Narcissists Are Actors


Narcissists are actors playing a role, we call these different roles narcissistic masks. I want you to think of a narcissist as a chameleon that can change who they are is based on who they are with.

When the narcissist first meets with a prospective ‘new supply’ the intense way they want to get to know you seem so charming and attentive but please don’t be fooled. That interview is giving them the exact script they need to play to win you over.

These roles are intended to show you how similar they are to you. If you like country music so will they, if you have a dog then they will pretend to love dogs. Look for the crack in the story, if they love dogs why do they treat your dog badly? They may tap into your love for dogs to garner sympathy because their dog died, and they can’t bring themselves to replace that cherished friend. This type of lie explains why they don’t have a dog and it seems reasonable so you believe their story.


The persona they play is very much on the surface, they might appear to the world as the best neighbor shoveling driveways but behind closed doors, they talk behind their backs. Acting out the roles of best husband or wife, best parent or employee is what victims believe and yet there comes a time when things don’t add up. Why are they only nice to you or your children when people are around?

Like that chameleon, they can change these masks with different people. In different groups, they pretend to be exactly what that group is looking for to fit in. Keep a watchful eye on these different acts as they eventually reveal the truth because it becomes too much work to maintain. Look back on your time with them did you see them morph into a seemingly different person?

I have a very good example: The last narcissist in my life hated country music if I played it I was made fun of and he would howl like a dog or tell me I must be depressed to be listening to that crap. I have a unique perspective of now being great friends with his next supply. To her she wouldn’t ever be with someone unless they loved country music, so to her, he played the role well sending her playlists of her favorite country artists. To get her he needed to play that role (an act) he already had me, so he could show his grumpy country music hater self. Same person – two completely different roles.

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