What are Flying Monkeys?

Unveiling the Role of Flying Monkeys in Narcissistic Abuse: Understanding Their Tactics and Motivations

In the complex web of narcissistic abuse, the term “flying monkeys” takes center stage, representing individuals unwittingly enlisted by narcissists to perpetuate their manipulative schemes. This blog aims to unravel the concept of flying monkeys, exploring their roles, tactics, and the reasons narcissists employ them in their abusive repertoire.

The term ‘flying monkeys’ serves as an alternate expression for ‘abuse by proxy,’ signifying the enlistment of others, typically by a narcissist, to carry out their bidding. Coined after the flying monkeys in the Wizard of Oz, who were enchanted by the Wicked Witch of the East to act against Dorothy and her companions, this term captures the essence of using individuals as instruments for manipulation.

This prevalent narcissistic strategy involves leveraging the victim’s friends and family to surveil them, propagate rumors, and depict the narcissist as the victim while casting the target as the perpetrator. Flying monkeys may comprise the victim’s own circle or individuals associated with the narcissist before the victim’s involvement.

To perpetuate the facade of control over the victim, the narcissist resorts to third parties, deploying them to sustain influence and manipulate the victim. This tactic aims to maintain an illusion of power and control wielded by the narcissist over the victim.

Devoid of loyalty to anyone, the narcissist effortlessly casts aside the flying monkeys once they’ve achieved their intended harm. Flying monkeys typically fall into two categories: the ‘complicit and willing’ (conspirators) and the ‘well-meaning dupes’ (deluded). It’s crucial to remember that, like you once were, the flying monkeys may also be under the narcissist’s spell. When dealing with a flying monkey, exercise extreme caution. Avoid sharing any information that they could relay to the narcissist. Consider unfriending or blocking them on social media to prevent the transmission of spy intel to the narcissist. Vigilance is key in navigating interactions with flying monkeys.

Defining Flying Monkeys:

In the world of narcissistic abuse, flying monkeys are individuals who, consciously or unconsciously, serve as conduits for the narcissist’s manipulations. These individuals become unwitting pawns in the narcissist’s game, carrying out their bidding and participating in the emotional abuse inflicted upon the victim.

Roles of Flying Monkeys:

Conveying Messages:
Flying monkeys often act as messengers, delivering the narcissist’s narratives, lies, and accusations to the victim. This can include spreading rumors, sharing distorted information, or even directly confronting the victim on behalf of the narcissist.

Gaslighting is a common tactic employed by flying monkeys. They may question the victim’s reality, undermine their perceptions, and contribute to the sense of confusion and self-doubt that characterizes gaslighting.

Isolation of the Victim:
Flying monkeys play a key role in isolating the victim from their support network. By turning friends, family, or colleagues against the victim, they contribute to the victim’s isolation, making it easier for the narcissist to maintain control.

Invalidating the Victim:
Flying monkeys may invalidate the victim’s experiences, emotions, and concerns. This invalidation reinforces the narcissist’s narrative and diminishes the victim’s credibility, making it challenging for them to be heard or believed.

Why Narcissists Use Flying Monkeys:

Maintaining Control:
Narcissists deploy flying monkeys as extensions of their control. By influencing others to do their bidding, they extend their reach and perpetuate the emotional manipulation over the victim.

Diverting Accountability:
Flying monkeys provide a convenient means for narcissists to deflect accountability. By using others to convey their messages, they distance themselves from direct confrontation and accountability for their actions.

Feeding the Narcissist’s Ego:
Having a circle of supporters reinforces the narcissist’s grandiosity and sense of superiority. Flying monkeys contribute to the narcissist’s illusion of being admired, respected, and justified in their actions.

Manipulating Perception:
Flying monkeys aid in shaping a distorted perception of the victim. By enlisting others to spread misinformation, the narcissist molds a narrative that aligns with their agenda, further tarnishing the victim’s reputation.

Protecting Yourself from Flying Monkeys: Strategies for Empowerment:

Set Boundaries:
Establish clear boundaries with individuals who may be acting as flying monkeys. Communicate assertively about what you find unacceptable and request respect for your boundaries.

Seek Support:
Cultivate a support network of individuals who understand narcissistic abuse and can provide validation and understanding. Seek professional help to navigate the emotional challenges.

Document Incidents:
Keep a record of interactions, messages, and incidents involving flying monkeys. Documentation can serve as evidence if legal intervention becomes necessary.

Educate Others:
Share information about narcissistic abuse with those who may be susceptible to becoming flying monkeys. Awareness can help prevent unwitting participation in the narcissist’s manipulative tactics.

Narcissists embark on the subtle process of grooming your friends and family right from the moment they enter your social circle. Initially, their aim is to assess the strength of the bonds between you and those close to you.

In the early stages, the narcissist might express affection towards you, proclaiming love and suggesting a soulmate connection to your friends and family. This serves as a test to observe how your friends respond to such information.

While on the surface, these declarations seem sweet and affectionate, beneath the exterior, the narcissist is evaluating the controllability of your friends and family.

Over time, the messages conveyed to your social circle may subtly shift, introducing a kernel of truth but now laced with mockery directed at you behind your back. For instance, they might insinuate that you have a penchant for storytelling, casting doubt on the authenticity of your narratives.

This testing phase strategically plants seeds of doubt in your friends and family. When you later disclose instances of the narcissist’s lies, cheating, and problematic behaviors, the groundwork laid earlier makes it challenging for your loved ones to believe your account. The seed of doubt has germinated, and your own support system may question the validity of your claims when the narcissist’s behavior transitions from good to bad.

The culmination of this manipulative strategy occurs post-discard. In a time when you need your friends and family the most, the narcissist, having established connections with them, swiftly turns to them to disseminate falsehoods about you. Whatever transgressions the narcissist committed, they now accuse you of those very actions. Furthermore, they tarnish the best aspects of your character, delivering a mix of hurtful lies that target your most cherished qualities.

The narcissist adeptly adopts the role of the victim, a mask that your friends are likely to believe. By strategically targeting those in your social circle who are easily influenced, the narcissist perpetuates a narrative that furthers their manipulation and control over your support network.

Understanding the role of flying monkeys in narcissistic abuse is crucial for victims seeking to break free from the cycle of manipulation. By recognizing their tactics, motivations, and implementing strategies for empowerment, victims can reclaim control over their narrative and build a foundation for healing. Shedding light on the phenomenon of flying monkeys empowers individuals to break free from the narcissist’s web and embark on a journey towards recovery and self-discovery.

The Narcissist Uses Flying Monkeys to Abuse You | Red Flag



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