When it comes to boundaries most victims of abuse are a bit shaky on setting boundaries to protect themselves. As a child of a narcissist I never learned to set boundaries and I never knew I could say “no I am not comfortable with that request”. When we are dealing with a narcissist they test us, they push your personal boundaries to see how much they can abuse you.
Hi there. This is Tracy, [and] I have time for a quickie a quickie because someone in my group in my community
Just made a very valid point and we were talking about
Boundaries and setting boundaries what I’m going to suggest to you here is that you write down
You want to list out everything that you want to boundary on so I’ll use the example of being in a relationship with someone
They leave the seat down
Boundary I don’t like that. They leave dishes in the sink. It’s your child, and you want them [to] clean up?
Boundaries about how someone treats you it starts at the very lowest level
of urgency and works itself up to
Cheating, what is your boundary?
What will you accept if somebody cheats on you?
This is really important, and that’s why I encourage you to start at the bottom um you know spiritually. What are your boundaries?
Emotionally, what are your boundaries?
Intellectually what are your boundaries?
Financially what are your boundaries if the man asks you for money on date three?
What are your boundaries?
if your mother-in-law
constantly ridicules you at
You know a family dinner
What are your boundaries? You don’t like it? I know I didn’t like it
But I didn’t know how to set a boundary. I didn’t know how to say no, that’s not right. I’m sorry
I’m not going to take that I
Was a perfect target because I didn’t have boundaries
How was the okay sure let’s do it I can do that
And then I would sit there inside my head going why am I raking their lawn?
All day long with I could be out on this beautiful day, I
Didn’t set my boundaries
It’s a stupid example. Sorry, but it just came in my head, so I
Want you to look at these boundaries, and I want you to know that
even if you make these boundaries [I]
Will not let my mother-in-law. Talk to me or my children
That way when I come [to] their house
Who knows about it you do in your head
And you’ve [just] got these little voices that are trying to tell you hey the crash your boundaries across your boundaries
Why aren’t you telling them?
That’s how you get your control back
Tell them this is not acceptable [if] you do this
Then I do this and that means you don’t see your grandchildren anymore if you talk to them in [that] Manner
Does that make sense [if] we don’t tell them this includes our partners our?
mothers if we don’t say mom it really hurts me when you say those things and
Then she does it again
What is your consequence if she doesn’t listen to you? This is something we all [have] to understand
We need to learn to tell people
That is breaking your boundary
This is what you will accept and [that] is not so as soon as you can start to write down boundaries
go through a brain like
Drain and try and figure out things that have bothered you
mother-in-law when she does something
Husband when he does something goes out drinking all night long. Well that bothers me. What’s the boundary okay? He cheated
what’s the boundary the boundary going to be that you never tell him he has a boundary and
If he does tell if you do tell him that you have a boundary and he breaks it
What is the penalty what are you willing to stand up for for yourself?
To say I’m not taking it if you cheat me your kids are out of here
That is what we have to be stronger about because when we enforce it
They know there’s a consequence. We are dealing [with] sick human beings. They do not know
Boundaries unless we teach them
They’re like little children
The Little child is told not [to] stick their finger in the electrical socket and they don’t but if they do they get shocked
These are narcissists they will push and push and put their finger in that hole as much as they [can]
until something happens
So every boundary has to have a consequence and that has to be something that you stick by
You know stop taking them back five six seven times after they’ve cheated
You’re not going to get that good person that you thought they were
You are not ever going to see that person if they are cheating they are always going to cheat
So here’s the part for you
What will you take and why?
Why wouldn’t you take?
Nothing that is not acceptable [that’s] where I cut the boundary sure you can look at the waitress in the restaurant
That’s on the Low Boundary
flirting with my friends not so good
here cheating and
You set the limits
And you tell them if you don’t tell them the boundaries
Don’t complain that anyone costs them now that you know about boundaries
You have to use boundaries and use them correctly [I] didn’t know about boundaries. I get you know a pass
But now I know and nobody is going to cross my boundaries, but if I don’t examine
What I’ll take and what I won’t take
There’s no one to blame about myself
Because [I] know when things upset me
But traditionally. I just swallow them. I go ok that’s weird. [I] don’t want to do that, but okay
Here’s your secret guys write them down
What bothers you what they’ll take in what you won’t take this is the secret to Boundary building
Have a great day. I’m off to work. Bye