So often when we discover that we have been in a relationship of any kind with a narcissist we wonder why me? Victims of narcissist abuse get stuck in being a victim and really don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. Your words could be what is holding you in the stuck position learn how to change them and get better quicker and back to the person you were before you were unlucky enough to meet one face to face
Hi! My Name is Tracy A. Malone, founder of Narcissist Abuse Support and I’m here to help! 🙂
Transcription:
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Hi there. This is Tracy, and this is lasalle and we are here to talk about
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peacocks
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Mom asked
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Actually, we’re not talking anything about maths, but I just saw it and I thought I’d throw it on
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Um because that’s the way I roll so
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We really wanted to talk about the language
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That people use that keep them trapped
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and we have made a video before about your words, but
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um
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Why don’t you start this one off, okay? Sure?
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so um
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Language is a very powerful thing. It’s a word-based world
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Everything you know we do is around wording and around words and communication and even when we’re reading or speaking
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It’s it’s a word driven world
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The thing that people don’t really think people don’t realize about words. Is that they can be very self
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Hypnotic and they can also keep us stuck in situations that we don’t want to be in
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so words have this very powerful effect on us and our everyday language and
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Our inner dialogue that usually comes from up here can [be] very damaging to us
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to us moving on right we can’t move on because
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Either the words that we are using or are in a dialogue is
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Detrimental to us in other words
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There are words that are very emotive or they make us feel less than what we are
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they make us feel small, and this is something we have direct control over we have control over the words that we choose and
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And it might even be an interesting exercise for you to notice over a day
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What kind of words you play over and over again all kind of words you say let me give you an example [um]?
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a simple one really uh
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You might come across somebody who has enrolled in a class of some description?
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And [the] first thing that they will say was I’m not really good at art or I’m dreadful at this or I can’t do that
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that is a
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Self-fulfilling prophecy so it really is important that even though you’ve had ever
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To the contrary where you may not have been good at art in the past
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You might be able to say you know what I’m gonna give I to go it has not been my strength before
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But I’m gonna give that a good old crack
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So this is important for you to know that you know you
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Control the way you use words and the way those words make you feel as well
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This is all true
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And I can honestly say I am not good at exercising and that is because I [just] don’t like it
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It hurts
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But that being said does not mean that I shouldn’t try and we’re not we’re talking
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Particular about people that have been in some sort of relationship with a narcissist be at a love relationship
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or a neighbor or somewhere where this person is in their proximity and
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They’re trying to get themselves free and so often victims she hates Outward
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Targets
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Hold them self there by consistently saying
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Well, I was in a narcissist abuse relationship. I was you know
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It was terrible it was horrible, and I think that that is so fulfilling it
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if you’re recovering if you are recovered if you are
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learning
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Then you are not where you were yesterday
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Today is today yesterday was yesterday yesterday
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You might have been a target today. You [are] healing and thriving you might not be thriving yet
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but if you keep yourself in
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victim You will not
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Thrive or it will take you a lot longer
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because I
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Think the awards are holding it in your head
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Yeah, I think jesse the other things to sort of looking at here as well as and this happens for a lot of us
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right we often carry stories in our heads that have been put there by other people, so
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Invariably it usually starts with your parents so as much as they may have been doing a very good job. They usually
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Give you a certain amount of information
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About you that you then tend to pick up that ball and carry for the rest of your life now
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This can also happen in a relationship with somebody that you have held dear somebody that you have loved and whose opinion you
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value the thing is you really have to learn to value your own opinion and [to] distinguish between
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Something that has [been] given to you and something that is genuinely true um so you know for example
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You may have had somebody who said to you. I don’t be so stupid. Oh, you couldn’t possibly do that
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Why would you do that so in essence all those words that are then delivered to you?
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And I’m just using a very vague example there
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You then tend to say to yourself or take on as your truth, and it isn’t your truth
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so really it is your job to
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Start to nurture yourself the way
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You would a small child I?
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Often use this example with people as well as if you really find it difficult to speak to yourself in a loving and nurturing way
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imagine that you are a three-Year-old or a four-Year-old child and
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start to think about the way you would speak to that child you wouldn’t speak to their child in a
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dismissive or some people do I know but you would generally not choose [to] speak to a child in a dismissive or harsh or
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unkind Way
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you would seek to balls to them you would seek to build them up you would seek to make them feel loved and nurtured and
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So if you can imagine yourself as that sort of child is that tiny little child that you need to nurture and this takes?
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Practice folks, this is not from one day to the next you’re going to get this right?
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Stop acknowledge your thoughts acknowledge the things that you [are] saying to yourself. Don’t judge them
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But find a better way to say them and say them with love and kindness and caring and and to yourself
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absolutely yeah
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I can as you were talking I [could] think of an example that I did on Saturday night when we
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out and we met a lovely couple and the woman was a photographer and
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I
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it didn’t hit me until she was talking just now but I have a business card with my picture on it and
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Every time I handed out and someone says I look beautiful in it
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I say yeah, my own father doesn’t think I’m pretty and he said who is that?
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And yet that’s something I keep seeing so if this woman is looking at my card and say I’m beautiful
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Why did I take that thank Darren with whoa, but wait but my own father says it doesn’t look like me
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I’m sabotaging myself and showing my own self-doubt
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I didn’t even realize that yeah, it’s absolutely true
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It’s taken me many years to accept compliments as well because often when you’re given a compliment your inner dialogue is going oh
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They [don’t] know me that well. Oh, I don’t think so
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oh
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What do they do and and you sort of dismiss it you don’t say thank you and take it on
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So what makes it so difficult for us to accept wonderful compliments?
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But yet
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Makes it so easy for us to accept negative talk about ourselves if we think about it so many people we get
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Compliments on a regular basis whether it was um you know?
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Just a simple thank-you from someone or a compliment on your outfit
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we get those all the time and
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They just fly over our head right there just there and we go. Thanks might patrol but someone says something that
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criticizes you
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somebody says something that
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you hold on to
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But that won’t fly away and have to stop holding on to the bad thing yeah and again this takes practice
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so what I would suggest is on an everyday basis is start switching it around if you encounter somebody that you genuinely have a
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Genuine compliment for not a gushy thing not oh, I have to say something, but if something is
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Stands out to you, and you would love to compliment somebody on it
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Do that do it with authenticity and watch their reaction and then?
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So you keep doing that and then when that is turned on you, and you receive the compliment stop
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Say thank you very much and try to absorb that as you would a negative one
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You know because really it’s up to you to choose
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What raw what little dialogue is playing here [in] your head and in your thoughts?
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You have tapes I can guarantee you you are playing many old tapes that
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No longer serve you so those old tapes need to be just put aside or that radio station that you here playing all the time
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With negative commentary on you you have the power to turn the dial down on that
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do that
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Turn it down even if you can’t get rid of it right away choose to not listen to it
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And there’s no judgment in that just go huh, I see what’s happening there, and I’m going to focus on something else right now
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right focus on that positive photographer telling me I looked beautiful hold on to that instead of
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dredging something up and and this is a lot of
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Things that have happened in my past that I can associate with the same
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Bad tapes recordings if you will that have happened along my life that
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disempowered me and
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We have to look at what Empowers us and hold on to that and screw the rest
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Absolutely didn’t feel like you in town
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[this] is Tracy and this is gizelle
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Thank you for watching and if you would like to subscribe below or above where is that?
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I don’t know. Do you see it? Maybe they awesome?
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subscribe
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This out cease all we got. Thank you. Bye