Healthy relationships nourish and support us. Like poison, a toxic relationship is one that is damaging to us. Instead of uplifting us, it makes us feel worse. When it ends, we might experience post-traumatic stress or a lessening of our self-esteem and trust in ourselves and others. Although friends and family might tell us to […]
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Not all victims are manipulative. Feeling like a victim has taken on negative connotations, but there are people who “play the victim” in order to manipulate you. This is a favorite defense of narcissists and other personality-disordered people. In some other instances, this behavior is learned as a child because as a way to get needs […]
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Valentine’s Day creates lots of expectations that are often unrealized. It’s fraught with landmines, whether you’re in or out of a relationship. But the grass isn’t always greener. Is your situation described here? Read six tips for having a great holiday. You’re Alone I can recall Valentine’s Days when I wished I were in love […]
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Anxiety is common at the beginning of a relationship, but relationship anxiety can continue for the long term. It refers to intense worry, fear, doubt, and insecurity about a relationship and is associated with interpersonal dependency and interpersonal avoidance. Insecurity about ourselves, our boundaries, and our self-esteem can cause relationship anxiety. Women are more prone to this than […]
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December 22 marks the beginning of rebirth — following the year’s shortest day. The winter solstice, since ancient times, represented symbolically the death and rebirth of the Sun, marked by a festive holiday on December 25th, Saturnalia, honoring the pagan sun god. This day came to be Christmas marking the birth of Jesus, who represented […]
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The stress of the holidays triggers sadness and depression for many people. This time of year is especially difficult because there’s an expectation of feeling merry and generous. People compare their emotions to what they assume others are experiencing or what they’re supposed to feel and then think that they alone fall short. They judge themselves and […]
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The expectation of feeling grateful can be challenging when we’re struggling with loneliness or relationship, work or health problems. It can be even harder to have gratitude around holidays when we see other people happily celebrating. When you’re discouraged or weighed down with negative thoughts, there are several things you can do. Why Gratitude Can […]
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Healthy boundaries are essential in recovery from codependency. They both build and reflect self-esteem. Learning to have healthy boundaries is an essential aspect of individuating and becoming an individual and autonomous person. Boundaries are learned in childhood. Some dysfunctional families are enmeshed and your individuality and boundaries are ignored or openly disrespected in words or […]
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When we first met, I told my husband I was very “adaptable.” I didn’t realize the price of being a chameleon until I started recovery and my journey of individuation. By then I was dead inside. I’d spent years adapting to abuse and belittling that I’d absorbed. I was detached from my feelings and needs, […]
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A trauma bond is an attachment to an abuser in a relationship with a cyclical pattern of abuse. Patrick Carnes, Ph.D., coined the term in 1997. He defined it as an adaptive, dysfunctional attachment occurring in the presence of danger, shame, or exploitation in order to survive. The bond is created due to a power […]
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