If you are wondering “why me” what did I do to attract a narcissist into my life then this video will help you understand the qualities in you that make you a perfect snack for a narcissist to consider you a good target.
Transcription:
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Hi, this [is] Tracy and today. I would like to
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do our reading in a way from the
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Amazing book that I cannot put down. I have more little
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Post-its in it than any book I’ve ever had this is
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red flags of love Fraud 10 signs you’ve been dating a sociopath by Donna, Andersen and
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There’s so much in this book
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And I really encourage you to go and get it if you get it online on her site
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You will actually get this little workbook, and it really helps you outline
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different parts that you can see
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what made you vulnerable unless we’re going to talk about today because I had a meetup [this] week, and we really talked about this and
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the power in
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People seeing these things that they might not have thought were them before
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when we discussed it as a group it became very powerful for so many people in the room and
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Doms done an amazing job here out laying the vulnerabilities, so I’d like to just kind of go over them with you
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you know sociopaths and
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narcissists
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they target us because of good things about us they target us because we are kind and loving and
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Pathetic and
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This list gives us a really good
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Grasp on on what they are and if I just read you the single words you were about to go well
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I’m not wounded, but if I read you her amazing description. I think that you
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will see
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Things in this that might be you
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So I’m going [to] start with wounded
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wounded is
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Have you been in a recent divorce or ended a bad relationship?
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Where are you in a bad, or abusive marriage?
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Were you abused in your family of origin?
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think about that codependent
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People that have had narcissistic parents or people in their life before
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this makes us vulnerable to the next one because if we allowed it the first time we didn’t know and
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They can see who she’s wounded. Let’s get her
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It’s like that last little pony you know running and the thing and the lion comes and gets them
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We are that
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Um need for love. Are you looking for love attention or sense of connection?
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Da who isn’t right?
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Everyone’s looking for love. It’s just natural and it’s normal
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Do you want to be protected or do you need to be needed are you the kind of person like me that?
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Likes to take care [of] people so you need to be needed. I put a big, Ol check next to that
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I need love I wanted to be in a relationship
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lonely is the next one and
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She wrote do you feel like your life is empty?
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Have you ever experienced a committed relationship?
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have your children grown and no longer need you or
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Have you moved to a new community?
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These are all factors that
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These predators look for they look for it in all of us and they definitely
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Found some of these things in me. How about you
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I’m not saying that we’re lonely and we don’t have friends
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and we don’t go out because I certainly do I am out there all the time and
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I don’t perceive myself as low me
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But my son was about to go to college
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My my second marriage was I just finished my first. I was wounded
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Ok next one empathy do you feel compelled to help people?
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Do you respond to appeals for sympathy think about this your narcissist?
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for me
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Narcissus number three
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definitely
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Needed
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Supa. The– he was a victim
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Everything had gone wrong for him and I could empathize with him
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I could guide him I could help him I could love him more than anyone had ever loved him before I
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Have the empathy to understand that he’s having trouble times
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And he gave it right back to me
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Do you want a relationship?
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We all do that’s normal
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How about do you feel incomplete? That’s a single person
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yes, so many of my friends they
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say they just want to be in a relationship and and we do but
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Do you feel incomplete?
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You know that you’re my other half you complete me. You know, that’s just
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Not necessarily true. We need to be complete before we start
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um and
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Do you have a low regard for yourself?
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Well, I jumped one see I do this okay. So have you moved to a new community that was part of the lonely part
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Targets of
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people that are in divorce groups
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people that are in
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Kota
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Codependency anonymous these people
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Target those kind of groups
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They might even go into single groups
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Because well if he just moved here you want to go hiking you’re going to get into a single group
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And that’s so common as to where they find them, but have to be online dating
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but you have to be aware that you’re not putting off that vibe that you’re lonely and you just want a
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relationship
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Okay
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low, Self-esteem
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This is the one as the low regard for yourself was in do you lack confidence? Are you insecure, or shy I?
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Would say not a chance in hell that I am insecure, or shy
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Lack of confidence in myself yeah, I think I had it even though. I’m a successful business person I
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Think I didn’t
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Know that I deserved more I think I didn’t
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understand in my own mind that
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I didn’t have a high enough regard for myself and and if people said do you have self-love?
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I would say of course I do I love myself
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But in reality, I allowed this bad behavior
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So I must not have I must have had those health Esteem
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to allow this to happen
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That’s my vulnerability or certainly one of these from list, right?
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Do you want a relationship? We did that is your biological clock ticking?
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Uh-Huh?
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Probably if they’re not taking we’re dead so no matter
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What age you are if you’re 20, and you want to have children if you’re 50 and you want to do this?
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We all have that time
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taking
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Urgency when you’re young your biological clock is ticking that you might want children when you’re older
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I’m gonna die you know there’s always something that?
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Brings us to say I want to be in a relationship before before I’m 60
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I don’t want to be an eight-year-old with a cat, you know
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so if you feel incomplete without
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someone else than [your] vulnerable trusting
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Are you young lacking in life experience?
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Do you feel trusting innocent or naive?
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Are you honest?
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Moral
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religious
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Or seem that most people are just like you I?
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Did I thought people were honest?
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Particularly if they told me that they were I listened to them if they said they were you know I?
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Can’t even I can’t even think if they said that they were loving and trusting and they had never cheated on
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Their wives they had never done this they had always done this or that
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But then of their actions didn’t really follow through with that if you look at those things
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It it put me in a spot that made me vulnerable
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my
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Second husband’s Mantra she would say it. Oh God a hundred times a day do the right thing
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Do the right thing
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That’s what he did
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That’s what he said that’s why well that looks like uh he was like always doing the right thing at least what I would see
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and
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Then I didn’t see the bad stuff because he was telling me that over and over that
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He was doing the right thing. He was love on me me he was surrounding me. He was showing me how much he loved me
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But at the same time there was another side [of] it that I didn’t see
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Because I trust it I trusted, but maybe he was just having a bad day
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Are you having difficulties in life? She calls this one problems. Do you need assistance?
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Do you need money a place to live are?
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You disabled or have medical issues
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This makes us a target this makes us a target for so many different
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Predators and I am talking about romance predators that will
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Rob your money because they show you so much attention and here you are
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disabled sick
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Depressed whatever it is and someone has come in like a knight in shining armor or a princess on a pony
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make sense a girl version right they come in to save us and
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then
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They steal from us
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So often that is the case
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They come in and they’re faking it. They’re con men
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There’s no laws against this and I know I know I’m off on a rant here
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But it’s really important to understand
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That the situation that you’re in could be making you a Target
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And I’m not saying if you’re handicapped you can do anything about it
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I am saying if you’re handicapped and someone comes into your life, and it seems too good to be true it is
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Just know
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actions speak Louder than words
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We’ve got one more
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two more vulnerabilities
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Single parents, are you a single parent?
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struggling to raise your children
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Are you unable to buy things for your child? Do you wish that you had helped to take care of them?
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well when I was going through my
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divorce for my son’s Dad I
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Was about to be a single parent. I didn’t know how I was going to do it. I just knew that
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This was my choice to divorce my son’s father and I was going to make it work
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but along comes prince charming and
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He is giving my son
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$2,000 Halloween parties
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taking him on rides and
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Making sure he tries escargot
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and you know I call it culture eyes him and
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Just like showed so much love [for] my child. I sat there going oh my God
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You know let me get to his him and I phone let me let me do this and I was like
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I hey, I [don’t] need that, but he doesn’t need that
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But at the same time what he was doing what he was buying us. He was showing us that
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He cared so much
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And he was willing to put his money where his mouth is this happens to victims all the time?
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They don’t even see that that neediness even if it’s not really like
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Eking out you have a need
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They’re going to take advantage of that because they’re offering you something that you didn’t
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You were missing or maybe you did you were like eh I need someone to take care of me
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Last red flag here is grief. So if you’ve been recently widowed you’ve lost a family member
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You’ve lost a friend
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When people pass and leave our life it does put us in a very bad place
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Both lasalle and I lost our mothers in the last year and that made us really vulnerable
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So I want you to look at these things and I want you to make yourself a list and think hard about
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What is it that made you vulnerable?
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And think about how you’re going to share that in the future okay? That’s all I got this is tracy. Have a good day
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