I am often asked by parents if they should tell their children mommy or daddy is a narcissist. The answer is not right now and maybe never. Childrens worlds are already upside down because of the split and because of new routines, new homes, new friends and a paralyzing fear that they did something wrong.
As much as parents try to protect their kids from learning the truth they often find themselves spilling the whole crazy drama on them and they should never be exposed to this information. Pitting them against the other parent is so bad and will eventually backfire as they try to defend that parent.
Your job is to educate yourself, and create a new and different life with them. Make a new normal, that new normal should be as close to normal as you can make it. Letting them see their friends and do the sports they do will help keep them in check. If you suddenly isolate them because this is ‘YOUR TIME’ they will not heal well and may turn against the parent that tries to change their life.
Transcription:
0:00:01.540,0:00:04.620
Hi there this is Tracy and today, I want to talk about
0:00:06.460,0:00:12.120
Should you tell your children what you have just learned about their mother or their father
0:00:13.809,0:00:20.339
How do you handle it when you are overwhelmed with grief fear confusion
0:00:22.150,0:00:24.150
How do you
0:00:25.300,0:00:28.289
reach out to your children, and I think
0:00:28.929,0:00:35.939
While I am NOT an expert there are many more videos out there and many more resources for you to
0:00:36.670,0:00:41.550
Really grab ahold of before you make that plunge to teaching your children about a narcissist
0:00:42.399,0:00:45.808
I’ll give you my opinion though. I don’t think that
0:00:47.559,0:00:54.329
Until you learn everything that you need to know your children don’t need to know this
0:00:55.660,0:01:00.329
it will happen in time and depending on the age and the
0:01:01.149,0:01:03.149
things that happen to them
0:01:03.549,0:01:10.889
What you need to do is set them really good boundaries teach them how to protect themselves and have a really good video on
0:01:11.380,0:01:12.760
protecting your children
0:01:12.760,0:01:17.459
from their mother or father, and I’ll put the link to it down there, but
0:01:19.750,0:01:21.750
When we think about telling our children
0:01:22.360,0:01:24.360
We’re giving them too much information
0:01:24.850,0:01:26.850
stuff that they don’t need to know
0:01:27.009,0:01:28.450
right now
0:01:28.450,0:01:35.670
they need to know they’re safe and that they are loved and that they have not done anything wrong to
0:01:36.130,0:01:38.130
Make what has just happened
0:01:39.520,0:01:42.329
Being a split or separation of Romy and daddy
0:01:42.430,0:01:48.449
That’s what they need to know they need you to protect them right now and that means protect them from this knowledge
0:01:48.729,0:01:50.439
They don’t need it yet
0:01:50.439,0:01:56.819
Someday when you are out of the pain out of the confusion and out of the place
0:01:57.009,0:02:00.749
that we all get thrust into of desperation and
0:02:01.960,0:02:09.179
Brain fuckery you’re out of that and you can identify and tell people with clear concise
0:02:10.270,0:02:11.630
words
0:02:11.630,0:02:12.750
actions
0:02:12.750,0:02:14.520
red flags
0:02:14.520,0:02:21.829
Behaviors when you can talk intelligently about this without emotions that is when your child needs to know
0:02:22.680,0:02:26.329
They don’t need to know while you’re in this cluster of
0:02:27.000,0:02:28.410
craziness
0:02:28.410,0:02:30.410
protect your children right now
0:02:30.690,0:02:32.690
educate yourself
0:02:33.360,0:02:36.020
Make them feel like life is normal
0:02:37.800,0:02:40.999
Just because your world was upside down don’t drag them down with you
0:02:41.670,0:02:47.660
Okay, this is JC. And that is all. I have if you haven’t subscribed to my channel go ahead and subscribe
0:02:47.820,0:02:50.719
I’d really appreciate it and a great day
Listen to my podcasts anytime by subscribing with your favorite provider!
