Strategies to Calm Your Fears

Fear is a powerful emotion that is our bodies way of protecting us. The bad part is that fear is a liar. It brings in stories of things that have happened in the past, triggering all of our old wounds and fears until we lose control of them.

I was away for two weeks as this pandemic began, I lived in a fearless bubble on an island.
Then this week I began my journey home and I could feel the fear settling into my body. Was it mine or did that empath energy thing hit me?

Empaths feel other people’s energy – I feel what they are feeling. I realized that I could feel and take on the fears of every person on those planes.
I caught a cold (I am hoping its only) on the plane and had extreme shortness of breath when I returned, the fear inside me grew. I realized that it was just a cold and I thought about my return to high altitude and realized that was probably my breathing issues. Since convincing myself not to go to the dark side of fear – my cold is healing, and my breathing is fine. FEAR drove that car, but I know I have the power to stop fear.

We get emotionally elevated with these pandemic fears.

In our world of narcissistic abuse, I have spoken with folks that:
– Have lost their jobs and income
– People who are doctors/medical personnel on the front line that must step up and be fearless just to do their jobs, then return home with the fear that kissing their spouse or children could bring home the infection
– Friends that were designated as mandatory workers in NYC now being forced to take mass transit to get to work – the fear of being infected is very real
– Others trapped at home with their narcissistic abuser with no where to escape the verbal abuse
– Coparenting cases where the narc parent isn’t protecting the children with social distancing simply because they don’t know what to do with the kids, so they risk them
– Others co-parenting dealing with kids off school while also being ordered to work from home.
– Others that have been waiting for court dates for six months to now have them postponed indefinitely

AMPLIFYING THESE FEARS
CORE FEARS OF SURVIVAL
– Food
– Shelter
– Income
– Housing
– Insurance/BILLS – will I be able to pay THEM?
– TP FEAR

COMPOUND FEARS
– Will I get the infection?
– Will my family be ok?
– A cough or sneeze as you make your pilgrimage to get food frightens you.
– How will I survive?

LOST FREEDOMS
– Going to the gym
– Starbucks
– Being with your friends
– Being free to travel to see family that you are worried about
Where do I feel it in my body? Understanding this is your first step to self-soothing.
– Hands were shaking
– Tight neck
– Headaches
– Gut tight
– Not eating or overeating to sooth fears
– Hyper vigilant
– Unable to focus – PTSD triggered back
– Tightness in solar plexus

I dug into myself and remembered how the headache was like a distant old friend. I lived on Advil when I was married, and I rarely have them now.  My body keeps the score and knows its role, to manifest into a headache.

WHAT TO DO
– Figure out where you feel the fear/anxiety
– Lay down and Close your eyes and envision the area where the stress is (solar plexus example)
– If you can hold that area – and do deep breathing and envision that each time you breath in you are breathing in healing light breathing out fear – send healing light
– Calm yourself

Listen to your soul as you ask to understand these fears.  Then look at the fear.

If you are afraid of how you will survive and pay your bills
They say most Americans are one $400 bill away from survival so this one fear is huge for so many of us.

Thank your mind for protecting you by worrying.
Worrying only keeps us stuck – it doesn’t solve the problem it doesn’t make it change in any way.

Tell your soul that ‘no matter what happens you will handle it’.

Then start to think of creative ways you can possibly make money.
Many grocery stores are hiring crazy amounts of people to restock shelves, amazon and uber eats are hiring people to deliver food.
When I had this type of fear after my narcissistic divorce I looked for things I could sell – next door, Facebook marketplace and eBay will help move that stuff.
Can you cancel things like cable or Netflix?

HOW CAN YOU SAVE MONEY?

Plan a strategy to possibly pay part of a payment to phone companies or even electric companies? Call them and check if they offer any relief efforts during this time.

HOUSING – We already know that evictions have been lifted in many places, so we can have one less fear of being homeless because you can’t pay. Of course, that doesn’t help the fear of still needing to pay that bill when you get back to work, now you are in debt beyond what you already were, but worrying about that piece causes more fear – there is nothing you can do at this moment but worry about this moment.

People with mortgages – call the mortgage company and explain – see how they can work with you.

Credit card companies too – call to make arrangements or ask for a deferment.

WHAT EVER YOU DO – DO NOT IGNORE THESE BILLS BUT CONTACT THEM TO MAKE ARRANGEMENTS.

TAKING BACK YOUR LIFE
Isolation is scary because we have never had to deal with this before.

LOOK AT THINGS DIFFERENTLY – see opportunity vs isolation.

TRY THESE THINGS
– Use this time to heal – read
– Call a friend / family member – use zoom or skype if you can
– Friend Zooms – playing cards – dance party
– Take a walk – I just saw families on bikes, walking dogs, being together
– Take a drive – you are still isolated, but driving can help you not feel so isolated
– Use this opportunity to organize your house, closet, pantry, gather clothes and things to donate for when its safe to do that.
– Read more – listen more – get a free audible book – http://www.audibletrial.com/Narcissist 
– Love more – start by loving yourself by soothing those fears
– Stop watching the news – turn to positive channels
– Journal
– Rest & exercise
– Play games with your kids

What if YOU could think differently?

You have handled everything in your life before and this is a new day to challenge yourself to know you will be ok.

“No matter what happens I will handle it”
My favorite quote from Feel The Fear… And Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffers

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