Narcissists cheat, commit adultery, and have extramarital affairs. They do so for a number of reasons.

Firstly, narcissists are easily bored. In addition, because of their sense of entitlement and being “above the law,” they tend to engage in behavior that is socially unacceptable.

They may view marriage and monogamy as average and mundane and with their sense of superiority, they feel the rules do not apply to them.

In addition, narcissists are afraid of intimacy and so cheating is a good tool to avoid the real intimacy and vulnerability that comes with a longer term, committed relationship.

If you suspect that your narcissist is cheating they probably are, be very careful when confronting a cheating narcissist as they do not like being confronted and may lash out at you. Your safety is very important in this situation. A common tactic that narcissists use when confronted is to project what they are doing back onto you. This ‘gaslighting technique’ takes the spotlight off their actions and pulls the conversation to the victim having to defend himself/herself.
In most cases, even when you confront your narcissist with accusations of cheating, it will be denied or you will be made to feel like the “crazy one.” This is the first chapter in the ‘You are the crazy one’ book the narcissist will fall back on and use against you. Its almost like you are not allowed to speak up about your concerns and that in itself is abuse.

In my video below (over 190,000 views so far!) I explain different tricks and hidden patterns to watch for. I explore what kind of proof do you need when you find out that they are cheating? Why do we need to torture ourselves to learn all the details? Explore how you set boundaries if they cheat? If you set a boundary that your partner should never cheat, then what do you do when you find out they are cheating?

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Setting a boundary of no cheating

1. define the boundary – Thou shall not cheat!
2. develop consequences if they cheat
3. share the boundary and the consequences with your partner
4. be prepared to enforce the consequence because if you don’t the narcissist will do it again, they quickly learn that your words say “no cheating” but your actions if they do are nothing. Think if it this way that you are giving them permission to cheat if you are not strong and enforce a punishment
5. Narcissists cheat because its a game to them and by getting away with it after being caught they continue to cheat and lie about it when confronted

Common signs of cheating

• They become more critical of you or they are more attentive to your needs than usual.
• Picking fights more often
• Stonewalling communication tapers off
• Charges on credit card statement that don’t make sense
• You find your partner has been lying to you
• Money suddenly becomes more of an issue between the two of you
• The words “I love you” are not spoken by your spouse any longer
• He/she doesn’t want to go anywhere or do anything with you anymore
• Your mate begins buying you guilt gifts
• Behavior is causing a gut feeling in you that something isn’t right.
• Frequently picks fights with you.
• Changes in routine – new expressions
• Hiding their phone – changing passwords – locking you out
• Text messages late at night
• Suddenly changing exercise habits and dressing better
• Finding a credit card you did not know about
• New special friends on social media that seem to like everything they post – he/she also comments on everything they post
• Darkness – blackout of time, where were they?