Hi! My Name is Tracy A. Malone, founder of Narcissist Abuse Support and I’m here to help! 🙂
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Transcription:
Yeah, the this is Tracy today I’m gonna talk about some ideas that have come across my mind this week.
It is victim versus survivor a.
I think that as I come out of the closet and talk to friends and people that I know and tell them that I’m making these videos on nurses is abuse the first reaction that people have is that I am holding on to a victim status and that I am holding on to that and can’t get over these men in my life. I can’t deal with it. And so I am a angry, bitter person, and I don’t think that could be farther from the truth. And here’s what I think that like an alcoholic, you will always be an alcoholic, but you will be trying to… It can be something that doesn’t, it isn’t drinking it. And in doing the things that an alcoholic would do, which could be ruin their life and doing things to harm themselves when they become dry and they’ve become aware of what has happened to them, in their life that doesn’t mean they’re not an alcoholic, it means that they’re better and they tend to go on and help others. They become sponsors and it’s very much like that. I think that the people that are out there making these videos are trying to help people, they’re at a different point where they’re able to speak, and I think it’s so easy for us to hold get judged by our friends and our family that were holding on to the heWe’re holding on to the fear, we’re holding on and being a year longer, and it’s really hard to understand that when you are a survivor because you don’t wanna hold on to and you want this to give you the power to to get past all of these things. That have happened to you, the most important thing to remember is that you are not alone. If you have spent any time on YouTube in this narcissist. Abuse support area on blogs, you will find that everything that you have experienced others have experienced to and the most important thing is to know that you are not their first source of supply and you will not be the last. The next one is gonna go through the exact same stages of love farming, and the value and discard just as you are, so holding on to a dream and holding on to an illusion that if you are in love with something that could have beenSo I’m really good at that.
I see potential in people. And if you look back, really, we saw the potential in the love Boris age.
Oh, he saw a man thinks she’s so wonderful. Oh, she cooks meals whatever it was that drew you to that person. They’re so good with their children, whatever it is you were in love with an illusion, and we held on to that we held on to the belief that they could be that that is really false hope for us and it’s self-sabotaging because we can’t change somebody and unless they’re consistently good, they’re not good if they make a mistake, that’s not the damming of them, but if their patterns don’t stop at their patterns continue to repeat themselves. That’s when you’re gonna get into a realization that there’s something wrong with this picture, and we can’t be in love with something that we saw a while ago.
We have to be in love with the person that is true to being a good person every day, they will make mistakes, we all make mistakes and that’s okay, it’s in how they handled them and how they make you feel and how they take responsibility for their feelings. That really changes everything, when we face our fears and we face people’s judging of us… We have a few choices, we can deal with those peers, and we can move forward by taking one step.
How do you both for hunting get rid of it, and the only way in it, conquered on a right on and make yourself stronger. It’s not a process so that every… We go to a until we know the enemy sort of speak and do we know what our patterns are, and that we’ve been accepting people on their face value when we accept that and we can heal.
So like an alcoholic, I really can’t get better until they accept the fact that they are an alcohol. Until you see that you have a problem that you believe in the fairy tale, if you believe in the dream, if you’re not seeing reality you think a betterSo you have to admit that you’re a victim, you have to see what you’re a victim of. If you don’t know everything about it, then you can recover.
So the most important thing is to… Did I learn this stuff? And the more that you do, you’ll get rid of some of the feelings that you’re feeling maybe right now in the beginning stages, you’re gonna be wrong, we you’re gonna be sad you’re gonna have a peer or you feel isolated desperate hopeless, they’re gonna have danger and bitterness, and these are faces that we actually have to go through a lot of plans today.
These are cases that we have to go through. I have to come through in order to see the light we can’t get but there if we don’t listen, and if we don’t explore the possibility that what we’ve been through isn’t normal, if we consider it normal, and we’re damned to be here for a long, long time. So I think in the victim and survivor thing you have to go through victim, you have to go through understanding that before you can get better. And this week I had two friends break up with boyfriends and I think I went right into a red flag and accusing them of being artists in the way that they handle the meat they handled in the break up.
I and I, I can see the patterns, and both of my friends are still in that anger, that fear that What the hell has happened stage and so they’re just at the very beginning and I’m not saying that their men were narcissist, but it’s in the discard that complete lack of empathy, that you’ve been with someone for any amount of time and suddenly you’re nothing that is bringing bucking. And I think that they… It might come to terms with it but trying to control it.
It’s never going to be for you. Peace, trying to understand it is where you’re going to find these and you’re gonna get a transformation of your heart.
So, how do you learn bravery, “How do you learn to be brave when you’re a TA, and stuff? You just try, try to be real.
It’s not gonna happen all at once.
A slow process and education is really the key to one tiny little step. It’s a choice, we choose to do this. It’s a heroic inside of us to say I’m going to stand up for myself, I, I met a few people to speak and one man, in particular, who lost his wife about six weeks ago, for a 11-year battle of cancer.
It was in Latin, to that. I got I…
I hope that there is will love out there who, that this is in the normal thing as to what I’ve been living with in meeting this man who is struggling and endured so much with a wife that was done, so our being there by her side and making their life as Annie he said to our group he said I…
I know I don’t hold out for tomorrow.
And the biggest word that He has was saying a little bit that we know.
So when we get more secure when we build this and when we do that, we go to Europe or do things that we wanna do and he said If you could do it all over again, he would live for today, because you don’t know what tomorrow was going to be a…
I think that line really inspired me to remember to live for today.
It is, we don’t know what tomorrow will bring.
So in your battling of fear and have you must remember that there will be a rainbow be legit to try keep note of humans behavior. Last night, I had a little situation that I sucked me. Honestly, there’s a man that I have had a friendship with. And a few weeks ago we made into kissing a and I wasn’t going any farther because I re-met just for too.
I want, I wouldn’t do to us to their ears.
We were, I did get a “I and I, he was having a party is a… And he invited me and I was going to… Before I went, I sent him a text and it was raining where I was, and I asked him if it was raining there, and he said No, and then he said, “Oh I went there or you I… So I found that we were not dating a purse but we were building a relationship. I thought that was a strange to do that, I said, “Oh no, I have a new person that I’m seeing, but she would keep you too.
I was like I… As it was, so it, I heard the… We were friends and we were going to this thing, he could have just said, “Hey by the way, I started to see someone in a bit me too. Or there’s a person… What We Can… We were kissing, I, I just, I set the boundary right there and I said, Okay, red flag. Not saying the nurse is… I don’t like being treated like that, I don’t like that. He didn’t have the respect to talk to me and say that he found a one that maybe… So I want to sleep with him in the first fifteen minutes and that so we could have had a chance at a friendship, but when he took it to the level of not even telling me Hey I found someone and just sort of said, “Oh I’ve got men for you, that just like fucked with my head Why I take that to somebody?
I set as a, a strong bringing for myself and say, “You know what, I put myself that situation I don’tWe beat this party, I don’t need to sit myself to watching campus, someone else when he just kissed me.
Not that I am “suchet to him. I wrote, “I know someone again, and I’m so glad that I did the mantra. I imagine I have taking it to the next step or a… And I was still playing and eating other one.
I love Mary, in that first.
I don’t really know and what I can smell.
And that it was great.
I think a part of… So I felt a little bit better.
So, and be brave, factor fears a victim versus survivor be vertices.
So I, so is there a in Forbes I see or I… So the only way we tattooed cation the course is…
So what is question I can.
