Shannon Thomas was so kind to do an interview with me. She is the author of a VERY powerful book on recovery from abuse from a narcissist, sociopath or psychopath. A journey through the stages of recovery from psychological abuse.
Shannon has six stages of recovery
stage one – despair
stage two – education
stage three – awakening
stage four – boundaries
stage five – restoration
stage six – maintenance
Thank you Shannon for writing this book and helping our community heal.
You can reach Shannon Thomas @
BUY HER BOOK!! It’s $14.99 on amazon!
https://goo.gl/VnsY1H
Book Website
Writer & Speaker website
Business Counseling Website
SOCIAL MEDIA
Facebook
TWITTER
@southlakeLCSW
Instagram
@ShannonThomas
Pinterest
@ShannonthomasTX ot SCC/ShannonThomas board
Transcription:
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Hi there. This is Tracy and I am here honored to be talking with Shannon Thomas as
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self late counseling in Texas and
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Shannon is the author of
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Hearing from hidden abuse a journey through the stages of recovery
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So Shannon tell us about yourself and how you came to writing this book
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The Journey I think anytime you write a book you sort of have some
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Ideas and and it more so I’m have an organic style
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And so it’s organic to weather the way I do therapy or write and so for me. It’s a lot of
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Keeping things together, and I started doing the post quite a while ago, and all the sudden was like okay
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I can have enough ideas and that concept and I wanted to kind of recreate
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What folks were may be experiencing and they came in for a session and kind of Recession’s walking through this recovery?
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And so there’s a lot of good resources out there
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And so I felt like there was a piece missing I’m hearing from a lot of people that
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they had hoped that they could find a therapist who you
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Understood and really got it and so I kind of wanted to put a resource out there that would like I said recreate as much
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As possible the possible points go through from an active therapist cuz I’m actually still seeing clients
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and I felt like that was you needed kind of in the community stable I
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Agree, and I will tell everyone how I found you was to pinterest and
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more means of stages of recovery
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Just meant so much to me that I believe I made a video many many months ago reading your your means
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because
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We often when especially will begin this journey
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we start off with identifying and
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reading the Red flags reading
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Who they were with their behavior starting to understand and see our own life through a different like lens, really
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but we get to a point where this knowledge is like built up and
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then
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like now what like
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The recovery process is such an important part for me so today
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We’re going to talk about the stages of recovery, and you’ve got six six stages
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and
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Before we start I’m going to read the first line of your stage one which
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Me when I talk to
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the people in my community
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Everyone feels this way. I know I felt it and so that first line. Just totally hits me
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It’s stage one. Which is Despair will let you describe it
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but when Survivors first begin counseling for pSychological abuse
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Recovery many don’t even know that they’ve been abused so tell us about stage one
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now a lot of times folks will come in and say you know a lot of self blame a lot of my modules right and
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clearly you know – Patti – Jealous –
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Mm-Hmm unorganized or whatever life has been really kind of washed over there where the abuser or abusers of there’s more than one and so
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Despair can look really hard, and it can look different for different people some folks come in and despair
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is that they’ve been discarded or
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despair looks like they know they need to do something because they’re not healthy that service is starting to wear out because of the
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environment of being around people bitter toxic uh-huh and so the first stage
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shows very differently in different people
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But the common theme is that it’s just very chaotic and like I mentioned in the book
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It’s the idea of kind of feeling like your snow globe
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And everything’s been shaken up or you’re swimming looking for air looking for relief
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And you end up going works and sometimes that can look like?
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trying to please the abusers or abuser and
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Trying to move to whatever you know they had kind of shamed as the ideal
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but I there is no idea because being harmonious is not the goal for users, so
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Despair can look like I said just
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One out something’s not right in my life something’s happening, or I’ve just discarded
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I don’t even know what I just went through so it’s a lot of I don’t know what’s happening
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But I’m being caught up in the sort of vortex
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Mm-Hmm
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And if it’s messy and a lot of times what we’re talking about just leaving so it sounds pretty basic like breathing
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Strong things for today, and there’s no shame where we are we are we are and so it’s just really like
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how do we calm down and not just relax and let go that’s not the concept at all but for
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4550 minutes of the Session it. It’s a four items
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The rest of the day might look different and might look different story walked in but right now. We’re okay
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We’re going to breathe and we’re going to figure out okay. What’s the very next little shift right? And I so appreciate that?
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information because
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I had to learn you know that panic attack that fear that that
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You know complete confusion. I would walk into a room and forget what I was doing and it was like
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I was on drugs or something
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I was just like my brain stopped functioning and
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For me a lot of physical things were happening in that despair state where you know my body wasn’t sleeping I?
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Didn’t want to eat, and I didn’t even know that. I wasn’t eating until my son came home for a
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Christmas vacation use like Mom like you eat once a day and I’m like yeah, yes
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but it just never occurred to me because I was so
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Time to just get up every day, and I think a lot of people
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You know really struggle with that at first absolutely. There’s a lot of research that shows a
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physiological level the brain with you know post-traumatic stress disorder
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That changes that the way the brain kind of lights up them and how we’re functioning and our cognitive abilities
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Can definitely definitely be impacted by being in the toxic Chronic anoxic environment?
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Uh-huh, it’s through all of the things that we can talk about you know any other stages
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But this is very real specific foggy headed people felt anxious there are
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Multiple physical and emotional things that can happen and sometimes that’s the driver for coming into therapy it could be as a family
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More origin with toxic and that never really got does it, but they’re still sort of hanging
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That baggage is hanging on that mother they wanted there at all. They want it to be gone
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But how do you sort of unpack it? So there’s only some?
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Suggesting to come into therapy and that maybe I just want to so happy with all the way to
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and everything in between and all the way to I’m
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breaking down
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I think I need to take a break from life and maybe alkalized or physical or emotional
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ingest and for everything in between that but
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Survivors to know there’s a common all kinds of stages
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But Despair was slight, but it’s always hard
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Yeah, and and what you made was a really good point about
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Finding therapy and getting in there, and I know that a lot of people
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Complain that when they seek out a therapist to begin this process
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They aren’t sure that they’ve been abused they don’t really understand it so bail does go to
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Somebody and maybe not know to ask them about trauma pTSd
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How does someone find someone as amazing as you?
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Yeah, I may be a good fit for some people and I say very in beginner and want to get fit for everybody personality style
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Approach what I think the kind looks like there
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He feels good people that you refer all the time to and if folks are in an area that they don’t have someone who?
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Specializes in it and there’s a few different directories out there that kind of lists and folks that you specialize in this area
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But the very first suggestion is to find someone who’s trauma-informed
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And that can be you know making a phone call
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Of course, I’m biased to the degree. I have which is a licensed clinical social workers
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I think we’re trained to look the listicle, but there’s also some very good
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marriages and therapists and other licensing
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Come from like this is like licensed professional counselors, but when folks reach out to us
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And they don’t have anybody in your area, or don’t want to do you know the note counseling or remote sessions with a life coach?
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Trauma-informed, Serapis will help them at least hopefully not be
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realized by someone through a therapist who either truly doesn’t get it or
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Maybe they want to talk with themselves because we can’t ever you know say oh
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no soon as the talks because there’s talking to be in every community and every profession when
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finding someone that understands the brain
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changes with Trauma and understand Triggers and understands recovery that gets folks
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Somewhere to go that
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they hope they will be safe from someone who’s going to be traumatized them kind of specific the nuances of the
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Narcissistic sociopathic psychopathic abuse psychological abuse the trauma is one therapists who doesn’t know that
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Specifically hopefully will release some books and do some research
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The recent therapists don’t know if that their programs don’t cover this very much
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I think ostomy talked about delay before we got started so it’s so much to cover
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you know a two-year program and then postgraduate work that this particular area on it gets kindles and
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epidemic and pandemic right now it is the mountain in the over inter graduate opens anymore, right, I agree and
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That was really helpful. I think people are going to really
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Understand now. Thank you for how to find the right help
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especially in the beginning
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You know you know you’re not going to get to the next stages if you’re blocked and you get into a therapist
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And they tell you oh you’re doing everything fine. Don’t worry. You’re good. You know they listen to you
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Just go blah and they’re lame or blame the survivor you message under certain
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You know especially in a religious setting you see that a whole lot as I come in with one problem
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We come out now with several. Yeah, that’s true
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Mm-Hm so tell us. What staged you is age to this education, and I always have to go back
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I don’t know if you’re watching I don’t know I wrote the book and I’m like my brain got fried in the process
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but now stage two is education and the reason I thought that there is because
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When survivors come in and they’re English there we start talking very quickly about what is gaslighting
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What is intermittent or so what is it a sea of?
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Users have done in the past or currently doing and when we can put names to it that really helps them go, okay?
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It’s not me unless here. It’s not something
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I really am not going to sensitive and then we not be malleable accuser said but education comes right away
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Mm-Hmm
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Ah and and I know that you have an amazing amount of resources at the back of your butt that
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Indicate you know, what books to read where some good blogs where some good resources and I?
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Have read all of the ones that you have suggested
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particularly a psychopath free I
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love Jackson’s work and
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Donna from love fraud me these were my first steps in
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identifying because a
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Lot of people say that
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We we don’t want to
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Color I’m going to call us a victim and I think as a victim
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we have to go some victim to become a survivor because if you don’t know that we had anything happen to us to me I
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Can’t avoid that step but I don’t want to stay there a great really really powerful
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Yes, where you have to recognize it you have to use otherwise. You’re just going okay?
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I had a bad boyfriend or you know my husband was a jerk or my mother if you don’t see the patterns
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you’re never going to change them, so I think the education process is such a big part and
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learning
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About the signs of flags or behaviors and then more accountability, right?
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How was I target? What was I giving out or
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Again, not a victim blaming thing, but I had to learn about Codependency
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Whether I own that or claim it
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I had to go all right am I this is this what I am read about it learn about it understand it and
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then move to the next stage for me of
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identifying
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That my mother was a narcissist and that explained my whole childhood and therefore. Oh now your patterns were that you
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understood and kind of new crazy, so
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being in a relationship with that was very normal so I
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Think there’s different steps. There’s the education of learning about them and then about us, right
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Sure, absolutely, and I think that there’s you for me
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There’s a huge difference between trauma bonded and being codependent
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and I think some folks can be trauma bonded and then it moves into
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You know what one considers horrible Codependency, but there is a definite self-reflection. Thank you at which
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I think that the survivor is already doing way before the despair. They’ve done so much
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Self-reflection and so much the ability to say let me look at what’s being accused of me
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There’s a certain kind of general personality type that
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narcissistic sociopath will attach to and that can be somebody who’s doing someone who obviously have strengths that the
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Toxic person wants to move on the missioning
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and then siphon some after and destroying ultimately because of their jealousy, but
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Really having to figure out okay at what point did I need to see that’s why don’t you.why me that’s for me
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That’s way down the road for Survivors I
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Think that that comes much more after the foundation on the ground is found again, okay?
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because they’ve done so much work of looking at themselves that we kinda have to pull away a little bit in the
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Sessions from looking at their inward to looking at what’s happening from the other person must be a user of the user soon
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And then we can look and kind of sort tree, okay?
0:14:40.160,0:14:46.969
Is it trauma bonding or is it they could be going to codependency and over to the power half all right right exactly yeah?
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I’m all right stage three. I’m going to give you this oh wait. I got it. I remember
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I
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Was awakened and yes, that’s that okay?
0:14:57.620,0:15:02.630
So I’m venomous fair and now I understand that there are terms that goes what has happened to me
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And it’s that wow that’s that awakening of I’m not crazy
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I’m not all these terrible things with the cushion-cut that I may not so that way every day some day
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That’s walk between things really broken and not well, and then other days. It’s like okay
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I can see the picture clearly and then it’s a map and now I’m not clear again and
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Oftentimes is crying to know on the lawn Benjamin some days and get it. They’ve got it
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The abuser and other days. They’re back to wiper mimic this work. What’s wrong with me
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normal normal part of the
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rewiring of
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brainwashing and all the things that have happened to them so the awakening is that
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Wow there really are other people out there, and maybe it’s not just me and maybe I really can sign him
0:15:49.130,0:15:54.460
Good good momentary stage, but we got to get further than that. Oh yeah, I
0:15:55.790,0:15:58.029
think that the awakening part is
0:15:59.120,0:16:03.039
You know fully aware, but looking through life is a different lens
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I don’t think a day goes by that as I think about something this new lens goes oh
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That’s what that is
0:16:12.470,0:16:14.470
um I had a
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thing this week with one of my sisters
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And she did what she’s done to me for the last 55 years which is
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When she gets upset she pulls away
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But she does it in such a dramatic way
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That she’s screaming and crying on the phone and and then it means me I
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Freaked out, and I can’t reach her and I think she’s dead and I I now looking at it going
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Whoa, this is a new lens. Oh my God. This is a pattern she’s done to me over and over and
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How do we turn that off let myself not go into panic because of her stuff right? It’s
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looking at it in a different runs because
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55 years I didn’t I
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Knew that if she did that and I would come to the rescue
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So now I’m looking at it and going on right now
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I see you differently, and I think that helps her heal, just articles most definitely
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It’s that reframing. It’s that narrative theory of changing the story over time
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cognitive behavioral therapy, it’s all of the traumas one carrots the theories that are really grounded and how you
0:17:20.420,0:17:28.089
Slowly rewire the impulses the trauma responses you know when she goes away, and it’s the ideas emotions
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Congress also try and understand our or she’s hurt somehow or something bad has happened that is that part of the brain that?
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Is white so it’s stopping and saying this or this mania taxes, maybe?
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Manipulation with movies and really having a rational through and that’s what I want folks to Maturana know
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psychologically abusive triggers, you know
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You have mold how to pull that string to get that here this one exactly exactly and I know that
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You wrote on page?
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117 if I may say
0:18:04.370,0:18:09.820
That after psychological release that is hard to trust and it’s hard to
0:18:10.850,0:18:13.030
Trust another person, but
0:18:13.880,0:18:16.930
Can we talk about that for a second sure absolutely?
0:18:17.030,0:18:21.219
I think that you know it’s learning to trust yourself to I think that’s through the
0:18:22.310,0:18:26.259
education stage and through awakening and something others become very
0:18:26.870,0:18:32.469
Later on it’s learning to translocate. Well, I identify a huge down the road again
0:18:32.470,0:18:36.730
And I have this idea I couldn’t put in the book cause it’s kind of visual and I’ve had to figure not like I don’t
0:18:36.730,0:18:37.420
Tell me story
0:18:37.420,0:18:42.399
But I have this idea we talked about a lot in therapy that there’s defense and on this side of the fence
0:18:42.400,0:18:48.070
I put my hands in work and on this side of the fence are those clinical versus associate a psychopaths?
0:18:48.070,0:18:54.459
And they’re not changing because nothing’s wrong with and this is that clinical side if we grab in a toxic home that we need you
0:18:54.460,0:19:00.790
Over here. We need somebody they might be healthier, but they’re shown on that side extent you get on this side
0:19:00.790,0:19:03.940
This is normal. This is letting someone right here
0:19:03.940,0:19:10.389
Who’s Super Selfish that they can systematically get better make it you know how many ways the minute? I can have changes they
0:19:11.270,0:19:12.310
drove alcohol
0:19:12.310,0:19:19.179
Or drugs or other things that recovering they get healthier when they’re part of a sentence measures changes in just that one section eight
0:19:19.490,0:19:22.810
So with one of the trust ourselves is we have to recognize that
0:19:23.390,0:19:30.430
This side. I may have been conditioned through family or to other things to accept certain measures on a live on this side
0:19:30.430,0:19:35.139
I want to know what is this like look though most people on this side kind of a base
0:19:35.180,0:19:38.259
How do they talk how do they deal this concept how do they?
0:19:38.390,0:19:44.530
Work through things this is where I want to be able to hear about learning to trust again is recognizing what?
0:19:45.110,0:19:47.620
To people on how to people behave, and they’re on that
0:19:48.140,0:19:53.709
Monstrous assistive health psychopath side how do I get where that’s more loans?
0:19:53.710,0:19:54.220
We’re not okay?
0:19:54.220,0:20:02.020
But I can see it like I said I made the condition that families way over here the false mazen here that so not healthy
0:20:02.270,0:20:07.660
Mmm-Hmm see that a lot people will say I thought I was picking that I thought and they were
0:20:08.510,0:20:12.430
We celebrate that yes, you did not pick somebody that was exactly like that
0:20:12.430,0:20:16.029
You dropped it or who you were married to or whatever the case is I?
0:20:16.310,0:20:19.810
Run them on that other side of the fence. There’s no shame about it, right?
0:20:19.810,0:20:26.409
I recognize one of those two different worlds look. I think trust comes from that from your leaving a little scene and
0:20:26.930,0:20:31.599
recognize it cited or equivalent by the defense of healthy people selection by you me
0:20:32.330,0:20:37.030
So I realized in the topic sentence yeah, and I think for me
0:20:37.730,0:20:39.260
marrying
0:20:39.260,0:20:43.089
someone that has these personality traits I
0:20:45.080,0:20:51.250
Think they tricked me, but by me reviewing all of what I had been through in my life
0:20:51.250,0:20:53.250
And not saying I even knew what?
0:20:53.720,0:20:55.490
Had happened in my family
0:20:55.490,0:20:56.900
but
0:20:56.900,0:20:59.800
Revealing that the most important thing to me. Which is my family I?
0:21:00.530,0:21:04.420
Wanted that real family. I want thanksgiving dinner. I want that. I want that
0:21:05.080,0:21:10.390
Yeah, I want to be on that side of the fence yeah, so for me my narcissist and his entire family
0:21:11.090,0:21:13.090
kind of
0:21:13.370,0:21:20.589
emulated what I wanted they needed and that mirrored what I wanted on that side of the fence, so they tricked me and
0:21:21.140,0:21:23.140
Now I know
0:21:23.390,0:21:26.349
what to look for and like okay, the
0:21:27.050,0:21:29.050
family unit that I said I wanted
0:21:29.720,0:21:33.579
Would not do the things that they did you know yeah?
0:21:33.890,0:21:39.489
It’s it’s I would hoping and holding onto that railing going. I found a family that is
0:21:40.010,0:21:42.010
Together every Easter
0:21:42.110,0:21:49.089
Yeah, but they were so dysfunctional they were screaming at each other that’s not normal, but right now I can see now
0:21:49.090,0:21:56.170
I’m educated now. I’m awakened to the fact that I want to be. I love that anything. We’re going to go with that fencing
0:21:57.380,0:22:01.510
If you know how to put it on a post, I really haven’t done everyone ill figure it out yet now
0:22:01.510,0:22:04.810
Done it on a video there. We go very good. Oh awesome
0:22:05.450,0:22:09.340
Are you there? It’s to talk about stage four boundaries? Yes?
0:22:09.380,0:22:11.200
Here’s where they rub beneath the wall
0:22:11.200,0:22:17.720
But what were you going to say? I should say and this is such an important part to learn because a lot of survivors
0:22:19.140,0:22:23.090
Didn’t know them. I could know how to set a boundary. I didn’t know how to say no
0:22:23.090,0:22:25.579
I was the people pleaser you wanted me to
0:22:26.070,0:22:32.750
You know do something for you on a Saturday sure you know I’ll give up my Saturday because I’m helpful and nice I didn’t know
0:22:32.750,0:22:36.469
How to say no I really am tired, I can’t do that this weekend
0:22:37.050,0:22:41.899
Know how to do that, and it’s very empowering when you learn it is and it’s scary
0:22:41.900,0:22:46.040
I mean, it’s scary too because I feel like for a lot of times especially when someone has
0:22:46.740,0:22:50.899
Explained out a word that traumatically conditioned as I guess it is coming over by
0:22:51.960,0:22:56.870
conditioned us to believe that if we don’t do what they want bad things will happen and
0:22:57.210,0:23:00.889
If they pushed around a little bit like I’m not going to do this a lot
0:23:00.890,0:23:02.730
And they showed us
0:23:02.730,0:23:09.139
Clearly that bad things happen is that we get them ensure that life becomes more difficult sure they’re okay uncle I just I can’t buy
0:23:09.140,0:23:13.610
It again, so we’re boundaries. This is so critically I see folks that come in that are
0:23:14.190,0:23:16.700
In Despair and we do some education
0:23:16.740,0:23:20.929
And there’s no awakening about how this is wearing jeans or other people
0:23:21.270,0:23:26.180
boundaries are them very cause sometimes because it’s either the mold contract or
0:23:26.340,0:23:33.889
Detached contact and that’s where we spend a lot of the therapy that time sometimes in how do you implement either of those two options?
0:23:34.170,0:23:35.640
and
0:23:35.640,0:23:40.460
What does it look like and that’s where I know that resources are hearts was some folks to find
0:23:40.770,0:23:46.490
Therapy or to find them in the community, but that’s really where the individualized care through either
0:23:47.100,0:23:50.240
Journaling or finding something like I put a journal in the back, but also
0:23:51.030,0:23:55.190
Personalize it. We were a little bit more if they can’t find clarity or it’s not in the budget
0:23:56.220,0:23:59.089
But that’s what we have to figure out a learning model boundaries
0:23:59.090,0:24:04.279
Do you need what would be mind in this given setting but what would it move this other person?
0:24:04.280,0:24:08.660
And how do we implement those two options if you catch contact or no contact?
0:24:09.570,0:24:12.559
Given the situations, and so they spend a lot of time
0:24:13.110,0:24:20.149
Figuring out and dissecting okay, what is the best option given the dynamic result happens right I?
0:24:20.700,0:24:22.160
Agree
0:24:22.160,0:24:28.610
On my website which is narcissist abuse support. We did a lot of research to build this site and
0:24:29.280,0:24:31.920
in our own area here in Colorado
0:24:32.470,0:24:37.740
There are there are agencies in every single state and on my website I listed
0:24:39.010,0:24:45.209
660 resources, and I state that people can turn to that
0:24:45.760,0:24:52.379
Mine was called safe house for Progressive alliance and as a state person. This did a benefit to
0:24:52.930,0:24:54.370
victims and
0:24:54.370,0:25:00.599
So often I would have never thought it was very victim of emotional abuse but I got 10 weeks of counseling
0:25:00.850,0:25:03.150
from this organization and
0:25:03.970,0:25:08.850
It was the most validating it was like. Oh, yes, this is exactly
0:25:08.850,0:25:15.300
oh, you know and she taught me to ground myself and she taught me to breathe when I was having a panic attack and
0:25:16.090,0:25:20.130
People don’t realize that if they can’t afford like you were saying you know
0:25:21.160,0:25:26.699
victims are very often my financially abused as well and left living like how am I going to buy food, so
0:25:27.880,0:25:35.160
For everyone to understand that this resources out there no matter where they live they can get a little bit of help and that
0:25:35.650,0:25:38.219
turn my life around and so
0:25:38.830,0:25:42.569
It would be great if everyone could access someone like yourself
0:25:42.570,0:25:47.760
But I don’t want people to not think that there’s resources that we can tap into
0:25:48.490,0:25:50.880
Yes, and I’m glad that you put it in place that
0:25:51.550,0:25:52.570
No
0:25:52.570,0:25:58.230
Easy for them to get to easy to find and then sometimes it feels like a community’s a needle in a haystack
0:25:58.360,0:26:02.640
I know and artfully I know very few resources for those
0:26:03.730,0:26:09.060
Looks coward yeah, and we just are a really good um source as well
0:26:09.670,0:26:13.529
Um I have a meet up here in Colorado and there are
0:26:13.930,0:26:18.329
About 60 of them in the United States, which is pretty powerful
0:26:18.960,0:26:21.780
they are usually survivor read I
0:26:22.390,0:26:28.469
Know that there’s probably an ethical thing with a counselor. You know helping a whole room and
0:26:29.860,0:26:35.310
Confidentiality and all kinds of other stuff you know the victims and survivors are leading these groups
0:26:35.580,0:26:38.130
I just mean together with other
0:26:38.890,0:26:45.300
Survivors here in the story that len you heard their story and suddenly something in your life becomes
0:26:45.300,0:26:47.260
Oh, I’ve just viewed it in a different lens
0:26:47.260,0:26:55.020
So people can turn to that for help repel the power of a a it’s the power and supporting us you know so yeah
0:26:55.020,0:26:57.010
I mean, it’s time-tested
0:26:57.010,0:27:03.959
Mm-Hmm. Yeah, there’s actually I think three in the united states that are certified by a a
0:27:04.600,0:27:08.130
to be a 12-step program of narcissistic abuse
0:27:09.130,0:27:11.579
Treatment so it’s kind of Bullet gone that far
0:27:11.940,0:27:17.730
Yes, very yeah, then you talk about the balanced life model in this stage
0:27:18.820,0:27:25.680
Yes, I do and what that looks like is sort of sometimes folks will come in and they have to see how have their life
0:27:25.680,0:27:27.060
in the different areas of their life
0:27:27.060,0:27:27.730
it’s
0:27:27.730,0:27:34.140
Impacted by somebody as toxic or a toxic group and so we can move in a different way when we can look at okay?
0:27:34.140,0:27:41.400
How’s my work impacted or how am I working difference? If I set a boundary or if I didn’t go alright?
0:27:41.400,0:27:46.709
no contact I went to catch contact, and how was my spiritual except there’s a spirituality or how with my
0:27:47.320,0:27:48.730
my
0:27:48.730,0:27:52.050
Hobbies, and we just kind of look at all the different areas of their lives
0:27:52.690,0:28:00.000
And look and see if it is the impact of going low contact Detach contact or or just saying as it is
0:28:00.190,0:28:04.650
That’s always option three you know because Clients commitment. They have their own comment
0:28:04.650,0:28:10.349
They get to the side that works for them, but we can definitely talk about the risks as saying that where they’re at
0:28:10.900,0:28:14.489
But ultimately that’s open a life model. Really does help is
0:28:15.070,0:28:18.840
Brush out all the different sections of what we think is
0:28:19.630,0:28:23.040
Needed for healthy life MmM-hmm. Yeah, I know for me
0:28:23.040,0:28:27.359
I didn’t realize that I had given up cooking
0:28:27.360,0:28:32.550
I love to cook and I was like well when – last time I cooked and did something fun like that
0:28:33.370,0:28:40.020
Exactly, you should realize how they didn’t age and how for being under the control
0:28:40.960,0:28:45.270
That you put them in front of things that made you happy
0:28:45.790,0:28:52.649
Most definitely and sometimes that’s part of the awakening is wow this has really taken over so many areas
0:28:53.080,0:28:56.580
Mm-Hmm this region – your your rocket speed which is
0:28:57.130,0:29:00.630
Restoration and that is about taking back these things right
0:29:01.810,0:29:03.370
Excuse me it is
0:29:03.370,0:29:06.000
It’s about not only am I going to get a coffee in here. Oh
0:29:07.510,0:29:10.320
We’ve got a lot of a lot of weather going around
0:29:10.900,0:29:18.119
With them allergies and any sense yeah restoration is really taking a look back one more minute you think I?
0:29:18.670,0:29:20.849
Wanna make Crystals it was like ah
0:29:23.590,0:29:26.279
But the restoration is looking back and saying okay?
0:29:27.340,0:29:31.799
during whether it was childe wynd is doing you know specific work environment or
0:29:33.310,0:29:38.099
During anything you’ll be in a toxic church or any of these areas or in a relationship?
0:29:38.380,0:29:43.320
What has been lost what have I what? I feel like they don’t have now or
0:29:43.930,0:29:51.029
Tangibly what’s the most we talk about that you know very specific moment or certain things that were important or like for your cooking?
0:29:51.460,0:29:52.590
You know hobbies?
0:29:52.590,0:29:57.179
How do you get back to or or even recreate in a lot of ways?
0:29:57.430,0:30:00.599
Those things that we should be a I don’t mean should in that
0:30:00.910,0:30:04.920
Supposed to love a certain way the life looks a lot of differently. I love that you know
0:30:06.850,0:30:13.320
What would I hope to achieve and so there’s a lot of different exciting opportunities to really step back and say okay?
0:30:13.320,0:30:17.099
I love cooking and through this abusive relationship. That was lost
0:30:17.800,0:30:21.060
so maybe I’m going to go to a community Ed class and
0:30:21.580,0:30:24.809
take a cooking class or maybe I’m gonna go you know go to the
0:30:25.240,0:30:29.520
Library or to the book store and get a cookbook and I’m going to commit but every Sunday
0:30:29.520,0:30:31.680
I’m going to make really great dishes that
0:30:32.230,0:30:39.810
Or excited mm-hmm or something that is impactful, and I think that living for using
0:30:41.140,0:30:46.859
for the first time if we were in the toxic relationships from the members or funds which arabic
0:30:47.890,0:30:54.930
Rushdie is really exciting that opportunity but not too overwhelmed because I think sometimes if you like, okay, why are all back, right?
0:30:54.970,0:30:56.970
what role do we think we’re healthy and
0:30:57.160,0:31:04.469
That’s what I like to use that kind of measured and that measuring stick model where it should be so tiny tiny successes
0:31:04.470,0:31:08.820
You know if it’s I’m going to go and I’m going to workout with ten minutes, and that’s going to
0:31:09.550,0:31:10.990
successful
0:31:10.990,0:31:15.120
The next day or a couple days later than 10 minutes again, and then is very
0:31:15.940,0:31:21.870
Rehabilitative they implement our ways to only wannabes yeah, I think to me, too
0:31:22.420,0:31:28.649
That to understand that it is a roller coaster, and you know people just think ok. I’m gonna get better
0:31:29.410,0:31:34.110
And then something happens that triggers them you know it could be a holiday
0:31:34.270,0:31:40.950
rolling around it could be a memory or something that you did at this time of the year with that person and a
0:31:41.290,0:31:44.129
Trigger and you go down and I
0:31:44.980,0:31:47.909
Think we judge ourselves like mate. I was going like this
0:31:48.190,0:31:54.749
You know we can do what he did it again, or it’s it’s to understand that each time you go down
0:31:54.850,0:31:59.490
It’s going to get less and you’re going to start to get up that movement
0:31:59.490,0:32:02.939
it’s so powerful to not judge ourselves as
0:32:03.790,0:32:08.700
We’re going up to know that you might just change a little bit, and that’s okay, right
0:32:08.980,0:32:13.769
it’s very ok and it’s part of the process, and I think that you know like if
0:32:14.290,0:32:19.050
Somebody feels like they’re not sewing well and need to take a day or so just to kind of regroup
0:32:19.480,0:32:23.909
Rather than you know regrouping and feeling shame then why am I meeting this?
0:32:24.430,0:32:25.800
Enjoy it embrace it
0:32:25.800,0:32:32.669
You know really narrative is kind of America’s very change the narrative change for stories that rather than own?
0:32:33.070,0:32:38.909
This one bat in the mall these negative things that you know it only takes me time to rest and listen first
0:32:39.460,0:32:41.970
And I think you know been to watch some shows
0:32:42.100,0:32:47.309
Or I really like and I’m going to make that be okay and not only okay, but a gift to myself
0:32:47.310,0:32:50.249
I’m not going to it forever, and it’s not going to be weeks on then
0:32:50.710,0:32:55.409
But I will let myself for whatever time saying I can and let it be good
0:32:55.690,0:32:58.590
And I think that it’s really just kind of flipping a story
0:32:58.990,0:33:04.139
Rather than all of the keeping of the condemnation that we do all right exactly
0:33:04.510,0:33:12.210
you wrote a a great quote in this chapter that says at some point survivors must choose to live again and
0:33:13.120,0:33:17.039
that me just hit my heart like it is a choice and
0:33:17.860,0:33:22.469
Again that 10 minute walk. That’s just doing one more
0:33:23.320,0:33:25.170
For you you know for me
0:33:25.170,0:33:29.249
It’s I’m not going to answer emails on the weekend and that has revolutionized
0:33:29.740,0:33:33.240
my entire life because I was tied to
0:33:34.330,0:33:42.239
doing that and always having to perform and now I’m going I’m enjoying myself, and that’s a really good place to be because
0:33:42.880,0:33:46.080
We need to choose that we want to live again
0:33:46.690,0:33:53.519
You know and I think it’s easier for some depending on the intensity is the brainwashing that they went to or to but I think
0:33:53.920,0:34:00.450
All Survivors have to get to point where it’s good. It’s good to have hobbies. It’s good to
0:34:01.030,0:34:02.730
Go do exciting things
0:34:02.730,0:34:09.870
it’s exciting in their life, and I’ve had several in many many that actually emailed out common support emails and phone calls, but
0:34:10.570,0:34:16.169
Many people have said that at some point. They had leaned forward and deal with the idea that
0:34:16.169,0:34:19.769
It’s unreal or and then literally violently this never happened. Uh-huh
0:34:19.980,0:34:21.610
And I thought that that can be the hook
0:34:21.610,0:34:28.049
The host of same Sort of like what I said in the book was a monument to the hurt and I get that I get
0:34:28.050,0:34:34.169
that understanding of like boy, if I if I go live well, am I saying and I’ve never harmed and
0:34:34.810,0:34:39.479
That’s that the subconscious tape that you definitely have to look through so acutely
0:34:40.540,0:34:44.939
Recognize maybe I am going in there’s a little bit by that belief system Mm-hmm
0:34:45.850,0:34:52.499
we have to turn our belief system around and just say no, it’s okay to take care of you and
0:34:53.290,0:34:55.290
love Ourselves, and
0:34:55.990,0:35:00.479
It’s more than just okay. It’s also things the abuser didn’t have the power to completely destroy
0:35:00.970,0:35:08.130
Yeah, I think that kind of we should go on yeah, that’s right. That’s like okay. I am not completely destroyed
0:35:08.130,0:35:14.880
I’m smarter for having gone through this not that we would ever be like open societies never going to do that ever no
0:35:14.890,0:35:21.149
But we can be grateful for the gifts out of it exactly and then that to me has been a big healing point
0:35:21.520,0:35:23.699
Good all right. We are
0:35:24.940,0:35:30.000
Number six which is maintenance yeah, so tell us about maintenance
0:35:31.210,0:35:33.060
Well, I think you know for maintenance
0:35:33.060,0:35:35.880
It’s really about what I say in the book and getting to that
0:35:36.170,0:35:41.950
Chavez kind of climbing and climbing and falling off and getting back and getting to that place as you know what I’ve got these pages
0:35:41.950,0:35:43.950
Under my belt or one go along. I’m
0:35:44.120,0:35:48.849
Going to be doing them again not to the same intensity of the despair or the same intensity
0:35:49.310,0:35:55.420
Education because once your bunker at once it’s like okay. I get this now that it’s not my fault. I have to keep reminding myself
0:35:55.940,0:36:02.200
The babies is really about that learning to trust again with the team is taking a deeper chi
0:36:02.540,0:36:05.650
swimming back around when the anniversaries come again
0:36:06.260,0:36:10.570
The Triggers happen. It’s an exciting stage, but it’s very fun
0:36:11.960,0:36:15.579
It has to be engaged. I don’t think that it can be passive
0:36:16.310,0:36:23.110
Maintenance has been something that we figure out. What works for us for recovery whether that’s you know getting new
0:36:23.780,0:36:30.730
Activities that you’re involved in or other things that’s very personal, but it’s that how do I keep living is again that I succeed
0:36:30.860,0:36:32.860
We’re hopeful right I
0:36:33.560,0:36:35.560
think that you put a
0:36:36.110,0:36:38.259
Wonderful thing and I’m going to quote you again
0:36:39.490,0:36:43.329
For psychological abuse figure to be kicked down the door of your life
0:36:44.150,0:36:46.150
and then in
0:36:46.760,0:36:50.080
Their rage they damage the sacred space of your home
0:36:50.630,0:36:55.690
we that hit home for sure that they took this away and
0:36:56.870,0:36:58.870
You know we have to
0:36:59.330,0:37:04.180
Take it back. Take it back and repair it and fix it and then we protect it
0:37:05.630,0:37:10.960
That’s why when you want people sometimes worry, and I will I want another person life if they’re one of them
0:37:10.960,0:37:15.669
let’s these people and especially if it’s charles is especially if there was a whole lot of
0:37:16.190,0:37:23.230
Idealization stage that’s one of the real misconceptions. Is that some hound survivors attracted this into my words
0:37:23.230,0:37:27.249
I just don’t believe that. I believe as their strengths were exploited and
0:37:28.400,0:37:29.060
preyed upon
0:37:29.060,0:37:36.310
and there’s a movie called the maze runner and as I was watching it it really reminded me of the pSychological abuse because of the
0:37:37.040,0:37:41.950
participants start to get and figure out the maze of all those changes and in these
0:37:42.620,0:37:44.620
psychological aggressive relationships as
0:37:45.470,0:37:49.149
Things start to happen in the pebbles of likely that’s not right now
0:37:49.330,0:37:53.650
Right then all of a sudden your users are reserved with a look located will ship
0:37:53.650,0:38:00.699
It’s entirely around they don’t figure out completely and so I think this the maintenance agent and getting to the space is about
0:38:01.160,0:38:03.519
Recognizing that I can’t keep interesting
0:38:04.040,0:38:06.040
Mm-Hmm, but recognizing that
0:38:06.500,0:38:07.390
Taking it slow
0:38:07.390,0:38:12.579
There’s a few blogs out there about know how to keep the narcissus from dating you and some other things and one of them is
0:38:12.580,0:38:15.429
Just about moving so moving forward slowly this time
0:38:15.950,0:38:20.140
discovering other people many men discover us and getting to know us and
0:38:20.990,0:38:25.240
Momentum is so powerful right I know that a lot of people
0:38:26.000,0:38:33.520
Asked well, how long does it take you know please what a pill people on in age and I’m like that’s not it
0:38:33.520,0:38:36.219
You know and they’re like. Oh, I very like been through this for 300
0:38:36.220,0:38:39.640
It’s time to date again, and I’m like are you sure yeah?
0:38:40.150,0:38:41.690
Really?
0:38:41.690,0:38:43.370
because I
0:38:43.370,0:38:46.719
both of my marriage and of my
0:38:47.480,0:38:55.000
Relationships with 3x I called him I was going through my divorce with my son’s father when my second husband
0:38:55.430,0:39:00.400
Loved bombed me many men. I wanted healed from the divorce
0:39:00.400,0:39:03.729
I would like wet off my feet in the true
0:39:04.310,0:39:10.360
printing shining Armor’s kind of a thing and when I was going through the most horrific divorce with him
0:39:11.210,0:39:16.000
3x comes along, and he’s got the same story he had the terrible
0:39:16.580,0:39:20.739
Marriages we now know that in common, and you know seemingly
0:39:21.410,0:39:24.549
But I wouldn’t have been swept off my feet
0:39:25.190,0:39:29.650
Had I actually been able to really ground myself from the divorce
0:39:29.990,0:39:34.780
Right I see that if people rush into it. They could be a victim like me
0:39:35.450,0:39:36.890
just I
0:39:36.890,0:39:43.809
Mean this was number 3 x noon when I just gone through and I saw what I grew up with and saw what I?
0:39:44.000,0:39:49.929
Tolerated and started to test the boundaries as to what can he get for me and I?
0:39:50.510,0:39:52.900
Caution people whenever, I talk to them is
0:39:53.720,0:39:58.810
Wait, just take care of you first. It’s okay to be alone. It’s okay to be with your friends
0:39:58.880,0:40:01.929
It’s you know you don’t need someone in your life
0:40:02.890,0:40:07.509
On to your hole me that right, and I think that this that scary
0:40:07.580,0:40:13.989
but scary piece for a lot of folks can I do the summary can I be independent and I sense about
0:40:14.600,0:40:21.700
Some of the journey of being able to for folks to trust themselves, but yes, they really can and it probably
0:40:22.220,0:40:26.379
Recognizes their the movies previously if they’re divorcing your cons anyway
0:40:26.380,0:40:31.930
So probably been bloomin on their own anyways in a lot of ways in addition to having a toxic environment
0:40:32.570,0:40:33.920
so
0:40:33.920,0:40:36.999
And again no shame at all for that fearless in the road
0:40:37.370,0:40:40.630
it’s just having to call it that I think a lot of times I do a lot of
0:40:40.730,0:40:43.929
Subconscious work is either for subconscious messages, and how do you?
0:40:44.570,0:40:51.039
Just kind of run with those and that’s a conscious message that I need to have a partner or I need to be
0:40:51.530,0:40:53.530
Connected with my person
0:40:53.660,0:40:58.930
You have to just put that right on the tables. Okay? This is judging around it. Which is how do you?
0:41:00.050,0:41:06.999
Water that in and how do you not make that be so important right? I agree that many times
0:41:07.000,0:41:09.430
It’s a recognition that they’ve already been doing everything
0:41:09.980,0:41:12.970
Independent right absolutely and it’s again
0:41:12.970,0:41:18.729
it’s a trust our trust in ourselves has been you know shattered and so we
0:41:19.610,0:41:25.120
Are afraid to trust that it’s okay if raging financially Beyond our own?
0:41:25.370,0:41:28.720
There’s so much that goes into it raising a child
0:41:29.720,0:41:36.369
That’s not how you pictured it right? It’s not that you’re going to give your child off to this this other person
0:41:36.950,0:41:38.950
every weekend, and you know
0:41:39.710,0:41:45.309
You have to there’s so many layers. I think and every cert person is different, but
0:41:46.040,0:41:49.029
Taking care of Ourselves. It’s the most important part and
0:41:49.880,0:41:51.440
I
0:41:51.440,0:41:55.029
Know that a lot of people can’t say I want to be alone. That’s
0:41:56.090,0:42:00.160
Inside of them where they’re like, I don’t want to be on well neither. Do I right now
0:42:00.160,0:42:06.279
I am and I’m really learning and if I were to get into a relationship right now
0:42:06.280,0:42:10.120
I would stop learning and that same cycle could happen
0:42:10.120,0:42:15.039
I want to get on this side, and I need that space
0:42:15.800,0:42:18.110
Over the wall, I know I think we also
0:42:18.720,0:42:25.159
Avoid what’s uncomfortable? Oh, that’s very fearful and sometimes we have to just take it in small dosages
0:42:25.160,0:42:31.310
You know aaron become and creating a community lead other people. We mean to not be isolated in
0:42:31.890,0:42:36.799
Abusive and toxic relationships are so much isolation that help and even if we’re around and doing people
0:42:36.800,0:42:41.749
There’s a lot that we’re not telling them or you know tell about feelings, or tone without you know
0:42:42.570,0:42:44.929
reduce the type of Network or other places and
0:42:45.330,0:42:50.899
So so people do not need to even partner quickly again even finally marriage
0:42:50.900,0:42:53.960
Which is a significant other it’s having great friends
0:42:53.960,0:43:00.919
it’s having a great you made community of people and be involved and I’m an introvert so for me might like my and
0:43:01.200,0:43:03.380
People enos is so about fairly quickly
0:43:04.050,0:43:09.560
Exactly to go home and kind of would break you know and and I would be quiet, but whether we’re introverts or extroverts
0:43:09.560,0:43:13.310
Or get energy from people or want to sleep on Their own
0:43:14.160,0:43:15.060
even lot actually
0:43:15.060,0:43:22.549
And I think it’s a lot. I say then that helps joy me to go and then part know very quickly after deserves
0:43:23.280,0:43:29.929
Can I take some people doing it in amazing ways, but it’s like. They’re not always sitting, but they’ve got people
0:43:31.290,0:43:37.640
Sometimes it depends to build that community and I’m also can even win sometimes. Oh yeah, absolutely
0:43:38.310,0:43:42.919
When I was first going through all this a friend of mine said just get your calendar out
0:43:43.290,0:43:47.120
And call somebody go to the movies once we make a plan
0:43:47.670,0:43:49.110
next be if
0:43:49.110,0:43:55.130
You sit back and wait in just you know even if you are the type that’s going to shut yourself in if you
0:43:55.770,0:44:00.979
Just say I’m going to do one thing. I’m going to go for a hike after church every Sunday
0:44:01.200,0:44:06.860
just do one thing and slowly you’ll start to restore and get back to
0:44:07.260,0:44:11.419
Where you need to be yes or get there for the first time sometimes you know?
0:44:12.510,0:44:18.620
They don’t have something to go back they they really have to as I’m sure you say that they had to build new yeah exactly
0:44:19.110,0:44:20.250
Yeah
0:44:20.250,0:44:25.370
The last thing I want to take your time. I am so grateful for this I am looking for your book
0:44:26.190,0:44:31.970
so I want to tell everyone about buying this book it is the key to your healing and
0:44:32.400,0:44:40.099
I strongly strongly recommended, but Shannon you have a part in here about people getting together for a book club and
0:44:40.770,0:44:42.750
In your book is a tool
0:44:42.750,0:44:44.780
You have a website that does
0:44:45.360,0:44:49.489
Stuff like that the sun is coming for the first time at 7:00. I might oh my God wait
0:44:49.490,0:44:54.920
All right, you talking okay? That works well while I was coughing and constricting. I want to use
0:44:55.950,0:44:58.189
If killing some pending abuse calm
0:44:58.190,0:45:05.329
And what people can do is if they’re interested in being the host there’s the latest except walk through the process of posting
0:45:06.030,0:45:09.050
And registering as a host and then they’ve been a password-protected
0:45:09.780,0:45:11.840
image sent to them over email and
0:45:12.300,0:45:17.810
We put all of the posts that want to be a booking. They’re on there not all of them
0:45:17.810,0:45:23.690
Have folks that are coming because they maybe isn’t anybody in their area or these are folks who have stepped up and said I?
0:45:23.820,0:45:25.940
Would love to host a book study
0:45:25.940,0:45:32.419
That would be a coffee shop or somewhere that everyone feels comfortable, and it’s going through the book
0:45:32.420,0:45:36.109
I’m sure it’s going through other materials there are wonderful resources out there
0:45:36.630,0:45:38.510
mother Advocates and therapists
0:45:38.510,0:45:38.730
and
0:45:38.730,0:45:44.900
It’s but it’s basically a place for them like a meanness to come and do a book study and talk about it and talk about
0:45:44.900,0:45:48.979
The personal journey if somebody wants to be in a book club
0:45:49.320,0:45:53.870
And not be a host and then they can do the same website thing you can reduce
0:45:54.300,0:45:56.810
Calm and register as a book member
0:45:56.810,0:46:02.660
And then they get the access to the password protected age that shows the different hosts that we have listed on this
0:46:03.000,0:46:05.510
what a great idea, I think that I’m
0:46:06.060,0:46:10.070
going to pimp it out to hours of people in my community and
0:46:10.560,0:46:18.529
Try to really pass that word around because this is a book about human and together we heal. Yes. Look at the sun
0:46:18.530,0:46:25.910
Oh my yes, it likes you has been for a week and now you were talking you son is coming out. It’s
0:46:26.460,0:46:28.639
Nonsense and a real quick
0:46:28.640,0:46:29.430
and you know
0:46:29.430,0:46:34.129
Every group might be different and people have asked me more even a license that and vintage and no
0:46:34.200,0:46:34.700
No
0:46:34.700,0:46:40.609
The book is the book and I kind of use this picture in my mind the book is just soil and the different trees are
0:46:40.610,0:46:44.870
Going to pop up in just like areas and that’s going to work what each community
0:46:46.080,0:46:50.059
Specific to each leader like we have some great therapist down in Macon
0:46:50.060,0:46:56.900
Texas that have been doing some groups and they are beautiful amazing women that are they’re artistic and severe groups look very
0:46:57.390,0:46:59.869
organic and artistic and holistic
0:46:59.870,0:47:06.589
and I love it and other groups may look very different given their community members and their culture and what that
0:47:06.960,0:47:13.189
Lives there and so for me. I love that idea that people can take it and make it easy
0:47:13.190,0:47:17.629
What works for their community to be classy well? I told you is there like a
0:47:18.270,0:47:20.270
registration or some sort of
0:47:21.120,0:47:26.269
Workbook for them in division. It’s kind of like no, just go be what it is. That works for you
0:47:26.820,0:47:30.710
There may down the road be a facilitators guide for therapists
0:47:32.040,0:47:35.480
Going to believe you are there for Jennifer and okay we talked about that
0:47:35.480,0:47:40.789
So that was been different, but as far as just don’t close people. It’s really about
0:47:41.490,0:47:46.099
Getting together and talk, and it’s not really having to be a therapist or be a life coach
0:47:46.100,0:47:50.749
That’s why we didn’t doing just a therapy groups that we didn’t just book studies
0:47:51.120,0:47:54.980
mm-Hm a Shaman make somewhere safe somewhere comfortable and
0:47:55.620,0:47:59.870
Neat I think that was the biggest thing to us because we have a lot of great online
0:48:00.300,0:48:05.390
Resources that very little opportunities to find each other since today yeah
0:48:05.720,0:48:06.500
I agree
0:48:06.500,0:48:12.170
And I think that for me we do my meet up to a library you can create
0:48:12.510,0:48:19.610
You know and so we just lock ourselves in a room, and it’s a wonderful thing coffee shops are great
0:48:19.610,0:48:22.279
But sometimes you know there’s a lot of ambient noise
0:48:22.280,0:48:28.280
and other people so every groups going to find what works for them might be in someone’s living room every week or
0:48:28.560,0:48:35.120
However, you schedule it, but I think human together is so important, and I’m so so grateful for your book
0:48:35.250,0:48:42.530
So thank you really appreciate the support and the encouragement is really driving a lot and meet up
0:48:42.530,0:48:49.460
I thought that’s a great resource that is online that is nothing to do with stone which always been used to book site that is
0:48:50.010,0:48:57.050
Meetups free loader dog and exactly yes for all kinds of things we preferred person to the with one blue eye
0:48:57.420,0:48:58.520
There you go. Yes
0:48:58.520,0:49:05.330
I reported you’ve definitely ever sighs I really they’re meeting up and they see their one eye dog ajar like a membership purpose
0:49:05.330,0:49:09.739
I love it. Well me up was definitely the model when they’re talking about how we do this
0:49:10.920,0:49:18.829
Book studying reds image, and that was definitely the concept mm-hmm. I think it’s about getting together and finding people that
0:49:19.620,0:49:21.620
get what you’ve been through and
0:49:22.140,0:49:25.489
can help you see things in a different way because it’s
0:49:25.980,0:49:29.719
Listening and Youtube’s perfect for that too because you sit there
0:49:29.720,0:49:33.290
And you listen to any of the people that are out there talking about something
0:49:33.960,0:49:38.420
And you relate to it and start a light bulb goes off
0:49:38.420,0:49:43.399
And that’s a really big part of my healing as well. I started with YouTube
0:49:43.920,0:49:45.949
I’m going to miss the isolation. They
0:49:46.530,0:49:54.290
Keep things from not knowing what exactly were going through and it’s a tool of abusers, so when we start reaching out. It’s very powerful
0:49:54.890,0:49:56.670
Yeah
0:49:56.670,0:50:03.199
Well, thank you Shannon. I appreciate am I really really I will let you know as soon as we get this video up
0:50:03.510,0:50:10.010
Okay, um I really can’t thank you enough because you’re my hero. Oh, you’re very sweet
0:50:10.010,0:50:17.270
Just like just another person on a journey Sunday’s a good day some days are rough days some days a great days other days
0:50:17.340,0:50:20.090
It’s you know well to figuring it out along the way
0:50:21.270,0:50:27.320
Exactly, thank you for everything you’re doing specializes the website looks great. Thank you very good you
0:50:28.110,0:50:35.839
Alright, well, I will leave you with that and have a great day, and thank you everybody as you know. We got her back, right?
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