charmingCharming personality – Many narcissists appear so charming and they can be quite captivating to anyone they deploy this tactic with.

Imagine someone looking deeply into your eyes, deeper than anyone has ever looked at you. They smile sweetly as they hang on every word you say, they laugh at your jokes. The compliments are flowing freely, from your looks to the choices you have made in your life. A charming person listens intently hanging on your every word. They are tapping into your insecurities then assure you with flattery that you are perfect, and they get you. Wanting to spend endless hours with you they gain your trust and make you feel special, cherished and valued. The narcissist works the crowd and will show interest in all your friends and family and everyone approves. They have been conned by this charm because it’s so believable. All your friends see his charm and they also fall in love with him and encourage you in your relationship with him/her.

Chemicals in your body are reacting to this intense sweet behavior and you begin producing dopamine, the brain’s pleasure chemical and feelings of elation engulf your heart. This is how it starts, and it seems so real and so intense.

This charm is manufactured and is another tactic the narcissist deploys to win over his new supply – you. Narcissistic charm is part of their fake persona or a mask they show to win the victim’s heart. It’s a manufactured role they play when they first meet a new supply or when they are out in public. Hiding behind this charming facade allows them to hide who they really are, gain trust, and maintains the appearance of innocence as when they are destroying you in the process. This charm is false and behind closed doors, it vanishes. You question where ‘that guy/girl’ went, you know in your gut that something is wrong, but you are powerless to do anything.


The charming stage will last only if they need to hook you. Once they have you in their control victims report the charming person they knew quickly disappears. The charm has been imprinted on you and victims often hold onto the narcissist far longer than they should because they believe that charming person is still inside, and they can love them back into that charming person again.

Throughout the three stages of narcissistic abuse – idealize – devalue and discard the charming card often resurfaces when they feel you are slipping away. This is done to bring hope back to the victim that this charming lovely person is still inside, and they take them back.

Then the cycle begins again – you go out and he charms the world and puts you on a pedestal only to come home and ignore you.

Narcissists are Very Charming | Red Flag

Print Friendly, PDF & Email