The hardest part is not knowing.
Not knowing why…
Not understanding why…
Not having answers…
Not being given a chance to talk…
Worrying if they’re struggling—are they struggling?
Do they care? How could they not?
How could they not remember how much you loved them?
Worrying they are gone forever…
Missing the sound of their voice, the sight of their face, knowing you were—or are—loved.
The false accusations are bewildering…
How could they say such things?
They know you better than anyone; why?
Not knowing if you will ever see them again…
Not knowing if you will ever see your grandchildren again…
Worrying that your grandchildren wonder where you are…
Worrying that you caused your child pain…
Not knowing if you can go on without them…
Wondering if they have regrets, if they ever think about you…
Worrying that if something happens to you, would they care?
Would they live with regret over the loss of a loving parent?
Wondering why…
Seeing that everything you tried to teach them about a loving family now exists without you…
The vacillation between the deepest pain you’ve ever felt, to anger and rage.
The rumination over every moment of their life…
The shame…
The pain that pierces your heart, unlike anything you’ve ever felt…
Reflecting on your choices, lessons, and teachings…
The internal shame as you question your role and accountability…
The judgment from friends and family, who believe “children don’t walk away from a healthy parent…”
The silence from once-loving friends, who either couldn’t fathom facing the same situation or simply don’t understand, they ghost you, leaving you isolated in your deepest struggle and greatest loss…
The self-blame, wondering if the trauma you tried to protect them from ended up hurting them too…
Questioning if your own childhood wounds played a role in this…
And asking yourself if life is worth living…
Grieving a child who is alive but chooses to walk away…
The hopelessness…
The silence, the confusion…
The darkness…
Estrangement: Grieving a Child Who’s Still Alive
Estrangement is a deep, piercing wound that leaves parents grappling with heartbreak and confusion. When a narcissistic son or daughter-in-law decides to sever ties, the pain is compounded by the loss of not only your child but possibly the cherished bond with grandchildren. The sudden cutoff, often without explanation, can feel like a cruel, unimaginable punishment, leaving you to mourn the family connections that once brought joy and purpose to your life. The memories of shared moments with your grandchildren now echo with a profound emptiness, as you navigate the grief of being kept at a distance from those you love most.
In response to the overwhelming pain of estrangement, I am considering starting a support group specifically for moms like you. A space where you can share your experiences, find comfort, and connect with others who understand the unique heartbreak of this situation.
I believe parents need a safe space to share their pain, receive expert guidance, and connect with others who truly understand what they’re going through. I’m planning to start coaching groups with associated costs, and I’m currently gauging interest before finalizing details. I’m aiming for a late-September start. If you’re interested in joining, please add your name to the form on the right, and I’ll be in touch soon.
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