Brene Brown is by far up there in top five humans I would like to meet. She is brilliant and generous with her knowledge in shame, being authentic, vulnerably, fear, and braving, she coined this phrase in an Oprah Winfrey video here on YouTube I will put the link below. I think that her term braving is a something we all must learn, so we can understand how we can trust someone again. Make sure new partners pass these tests.
I used a clip at the beginning from a Netflix series “The flash”. I am using it for educational purposes to show exactly how we all felt when a narcissist betrayed us.
Transcription:
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Are you shaking? I thought I saw him to do. What does it don’t read it. It’s just me. Okay. Look at me
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He’s not here. Yes, I
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See him everywhere
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Look, do you literally just escape the psychopath who kidnapped in all right?
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So I think its own will for you. Have the security actually this is much worse than that
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I’m afraid all the time
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I’m the governor forward
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Whoa what?
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Jay took everything from me
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My confidence my trust our family
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I don’t think I’ll ever be homeless
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Of course you are
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oh
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Hi there. This tracy something asked me tonight. What’s the best way to?
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Recognize a narcissist the next time if you’re in a romantic relationship and looking for one
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And the first thing that’s really important is education
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to educate yourself is
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going to be your interment if
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you don’t know all the signs if you don’t know the behaviors if you haven’t seen examples of
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People telling you different stories about their narcissus if you haven’t seen that
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Then you’re not going to be
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educated enough to protect yourself and
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The next thing you have to do is trust and I know
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Trust or so hard for me when I first got out of my divorce I
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was betrayed and
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I
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Was bringing fucked it was the most horrific thing that I’ve ever happened to me it for no apparent reason I could not
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understand this kind of attack
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but I
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I
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Got out and I said to
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Everyone that I didn’t think I could trust
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I was too sad I was I was I felt dumb like I made a big mistake that I couldn’t
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Understand what had happened I?
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Repeated that I didn’t think I could trust again when I met 3x I
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Really?
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Wasn’t ready I
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kept saying it over and over and
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Now as I look back. I think about that
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as I said that
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He knew right there that I was a really good target that he could use me what he wanted
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But I wasn’t looking for a real relationship
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Because I wasn’t ready I wasn’t ready to trust
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He knew that and he used it against me I
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Didn’t know what a nurse’s was
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and I didn’t know that I’d been a victim of
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Abuse for most of my life and that the behaviors that I thought were normal
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or not I didn’t know that three axes were spare charming and his kindness and
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Vulnerability she was like very open
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and
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He loved bomb me. He’s future casted
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He had the boy Scout persona
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And he knew that I didn’t want a relationship
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She confessed to that. He didn’t know if he did because he had been so injured by his divorce
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At the love bombing wore off
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The darkness I used to call it
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Would get longer and longer
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so I might not hear from him for one day or
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you know eventually it could be two weeks until
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It eventually could be a month when he had someone else coming here from australia my friend now
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So that became normal and I accepted that
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So the key is trust
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Did I really trust him or did he just tell me to trust him that?
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I trust my ex-husband or did he create this
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very Safe place
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For me to trust him
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both of them told me how real they were
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Both of them told me what good people they were
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My Ex-husband’s Mantra was do the right thing
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And I believe that I trusted that
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But I don’t think I trusted them and now I know I know now that
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It’s not trusting them. It’s trusting me. It’s trusting that I have enough information now
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From my education about this
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I’m going to be able
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To kind of put up a wall
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And not let this happen again. I trust myself
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it’s all not ready, but I know I can fight off the dragon and
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Yield a sword
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And I will see the freakin signs this time
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This week I watched a brene brown video on YouTube. It’s an oprah Winfrey
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Broadcast I’ll put the link below
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And she talked about trust
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Trust in a different way than I ever thought of it
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Trusting ourselves feel
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what’s so much more, and I want to share that with you, so
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Because they said new rules for dating after narcissists
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my glasses
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Sorry if they reflect in your face or something
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Rene Brown said that when you lead Trust
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We are braving connection with someone else, and she’s got this acronym for braving
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that I
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Think is really
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guidelines for us to see if
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Someone is a narcissist
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Hear me out let’s start with the letter b at the beginning of braving she says B is boundaries
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be clear about your boundaries and
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Your friend this person needs to respect and understand mine
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our is for a reliability I can always count on you to do what you say you’re going to do and
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you can count on me a
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I
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Can only trust you when you make a mistake you are willing to own it
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apologize for it and make amends
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I can only trust you if when I make a mistake I am able to own it
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Apologize
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Make amends
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No accountability means no trust
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V is vault
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What I share with you
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You will hold in confidence
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When I share you share with me, I will keep safe
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I’m just going to deviate here for a second. I’ll miss vault Topic I
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Think that in my life
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before I knew what all the drama was
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before I knew an arsonist was and I’m surrounded by
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drama
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everywhere I think I would share those stories with friends of mine and
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It might have looked like I was sharing Secrets I
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Was really grasping for help? I didn’t understand it. I
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Had no boundaries and because I didn’t have boundaries people tended to take advantage of me
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Because I would always say yes, I
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Know that I was like taking advantage of my whole entire life
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I never told secrets someone told me a secret. I never told that and in my mind
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that was
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That was keeping a secret and trust and this fault
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but I know what I did before which was
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: people for help
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Wasn’t the right thing now all right? Let’s go back. We’re going braving. We just did V which was Bald and
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I is for Integrity I
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cannot trust you or be in a
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trusting relationship with you if you do not act from a place of integrity and
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encourage me to do the same thing I
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Think I said before and some of my other videos, but 2x is Mantra was do the right thing
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He never ever did right
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He stole a lied
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He gave but then he was very
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bitter about giving
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And he couldn’t take he had no
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ability to let someone give him back anything
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the reacts pretended that he was so I
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put together and
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That he was hard-working
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His house is always disgusting it was it was
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Unlivable and in the winter he wouldn’t turn on the heat theory was this
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Businessperson pretending to be so
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Smart and
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Together yet. He’d never had his work done. He would stay up until 3:00 or 4:00 in the morning probably in this chair
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Doing work to get it done. So he never did it like during the day when he had to do work I?
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Mean ever got his expense reports it had been a red flag I would stab him
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Midnight two o’clock in the morning
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helping him sort out all of his expense receipts and like tape them to paper very anally and
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Things that would be four or five months old and his corporate credit card was was
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Suspended and he was leaving for a business trip the next day. He did this all the time
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Sorry, but that’s just not integrity. It’s saying that you have it, but you’re not doing what your responsibility is I?
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Got it, please that was I all right I got off track there
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Bernie Brown said what is integrity?
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It’s choosing courage over
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comfort
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And choosing. What’s right?
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with
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Over what’s fun fast or easy?
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Think in art terms here
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Do they practice the good values or do they just?
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Profess them do they tell you how wonderful they are
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without
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The meat behind it
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Okay, and n is for non judgment. I
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Can fall apart and be in struggle without being judged and you?
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Can struggle fall apart without being judged by me I?
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Felt judged by some of my friends after my arrest
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I’m not in contact with those
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Couple people right now
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and if I think about what 3x did
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Having me arrested
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Lying to me lying to the police
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Creating evidence and then falsifying and editing it to get me in more trouble
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Just to stop me from meeting your new girlfriend that
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You really had the whole time. You’re with me I?
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Think what he did was
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Far worse than what I was blamed for by my friends and that was
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That I went over his house that night to forgive him for sleeping with
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door number three
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My friends judged me and called me stupid for going over there
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Why did you go to his house that night that was so stupid?
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He deserved this it shouldn’t have Gone I
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Know that now is victim
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reve Ich demising me I
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Didn’t know it then
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And it hurts that I don’t have these people in my life now
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But now I know how to judge them so far these things have really taught me something. I hope they’re helping you
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The last letter in Braving is D and it’s for generosity
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our
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relationship is
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only a trusting relationship
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if you can assume the most generous thing about my words intentions and behaviors
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And then check in with me
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If I did something, I screwed up, I forgot something
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don’t get angry with me and
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Call me and ask me
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I’m like gut seeing your brain now and
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We all fuck up sometimes don’t get mad at me without talking to me be generous of heart to trust me
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but he didn’t do anything intentionally and
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I will do the same for you
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So that is braving let me review the letter okay B was for boundaries right e
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are was for reliability a
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Apologize
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mmm, a
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A
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Apologize
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V is the vault I
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for integrity and
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for not
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non judgment and G for Generosity I
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Want to close with this?
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self Trust is
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braving self love
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When you’re a hundred percent confident in trust in yourself
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then you will be the
0:16:35.230,0:16:37.230
anti-magnet to a narcissist that
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is the Secret to
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Knowing when you’re ready to date again
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being able to
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Not judge yourself and to trust yourself
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but you can see a narcissus come in and get out your mighty sword and
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Poke them in the eye and run away, because there’s a lot of other people out there
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We don’t have to look for this person
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So stop looking. That’s the secret
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Work inside, this is the hard work guys
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Okay
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This is tracy. That’s all I got please subscribe go to my website
0:17:25.449,0:17:27.688
Narcissist abuse support calm and
0:17:29.200,0:17:31.200
I’ll talk to you soon. Thanks
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