If you are wondering “why me” what did I do to attract a narcissist into my life then this video will help you understand the qualities in you that make you a perfect snack for a narcissist to consider you a good target.
Hi, this [is] Tracy and today. I would like to
do our reading in a way from the
Amazing book that I cannot put down. I have more little
Post-its in it than any book I’ve ever had this is
red flags of love Fraud 10 signs you’ve been dating a sociopath by Donna, Andersen and
There’s so much in this book
And I really encourage you to go and get it if you get it online on her site
You will actually get this little workbook, and it really helps you outline
different parts that you can see
what made you vulnerable unless we’re going to talk about today because I had a meetup [this] week, and we really talked about this and
the power in
People seeing these things that they might not have thought were them before
when we discussed it as a group it became very powerful for so many people in the room and
Doms done an amazing job here out laying the vulnerabilities, so I’d like to just kind of go over them with you
you know sociopaths and
they target us because of good things about us they target us because we are kind and loving and
This list gives us a really good
Grasp on on what they are and if I just read you the single words you were about to go well
I’m not wounded, but if I read you her amazing description. I think that you
Things in this that might be you
So I’m going [to] start with wounded
Have you been in a recent divorce or ended a bad relationship?
Where are you in a bad, or abusive marriage?
Were you abused in your family of origin?
think about that codependent
People that have had narcissistic parents or people in their life before
this makes us vulnerable to the next one because if we allowed it the first time we didn’t know and
They can see who she’s wounded. Let’s get her
It’s like that last little pony you know running and the thing and the lion comes and gets them
We are that
Um need for love. Are you looking for love attention or sense of connection?
Da who isn’t right?
Everyone’s looking for love. It’s just natural and it’s normal
Do you want to be protected or do you need to be needed are you the kind of person like me that?
Likes to take care [of] people so you need to be needed. I put a big, Ol check next to that
I need love I wanted to be in a relationship
lonely is the next one and
She wrote do you feel like your life is empty?
Have you ever experienced a committed relationship?
have your children grown and no longer need you or
Have you moved to a new community?
These are all factors that
These predators look for they look for it in all of us and they definitely
Found some of these things in me. How about you
I’m not saying that we’re lonely and we don’t have friends
and we don’t go out because I certainly do I am out there all the time and
I don’t perceive myself as low me
But my son was about to go to college
My my second marriage was I just finished my first. I was wounded
Ok next one empathy do you feel compelled to help people?
Do you respond to appeals for sympathy think about this your narcissist?
Narcissus number three
Supa. The– he was a victim
Everything had gone wrong for him and I could empathize with him
I could guide him I could help him I could love him more than anyone had ever loved him before I
Have the empathy to understand that he’s having trouble times
And he gave it right back to me
Do you want a relationship?
We all do that’s normal
How about do you feel incomplete? That’s a single person
yes, so many of my friends they
say they just want to be in a relationship and and we do but
Do you feel incomplete?
You know that you’re my other half you complete me. You know, that’s just
Not necessarily true. We need to be complete before we start
Do you have a low regard for yourself?
Well, I jumped one see I do this okay. So have you moved to a new community that was part of the lonely part
people that are in divorce groups
people that are in
Codependency anonymous these people
Target those kind of groups
They might even go into single groups
Because well if he just moved here you want to go hiking you’re going to get into a single group
And that’s so common as to where they find them, but have to be online dating
but you have to be aware that you’re not putting off that vibe that you’re lonely and you just want a
This is the one as the low regard for yourself was in do you lack confidence? Are you insecure, or shy I?
Would say not a chance in hell that I am insecure, or shy
Lack of confidence in myself yeah, I think I had it even though. I’m a successful business person I
Think I didn’t
Know that I deserved more I think I didn’t
understand in my own mind that
I didn’t have a high enough regard for myself and and if people said do you have self-love?
I would say of course I do I love myself
But in reality, I allowed this bad behavior
So I must not have I must have had those health Esteem
to allow this to happen
That’s my vulnerability or certainly one of these from list, right?
Do you want a relationship? We did that is your biological clock ticking?
Probably if they’re not taking we’re dead so no matter
What age you are if you’re 20, and you want to have children if you’re 50 and you want to do this?
We all have that time
Urgency when you’re young your biological clock is ticking that you might want children when you’re older
I’m gonna die you know there’s always something that?
Brings us to say I want to be in a relationship before before I’m 60
I don’t want to be an eight-year-old with a cat, you know
so if you feel incomplete without
someone else than [your] vulnerable trusting
Are you young lacking in life experience?
Do you feel trusting innocent or naive?
Are you honest?
Or seem that most people are just like you I?
Did I thought people were honest?
Particularly if they told me that they were I listened to them if they said they were you know I?
Can’t even I can’t even think if they said that they were loving and trusting and they had never cheated on
Their wives they had never done this they had always done this or that
But then of their actions didn’t really follow through with that if you look at those things
It it put me in a spot that made me vulnerable
Second husband’s Mantra she would say it. Oh God a hundred times a day do the right thing
Do the right thing
That’s what he did
That’s what he said that’s why well that looks like uh he was like always doing the right thing at least what I would see
Then I didn’t see the bad stuff because he was telling me that over and over that
He was doing the right thing. He was love on me me he was surrounding me. He was showing me how much he loved me
But at the same time there was another side [of] it that I didn’t see
Because I trust it I trusted, but maybe he was just having a bad day
Are you having difficulties in life? She calls this one problems. Do you need assistance?
Do you need money a place to live are?
You disabled or have medical issues
This makes us a target this makes us a target for so many different
Predators and I am talking about romance predators that will
Rob your money because they show you so much attention and here you are
Depressed whatever it is and someone has come in like a knight in shining armor or a princess on a pony
make sense a girl version right they come in to save us and
They steal from us
So often that is the case
They come in and they’re faking it. They’re con men
There’s no laws against this and I know I know I’m off on a rant here
But it’s really important to understand
That the situation that you’re in could be making you a Target
And I’m not saying if you’re handicapped you can do anything about it
I am saying if you’re handicapped and someone comes into your life, and it seems too good to be true it is
actions speak Louder than words
We’ve got one more
two more vulnerabilities
Single parents, are you a single parent?
struggling to raise your children
Are you unable to buy things for your child? Do you wish that you had helped to take care of them?
well when I was going through my
divorce for my son’s Dad I
Was about to be a single parent. I didn’t know how I was going to do it. I just knew that
This was my choice to divorce my son’s father and I was going to make it work
but along comes prince charming and
He is giving my son
$2,000 Halloween parties
taking him on rides and
Making sure he tries escargot
and you know I call it culture eyes him and
Just like showed so much love [for] my child. I sat there going oh my God
You know let me get to his him and I phone let me let me do this and I was like
I hey, I [don’t] need that, but he doesn’t need that
But at the same time what he was doing what he was buying us. He was showing us that
He cared so much
And he was willing to put his money where his mouth is this happens to victims all the time?
They don’t even see that that neediness even if it’s not really like
Eking out you have a need
They’re going to take advantage of that because they’re offering you something that you didn’t
You were missing or maybe you did you were like eh I need someone to take care of me
Last red flag here is grief. So if you’ve been recently widowed you’ve lost a family member
You’ve lost a friend
When people pass and leave our life it does put us in a very bad place
Both lasalle and I lost our mothers in the last year and that made us really vulnerable
So I want you to look at these things and I want you to make yourself a list and think hard about
What is it that made you vulnerable?
And think about how you’re going to share that in the future okay? That’s all I got this is tracy. Have a good day