Are you looking for a Degreed, Licensed, Certified counselor who works exclusively by phone or Skype to help you recover from dealing with a narcissist? Are you beating your head against the wall with a narcissistic parent or ex-spouse? I am trained specifically in helping victims of narcissists to help you set boundaries, heal, and discover that You Matter Too. I can show you ways to protect yourself and walk by your side as you make decisions on contact with them. No insurance is accepted, so your privacy is protected to the highest extent allowed by law. I have more than 21 years of experience in guiding adults to recovery from the depression and anxiety that can be caused by this issue, as well as personal recovery in this area. You will find specific, compassionate, step by step exercises and gentle therapy to help you heal. Let’s get started-contact me today or visit my website at Rockwall-Counseling.com.
I often find myself discussing with adults in counseling how much time, if any to spend in contact with their narcissistic parent.
My patient and I had already strategized ways to talk to her father assertively, which is the usual way that therapists approach this issue. She addressed the hurtful comments with him and asked for change in an appropriate, non-defensive way.
It didn’t work.
Her father flatly refused to admit fault or change his behavior, leading us to speculate that narcissism was at work here. In that case, it is unsafe to bring the suspected narcissist into session with her.
Our next step was to set strong boundaries of self- protection in specific ways-Protected Contact, Low Contact, or No Contact. The contact decision can ONLY be made by the patient and is an extremely important and personal one. No one choice is right for every victim of narcissism at every stage of their life.
Protected contact is my creation that I use with my patients when they just aren’t ready to cut the parent off completely. In a nutshell, it means that you are never alone with the suspected narcissist. This is only effective if the narcissist has the typical tendency of wanting to appear charming in public, and won’t be abusive to my patient in front of witnesses. They save the abuse for private-phone conversations, rides in the car, any time they can get you alone. So you do 3 way calls with another safe person on the line instead, or go to lunch with the narcissist while bringing someone else along at all times. This works with some narcissists, but not others.
Low Contact means reserving contact for emergencies and holidays, knowing there will likely be abuse offered. This is like returning to the stove again and again, knowing you will get burned, but deciding the circumstances warrant it. I advise combining this with Protected Contact when possible.
No Contact means exactly what it says. It’s a decision requiring much thought, exploring with a licensed and qualified mental health professional, and a lot of courage. Our society can be judgmental about this decision and the patient must be prepared for these responses, as well as the feelings of grief that may follow.
It’s Not You, It’s Them: 30 Days of Hope and Help For the Adult Child of a Narcissistic Parent
Written by Debbie Tudor, a licensed, professional therapist who is certified by Dr. Karyl McBride to treat the adult victims of narcissistic parents, this workbook offers concise, practical insights and journaling exercises to give help and hope to those suffering from the effects of currently dealing with, or having been raised by, a narcissist. Debbie’s 20 plus years of experience as a licensed counselor gives her many stories to tell and new ways of protecting yourself and finding freedom. Do you wonder why you have low self-esteem, don’t trust your own judgment, continually seem to be apologizing to others, and are often depressed or anxious? She explains the effects of this childhood on the adult and gives excellent explanations of the family roles: Narcissist, Enabler Parent, Golden Child, and Scapegoat. You will see yourself clearly for what is possibly the first time as you read the information, work the affirmations, and do the journaling exercises. It’s Not You, It’s Them: 30 Days of Hope and Help for The Adult Child of a Narcissist will make you feel less alone in the issues that you face, as you read the stories shared and the solutions proposed to the problems you may face. Debbie shares her own experience as the adult child of a narcissist, plus stories from the lives of her patients and others, in short paragraphs, then gives you journaling challenges to overcome these challenges in your own life. This is a very personalized way to work your recovery, whether alone or with a licensed therapist.
“I also offer One Minute Sessions: Affirmations for Recovery, a card deck with 31 different sayings for recovering from narcissistic abuse. I developed these in response to my patients, who would comment that they’d like a way to “keep my voice in their head” outside of a therapy session.”
Debbie Tudor is also a contributor to NarcissistAbuseSupport.com, check out one of her amazing articles here!