Two YouTubers talk candidly on divorcing a covert narcissist, the lies and the lessons learned.
For those of you that don’t know Raven’s new Life YouTube channel you need to check her out. https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1tg1iCiKHkHud9ylQfK7xA/videos
Transcription:
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Hi there. Everybody. This is Tracy and I am here with Raven from Ravens new write free
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She’s a YouTuber and we are here to talk about
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the Narcissist and their lives
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Welcome I
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Hi there, so I reckon question so how long have you been making youtube’s um
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I think it’s been about two years now
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Wow, and having done yourself a ball thing through that time
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Yeah, I look back at some of my older videos when especially when I was going through the divorce from the narcissist
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And I look I look so uh none animated. I’m just very very tense and very timid and
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The more I got through the divorce and started making more videos
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It seems like I’ve kind of come out of my shell a little bit
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Yeah, I can see the difference when I look back haven’t we been doing it for a year
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but my first one I was late me and
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scared and
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Not really confident and not really me so it’s interesting to see that. That’s also clear videos
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They were scary
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So today we want to talk about
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supporting a narcissist and the lies that they tell during the process
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set up things to smear us, so
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You have a unique story, and I would love for my viewers to hear about
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The beginning of learning about a narcissist what happened with you guys oh?
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Yeah, it’s kind of it’s kind of a long story
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I can I can try to condense it a little bit to give you the reader’s digest
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version
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Mm-Hmm, but I
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Identically know that I was married to a narcissist. I just knew that there was something wrong with my marriage and
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It comes down to I think it was
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It was five years ago um
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Our mother’s day weekend. He threatened to have me committed
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to a psychiatric ward
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Simply because I was upset that he had went out of town on mother’s day weekend, and that was the only
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weekend that I had to
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Go out with the go out with the girls that week is the only weekend. I wanted you know
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I just wanted to enjoy mother’s day weekend, and when he got back
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And I told him I wasn’t happy in the marriage that maybe I wanted a divorce. He said oh, you’re going to divorce me
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Oh, no, you’re not you know I’m going to have you committed. I’ll have you committed to a side court and
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Women you know that didn’t work it
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He said I’ll call the cops and tell them that you hit me you’ll go to jail
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and I think he realized that I believed him at that point and so I stayed in the marriage a couple more years until
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One night we had an argument and it was just a stupid argument because arguments you have with narcissists are stupid
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Normally, they’re over you know just dumb things
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But this one got violent and he tore our bedroom
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And I was on the mattress of the bed, and he yanked the mattress off the bed
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And he was yanking and just pulling it like yeah look
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He’s just teething you know like it like an animal he gets up on the mattress
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He starts pounding it with his fists as far as he can and scared the life out of me
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And he was screaming you don’t understand me. You don’t understand my pain
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You never listen to me unless I’m screaming at the top of my lungs
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You know it’s just like that, and I was so scared
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I said you know very quietly I’m going to go get this children and take them mother’s house
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And he snapped at that coin
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I mean he it was almost like flipping a switch and he gets up like oh, you’re going to leave me
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And I’m gonna kill myself and so he goes into our closet
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he gets out a sawed-off shotgun, and he put it his mouth and I heard him load it because he it made the
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sound and
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I had to make a choice whether to go and face him
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or go and grab my kids and take them to my mom’s house and
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you know face the
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Possibility of him coming at me with the gun at that point
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So I went and I talked him out of suicide
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I found out later that the gun would never have gone off because it was on safety
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But you know here
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here’s this vision of my husband sitting there you know with a gun in his mouth and his finger on the trigger and
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So I talked him out of suicide, and then he went to bed. He was like okay, well
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I’m gonna. Go sleep now, and he went to his office and laid down on the
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Couch in his office and went to sleep and I’m laying there like scared to death like what am I going to do? Yeah?
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my husband
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You know tried to try to kill himself and I?
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Tried to wake him up, and you know I said you need to go to the emergency room because you tried to kill yourself
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He’s like. I’m not going in the middle of the night. I’m getting a good night’s sleep
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So I went downstairs and I came back a couple hours later
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Because I was still scared
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And I yanked the pillow out from from under his head which later he would use to say that that was abuse that I had
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Abused him by yanking the pillow out from under his head, and I told him if you don’t go to the er
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I’m going to call the cops or I’m going to call the emts to come get you hMM and so at that point
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At that point. He did go to the emergency room
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But he packed a bag and I’m like who packs a an overnight bag to go to the emergency room because when you go
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It’s an emergency you don’t
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You don’t pack a bag I’m praying yeah
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but
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Yeah, it was planned um
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But when he got to the emergency room they they said yes, you are suicidal
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And they sent him to a mental hospital for a day
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And while he was in the mental hospital. I didn’t realize that he was he was loitering up
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He was getting a lawyer and he was talking to anyone and everyone who would listen to him
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Creating this story about our lives that he was married to this abusive
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Manipulative woman who had driven him to suicide, and he’s such a victim poor little him
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And I had no idea any of this was going on because I was at home taking care of children
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You know and working?
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While he’s in the middle hospital
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that
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and and the
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Big Lie that happened was he was on the phone with me every night telling me
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I’m going to get help everything’s going to be all right
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I’m going to come home and be the right kind of husband and father to you and kids and
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then instead he left the mental hospital went to his parents house for two days and got a lawyer and
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Didn’t tell me that we were getting a divorce he told our kids and then our kids told me I mean
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so that’s why I was I was mad when
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Yeah, when I called him up. You know like what what do you mean? We’re getting a divorce and
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He kept he was like calm down calm down. You’re being irrational. You’re being irrational and
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He ended up hanging up on me, and he texted my mother and said call Raven she’s hysterical
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So I think he recorded that conversation because he would use that conversation later to save it that
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I was verbally abusive to him which you know. I may have been verbally abusive at that point because I was
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seriously upset
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because I just learned through my nine year old that I’m getting a divorce but
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And the whole thing was kind of in a nutshell
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He was you were blindsided you hadn’t yet? I?
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Were pissed off at him like like I had no idea that that
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any of this was going on and
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the fact that he was I think he was
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planning to get out of the marriage
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Long before any of this happened because later I learned he had a secret bank account and he had a secret credit card
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that he owed thousands of dollars on this credit card and he had a bank account that he was using and
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My lawyer thought that he was probably using this bank account on some other woman that he had met at work
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Which you know he’s now with that woman um
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But apparently he had been saying things to other people like my sister-in-law that we were having problems
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In the marriage and I had no idea that that we were having problems
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you know other than our regular problems, but
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So I was I guess the last night
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Well, I was the last to know too when my husband wanted a divorce I
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Had no idea. I was completely blindsided and I
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Just I was so blindsided that my son my husband called me on the tow phone
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he had just been in New York and called me on the phone and said I don’t think I want to be married anymore and
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And it was just so surreal that I just went into the garage to hide from my son and cry and um
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the whole process was just filled with life and
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everything that he and his family because I wasn’t divorcing a man and I was divorcing him, so they ganged up on me and
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The lies that they told throughout our seven trials those divorce
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Was just one thing after another and I couldn’t understand where this was coming from because none of it was true
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And I couldn’t understand
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That he wasn’t getting in trouble for the things that he was doing like get all your papers together
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He didn’t do them
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You never read if they there’s never reckoning they get away with so many things right?
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And you know he had to he never had to pay for a lawyer his parents paid for a lawyer
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They bought him a condo to live in which he just he just now sold and made
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$40,000 on it wow um
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He has hidden he never what when we were married
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he got got us into tax debt with the iRs and
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I can’t I was scared to death you know the people in black helicopters and the
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Guys with you know machine guns were going to come busting down our door
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Because he didn’t just not pay taxes. He was a tax protester where you know he decided that there was not a constitutional
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Amendment
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There was there was nothing in the constitution that said that you had to pay income taxes
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so he’s writing letters to the government constantly saying how the income tax is illegal and
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Not paying income taxes, and we’re getting letters from the irs
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But I didn’t know we were getting letters
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For a while because he would run out to the mailbox and get the letters and keep them
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It was only when I found out we had a tax court date
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We were going to get hauled into tax court, and they put a lien on her house
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And you know I bailed him out of that situation
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Because that’s when I went and got to stay at home job being a transcriptionist, and I pay back every penny of that
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$20,000 that we owed see our risks, and you know I never made him accountable
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And it seems like they’re never accountable for their lives or anything they do and people believe them. You know that they can tell such
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Really good stories where people?
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People will believe anything oh yeah
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What I find is that when they’re telling the story
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That that is a lie they very often makes growing their little kibble of truth
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And they’ll throw in something so that people oh yeah. She’s a very good storyteller
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She must be buying
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It’s you know they you know I feel bit, but he used what’s here
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Well he used my military training against me because people were almost willing to believe that I was abusive because I’ve had combat training
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Mm-Hmm, you know because I’m a sergeant in the united states army. They’re like. Oh yeah, she could be abusive
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you know even though he’s 6 foot 2 and
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250 pounds, you know this little 120 pound 5 foot 2 girl because oh, yes
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She could take him you know she’s had combat training
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Yeah, it’s things like that, or you know him using pulling the pillow out from under his head that oh
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She pulled the pillow out from under my head and then proceeded to hit me with her color
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Like no, I pulled the pillow out from under your head to wake you up, but I was never beating him
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But you know they put those little bits of truth into it you know mixed in with the lies
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Hey
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narcissists are
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just
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Like they think they are entitled to lie, and it’s okay them and make up stories
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And I see it so clearly
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when I talk to
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Survivors because every single one of them has got a story that
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It’s almost like in the beginning they love bomb us and they tell us stories of how great
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they are and we believe and then towards the end their decision they’re making this stuff up and
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Everybody else is believing now
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They don’t get it. It was like you know that they
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they fought for empathetic people and we’re willing to give them give people a second third fourth chance and
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You know we’re very forgiving people and with with him
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He made me feel sorry for him because he had such a horrible childhood
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He was abused was a horrible childhood, and you know that serves a couple purposes it made me
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You know feel sorry for him like oh, I’m going to make it better
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You know love conquers all but he’s also triangulating me against his parents because then once I meet his parents I
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Already have yeah, I’m like a flying monkey at this point because I’m like all these horrible people, you know
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Our rickety hate become even though I haven’t met them yet
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And they hate me because he’s triangulated them against me
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you know telling like I’m dating this girl, but you know she’s kind of pushy and
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She’s you know she’s very manipulative, and I don’t know she’s kind of bossy
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I mean get things that that are not me, but so then they have a perception of me, and yeah
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Even in the love-bombing stage there’s lies and triangulation
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situation
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Yeah, I
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Can tell you some lies for me. I think you know the story of me being arrested by
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reacts my boyfriend
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and
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as I sat there in his driveway
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Coming to forgive him for sleeping with someone else
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Not knowing there was another new person in his driveway
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He sat there you know straight face and told the police officer that he was scared I
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Had done nothing. Oh yeah. I first thought I was playing and then
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The girl who was in the car ended up
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I don’t know if you’ve seen those videos, but she was his next supply, and we’ve become really close
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And he said he walked inside and his son was like dad. What happened and
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He said Tracy tried to kill me and she was like
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Oh, she didn’t know and so he took that lie, and he took it to the police
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And he said he was scared
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And he said that it was the tone of my voice that that frightened him I was crying
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I was like where’s the tone of my voice?
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saying I just learned about I have abandonment issues, and you know I just want to forgive you and let’s get on with life and
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He turned it all around and this line
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became something that
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Landed me in a jail. Cell. It’s no conscious
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I kept thinking there that he must feel bad because this has to be a mistake. There’s no way
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No
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You did not feel bad and that just kept on you know not whoring those screws into the coffin
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the Jury had to protect his own little ass and
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It amazes me that and they don’t listen up
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Things under the rug – they like to pretend that things never happened because you know now if you talked with him he would probably
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Say, oh that never happened, or well, you’re misinterpreting how it happened
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It really happened that way you know that they love to forget things that they’ve done to you. Oh, yeah
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Oh, yeah, no matter then like the pattern was me breaking up over and over well
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And I you know didn’t like glare is being treated
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Then you know oh, that sucks. You’re just making that up in your head. I didn’t just sleep it somebody oh
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you know it’s
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I
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am a shocked really at the legal system and the court and the
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The legal abuse because when people that are going through a divorce that a narcissist sociopaths
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psychopaths
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They are smears and yet
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They charm
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and they end up making us work crazy when we’re sitting there as calm as can be I
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Don’t understand the law they can charm your own
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The in mind you know he charmed my lawyer
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to where my lawyer didn’t believe me and
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She had believed me up until a point where he filed an affidavit saying that I was physically and verbally abusive to him
0:18:30.460,0:18:36.340
I had abandoned the family home. I only assumed that means when I went to fort Jackson, South Carolina
0:18:37.820,0:18:40.629
for two when I joined the army reserves
0:18:41.210,0:18:45.520
But he put all these lies in this affidavit, and she called me up. It’s like
0:18:45.520,0:18:51.129
I’m not judging or anything, but sitting is true. I was like no none of this is true
0:18:51.350,0:18:55.600
Well people don’t say stuff like this is sworn affidavits unless it’s true
0:18:55.760,0:18:58.869
I’m like how long have you been a lawyer people you lie all the time
0:19:00.470,0:19:03.280
But as you don’t and a lawyer for about a year
0:19:03.280,0:19:09.070
And that’s something that can tell people if you’re divorcing a narcissist do not get a lawyer who is
0:19:09.830,0:19:11.750
fresh out of Law school
0:19:11.750,0:19:16.450
Because they don’t they don’t understand human nature they have not seen that
0:19:17.240,0:19:24.700
The depths of Depravity that these people will go go to and you know I didn’t hire a lawyer fresh out of law school
0:19:24.710,0:19:27.520
I hired a lawyer who’d been practicing for thirty years
0:19:27.520,0:19:34.150
But then he took my case and gave it to her to his associate and so I ended up having to hire a new lawyer
0:19:34.550,0:19:37.570
after about a year of her messing up the case and
0:19:38.300,0:19:40.599
um getting drawn into
0:19:41.390,0:19:46.150
Having to follow more affidavits. They follow discovery which I had no idea
0:19:46.150,0:19:51.129
What discovery was until you know they file discovery and I had to produce?
0:19:51.500,0:19:57.160
documents for three years with like every receipt from gas receipts grocery receipts clothes
0:19:58.220,0:20:02.230
Any that I spent for three years because they were on a fishing expedition
0:20:02.990,0:20:06.820
But really what it is is it’s to bog you down and to wear you down
0:20:08.030,0:20:10.810
Legally to where you’re just like I don’t care anymore
0:20:10.810,0:20:15.820
I just want out you know and you’ll give up, and that’s what they do
0:20:16.040,0:20:21.999
They keep filing one thing after another yeah, they can’t use the kids against you they’ll use the house. They’ll use
0:20:22.760,0:20:28.959
Anything to wear you down, and I had a good friend that she told me she’s like Raven. Do not give up
0:20:28.960,0:20:30.320
He’s trying to wear you down
0:20:30.320,0:20:36.459
Don’t let him get away, because there were times that I was just like time just give him whatever he wants
0:20:36.470,0:20:43.240
I want to get it over with Mm-Hmm. Yeah, I’m back their goal is to break this down and
0:20:43.820,0:20:46.419
and help us just put up the flag and
0:20:46.940,0:20:48.080
I
0:20:48.080,0:20:54.520
Personally am not going to sit there and let them lie on the stand even though they did
0:20:55.490,0:21:00.579
My mother-in-law I got up in front of the judge with an 18-gauge document
0:21:01.760,0:21:06.099
Stating that the house that she’s lived in is hers
0:21:06.100,0:21:10.900
And it was never in my husband’s name it was you know yeah
0:21:10.900,0:21:13.989
The weird thing is she’s lived in New York, and this was draw up
0:21:13.990,0:21:20.770
I had a lawyer in like Delaware and and she’s got delaware the way she’s got me work lawyers
0:21:20.770,0:21:23.589
And she’s got Colorado airs this whole document
0:21:23.590,0:21:26.829
And then she stood there with her hand up on the bible
0:21:27.140,0:21:31.060
swearing she was going to tell the truth and this was the truth and
0:21:32.090,0:21:34.090
none of it was true and
0:21:35.120,0:21:37.120
about a week later
0:21:37.160,0:21:39.160
We ended up
0:21:39.440,0:21:41.440
Dead
0:21:42.170,0:21:43.550
Sellin weed
0:21:43.550,0:21:51.219
Animals like everyone believes them totally I mean she got up there like this rickety old lady. Oh, you know Meanwhile
0:21:51.220,0:21:53.220
I just show not like her but
0:21:53.660,0:21:56.560
She shot. They were just lying and a week later
0:21:56.750,0:22:00.820
We found the people work in the city of the town
0:22:01.070,0:22:08.979
In New York, and of course the house was put in my husband’s name and then quickly during the divorce and then quickly
0:22:09.590,0:22:11.590
thrown into a trust
0:22:12.320,0:22:15.200
It we produce those papers from the town
0:22:15.720,0:22:21.799
And they were back on the stand and the judge said what did you forget these shoulder like five million Dollar house?
0:22:22.169,0:22:29.479
And put it in his name, and they were like well, you know baby really basically she was like well. Yeah
0:22:29.490,0:22:30.899
but I’m
0:22:30.899,0:22:34.758
a kid nothing like did you not just perjure yourself and
0:22:35.309,0:22:37.579
a my perjuring myself no
0:22:38.039,0:22:44.599
The worst thing I did on the stand was I was so pissed off in him like that. I just sat there like this I
0:22:45.570,0:22:50.840
Gave him the finger fool and his lawyer was pounding on the table going
0:22:51.690,0:22:57.559
Judge judge, and the Judge is like okay. You have to stop that I’m like my own image. I
0:22:58.590,0:23:04.970
feel guilty about it for years, but like I was just being attacked and
0:23:05.580,0:23:07.970
They tried to go after me and say that
0:23:08.789,0:23:12.528
He had moved me here to Colorado, and I lost a really good job
0:23:13.379,0:23:15.240
Connecticut and
0:23:15.240,0:23:23.059
they had this like work thing that they made me go through to see what I was works and what I could do and
0:23:23.220,0:23:27.289
so they can prove that you know, I’m not making my potential and
0:23:28.769,0:23:32.869
Every single step of the way, they just thought oh yeah that they kept
0:23:33.960,0:23:35.190
Reedy oh
0:23:35.190,0:23:42.710
Yeah, that was used that was used on me where he was saying that if she just worked more she would she would not be
0:23:42.899,0:23:48.258
Dependent because of it. I was claiming. I was the dependent spouse because I only made 20 thousand a year
0:23:48.539,0:23:55.459
He made 85 thousand a year and so I was saying that I just needed a little bit of alimony to get through nursing school
0:23:56.159,0:24:01.909
And he was saying if she would just work more hours per week she would not be the dependent spouse
0:24:01.909,0:24:04.609
I was like I could work more hours per week
0:24:04.610,0:24:10.699
But I still would not be making enough to support me support the children and go to nursing school same time Mm-hmm
0:24:11.610,0:24:13.110
they
0:24:13.110,0:24:20.329
Love to do that. They love to say that you’re not pulling your weight, or yeah, I think I think the advice to
0:24:21.269,0:24:23.809
People that are going through a divorce is
0:24:24.990,0:24:29.520
it’s a we protect yourself from these lies perhaps by
0:24:30.010,0:24:34.140
Documenting perhaps by being the one with all of the p.m.
0:24:34.540,0:24:38.430
You know if you can’t find them you can get them at the bank
0:24:38.430,0:24:43.589
And then they look stupid for not producing the evidence that the judge is asking for
0:24:45.190,0:24:51.749
But be prepared and don’t be emotional when they pull this shit on you in
0:24:52.300,0:24:55.769
The court because then you do look crazy, right?
0:24:57.640,0:25:03.959
Yeah, I think you have to be you have to be ready to defend yourself. You know because I thought in my mind
0:25:04.000,0:25:11.280
He’s never going to do this he wouldn’t he wouldn’t accuse me of this or he won’t accuse me of that and then you know
0:25:11.710,0:25:15.300
He starts accusing me of everything he starts accusing me of being
0:25:15.820,0:25:18.179
being unfaithful, and he’s accusing me of
0:25:19.210,0:25:23.250
abandoning the family home and all these things you have the abusive and
0:25:23.920,0:25:29.489
Yeah, it was things. I know he’s never going to do this. You know we were married for 16 years
0:25:29.490,0:25:30.600
I’m the mother of his children
0:25:30.600,0:25:31.440
I was his wife
0:25:31.440,0:25:36.659
but they will and you have to be ready for it you have to document everything don’t have a
0:25:36.940,0:25:42.929
Conversation with them that can’t be recorded you save all your emails all your texts Mm-hmm
0:25:43.060,0:25:46.799
Yeah, that’s really that our best protection is
0:25:48.010,0:25:53.249
You know document it get that to the lawyer and then the lawyers got some ammunition
0:25:54.700,0:25:57.810
To fight whatever the Lie is right oh
0:25:58.570,0:26:04.320
Well pickups and drop-offs if you have kids that’s normally when drama starts
0:26:04.600,0:26:10.199
but for some reason it seems like they want to start something as soon as the kids get out of the car and they get
0:26:10.200,0:26:15.960
Into their car and then you know that’s when the narc comes over and wants to have a discussion and so I started
0:26:16.300,0:26:21.029
Every time I dropped him off. I took my iphone out, and I you know clicked on where you can record a message
0:26:21.310,0:26:23.110
You can record a young
0:26:23.110,0:26:28.020
You record something and I would put the phone in my pocket and I would get out of the car and it would be
0:26:28.090,0:26:33.329
recording for the time I got out the car and I’m talking to him to the time I got back in my car and
0:26:34.120,0:26:38.609
There was one time that he had a conversation with me that I didn’t record because it
0:26:39.299,0:26:41.699
Me off-guard because I had picked up the kids at church
0:26:41.700,0:26:45.689
And I’m taking them to the car and he cornered me, and he gets in my face
0:26:45.759,0:26:50.849
And he’s like you need to tell your lawyer to stop this you need to tell your order to stop that
0:26:51.009,0:26:54.659
Shit’s Gonna Ruin this whole deal. She’s gonna ruin this whole deal and I’m like whoa a little backup
0:26:55.090,0:26:58.829
Yeah, and I didn’t have my phone recording because I didn’t expect it
0:26:58.830,0:27:03.090
I didn’t I didn’t think he was kind of follow me through the parking lot and corner me, right?
0:27:03.360,0:27:07.289
But you know you have to you have to make sure that you you’ve got something to record
0:27:07.509,0:27:09.509
You’ve got somebody with you
0:27:09.580,0:27:15.359
You know a lot of times my mother goes with me or pickups and drop-offs, so there’s a whipit in this wow
0:27:16.570,0:27:22.080
Well now, how are your kids doing after the divorce is final are they adjusting?
0:27:24.039,0:27:29.998
My kids are adjusting better now that they’re not going back and forth all the time between houses
0:27:30.940,0:27:32.940
For some reason. I don’t know why
0:27:34.690,0:27:40.859
Unlike some narcissist that will fight you and fight you for the kids he fought me for the kids and then changed his mind
0:27:41.889,0:27:44.608
After I got a second lawyer he I?
0:27:45.309,0:27:50.248
Don’t know what happened. If this other lawyer, I got put the screws to his lawyer
0:27:50.249,0:27:56.669
but all of a sudden he decided to give me primary custody, so the kids stay with me 90% of the time now and
0:27:58.480,0:28:06.149
They’re adjusting a lot better now that they’re not around the narcissist. You know three or four days a week. You know so they have
0:28:07.119,0:28:13.979
There’s Chaos at his house, but here you know it’s very calm. We have rules. We don’t yell we scream
0:28:14.739,0:28:18.599
That this is their home, and you know we live next to my parents
0:28:18.600,0:28:22.079
So you know they’re there next to their grandparents they have an extended family
0:28:22.779,0:28:27.959
and I think that they have really they’ve come a long way that they my
0:28:28.269,0:28:33.149
My daughter is entering her teenage years, so that’s that’s a whole other all wax
0:28:33.820,0:28:36.149
But they have really adjusted
0:28:37.090,0:28:40.619
Adjusted well and even though my son is autistic he was
0:28:41.379,0:28:47.309
he was on the Av honor roll this entire year and got a letter from our state senator of
0:28:48.009,0:28:50.009
Congratulating him on his grades
0:28:50.499,0:28:52.420
there
0:28:52.420,0:28:56.009
They’re getting third. They’re healing at about the same rate. I am
0:28:57.430,0:28:59.970
Yeah, I wonder if you know
0:29:00.940,0:29:05.730
People asking all the time do they ask you like how long will it take to buy better?
0:29:07.330,0:29:11.399
People ask me that all the time how long it takes to heal
0:29:15.370,0:29:17.370
Well, I’ll let you know when I’m healed
0:29:19.270,0:29:21.810
and it’s been three years and
0:29:22.780,0:29:24.450
I’m doing really well
0:29:24.450,0:29:26.939
I don’t I don’t freak out anymore as much
0:29:27.280,0:29:33.509
when I get a phone call from him or an email like it like I used to but the other day I have a
0:29:33.640,0:29:35.640
recording of him that I made
0:29:35.740,0:29:39.779
when the divorce was going on I pulled it out because I was listening to it and
0:29:40.300,0:29:42.300
I was listening to his voice and
0:29:43.480,0:29:50.339
Just hearing his voice and the manipulation it brought me back three years, and I was sitting there almost having a panic attack
0:29:51.400,0:29:54.600
Even though you’ve come a long way sometimes you
0:29:55.270,0:29:57.270
take a step back it’s
0:29:57.880,0:29:59.880
process and you
0:30:00.040,0:30:06.810
You don’t know how long it’s got it could take three years it could take one year it just it just depends I
0:30:07.450,0:30:10.379
Think the important part for people to know is that
0:30:11.890,0:30:18.450
How I heal and how you feel and how they heal is all different, and you know for you
0:30:18.870,0:30:20.969
you’ve got to still deal with them and
0:30:21.550,0:30:23.490
Deal with the kids for me
0:30:23.490,0:30:30.990
I’m completely grey rock from either of my narcissists and so I don’t have that so for me I
0:30:31.690,0:30:34.350
Feel like I’ve had a little accelerated
0:30:35.950,0:30:38.370
you know growth and closure because
0:30:38.950,0:30:41.460
I’ll never talk to either one of them again
0:30:41.460,0:30:49.439
And then that is like the best thing is to just get away if you can and change your number and stops
0:30:49.690,0:30:51.220
Talking you know
0:30:51.220,0:30:57.120
No contact as much as you can and again with children is to develop recovery. Yeah
0:30:59.290,0:31:03.480
Yeah, the problem the problem. You. Have kids is that you’re always connected to them
0:31:04.360,0:31:08.549
There’s that connection and sometimes you know you’re ordered by the court
0:31:08.850,0:31:14.880
You know I’m ordered by the court to have contact with them. You know when the kids are they have a school program
0:31:14.880,0:31:17.160
I have to let him know you know. There’s a pTa meeting
0:31:17.770,0:31:19.770
Tuesday night and the kids are singing
0:31:20.590,0:31:26.819
All these different things that I have to open up contact with him that it would be a lot better if I didn’t have to
0:31:28.390,0:31:32.369
If I didn’t have to have that contact with him yeah
0:31:32.980,0:31:38.219
This is amazing to me. It’s amazing that they make you do the
0:31:39.790,0:31:45.240
You know reminding him like he doesn’t have any work to know what’s going on at school up
0:31:46.990,0:31:49.829
It’s all it’s like. I’m his secretary thing
0:31:50.890,0:31:57.239
Happens are you okay? He’ll get mad the heavens if I haven’t sent him something you know immediately
0:31:57.240,0:32:02.609
I mean, he’ll get mad like you are supposed to according to Line Line five a section C
0:32:02.800,0:32:08.910
Paragraph whatever of the parenting agreement you’re supposed to let me know when there are changes to the children schedule
0:32:08.910,0:32:13.379
And I’m like I just found out two hours ago calm down wow
0:32:15.160,0:32:18.839
But yeah his secretary. Yeah, lucky
0:32:19.540,0:32:26.370
And that’s almost like another blow like I know friends are coping anything as well, and it’s like
0:32:26.370,0:32:32.250
Why can’t they be responsible and find out when things are you know otherwise?
0:32:32.250,0:32:37.109
it always have to be on the woman’s shoulder and their men have it to you, but
0:32:38.560,0:32:44.280
And and he has access to this, you know most parents have access to the school website
0:32:44.530,0:32:46.679
There’s parent de : parent portals
0:32:46.680,0:32:53.010
And it’s a a website where you can go and see your kids grades and always he has access to all this
0:32:53.260,0:32:55.260
But he still wants me to
0:32:55.690,0:32:59.520
Scan it put it in a pDf and send it to him like I work for him
0:33:00.220,0:33:03.150
and you know that drives me insane but
0:33:03.880,0:33:06.719
You know I do it because I don’t want you to accuse me of
0:33:07.570,0:33:09.570
violating the parenting agreement
0:33:09.820,0:33:12.809
Exactly, you’re living on the edge of here
0:33:14.330,0:33:20.809
If you don’t do something he’s going to come back after you accuse you of being a bad mother not doing the parent agreement
0:33:21.360,0:33:23.360
it’s so hard to win or
0:33:24.360,0:33:32.360
Or yeah like kids if the kids get like a bad grade like my daughter is getting a c or a d in math
0:33:32.669,0:33:37.849
You know he’s on the phone. You know immediately like why is she getting a d in math you know and
0:33:38.730,0:33:41.870
What he’s implying is that if she was living with me?
0:33:41.870,0:33:45.649
She would be getting an a she would be an a student that’s because she’s living with you
0:33:45.649,0:33:48.888
You’re such a bad mother you’re so neglectful this yeah
0:33:48.889,0:33:51.799
This is how he talks so I I?
0:33:52.110,0:33:56.539
Used to do voices all the time and so when when I do videos a lot of times I do
0:33:56.669,0:34:02.569
Voices, and I’ve had some people say you know your your your mocking him, and I’m like no. I’m not mocking him
0:34:02.570,0:34:04.669
I’m doing his voice. This is how he taught
0:34:05.519,0:34:08.388
yeah, I’ve done that too and
0:34:09.210,0:34:11.570
they they usually sound a little bit like
0:34:12.300,0:34:14.929
My first husband sort of sounds like some Italian
0:34:15.780,0:34:22.489
Mafia man from the Bronx when I do it so I don’t do it anymore, but I used to like laugh a class
0:34:24.480,0:34:29.750
All right dear let’s close this off and um it has been a pleasure
0:34:29.750,0:34:33.469
And I encourage everybody to go let’s add, Bradenton wife
0:34:34.379,0:34:36.379
she’s got a great channel and
0:34:36.990,0:34:38.540
when I first started learning
0:34:38.540,0:34:46.040
I I learned from me were in that bucket of people that I was learning and sucking up everything so I
0:34:46.440,0:34:48.800
Appreciate you and your openness
0:34:48.800,0:34:56.689
I was learning right along with you, and that’s that’s the whole thing. We all are giving sharing people and we all
0:34:57.300,0:35:00.050
Take it to the next level and help someone else show
0:35:00.660,0:35:02.660
Thank you
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