Hi! My Name is Tracy A. Malone, founder of Narcissist Abuse Support and I’m here to help! 🙂
Transcription:
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Okay
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We’re not using that part nope no, I don’t think so okay
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Hello, this is gizelle, and this is Tracy
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We’ve started a little bit early
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Not maybe it’s early evening and it’s not have a touch somewhere and it’s Saturday, and it’s Saturday. That’s always a good day
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Yeah, we decided that we would make a video. We haven’t been on since we were in Connecticut. That’s wrong, right
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yeah, so we better go back from from New York and Connecticut and
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the East Coast and it was beautiful and
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We had a good time hey
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yeah, yeah, and I think there’s some things that that have come up because of our trip to New York and
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because of
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People that we meet all over the place, right?
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Yesterday we had lunch with a potential
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new client for me and
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You know bugger if she didn’t sit there and describe her
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ex-husband to a tea
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To being a narcissist yeah, it’s amazing how prolific it is
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Definitely I I it’s opened my eyes so very much as well, and and what I also realized is that?
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even if you know you don’t have
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What’s the best way to put this even if you don’t have that the full-blown?
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Narcissist you know all of those red flags and all of those things happening. It’s really interesting to me how a
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lot of people have some of those aspects as well and
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And you know while they may not be displaying certain aspects of them
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They certainly displaying others of them, so it’s not black and white there’s a lot of you know
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There’s a lot of shades of grey within it in at least 50 and at least 50
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and I think that
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It’s very interesting to me to I mean obviously it’s studying human behavior as you can imagine?
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You really has time to do that and nobody should have time to
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Study human behavior unless it’s their job. You know or unless it really they love it so
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I guess what we’ve sort of been talking about a lot in the last while is this how?
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And this was a big thing the other night as the vulnerabilities that we have that make us vulnerable
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To somebody with a narcissistic disorder if you will or to a predator for want of a better word
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how can we
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Without getting rid of our vulnerabilities because they make us quite
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charming and lovely and loved how can we
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avoid being taken advantage of
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and so you know in
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Discussing that we’ve been thinking about ways that we can educate people as to as to first of all
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Identifying what their vulnerabilities are so that they know where they’re at with it and then
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Acknowledging when they are being taken advantage of and then what what do they do after that you know so there’s much more
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There’s there’s so many pieces to this
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puzzle
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of
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Why people are target’s?
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Vulnerabilities is a complete word because and I’m about to make a video on that next
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There’s so many things that are good characteristics to have and by no means would
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Anyone think that this is going to make them a target
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but if the predator the narcissist the sociopaths are
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Looking for someone with these traits and that means you’re caring you’re giving you’re forgiving
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All of the things that they want to use
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you’re yours to you for as a supply really important to recognise that in yourself and
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Recognize your own patterns, so there’s patterns. There’s vulnerabilities, and then of course we have to learn
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our history
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What made us?
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React these ways why did we not have enough self love to say you know what that?
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is not accept and when you’re making a declaration of
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Something that is your boundary
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How do you?
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How do you stand up for yourself
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So I think for me what that feels like is
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What does it feel like for you does it make you feel good, or does it make you feel bad?
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Or does it make you feel heavier, or does it make you feel lighter?
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You know I think that’s a good way to go, but I was going to say something else as well JC
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Is that you know I?
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Have I know I have many vulnerabilities as we all do
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But I also know the people who truly love me have never taken advantage of those
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They may have pointed them out, and they may have said you know what that
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that might get you in trouble someday or that kind hug my you know this might get this much and you know what it’s
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completely true
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So there’s nothing wrong with vulnerabilities again. Please, you know don’t get us wrong. I think it’s it’s it’s part of the most
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attractive part of your personality
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Not to be codependent by the way and not to be needy by the way but to have a vulnerability is a very
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Attractive thing and nobody wants you to give that away
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But you can be very smart about your vulnerabilities as well
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And you can if you ask that question you know is this person
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Doing this for my benefit or to my detriment, and I think you can get a clear answer out of that
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You know I I agree um I remember
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This fellow saying I was listening to old recordings in my head
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And and this is way before any of the end came and I would say what are you talking about?
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He obviously saw patterns because he knew about he knew my mother he sat at her bedside
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He knew
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my
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Ex-husband situation he knew where I had been vulnerable and he actually
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Raped every one of those vulnerabilities because they’d already gotten away with it
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He saw where I was caring giving and giving to others much more than I was to myself
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So that’s the kind of thing that a predator would do is to take more advantage of those things than a normal friend you know
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Being kind and loving is
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Fine and our friends love that and we wouldn’t have the friends that we do unless we
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Saw, those qualities in them, but when someone uses those vulnerabilities and says you’ve got old recordings
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But they won’t tell you what they are
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It’s our job to learn what they are
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and
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Not let it happen again right? That’s so
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That’s the bottom line is I was expecting him to tell me because clearly I didn’t know
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If I had known I would have seen and been out of that box so far
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before that
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but
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It’s hard job
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Yeah, totally, but I think the thing I would like to add to that as well as is that
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a
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Little bit about old recordings we do all have old recordings
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We do have things that are planted in our brains by other people and by life in general
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and
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If there’s one thing I can say is this is if you do hear this little this little voice in your head young legal an
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Eagle or a little demon saying you know or making you feel lousy
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You don’t have to banish it. Just going to tune the radio down and turn it down a little bit
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And also acknowledge it acknowledge that you may have some stuff going on there comes from a past experience
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And that is not relevant to the present right now. That’s okay
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We all do the first step to changing or any kind of transformation is
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Acknowledgement so when you hear it
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They kind to you don’t beat yourself up because you’ve probably got enough people beating you up already
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Don’t add to that list be kind to you and go you know what I can hear what I’m doing there
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Or I can see what I’m doing there and forgiving and you’re here
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Yeah, yeah very important to forgive yourself. Everybody messes up some of us
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monumentally
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And we always have the opportunity to begin the game and a game and a game and so you know
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There is no
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There is no reason or course for you to speak to yourself in a lousy bad way put yourself down
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Yeah, don’t do it. I shouldn’t have done that I shouldn’t have let him do this. Yes like that no
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You know as you talked about
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Understanding it and and trusting yourself and listening to the recordings something came into my head
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And now it’s gone
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She just just turn that rock down and she forgot all about it
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Isn’t she isn’t she a blessed soul no no no starting again. I’ve got it now
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Alzheimer’s, it’s not good. Why?
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Starting again is
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Something that’s we all fear you know it’s so much more
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Comfortable to stay where we are even if it’s not right
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Because we know it we don’t have to start again
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I don’t want to get my own apartment and move out of the house and my neighborhood
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And I don’t want my kids to go into a different school. I don’t know what I’m gonna do for a job
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We all struggle with that here
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Yeah, how do we move on and it freezes us into a bad situation?
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Yes, so often. I mean I talk to people every day
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That are victims of narcissists abuse, and we all share this fear this fear is
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Trapping us it’s locking us in a place that isn’t good. If anyone is mean to you in any way
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That is abuse
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And you are only going to get more and more because they’re testing you and seeing what you’ll tolerate
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so
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Have the respect for yourself and know that beginning again is not the end of the world
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I was so afraid I wanted to kill myself when my husband asked for a divorce
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I didn’t know what I would do I was so scared and
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Yet, Here, I am
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And I have a lovely life. I have amazing friends
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And I will go on and it doesn’t matter how old I am
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55 56 this week you are on you know last month, but I
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Was so afraid how do I start again? Why don’t one week into two?
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But believe in yourself you’ll be fine
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Yeah, you will be and it’s it’s a it’s a it’s really a matter of you know sometimes
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It’s better the devil you know than the devil you don’t know but in the end it’s not better
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And you know what ten years down the line. It’ll be that much more difficult to make those changes
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You’ll be ten years older, and you’ll be looking back and going. Oh my goodness. You know I should have or I could have
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You know there is no time like the present
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Seek to find ways to make your life better today
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Right now yeah right now
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And then subscribe because we ROCK be is totes All Right see ya, that’s all we got thank you bye
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