How long have you been watching YouTube videos on narcissist abuse? Do you know where to go from here?
Transcription:
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Hi there this is Tracy and today, I want to talk about
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your recovery process and
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Give you some ideas on where you should be looking what you should be learning about and
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We’re gonna get started on that right now
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Okay, so you’ve just figured out that someone that you’ve been with
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You have a parent or a relative?
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someone you work with is a narcissist and
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the question becomes
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How do you get better right everyone just wants to go back to the way it was
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Before we learned this before we figured out that
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we’ve been abused by a narcissist in any way shape or form I
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Want to encourage you to understand? We don’t want to go back. We want to go forward
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Yesterday is yesterday
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We can’t do anything we have to live in the moment of today and try not to steal tomorrow
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So the clue is going to be in your recovery
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to follow some steps if you’re just beginning this process I
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Feel it is vitally important for you
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to
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learn about a narcissist learn about
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Red flags what are their behaviors the tricks? What are the stages?
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Go through all of this homework
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There’s a lot of great books. There’s a lot of great videos
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That can help you
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understand
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And interpret things that have helped you in a different way if you can imagine
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It helps you to understand that you are not alone and that let’s see if this opens up and does a little light better
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Yeah that you’re not alone and that
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Everything that the narcissist did to you
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Others have done to other victims
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Nothing about this
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it’s unusual and when I first found out and when I first got arrested and when I first figured out that my
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ex-family
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Were all narcissist when I figured out my mother narcissists. God rest her soul I
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Was angry
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and then I was pissed off and
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You’re gonna go through those stages because you’re gonna get like ripped off your feel like you were
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Cheated whether they physically cheated or not
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Figured out that you were cheated out of a relationship of normalcy
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But the first step is to understand that right if we don’t understand them
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We’re not going to know how to stop them in the future
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really really important, so
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Do your due diligence on?
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Learning about them
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I’ve got some great books on my website
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narcissists abuse support calm books that I have read during this journey of recovery and
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I think the first step has to be to learn about them
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If you are in the next stage where you have learned about them
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It’s like listening to the news over and over it’s still the same
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speech that all the news stations are blabbing about it’s still the same hurricane and
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Listening to that over and over doesn’t help you it doesn’t make you any better
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to
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Listen to it over and over so there’s going to be a point where you have to stop
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Learning about them because what happens is it triggers you it triggers you into oh that?
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bastard
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Look what they did oh my gosh?
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It’s triggering you into a place that you don’t want to be you don’t want to be
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That victim you need to understand that you were a victim and those people that say they were not a victim
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Bullshit you were a victim
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and
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If you sit there and blindly say oh, I wasn’t a victim well you’re not gonna kill the
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Clip is gonna be to go on from learning about them to the next stage, which is then gonna be why me?
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What made me attractive to them?
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There’s some great books
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the human magnet syndrome by Ross Rosenberg
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Just
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Codependency books Lisa Romano’s have a lot of great books
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Melody beetles got a lot of great books on
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Codependency now. I’m not saying that you are a codependent
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And I frankly don’t really like that we get talked into this bucket of
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codependency
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Because we might have those traits
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While we might not but learn about it
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Don’t dismiss it if you can learn about it and understand it you can help yourself
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Identify whether or not you
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Really are a codependent and then take actions to how do you get better from that? How do you not have that?
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people-pleasing
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Part about yourself you have to go through
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understanding that
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have to go and understand the Stockholm Syndrome and
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Understand
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different parts that might be about you because in the unfeeling of the layers of this onion of
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Confused
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relationships we have accountability and
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until you can see what your
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accountability is and stop
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Holding the victim flag up oh
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I’m a victim
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Look at what happened to me. Oh No
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Yes, you were a victim
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yesterday
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today
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You’re a recovering
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person tomorrow you’ll be a survivor so
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We have to learn that we’re victims
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We have to learn that we don’t want to stay in victim
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And then we have to start to heal so you know I make youtube videos on narcissist abuse
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But there’s a lot more and the thing that freaks me out is the videos that do the best are the ones that are
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the
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cheating videos and the revenge videos and
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They don’t
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Help you get better you need to understand them in the beginning you need to go through that you’re going to go through revenge
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You’re going to get through the Iger
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But then you have to start to look inward if you want to change this
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Process is not easy
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And it is not a short process if you think you’re going to be out there dating in three months
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You’re going to have the same
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patterns repeat in your life happened to me I
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Married one and then I dated one not a lot of break in the middle
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I didn’t ever look deep inside myself, and that’s what I’m going to ask you to look at
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Start to look at some really good videos on
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Vulnerability you’ll find burn a brand talk on
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Vulnerability and shame it’s a TEDx. Talk. There’s actually several of them anything Brene brown
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It’s going to inspire you and it’s going to show you that. There is a light at the end of the tunnel
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One of my other favorite videos that really transformed my life at the fair beginning of this recovery was a movie by Tracy McMillan
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I’ll put the links down below in the comments
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That’s another TEDx. Talk and it’s called the people that I should have the person
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I should have married and that’s about self love so whoa I always said yeah
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I got self love. I love myself I
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Didn’t love myself enough to walk away from shitty behavior
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That’s what it’s all about not that you like pretty nails or that you do your hair
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That’s not self love self. Love is standing up for yourself, so you’re gonna have to learn
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Self-love, and you’re going to have to nurture yourself
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You’re going to have to take care of yourself when you’re sick
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you’re gonna have to take care of yourself when things big truck making noise ah
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When things are going rough, and you’re gonna have to forgive yourself
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you’re going to have to understand forgiveness you’re going to have to understand how to
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Release the pain associated with that memory now. I am NOT saying forgive them and forget it
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No way, we don’t have to forget
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We just have to get rid of that emotional charge every time we hear it your stomach goes like this
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Oh, and we go freaking out
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Forgiveness is that tool learn that understand fear?
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Gavin de Becker. I think it’s this need has some great videos on fear and
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Why fear fear motivates us?
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to make choices that we might not make
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If we knew that they were made in the fear
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Realm if they were the ones that the fear that that said well, I’ll settle for this guy cuz he seems nice enough
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and
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It’s important to understand fear
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It’s important to understand anger go through these steps and take yourself out of
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Again learning about that. You’re not going to do yourself any favors by
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Holding yourself there
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I have people that come into my meetup groups or that I coach that have been watching the YouTube videos for five years on narcissus
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Move on its it’s like watching that accident as you try by you want to look at it
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But then you’re stuck to it
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You’re not
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Detaching yourself and moving up the ladder of recovery the recovery has to turn inward to you and trust me you
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might not think you have accountability and that
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Shows me that you’re not in a healing place
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healing place healing people
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Understand they had a vulnerability and that they have accountability
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so
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Let’s work on this together. I’m building a course. I’m so excited about with some friends and
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I
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Know that it’s going to make you better so
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This is Tracy Malone please subscribe to my channel and let’s talk about this for comfort a plan, okay
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I’ll talk to you soon. Thank you
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