A parenting plan is a valuable tool to create when there is a dissolution of a marriage with children involved but it is especially important in a divorce with a narcissist because it can help to provide structure and stability for the child during a potentially chaotic and emotionally draining time. A parenting plan can […]Read More
Narcissistic Abuse & the Trap of Self Blame
Getting unstuck from an insidious cycle of penance and self-punishment “Do not look for healing at the feet of those who broke you” ~ Rupi Kaur (Milk and Honey) Many of the folks I see for complex trauma therapy are immersed in the arduous process of dismantling their bondage to a malignant narcissist (NPD). Although the […]Read More
IS IT LOVE OR OBLIGATION?
Although it is hard to make an exact definition of love, describing love by how it feels makes an understanding of love more accessible. I’m talking about deep, long-term love that is shared equally by both partners. The word love is often used to describe romance, attraction, and sexual energy — all of which […]Read More
Is Your Relationship Toxic?
Healthy relationships nourish and support us. Like poison, a toxic relationship is one that is damaging to us. Instead of uplifting us, it makes us feel worse. When it ends, we might experience post-traumatic stress or a lessening of our self-esteem and trust in ourselves and others. Although friends and family might tell us to […]Read More
Why Can’t You Just Get Over It?
I’m guessing that there is not one person reading this who can say they have never had their heart broken. Even if it was just that childhood crush, we’ve all been there before, and some of us more than others. Heartbreak can take a toll on our mental, emotional, and even physical health, depending on […]Read More
Why “Parental Alienation” is Not A Syndrome But Your Child’s Rejection is Real
According to the American Psychological Association, parental alienation is “a child’s experience of being manipulated by one parent to turn against the other (targeted) parent and resist contact with him or her.” It is one of the most predictable and threatening concepts coming into the conversation during high-conflict divorce and/or custody battles when there is […]Read More
When a Social Justice Warrior is a Communal Narcissist
Identifying when malevolence is cloaked in philanthropy When I was a kid, I was enamored with topical folk songwriter and political activist Phil Ochs. The abysmal circumstances I was born into were assuaged by his activism, brilliant lyricism, and melodic voice. He inspired me and gave me hope. Ochs was emblematic of what the ideology […]Read More
Making Meaning of Narcissistic Abuse for the Spiritual Woman
I don’t think I am the only woman with a deep spiritual relationship, and values, who has wanted to bang her head against a wall trying to understand the crazy-making behavior of someone she loves. The crazy-making abuse, the lack of empathy, and the desire to hold on to it all for dear life, because […]Read More
Why Narcissists Get Worse Over Time
You know what I’ve never heard? Someone saying about their narcissistic ex, “They just got better and better over time!” I’ve never heard it and you’ve never heard it because it’s not true. Narcissists don’t get better, they don’t improve. This is a fact, basic science, aka Shit We Know to be True. Like other […]Read More
How To Spot Someone Playing Victim
Not all victims are manipulative. Feeling like a victim has taken on negative connotations, but there are people who “play the victim” in order to manipulate you. This is a favorite defense of narcissists and other personality-disordered people. In some other instances, this behavior is learned as a child because as a way to get needs […]Read More