Today I’d like to touch on a topic that is obviously very close to my heart and that is to how to protect yourself when your narcissist has decided that they want revenge on you, and there are so many people that I talk to that are being stalked or have had issues where their ex narc have come after them in some way, shape or form whether it be destroying their property, whether it be sabotaging you and smearing your name with your friends and your family. That is certainly, you know, hurtful and pretty terrible but, right now, I’d like to address the people that have had either been arrested or people that have been threatened to have restraining orders put on them or or actually put on them because there’s a reason that the narcissist is doing this and it’s.. it’s sad but their goal is to make you look crazy, make you feel crazy and to financially ruin you. Let’s just say you got some money in a divorce. Maybe you got support or child support.
The narcissist is pretty pissed off at you because in their mind none of this is their responsibility and they should not have to pay you. They should not have to do what the law says because as you know a narcissist is above the law. They don’t think that rules apply to them and so when it comes down to them having to pay you, they generally don’t take it well and what I have found is that they turn to the law to use against you, use against me and for those of you who have watched my channel you might have seen that my narcissist had me arrested last February and it was the most absurd thing in the whole entire world and yet he stands behind this accusation, tries to pretend that I did something wrong and the system actually supported him because he was the victim. I was the perpetrator. I was the perpetrator of that stupidly. Do not do this. Closure. Forget it. Don’t do it. I wanted to see something out there. Did you see that? Do you need closure with yourself? You do not need closure with them. I thought that this man that had already been cheating on me was in another relationship. I said okay, fine, let’s be normal. Let me meet her. Let’s all be friends, let’s have it be a normal thing.
People can get along with the new person especially if you’ve got common friends and you’re going to a party next week. I thought it was just a nice thing to do to just have closure, to say fine. You know what? Good luck with your life and that is what I came to tell this gentleman, no, this jerk. Okay? I came to tell him that I was forgiving him and just let’s be friends, forget it. Good luck with your new person and he was so threatened by the fact that I was at his house uninvited. He had a freaking key to my house and would come over when I was on vacation. He would just camp out at my house. Seriously. Does it make sense when you look at that picture but to the police they do not care. What happened? They only care about that moment. So I had somebody talk to me about a situation where their ex was stalking them. This happens all the time. You might come out of your job, out of that building and there he or she is sitting in their car waiting for you. Maybe they’re sitting in the parking lot waiting for you. This is stalking. What they like to do then is bring charges against you. So what I’m telling you is to be really diligent. What I learned from this jerk in in his driveway that day was that he recorded me.
Check your state and figure out if you are allowed to record conversations. In Colorado, Only one person has to know that you’re being recorded. If you have a narcissist or cluster B or a sociopath, psychopath in your life and they are given you any kind of grief, record everything, find out later if it’s legal and what you can use it for. Particularly if they’re going to try to claim that you are an unfit parent, bait them in a conversation and record it. Talk to them like you were their wife or their husband and get them to say yes, you were a good parent, you love our children. Get that on a recording because when they get you into court and they say this is a un fit parent, this is child alienation, this is all these things, you’ve got that evidence and trust me, You might need it because they will pull every punch. Their goal is to make you look crazy. Their goal is to get that support, get that cut off and if you got any money, they want to financially ruin you. My narcissist had me arrested and I spent $10000 defending myself and that wasn’t even to put me into court which would have cost twenty to thirty thousand dollars for a trial to defend myself. When we had all the evidence I just didn’t have $30000 to fight.
So I want you to know that you have to protect yourself and you have to expect the worst. It’s almost a year ago next week my mother passed away and I do believe wholeheartedly that I would not have been able to do this miraculous healing and this soul growth if she was still alive because a very big part of my puzzle of why I have chosen men that give me less than I deserve is because I got that when I was growing up and I was used to it, and if my mother was still alive I don’t think I’d be able to do this deep digging and not to mention that she would call me, you know, seventy times in the hospital every day and there just wouldn’t be time for me to self reflect on the things that I have learned in this last year. But when she died I was the executor of the family money and I have two sisters and a son that were in her will as well and my narcissist came to me right after and while he had borrowed ten thousand dollars from me in 2015, he came to me after my mother passed and he needed sixty eight hundred dollars. He actually had a shopping list of things he needed. He needed his car fixed. It was like I was his mother. He sat there going and I need this and of course he’s crying, crying is very big, right? And this, I need this and I really have to pay off this and this person is going to sue me.
All of this stuff and he wanted sixty eight hundred dollars out of my mother’s estate and he wanted to write a fake invoice and I’m pretty sure he’s going to read this, so you know who you are and you cannot deny this. Wish to God I had it recorded. He wanted me to give him the money and give my estate a fake receipt for things that he was doing to help the estate. But then he wanted me to steal from my sisters and my son and when I said no I’m pretty sure that was his key, that the hook he had in me that he had taken money from me all year long, that hook, he knew the gig was up and at that point our relationship changed. I didn’t give him the money so he was going to ruin me and I’m sorry to say that he didn’t. It certainly took the wind out of my sails and, you know, almost a year later I’m out of domestic violence classes. I’ve just finished all of my community service that much of it I had to do after Church on Sundays all summer long. I would watch a beautiful day and leave Church and head over to do community service and almost done with all of the horrific things and being on probation.
The whole thing is just a crazy ass system. In domestic violence classes, over the six months that I was there we probably had thirty or forty people come through. Different times some people had to be in it for years, some people had to be in it for a few months, some people just disappeared. I didn’t know where they were, where they came back from.. but I learned that this happened all the time. Narcissists will do everything they can. It doesn’t matter if you’re the mother of their children. That’s all the more reason for them to do this is to show people that you’re crazy. Try to get that support reduced and try to ruin you. So be careful. Mothers of their children, doesn’t matter. Fathers of their children.. I’m not going to, you know, sit there and say that I know much about this because I wasn’t in a male domestic violence class. I was in a female domestic violence class and these were professional women like myself, business owners, people that have worked their whole life to defend their honor to be the right person and do the right things and always care. They don’t like that, so they attack, attack, attack. So be careful. If someone is doing things that don’t seem right, record them, take out your phone, add a recording app if you don’t have one on there and record it. If you never use it, send it to a Cloud somewhere to save it because if they pull punches out later, you need to have that information. Does that make sense? This is not something you want to fool around with. This is not something that you want to think better of them with. Chances are they’re already recording you.
I heard from a friend the other day that, she’s divorcing her husband and she came over there to talk at their house. She left, she was like I’m out of here. She.. she took it on herself and didn’t stand there holding down the fort. I want to be here. She left. She came back to talk to him and she wanted to just talk in their kitchen. This is where she’s lived for the last twenty years. Now, he wanted to go into the basement. He wanted to go down there and she didn’t want to. She knew it would be cold. She had no interest. He said don’t worry. I thought of that. So consider it. I put a blanket down there for you. She stupidly went, didn’t listen to her gut and her instincts and he had the whole entire room wired for sound. He recorded the whole thing. She didn’t say anything that would incriminate herself or do anything. She was talking about the divorce but he was baiting her.
This is what they do. You don’t even know that you’re being baited because you don’t know you’re being recorded. So any conversation, whether it’s legal or not I don’t care. This is my advice out of personal experience. Record them. Don’t be naive to think that this person that you’ve been with for a month or twenty five years is going to be honorable. Record it and protect yourself and really be careful because all they want to do is ruin you.