So often when we discover that we have been in a relationship of any kind with a narcissist we wonder why me? Victims of narcissist abuse get stuck in being a victim and really don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. Your words could be what is holding you in the stuck position learn how to change them and get better quicker and back to the person you were before you were unlucky enough to meet one face to face
Hi! My Name is Tracy A. Malone, founder of Narcissist Abuse Support and I’m here to help! 🙂
Transcription:
0:00:00.000,0:00:05.339
Hi there. This is Tracy, and this is lasalle and we are here to talk about
0:00:07.480,0:00:09.010
peacocks
0:00:09.010,0:00:10.630
Mom asked
0:00:10.630,0:00:14.340
Actually, we’re not talking anything about maths, but I just saw it and I thought I’d throw it on
0:00:14.980,0:00:17.789
Um because that’s the way I roll so
0:00:18.430,0:00:20.819
We really wanted to talk about the language
0:00:21.520,0:00:24.719
That people use that keep them trapped
0:00:25.449,0:00:29.069
and we have made a video before about your words, but
0:00:29.619,0:00:30.640
um
0:00:30.640,0:00:32.939
Why don’t you start this one off, okay? Sure?
0:00:33.550,0:00:35.260
so um
0:00:35.260,0:00:38.760
Language is a very powerful thing. It’s a word-based world
0:00:39.340,0:00:46.139
Everything you know we do is around wording and around words and communication and even when we’re reading or speaking
0:00:46.600,0:00:48.870
It’s it’s a word driven world
0:00:49.750,0:00:54.539
The thing that people don’t really think people don’t realize about words. Is that they can be very self
0:00:54.850,0:00:58.949
Hypnotic and they can also keep us stuck in situations that we don’t want to be in
0:01:00.160,0:01:06.150
so words have this very powerful effect on us and our everyday language and
0:01:06.700,0:01:13.619
Our inner dialogue that usually comes from up here can [be] very damaging to us
0:01:14.229,0:01:17.399
to us moving on right we can’t move on because
0:01:18.070,0:01:22.439
Either the words that we are using or are in a dialogue is
0:01:22.960,0:01:24.869
Detrimental to us in other words
0:01:24.869,0:01:29.129
There are words that are very emotive or they make us feel less than what we are
0:01:29.229,0:01:36.479
they make us feel small, and this is something we have direct control over we have control over the words that we choose and
0:01:37.299,0:01:40.649
And it might even be an interesting exercise for you to notice over a day
0:01:40.930,0:01:47.699
What kind of words you play over and over again all kind of words you say let me give you an example [um]?
0:01:48.610,0:01:50.610
a simple one really uh
0:01:51.280,0:01:55.919
You might come across somebody who has enrolled in a class of some description?
0:01:56.020,0:02:03.479
And [the] first thing that they will say was I’m not really good at art or I’m dreadful at this or I can’t do that
0:02:05.500,0:02:06.790
that is a
0:02:06.790,0:02:11.249
Self-fulfilling prophecy so it really is important that even though you’ve had ever
0:02:11.430,0:02:15.359
To the contrary where you may not have been good at art in the past
0:02:16.150,0:02:21.359
You might be able to say you know what I’m gonna give I to go it has not been my strength before
0:02:21.430,0:02:23.409
But I’m gonna give that a good old crack
0:02:23.409,0:02:26.729
So this is important for you to know that you know you
0:02:26.890,0:02:31.829
Control the way you use words and the way those words make you feel as well
0:02:32.980,0:02:34.079
This is all true
0:02:34.079,0:02:41.218
And I can honestly say I am not good at exercising and that is because I [just] don’t like it
0:02:41.560,0:02:43.560
It hurts
0:02:43.989,0:02:48.989
But that being said does not mean that I shouldn’t try and we’re not we’re talking
0:02:49.629,0:02:56.518
Particular about people that have been in some sort of relationship with a narcissist be at a love relationship
0:02:56.799,0:03:02.519
or a neighbor or somewhere where this person is in their proximity and
0:03:03.549,0:03:08.819
They’re trying to get themselves free and so often victims she hates Outward
0:03:10.359,0:03:12.359
Targets
0:03:12.609,0:03:16.079
Hold them self there by consistently saying
0:03:16.810,0:03:21.179
Well, I was in a narcissist abuse relationship. I was you know
0:03:21.729,0:03:27.269
It was terrible it was horrible, and I think that that is so fulfilling it
0:03:27.819,0:03:32.608
if you’re recovering if you are recovered if you are
0:03:33.340,0:03:34.659
learning
0:03:34.659,0:03:37.078
Then you are not where you were yesterday
0:03:37.810,0:03:40.949
Today is today yesterday was yesterday yesterday
0:03:40.949,0:03:48.329
You might have been a target today. You [are] healing and thriving you might not be thriving yet
0:03:48.849,0:03:51.119
but if you keep yourself in
0:03:51.639,0:03:53.639
victim You will not
0:03:53.739,0:03:55.978
Thrive or it will take you a lot longer
0:03:56.560,0:03:58.560
because I
0:03:58.689,0:04:00.959
Think the awards are holding it in your head
0:04:01.180,0:04:05.459
Yeah, I think jesse the other things to sort of looking at here as well as and this happens for a lot of us
0:04:05.459,0:04:11.008
right we often carry stories in our heads that have been put there by other people, so
0:04:11.650,0:04:18.090
Invariably it usually starts with your parents so as much as they may have been doing a very good job. They usually
0:04:18.639,0:04:20.759
Give you a certain amount of information
0:04:21.070,0:04:26.700
About you that you then tend to pick up that ball and carry for the rest of your life now
0:04:26.700,0:04:32.939
This can also happen in a relationship with somebody that you have held dear somebody that you have loved and whose opinion you
0:04:33.790,0:04:39.779
value the thing is you really have to learn to value your own opinion and [to] distinguish between
0:04:40.630,0:04:47.010
Something that has [been] given to you and something that is genuinely true um so you know for example
0:04:47.010,0:04:52.469
You may have had somebody who said to you. I don’t be so stupid. Oh, you couldn’t possibly do that
0:04:52.470,0:04:58.139
Why would you do that so in essence all those words that are then delivered to you?
0:04:58.139,0:05:00.869
And I’m just using a very vague example there
0:05:01.600,0:05:08.609
You then tend to say to yourself or take on as your truth, and it isn’t your truth
0:05:08.610,0:05:10.610
so really it is your job to
0:05:10.990,0:05:12.720
Start to nurture yourself the way
0:05:12.720,0:05:14.590
You would a small child I?
0:05:14.590,0:05:20.789
Often use this example with people as well as if you really find it difficult to speak to yourself in a loving and nurturing way
0:05:21.370,0:05:24.929
imagine that you are a three-Year-old or a four-Year-old child and
0:05:25.510,0:05:30.479
start to think about the way you would speak to that child you wouldn’t speak to their child in a
0:05:31.090,0:05:37.200
dismissive or some people do I know but you would generally not choose [to] speak to a child in a dismissive or harsh or
0:05:37.600,0:05:38.560
unkind Way
0:05:38.560,0:05:43.649
you would seek to balls to them you would seek to build them up you would seek to make them feel loved and nurtured and
0:05:43.650,0:05:49.739
So if you can imagine yourself as that sort of child is that tiny little child that you need to nurture and this takes?
0:05:49.930,0:05:54.329
Practice folks, this is not from one day to the next you’re going to get this right?
0:05:55.450,0:06:01.049
Stop acknowledge your thoughts acknowledge the things that you [are] saying to yourself. Don’t judge them
0:06:01.570,0:06:08.820
But find a better way to say them and say them with love and kindness and caring and and to yourself
0:06:09.610,0:06:10.590
absolutely yeah
0:06:10.590,0:06:16.019
I can as you were talking I [could] think of an example that I did on Saturday night when we
0:06:16.240,0:06:21.940
out and we met a lovely couple and the woman was a photographer and
0:06:22.460,0:06:24.080
I
0:06:24.080,0:06:29.710
it didn’t hit me until she was talking just now but I have a business card with my picture on it and
0:06:30.979,0:06:34.359
Every time I handed out and someone says I look beautiful in it
0:06:34.360,0:06:37.810
I say yeah, my own father doesn’t think I’m pretty and he said who is that?
0:06:38.780,0:06:44.139
And yet that’s something I keep seeing so if this woman is looking at my card and say I’m beautiful
0:06:44.539,0:06:50.859
Why did I take that thank Darren with whoa, but wait but my own father says it doesn’t look like me
0:06:52.009,0:06:56.229
I’m sabotaging myself and showing my own self-doubt
0:06:56.229,0:06:59.589
I didn’t even realize that yeah, it’s absolutely true
0:06:59.590,0:07:06.519
It’s taken me many years to accept compliments as well because often when you’re given a compliment your inner dialogue is going oh
0:07:06.520,0:07:09.729
They [don’t] know me that well. Oh, I don’t think so
0:07:09.729,0:07:10.250
oh
0:07:10.250,0:07:13.959
What do they do and and you sort of dismiss it you don’t say thank you and take it on
0:07:14.030,0:07:18.399
So what makes it so difficult for us to accept wonderful compliments?
0:07:18.400,0:07:19.060
But yet
0:07:19.060,0:07:26.229
Makes it so easy for us to accept negative talk about ourselves if we think about it so many people we get
0:07:26.659,0:07:30.699
Compliments on a regular basis whether it was um you know?
0:07:31.280,0:07:35.530
Just a simple thank-you from someone or a compliment on your outfit
0:07:36.440,0:07:38.440
we get those all the time and
0:07:38.870,0:07:45.940
They just fly over our head right there just there and we go. Thanks might patrol but someone says something that
0:07:46.639,0:07:47.810
criticizes you
0:07:47.810,0:07:49.810
somebody says something that
0:07:49.849,0:07:51.849
you hold on to
0:07:52.099,0:07:59.439
But that won’t fly away and have to stop holding on to the bad thing yeah and again this takes practice
0:07:59.440,0:08:07.269
so what I would suggest is on an everyday basis is start switching it around if you encounter somebody that you genuinely have a
0:08:07.520,0:08:13.389
Genuine compliment for not a gushy thing not oh, I have to say something, but if something is
0:08:14.599,0:08:17.769
Stands out to you, and you would love to compliment somebody on it
0:08:18.139,0:08:23.589
Do that do it with authenticity and watch their reaction and then?
0:08:23.930,0:08:28.940
So you keep doing that and then when that is turned on you, and you receive the compliment stop
0:08:29.880,0:08:35.480
Say thank you very much and try to absorb that as you would a negative one
0:08:35.820,0:08:39.800
You know because really it’s up to you to choose
0:08:39.800,0:08:43.849
What raw what little dialogue is playing here [in] your head and in your thoughts?
0:08:44.340,0:08:48.740
You have tapes I can guarantee you you are playing many old tapes that
0:08:49.050,0:08:56.180
No longer serve you so those old tapes need to be just put aside or that radio station that you here playing all the time
0:08:56.180,0:09:01.609
With negative commentary on you you have the power to turn the dial down on that
0:09:02.160,0:09:03.420
do that
0:09:03.420,0:09:08.120
Turn it down even if you can’t get rid of it right away choose to not listen to it
0:09:08.120,0:09:14.479
And there’s no judgment in that just go huh, I see what’s happening there, and I’m going to focus on something else right now
0:09:14.480,0:09:20.029
right focus on that positive photographer telling me I looked beautiful hold on to that instead of
0:09:21.240,0:09:24.259
dredging something up and and this is a lot of
0:09:26.460,0:09:30.860
Things that have happened in my past that I can associate with the same
0:09:31.650,0:09:36.709
Bad tapes recordings if you will that have happened along my life that
0:09:37.830,0:09:39.690
disempowered me and
0:09:39.690,0:09:45.470
We have to look at what Empowers us and hold on to that and screw the rest
0:09:46.260,0:09:48.260
Absolutely didn’t feel like you in town
0:09:49.650,0:09:52.220
[this] is Tracy and this is gizelle
0:09:52.350,0:09:57.949
Thank you for watching and if you would like to subscribe below or above where is that?
0:09:57.950,0:10:01.189
I don’t know. Do you see it? Maybe they awesome?
0:10:02.100,0:10:03.330
subscribe
0:10:03.330,0:10:06.369
This out cease all we got. Thank you. Bye
Listen to my podcasts anytime by subscribing with your favorite provider!
