A quick run thru of many of the red flags to watch out for when dealing with a narcissist.
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Transcription:
Hi, this is Tracy and mini gonna talk and name some of the red flags of being a narcissist. There are individual videos I have someAnd there are many, many that you can put in the search box and find more details on any one of these. And I want to start being that the scale of narcissist crazy is up here and down here. Everything can be and something.
Oh yes, your person has to your person has three.
It doesn’t mean that they are or they’re not an artist, but it’s when you add one plus one and you start to see the pattern of how many things that this person has that should be a red flag. And very often, as I talked to survivors, what we’re thinking about as we look at these red flags with the new lens, the new filter is that we just thought that these little things were just that person.
You know everybody’s different, so you… No, they aren’t good with money, or they had this happen to them. You almost make excuses or listen to their excuses. That’s probably more in… We don’t really make the excuses unless we’re really out of tune but we question and then suddenly we find out that they’ve got an answer and at that point we choose to believe them because they’ve convinced us in all of these steps of gaining control over us.
The first one is called La bombing and a lumens that when you first meet them, they are texting the qual he time, they are calling and you’re talking for endless hours they might buy you a lot of flowers, not one, don’t be ESET it.
I send you a little present or do cut things. They, they’re bombing you, you do coming down and they’re getting you brushing. Intimacy is the second red flag, and this is a popular thing and the reason that they do it is they are trying to not let you have a chance to really get to know them, not take the time, not step back and analyze things by rushing it and making you think that you are the perfect one for them, they’re taking away the opportunity for you to…
I think about it. So that is what Busan intimacy does. Being a good listener.
It’s number three on this list that I have heard it, the new, the listeners is something that we all want somebody to be So I, it’s more of a personality trait in my mind, but I you know, the reason that they are becoming a good listener, and overly attentive to your needs is that they are trying to figure out everything about you, to see if you are a possible supply. What was your family life like?
What has been your role in life? Have you been the caregiver of your family?
Great, they were soon to take care of them. If you have been the strong and mighty, Fighter they’re probably gonna walk away at this point because they know they can’t control you, they go after people that are very kind, very loving, very giving that is what they’re hunting for when they do this discovery process they are trying to determine if you are the kind of person looking for a family, if you are looking for a husband, if you were looking for a wife if these are the types of things that red flags happen to. So in a relationship now, there are so many spectrums. Again, of different ways a nurses, I can be in anyone’s life. So this is really kind of talking about the romantic thing here.
They are very caring and not all of them are, but you will find that everybody loves happen and that they are just the perfect thing, particularly when they’re out in public, they turn on the this term, they charm you lately, just wow you. It’s what they do.
Mirroring Marri is another red flag. And what they are doing with that is if you say that you like hook EDP, they like book it out. If you say you like the color brown, they like the color ground, if you like, a chocolate or vanilla? cream they are going to sort of make it so that everything about you that you say you like they like to, because now you found yourself at someone that likes the same green, but beat Porto as who knows, right? Another rifle is when they have a lot of crazy people in their life. And this one, I don’t know, I would take with something to look at. The stories that they tell, are generally not true.
So if they’re telling you about in the crazy way if the crazy husband everybody is crazy, crazy, crazy psycho-bitch alcoholic lesbian or whatever. This is an excessive amount of people, which means that they, if they’re talking about this, the way they were married to someone for even years then that’s how they gonna talk about youOne day. So be careful of that. fragmented relationships is another red flag. And what this means is they don’t have the best friend, maybe they don’t have people in their life that have been there for a long time. This shows us that they have not been good people along the way ’cause I… We needed to or at my edge. Then you probably have people that have been there a while, and they want poor financial management.
It’s certainly something to look out for.
They can be irresponsible or lots of money from you. This is one of the… Was that a mere is will use you as a supply. Are you willing to give them money? Are you willing to pay for dinner every time you go out?
Because they are financially strapped to because they’re gonna ask for money anyway, so it’s all part of the whole act that they’re going to take your money.Hyper-sexuality. I’m all like to talk about this one really because I think that it’s all e-Act, but it’s going to be the best sex of your life, because you’re so compatible because they’ve listened they harmed you and everything’s perfect, so you’re going to enjoy it and it’s gonna be really hard to replace that when you go into your next relationship. Because they made you feel so special.
They have a big ego. May I go Not A Selby taking ego thing? I just left a party and everybody was taking selfies and they were like, “Well may be a narcissist takes less, it’s not the same thing to be.
Ego means that they put themselves before anyone else, so if they have five in their pocket, they can hide it, it’s for them, they don’t think they have to share that even with their own kids. status-oriented. This is another red flag. And what you might find is that they only want label brands, and they wanna tell everyone about it.
So, Stan, is oriented. They’re going to hang out with and only wanna hang out with the cool people or reach people, they’re gonna pick their friends very carefully and surround themselves with people that bring them some kind of status by being their friend, they are always the victim. So there are no accountability in a nurses, they’re going to always tell stories where it was. Everyone else is fucked.
Their behavior, never changes, this one. And I totally saw both of my narcissist and my mother. Their beer never ever changes, because they don’t care if they tell you. Oh, “I’ll change, I’ll be better, I’ll go back to texting you a hundred times a day, whatever you want you have that you got it but they’re behaving over changes they might get better for a little while, and then they’re gonna go right down hill. Because it was a inappropriate emotions.
This one I know pretty well. And emotions could be anything from crazy anger to crying and he was using it as a ploy to get your attention and to… So I do them to you, The Ex-O-to cry all the time. And I didn’t know that it was a manipulation tactic, I just thought, Oh, he So sent them.
It’s also put down if they just find little ways to jab at you. This is a betting. We know insulting people. It’s like from elementary school, you learned that… But they’re going to do it, they’re very concerned about public image, and that is what happens later in the red flag stage of crazy, like grand finale. They are going to be really concerned with what people think about them, because they live a lot and so it’s really important for them to build up this big persona.
They get you to intersect and… And when they do that, they are making them making you feel like he really cares, she really cares. She’s getting me to think about my past, or myThis we’re actuallyThey’re kind of steering you towards where they want you to introspect because they don’t want you to intersect to actually getWell, if you are a co-dependent, they know that, and they’re not gonna tell you that they’re not gonna be guide you to. Hey, that’s interesting selection that you just made there. They’re gonna get you instruct on what they want to control you on a chronic lying. Yeah, I don’t know anybody that doesn’t have this. And it’s not just like, “Oh I drank the milk. And then you ask them, “Did you finish the milk? And they say No.
It is much more that the stories of their past, the stories of today may be leaving double lives, and I think that that is the most important thing to know that these lives are not just like this, they’re not like, “Oh I… You know, I walk the dog, these are the little ice there are grand crazy fucking lies. Sorry, let’s see. They live a parasitic existence and that means that they’re going to use people they’re going to use people along the way, and we know a Paris that it means they’re just users, they don’t care who they use, but they have stories of volunteering military work being a voice colder in voluntary and just being good people. So you look at them and go, “Oh my God, they they do this for charity, the help they run the Boy Scouts, they do all these things, but they’re fake, they’re telling you these things, if you have the feeling that something’s not right, that is a red flag, and if you talk to them about it, which is kind of normal, you’re like, “Hey let me does talk to you about this. If you feel it’s not right, and what they tell you it only makes sense to you or you accept it without listening to your gut start listening to your gut, because when you feel that something’s not right, it’s they had to protect you, your inner being is telling you is it. They can be incredibly intelligent because they have to manipulate this whole system. Imagine meaning and the author of a script and you tell this person this thing, in that personally, other thing they may really appear to be quite intelligent but in fact they have no self-esteem, and they’re not good, they never apologize.Apologizing is something that is on the human spectrum and unfortunately they are not going in to apologize, they may tip to round it but they’re not going to apologize. triangulation is something that I know really well.
This is a red flag. And what it means is that, Here’s your here is the ex-wife them, and if they can keep you away by telling me the stories of the X-Men being a CEO then they’ve triangulated you so that it’s you, them, and this other person that now you’re like, Oh, I don’t wanna see this person, I don’t wanna meet this person because he’s told me so I need to horrible things about what they’ve done so they’re praying leaving you.Triangulation can also be where they become friends with one of your friends and they’re doing that to lock you out of your security system, your people and they don’t even care about this person, but they’re gonna pretend gas-lighting, I guess, in eating is something that they do to make you think that you’re crazy, again.
And I use an example of the milk a few minutes ago, but it could be where you’re like. I didn’t finish them well, and they’re like, issue did I didn’t do it or they actually move in. That’s based on a movie that was I think, from the 40s, called “cassadin and the husband and that movie literally no things around the house. And would do things to make his way I feel crazy because then you become more dependent on them and that’s the game with that.
They are reckless and impulsive, and they have absolutely no regard for the law, they are above normal things and they can’t be bothered with little things and that could mean paying taxes and if that could mean that they don’t feel that they are responsible and have to do things that they might drive crazy, they might do things that are really crazy impulsive and that’s just a black over dependence is a partner, and this might seem like it’s a little thing, but in actuality, what they’re doing is they’re using you. So of course, they are over-dependent because they can’t do their taxes they can’t pay bills, they don’t remember a garbage day and whatever it is they become dependent on you, they know what butNo, it’s garbage day. But if they proceeded, and they get you to do more things so over-dependent on their partner is something that is a red flag, it’s not normal couples share and do equal work and work it out. What do you like to do, what do you like to do? And then they figure it out.
If you’re dealing with a male narcissist they very often have opinions about women as a whole. And I think, again, that’s not always at the truth, but if you catch a glimpse of it, I think that is a red flag.
They know it all right, that’s just the fact they know it all and you can’t tell them anything because they’re right, they know.
I’ll start with insults and put dots and insults and put-downs are in theDevalue state and they are trying to put you down. They may be subtle about it, they may not be. And I’ve heard the spectrum on that, too, that people can be so hurtful.
You might wonder if you are gonna be in danger if you have any question of your own safety.
This is not a red flag that you want to ignore.
The statistics on domestic abuse and murderers, from intimate partners are crazy. You have more of a chance of being murdered by somebody that you’re intimate with. Then you would in a plane crash, car accidents, being killed by mass murders and things like that, that we all fear those little mosquitoes, that are buzzing around. Chances are, tell by your spouse or your boyfriend before you get them in a is just, it’s crazy.
They always seem to get what they want, no matter what it is, they wanna go to Australia, so he… They find the money and they do it, they can’t pay for other things, but they want it and they find a way they… Then you may find that your friends, either love them or hate them.
I was really careful with two X because I’d already been divorced. He had to go through a vetting process with all of my friends and family and because of his charming personality, everyone loved him. Everyone better. But there are a few that more very question about him and T-rex to… I would say I had 80% of my friends, that really didn’t like him, and so nothing that I saw in him, which is they saw it before me, that’s all they didn’t like the way he treated me they didn’t like the way he would come back and come back. Like a bad penny. They didn’t like anything about him and then there were some people that thought he was great because he was triangulation with them and putting on his charming Act, and doing everything like those were people that were hand-selected, that were going to be of value to him, the other people he didn’t really care about impressing or being nice to your friends at I just in actions or that’s one to date two. And at first I had thought this was addiction to alcohol drugs.
And I’m not saying that they don’t have that addiction or if there’s not a possibility of that, but what they are addicted to Is this narcissistic supply this source, this need to constantly have this ever changing source that they can milk. And so, that is an addiction that is something, it’s like a sexual addict, I there’s so many parts of it that could be part of their addiction, so it doesn’t have to be drugs, it doesn’t have to be alcohol although from what I understand, there’s quite a bit of alcohol abuse that is A… To replace, but it’s… So I think, again, that sort of a behavior and it is called managing down your expectations.
This is where towards the end the whole… I’m not going to text a hundred times, but I don’t wanna be in a relationship right now. Or they will try to set your expectations to a different lower, lower, lower, lower, lower nor or her place. Because if they manage it, then somehow they don’t feel guilty when they’re assholes, they are on to LA. Guilty on you and they are going to use their children, they have nothing, no feelings generally for their children, there upon to get back the last supply the children’s mother. It’s probably the most pathetic of all of them, but it makes sense. They have no empathy. And so that’s another red flag, that’s pretty much the list of my Black. And there’s lots of videos on each one of these. So please, stay tuned, or subscribe I’ll have more videos out that are going to talk about specific wreck flag. But Dina from the Thrive after abuse, channel has a rifle, every single thing and she’s really good at it. So if you are looking for a little bit more explanation we have this thing called you. Do I think.
