What are Your Green Flag Vulnerabilities?
When a narcissist is on the hunt for supply, they interview their prey to determine how wounded they are and determine what personality traits a potential supply might have that would make them a good supply and they review what assets the target has that will be useful to them. Everyone is different and each narcissist targets someone for exactly what they need.
For me my ex-narc used me to babysit his kid so he could jet off to see his other supplies, he also used me to get him out of trouble when he took money from people for work he said he couldn’t complete because he was too stressed from the horrible divorce. He conned me into helping him get all that done.
It’s important to understand why you were used, this list shows us what weaknesses you have that will make you more willing to take their shit.
They use people, period and they don’t want to waste time with someone that is strong, has good boundaries or has nothing to offer them.
These vulnerabilities are on my ‘green flags’ list because of a narcissist rates targets from compassion to woundedness.
IF YOU CAN”T CHANGE YOUR GOOD ASSETS WHAT DO YOU DO?
For one thing, I want you to look at this list and identify what your good qualities are, do this to protect your assets from being exploited next time. If you are ready to understand how to change the story to stop allowing an abusive person into your life, check out my workshop called ‘Change the Story’.
What are your core wounds that made you a good narcissistic target?
Lonely – if you are lonely, an empty-nester, newly divorced or widowed and you show it, an abusive person will throw the first green flag down.
Tired of being alone/ desperation – The desperate search for someone online, the stories of dating opp horrors, talk of how you lost your friends or even the family: green flag.
Living it up after a divorce or separation – to mask your hurt you go out and completely change your life, going to clubs or dancing. when you look for a new adventure and the idea of a quick affair sounds like fun, abusers will charm their way into your life and exploit this vulnerability.
Sharing trusting stories – when you tell stories like trusting your ex but still they betrayed you, or how they said they would never do it again and yet you trusted them, this is telling the
abuser you will trust them and they can have multiple relationships and you will still trust them. And if you don’t, they will use the last cheater somehow against you.
Having means and financial assets – what you have they are entitled to and begin to plan how to con you out of assets. Most narcissists con targets out of money or financially abuse partners.
Having no opinions – When you are compliant to the needs of others and don’t have opinions on where to eat or what to do, abusers use this information to control you.
Low self-esteem, confidence, self-love or feel like you lost yourself – all they have to do with this information is make you feel loved, give you compliments and build your confidence.
Medical issues – if you have medical issues but you have some money they will charm their way in and get to your money. They often take advantage of peoples public benefits.
Financially needy – do you need help taking care of yourself or family? In this type of case an abuser will bring you in to care for you, get you hooked into being their slave often for years, while they live another life on the side. They give and then take away.
Having fears – having fears about the future and financial concerns shows vulnerabilities.
Aging parents – some narcissists (con-men and woman) will target you for your aging parents money.
Your history – your entire story will be carefully extracted in such a stealth way that you don’t realize you are giving the abuser all the information they need to do the same or worse.
Childhood trauma – Loss, abandonment, parent or family abuse. These traumas can be shared as you tell stories of your crazy family or lack of communication stories. If these have not healed the abuser might move on to testing your boundaries, looking for wounds they can pretend to fix with promises that they would never harm you.
Showing your compassionate self can be a vulnerability – abusers love the tasty bites that compassionate targets make. Any story they tell you will be used to get you to feel that compassion for them. This is often used for the purpose of getting money out of targets.
Look inside at what your vulnerability is or was and do not share these pieces of your life with someone unless they have earned the right to be trusted. Trust is built by many moments and over time. The right person will not use these against you.Learn why you were targeted Learn – What type of supply you were