My Sunday post this week on our accountability in the part of what you just learned about a relationship, husband, wife, mother, father, sister, boss or anyone else you know. We start at victim, go thru that stage. Move on to understanding what about you allowed abuse, this deep dive is even more important. Coming to peace with the lies, your past and your current condition. Much of this is the road to survivor.
Transcription:
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Hi there. This is Tracy, and it is my Sunday beautiful Mountain post
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This week has been a very interesting week. I have talked with so many people I’ve heard their stories and
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I’ve listened to their pain and
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We’re all affected
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We’re all affected by the breakup of course, but we’re also affected by the betrayal
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Because what we’re probably finding out
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is that
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Your life was probably not real
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And then I’ve heard a lot of discussions on
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accountability
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And I think this is the piece that we have to remember that
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in order to heal
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really heal
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We have something that the Narcissism don’t ever have they will never have
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And that’s the ability to take accountability the ability to say, what was my part?
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and
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How do I change it from happening in the future?
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These are key to healing
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if we get stuck in the
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Victim
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if it gets stuck in the hurt
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It’s so easy to go there. It’s so easy to just
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Rage on the hurt hurts. Yes, it does it hurts. No one ever said life was Gonna be fair I
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did say that [it] would like nail you to a wall but
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It isn’t really fair
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But what we can do is to educate ourselves and understand
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why we were Targets a
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Very nice gentleman, I talked to you who runs a meet up this week said he’s not a fan of the victim word
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My personal belief on that is that I think we have to go through victim
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until you understand what you were you won’t be able to heal and
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So I
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Think that the victim stage is really really important. I don’t think that we can avoid it. It’s
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How long we stay there and what we do to swim back up and get ourselves back into a place where?
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We can go to Survivor
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and
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I think that
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Being a survivor means you’ve got to work for it
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It means you have to educate not only
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On what the narc did and all the patterns and all the things all the red flags and everything that happened, but you have to
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understand your accountability and
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I’m not saying that we’re at fault
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I’m not saying that being a codependent and a person that just wants to be loved is bad
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It’s not it’s [in] who we select and who we let in
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That makes it bad
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These people don’t deserve our love
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They probably lied cheated
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Maybe even stole
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They use their children as a tool and a weapon
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Most of the time, it’s just an act they could care less
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it’s just to hurt you and that is another raid [fucked] all by itself for people who have to co-parent with a
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narcissist it’s a journey that I am so
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grateful that I don’t have
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But as I hear the pain and they talked to the people, and I I see what they’ve gone through this journey
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It does take a toll on your heart
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It takes a toll because you love your children men, or women who’ve the wind is blue I camera down
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You love your children, and you can’t imagine how their father or their mother couldn’t love them as much as you do I
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Think we tend to label ourselves with the codependent
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We hadn’t
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Take that off our forehead one day
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Because in our education and in or getting stronger. We won’t be fooled again
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and we are a product of
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What we are probably because of our upbringing
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and when you [have] a narcissistic parent
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Someone that influences your life growing up, and they didn’t teach you boundaries. They didn’t teach you it’s not your fault
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Broken heart really hurts. I know oh my God. I have talked to so many people this week
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Three friends now. I’ve had breakups in the last week and not necessarily with Narcissus, but it’s the same broken heart
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we just add the little brainfuck to it, but
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It hurts
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And it’s very shameful
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While the wind is crazy out here buddhist sound El sounds okay, I?
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Just heard a church that
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shame
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turns a mistake
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Into that you are a mistake
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And I don’t want you to think that I want you to
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encourage yourself
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Be your own accountability partner
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and make that list of
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What you’re shaming yourself for now bad Judgment being fooled
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Loving too much. There’s so many the list could go on and on and on but
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If you make that list then make the counter list, too
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what exactly
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Is counter to that?
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If you say, you’re not lovable
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What are the things that prove otherwise?
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Do people love you. Do your children. Love you?
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As your family love you they have friends that you’ve had for 40 years they love you
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So why?
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[don’t] we take those in a lot of times when we’ve been beaten down with gas lighting and
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Projecting and just telling us that our feelings weren’t valid
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It becomes really hard to accept
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And we become very shamed
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Grace is something we want a child we want to conquer that what to find the grace
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in forgiveness
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Love for them. Oh no one for you. We want to find the grace
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So that that power can heal our hearts
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It’s really easy to rant and I encourage you to
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Rant there’s so many great Facebook groups. There’s meetup. Groups. [I] talked about that earlier this week, rant. Tell your story
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if you want to tell your story
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I’m gonna have a website and you’re gonna be able to submit your story if you want I wish poster down I
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wish that there was a database of
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People that were narcissists so like if you’re out of the dating pool cue boom you could find that right away
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That would be so cool, right?
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But probably legally we can’t do that because they are never diagnosed
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And so we’re not going to be able to prove and then they get to us and that would it be good
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but
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Like a wiki that’s out there that just secretly
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Stealths all of these narcs and we can put their picture up, so people know if people stay away from them
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We label sex offenders. We look that up on a website
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Aren’t these people sex offenders?
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Aren’t they as horrible?
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I
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made a graphic the other day put it on pinterest that
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Rape is when a stranger
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takes us
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And we didn’t want it
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Aren’t Narcissus stranger freely?
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can’t they be held accountable the torture and the
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Path of bad that they’ve done
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Trail is still not fair my third database on that
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Being a good [person] is what you are I?
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Trust that you did nothing wrong
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Give yourself a break
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Analyze, what is it that you’re telling yourself right now
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if you’re telling yourself that he or she
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Was this and that isn’t that this and that I went through that stage I did
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Now it’s not like I pity them I pity the person that they’re with next
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Don’t hate the next supply
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That is their plan that is their triangulation
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pity them
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Because they’re going to be lied to and their heart will be broken as well
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And it is in that grace it is in that
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That we go Beyond where they can ever be they have no everything
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They can’t love
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But you can’t
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So forgive yourself first love yourself
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Put a ring on your finger and say you will never leave you
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This is your time. This is the chance to to really take care of you
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Do all the work go through the anger go through the hurt go through the betrayal go through the ranting. That’s okay
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But know that there’s another side
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We all pay a price
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When we’ve been narcissistically amused
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whether it’s in the patterns of a lifetime because our parents
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Didn’t teach us boundaries didn’t teach [us] self-love didn’t teach us to respect ourselves
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Or whether it’s a loved one or spouse that has hurt you?
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betrayed you
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The little do we all pay that price
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financially sometimes
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Sometimes it’s a battle it’s a lifetime battle if we’ve got our children, and [they’re] young
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But as you pay that price remember grace
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that if you let the anger and the hurt
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linger there just too long
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guess what they win
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I really don’t want that another plane to play the pain I
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Feel ways come out on Sunday morning. I don’t know that is my story
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for today
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Be brave be strong have grace
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respect yourself Love yourself and
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Know that it wasn’t your fault?
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You’re good. That’s all you need to know
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