Stages of Narcissistic Abuse

The three stages of Narcissist Abuse are Idealize, Devalue, and Discard. They can cycle around and around until YOU get it and stop the cycle.


Narcissists choose a target for many reasons but to qualify as a ‘great target’ they look for your vulnerabilities that will show them what you have tolerated before. Often targets are chosen based on their status, jobs, attractiveness, popularity, successfulness and wealth. The greater the status of quality you offer the higher value you have to them, to first conquer, then to destroy.
Once they have decided you hold a value of ‘supply’ to them they are vigilant in their pursuit, showering targets with loving attention, compliments and they instantly tell you how you are different than anyone they have ever been with.


Victims of abuse are often unaware this stage has begun, their intuition is niggling them that something has changed and it’s often hard to put a finger on it.
Narcissists play a public game and a private game which makes it harder to understand. Expressing your concerns suddenly turns you into the ‘jealous one’ and they make you doubt yourself. He/she becomes cold and uncaring almost overnight, this is when the “mask falls” and you see the real person. They make excuses and if we don’t accept these excuses then you are the ‘crazy’ one. They are managing down your expectations from constant contact to crickets this verbally and emotional abuse hurts.


Many victims often say the ‘discard’ came out of the blue and that everything was fine, then they get a phone call, text or Facebook message dismissing them in a cold and hurtful way. In the devalue stage the narcissist went hot and cold. in this phase, the victim is the ‘crazy X’, ‘psycho bitch’ that sends their head spinning at these false
accusations. It’s important to know the narcissist will target your strengths and call them your weaknesses. This is called a smear campaign and the goal here is to ruin you, make you crawl up in a little ball and not be able to educate yourself that this was them not you. Many victims are thrown into CPTSD and suffer greatly as they try to put back together with their lives.

OK, time for some terminology! Next Read “Narc Speak”

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