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But I didn’t know how to set a boundary. I didn’t know how to say no, that’s not right. I’m sorry
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I’m not going to take that I
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Was a perfect target because I didn’t have boundaries
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How was the okay sure let’s do it I can do that
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And then I would sit there inside my head going why am I raking their lawn?
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All day long with I could be out on this beautiful day, I
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Didn’t set my boundaries
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It’s a stupid example. Sorry, but it just came in my head, so I
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Want you to look at these boundaries, and I want you to know that
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even if you make these boundaries [I]
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Will not let my mother-in-law. Talk to me or my children
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That way when I come [to] their house
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Boundary great
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Who knows about it you do in your head
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And you’ve [just] got these little voices that are trying to tell you hey the crash your boundaries across your boundaries
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Why aren’t you telling them?
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That’s how you get your control back
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Tell them this is not acceptable [if] you do this
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Then I do this and that means you don’t see your grandchildren anymore if you talk to them in [that] Manner
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Does that make sense [if] we don’t tell them this includes our partners our?
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mothers if we don’t say mom it really hurts me when you say those things and
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Then she does it again
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What is your consequence if she doesn’t listen to you? This is something we all [have] to understand
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We need to learn to tell people
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That is breaking your boundary
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This is what you will accept and [that] is not so as soon as you can start to write down boundaries
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go through a brain like
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Drain and try and figure out things that have bothered you
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mother-in-law when she does something
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Husband when he does something goes out drinking all night long. Well that bothers me. What’s the boundary okay? He cheated
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what’s the boundary the boundary going to be that you never tell him he has a boundary and
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If he does tell if you do tell him that you have a boundary and he breaks it
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What is the penalty what are you willing to stand up for for yourself?
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To say I’m not taking it if you cheat me your kids are out of here
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That is what we have to be stronger about because when we enforce it
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They know there’s a consequence. We are dealing [with] sick human beings. They do not know
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Boundaries unless we teach them
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They’re like little children
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The Little child is told not [to] stick their finger in the electrical socket and they don’t but if they do they get shocked
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These are narcissists they will push and push and put their finger in that hole as much as they [can]
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until something happens
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So every boundary has to have a consequence and that has to be something that you stick by
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You know stop taking them back five six seven times after they’ve cheated
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You’re not going to get that good person that you thought they were
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You are not ever going to see that person if they are cheating they are always going to cheat
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So here’s the part for you
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What will you take and why?
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Why wouldn’t you take?
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Nothing that is not acceptable [that’s] where I cut the boundary sure you can look at the waitress in the restaurant
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That’s on the Low Boundary
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here
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flirting with my friends not so good
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here cheating and
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so forth
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You set the limits
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And you tell them if you don’t tell them the boundaries
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Don’t complain that anyone costs them now that you know about boundaries
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You have to use boundaries and use them correctly [I] didn’t know about boundaries. I get you know a pass
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But now I know and nobody is going to cross my boundaries, but if I don’t examine
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What I’ll take and what I won’t take
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There’s no one to blame about myself
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Because [I] know when things upset me
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But traditionally. I just swallow them. I go ok that’s weird. [I] don’t want to do that, but okay
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Here’s your secret guys write them down
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What bothers you what they’ll take in what you won’t take this is the secret to Boundary building
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Have a great day. I’m off to work. Bye
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