Transcription:
0:00:01.449,0:00:05.129
Because of fear we often stay too long
0:00:07.899,0:00:09.899
spear a weakness or
0:00:11.769,0:00:15.029
Something that we must like conquer and fight
0:00:17.140,0:00:24.420
This is tracy when if you have been battling [with] fear or you’ve allowed fear to
0:00:25.539,0:00:29.219
Make decisions for you this video might help
0:00:30.519,0:00:35.279
Don’t forget [to] subscribe. I’m going to say it now so I don’t forget later victims of abuse
0:00:38.890,0:00:40.890
often fear the unknown
0:00:46.149,0:00:48.149
the unseen
0:00:51.100,0:00:58.230
[sycuan] is we fear money, and how will I survive I?
0:01:02.050,0:01:04.050
Didn’t save enough
0:01:05.199,0:01:08.009
Maybe I wasn’t smart enough. I didn’t go to college
0:01:08.590,0:01:10.590
Or got out the work career
0:01:10.810,0:01:12.790
Which is of my children’s?
0:01:12.790,0:01:14.790
how I [survive]
0:01:15.909,0:01:17.909
You can also be afraid of the future
0:01:20.320,0:01:23.759
Where you’re going to live how you’re going to survive
0:01:27.770,0:01:35.020
What’s going to happen [to] your children insurance even food?
0:01:41.600,0:01:43.600
uncertainty
0:01:43.970,0:01:50.199
We just don’t know what’s going to [happen] next and that is really scary [I] get it
0:01:52.160,0:01:54.160
It is also
0:01:56.120,0:01:58.120
be uncontrolled
0:01:58.880,0:02:01.150
What I have realized is that I?
0:02:02.930,0:02:07.419
Look at life, and I like to control things
0:02:08.690,0:02:12.279
probably because I couldn’t control things most of my life and
0:02:12.830,0:02:18.369
So the fear of something we can’t control is very real at least for me
0:02:19.850,0:02:21.850
We’re afraid for our children
0:02:23.690,0:02:28.029
We’re afraid that just wasn’t what we wanted for them
0:02:28.520,0:02:32.109
We didn’t want them to be going back and forth between two families
0:02:32.269,0:02:37.239
We didn’t want them to not be with their mom and their dad on Christmas morning
0:02:38.060,0:02:40.089
it’s not how we planned it and
0:02:41.480,0:02:43.480
how they cope
0:02:44.180,0:02:48.549
[but] they go through emotional stuff that I’ll have to help them with
0:02:50.540,0:02:53.379
These are all the things that we [ask] about our kids
0:02:54.290,0:02:56.209
Will they be okay?
0:02:56.209,0:02:58.209
Will they end up screwed up later?
0:02:59.090,0:03:01.090
[get] it
0:03:02.330,0:03:04.250
we very often
0:03:04.250,0:03:10.929
Turn our fear from those sort of external things that we don’t know they’re all unknown, right?
0:03:11.690,0:03:15.519
But we turn it to ourself and we wonder
0:03:17.420,0:03:19.420
If I will be lovable
0:03:20.360,0:03:23.559
Who would love me? What’s wrong with me?
0:03:26.750,0:03:28.750
We take it down and we say
0:03:29.510,0:03:31.510
Who will want to be with me now?
0:03:32.239,0:03:34.239
Maybe [I] haven’t saved for retirement
0:03:34.730,0:03:40.349
Maybe I don’t have a career. Maybe I’ve got three kids at and no way to support them
0:03:40.349,0:03:46.289
Who’s going to want me then will I be prime target for another narcissist?
0:03:47.410,0:03:52.410
Because I’m living out of fear. I’m living that I can’t take care of my family
0:03:53.980,0:03:55.980
Another thing is trust
0:03:56.860,0:03:58.860
We’re really afraid
0:03:58.959,0:04:00.790
Who will be trust?
0:04:00.790,0:04:02.819
Will we ever trust again?
0:04:03.910,0:04:06.899
This betrayal that we are experiencing is
0:04:08.440,0:04:11.940
[not] even fathom today. I was watching a Tedx talk and
0:04:13.030,0:04:17.519
the woman, I’m going to read a little bit from it, but it was on fear and
0:04:18.280,0:04:26.070
She really inspired me to make this video. So I wrote some things down that she said I’m hoping that they’ll help you
0:04:27.370,0:04:35.160
[I’ll] put a link down below to where you can see this ted. Talk her name [is] Karen Thompson Walker and
0:04:37.930,0:04:39.930
She was talking about
0:04:40.540,0:04:44.219
What if we didn’t call these things fear?
0:04:46.270,0:04:48.690
What if we call them stories?
0:04:54.529,0:04:57.669
These are unintended stories that we tell ourselves
0:05:02.869,0:05:05.559
She went on to say [that] fear and stories
0:05:06.199,0:05:08.199
Have the same architecture
0:05:08.599,0:05:11.438
There’s a beginning middle and an end
0:05:12.259,0:05:14.259
There’s characters
0:05:14.269,0:05:16.269
There’s plots
0:05:16.639,0:05:22.359
There’s an evil queen and there’s imagery of what will happen [next]
0:05:27.019,0:05:29.019
to me when I listen to that
0:05:29.360,0:05:31.959
that was like the best description of
0:05:32.749,0:05:36.639
What I keep hearing now, which is the old recordings right I?
0:05:37.159,0:05:42.069
never really heard that expression before and now I’m hearing it all the time and
0:05:44.300,0:05:47.559
These fears are stories
0:05:48.289,0:05:53.859
I’m afraid of this I’m afraid I’m not good enough. I don’t think I can be a provider
0:05:54.499,0:06:02.199
Well, you know what it might be different, but we will be providers for ourselves and our family again
0:06:03.319,0:06:08.558
we’re just like a little brain fucked at the moment because by the very meaning of
0:06:09.229,0:06:12.368
Fear it’s an unpleasant emotion
0:06:13.429,0:06:15.549
caused by the belief that
0:06:16.969,0:06:19.958
someone or something is dangerous and
0:06:21.139,0:06:24.219
It’s likely to cause pain or threat
0:06:24.860,0:06:26.509
and
0:06:26.509,0:06:30.218
fear can cause anxiety [on] behalf of itself
0:06:31.129,0:06:38.528
So if we look at us as victims and the brain Factory that we’ve been experiencing
0:06:39.229,0:06:41.229
That’s a really
0:06:41.689,0:06:48.099
Interesting way to put it that’s from [dictionary] [calm] and the word I called out with belief
0:06:48.709,0:06:53.888
We believe that these things are happening. [they’re] not actually happening right [now]
0:06:54.800,0:07:00.339
We don’t know what they [are] and that’s the uncertainty partridge. That’s a part. We don’t understand yet, but
0:07:05.009,0:07:10.829
But she said it’s when we dismiss our fear is really when we lose control
0:07:11.589,0:07:12.819
because
0:07:12.819,0:07:17.639
by allowing fear to like eat at us like some sort of
0:07:18.279,0:07:20.759
bug eating like a
0:07:21.460,0:07:23.460
gross thing on the ground
0:07:24.969,0:07:29.759
if we let it eat at us, and we don’t conquer it and
0:07:30.699,0:07:32.699
It will control us
0:07:32.949,0:07:36.058
So how do we can take control of our fear?
0:07:37.809,0:07:39.809
how do we take the mystery out of
0:07:42.009,0:07:44.009
It’s really only one way
0:07:47.589,0:07:53.609
We take the fear out of it. Just like we would if our child woke up and there were monsters under the bed
0:07:55.089,0:08:01.019
Instead of invalidating them. Maybe not saying you know that’s all in your head. There’s no such thing as monsters
0:08:01.959,0:08:05.039
What if we turn that around and told a different story?
0:08:06.189,0:08:11.159
The monsters you know are good, and they’re here to protect you
0:08:12.189,0:08:14.189
What if we told that to ourselves?
0:08:14.830,0:08:16.389
about
0:08:16.389,0:08:18.389
fear that comes inside of us
0:08:19.839,0:08:24.119
If we had an actionable plan and we planned
0:08:25.599,0:08:28.829
and how to plan to just
0:08:30.550,0:08:31.959
get out
0:08:31.959,0:08:33.959
I’ll get a job. I’ll do this
0:08:34.569,0:08:36.809
What happens if I lose my house? I’ll find another
0:08:37.870,0:08:42.359
What happens if my children have to deal with an evil stepmother?
0:08:42.940,0:08:44.470
They will deal
0:08:44.470,0:08:48.690
We can’t control that there’s nothing we can do that will control
0:08:49.180,0:08:53.579
That fear so worrying about it isn’t going to help us out
0:08:54.610,0:09:01.589
Karen also said in that ted talk the fears are an amazing gift of the imagination
0:09:02.500,0:09:07.019
they’re like an everyday clairvoyance and a way of glimpsing the
0:09:07.660,0:09:09.339
future
0:09:09.339,0:09:12.689
Wow still having the influence
0:09:13.540,0:09:15.990
To change the way that it plays out
0:09:19.160,0:09:21.160
Breakdown Your Fears
0:09:22.220,0:09:24.220
Just do it
0:09:24.410,0:09:26.410
What am I afraid of and what?
0:09:26.960,0:09:28.460
[will] happen
0:09:28.460,0:09:32.590
If that happened how will you prepare for that?
0:09:33.170,0:09:34.300
Write [that] down
0:09:34.300,0:09:42.279
Just like I said I’m gonna have to move I’m going to do this. I have no savings. [I] have no insurance
0:09:42.920,0:09:49.659
You’ll figure it out. It will get taken care of because that’s the way we are. We do things we care
0:09:49.660,0:09:56.469
We love we’re not going to let it all fall apart. It’s just we’re afraid of it because we don’t know what it is
0:09:57.200,0:09:59.200
It’s unknown and it’s unseen
0:10:00.170,0:10:02.769
so don’t let it be
0:10:03.410,0:10:07.569
You know get into you don’t let fear take you away
0:10:08.420,0:10:10.420
Come back to reality
0:10:10.520,0:10:12.579
by writing down the fear and
0:10:13.730,0:10:17.199
Writing down what will happen if that fear comes -?
0:10:20.690,0:10:27.460
This is tracy, [and] [that’s] all I’ve got have a great night and subscribe. Thanks
Listen to my podcasts anytime by subscribing with your favorite provider!
